Z Skit Theater
by Twilight Scribe
Summary: Hilarious antics on the part of Lloyd and the party with a new skit each chapter. Now with four hundred percent more spoilers!
1. The Chosen's Purpose

Disclaimer: You look like a bright crowd, guess I won't have to tell you that I don't own ToS. 

A/N: This touches on a matter I've always wondered about. I had originally planned it to be a skit (so don't forget to insert all the sweat drops, angry squiggles,and "..."'s) to be written in script format, but of course FF doesn't like scripts. So to protect it from deletion I've just made it a conversation. Lloyd's dialogue is normal text, _Zelos' is italic_, **Genis' is bold** and **_Raine's is italic and bold_**. Enjoy.

* * *

"Professor, I've been wondering..." 

_**"Yes, Lloyd?"**_

"I was just thinking, the Chosen is supposed to be Martel's vessel, right?"

_**"Yes, that's right."**_

"Then why is Zelos a boy?"

**"Yeah, I was wondering that too. Don't you think the goddess Martel would object to waking up in a guy's body?"**

_"Hey, I may be a guy, but no one can object to a bod this fine."_

**"Then again, he does look a lot like a girl, maybe she wouldn't notice**."

_"Quiet twerp..."_

* * *

A/N (yes, more): So, you like it? Review, tell me and give me a rating on writing in-character. I may just make more. 


	2. Naturalist Raine

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

A/N: Just like before, Lloyd is Normal, _**Raine is Bold and Italic**_, _Zelos is Italic_, and **Presea is bold**.

* * *

**Naturalist Raine**

"Hey Professor, what're you doing?"

_**"I'm observing the animals of this world. It's fascinating how similar they are to the monsters in Sylvarant**_.

"I never really thought about that before. That's cool! How many monsters have you studied?"

_**"Quite a few, but there are still some I've yet to find."**_

**"Perhaps we could help. I could catch you a sharp-nosed spotted Jerboa**."

_"I'll catch you a monster, my intellectual hunny! You just name it!"_

_**"Oh, thank you. I've made a list of the creatures I need, here."**_

"Let's see... A Hare and a Gold Slime. Those don't sound too hard, why don't you get those and the Jerboa, Presea?"

"**... very well."**

_"That leaves us with... An Egg Bear, an Airaune, and Gold Dragon! We can't capture those!"_

"They'll tear us apart!"

_**"I know, but think of the data I could gather from the battle!"**_

"Agh! She's in ruin mode! Run for it!"

_"Time to fly!"_

* * *

A/N: I'm ecstatic that this went beyond a oneshot. It's so much fun to write skits! I'll be changing its name to "Z-Skit Theater" when I update next, so look for the change. And if you've got an idea for a skit, gimme! I can always use the creative boost. 


	3. Compliments

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: This skit would play after Genis learned a new spell. Sheena's normal, **Presea's bold**, _Genis is italic_, and **_Zelos is italic and bold_**.

* * *

**Compliments**

"Wow Genis, you did great in that last battle."

**"Yes, your new spell is very impressive."**

_"I... I... uh... Th-thanks."_

_**"Aw, he's blushing! How cute. I guess it's to be expected, he's not used to being complimented by the hunnies."**_

_"Shut up, Zelos!"_

* * *

A/N: Am I the only one who thinks Genis would do fine with Presea if he would just stop stuttering and talk to her? 

Wow! 113 hits in two chapters, I better pick up the pace. Can't keep my loyal fans waiting, can I?


	4. Genis' Secret

Disclaimer: Still don't own. 

A/N: Regal is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, and **_Raine is italic and bold_**.

* * *

**Genis' Secret**

"'High-Level Spells for the Skilled Warlock' ... Is this the book you've been studying from, Genis?"

**"Yeah, it's really detailed."**

_"You're lucky, Raine's a great sister to let you borrow her books all the time."_

**"Um... This one doesn't belong to her."**

_"What do you mean?"_

**"I kinda took it from the library in Sybak."**

"You stole from the library?"

**"No! I... borrowed it. Besides, it's okay. I'm using it to help us rejoin the worlds." **

"..."

**"Please don't tell Raine!"**

_**"Don't tell me what?"**_

_"Busted!"_

**"Run away!"**

* * *

A/N: Genis earned the title "Sticky Fingers". Genis earned the title "Escape Artist". Sheena earned the title "Accomplice". 


	5. Keeping a Promise

Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will. 

A/N: Lloyd is normal, _Regal is italic_, **Raine is bold**, and _**Zelos is italic and bold**_.

* * *

**Keeping a Promise**

_**"Yeah, dinnertime!"**_

**"It smells good."**

_"Thank you, I thought I'd try a new recipe."_

"That smells like..."

_"Dwarven Potluck Surprise, as I promised."_

"All right!"

_"I tried to make it as authentic as possible, how is it?"_

**"It has a... distinctive taste."**

"It's perfect, just like Dad's! Mmm... You got the metallic flavor right too! Did you use super pellets?"

_**"Whoa, hold on. There's metal in this?"**_

" Yeah, it's good for you!"

**"Don't talk with your mouth full, Lloyd."**

"I taste... Beef, onions, carrots, leather, a pinch of black silver, and... Inhibitor ore?

_**"Didn't we need that?"**_

**"What's this piece?"**

**_"Hm... That looks like a shard of a rare Balacruf Dynasty vase."_**

**"WHAT?"**

_"It is possible, I made this blindfolded. Forgive me."_

* * *

Everyone loves the Z-Skit Theater, 450 hits and counting!  
Thank you thank you thank you to Master Summoner Sheena for giving me this idea. I saw the review and was almost mauled by a plot bunny. Everyone follow Sheena's good example and give me ideas! 


	6. Marvelous Culinary Advancement

Disclaimer: There are many things in this world that are mine, ToS is not one of them. 

A/N: _Raine is italic_, **Regal is bold**.

* * *

**Marvelous Culinary Advancement**

**"The key to being a good chef is the ability to follow directions."**

_"I see, then cooking is similar to performing an experiment. You're guaranteed some success as long as you follow the proper procedure."_

**"Yes, that's a good way of looking at it. There, everything's ready, let's begin."**

_"What recipe will we be making? Tenderloin? Miso stew? Paella?"_

**"I thought we'd start with something simple. Fruit cocktail is a quick and easy dish that makes an excellent snack or dessert. Read me the list of ingredients."**

_"It says that we need at least two different types of fruit, but that we could use more varieties if we wanted. It also mentions white satay. That sounds interesting, do we have any?"_

**"I believe so. I'll go get it; you start dicing the fruit."**

_"All right, what fruits do we have to work with? Apples, grapes, kirima, peaches... I suppose that will do, but it seems so ordinary. Perhaps I should innovate a little, Regal did say cooking was like an experiment. What's an experiment without variables? Hahaha! This will be a marvelous culinary advancement!"_

**"That took far too long... I've found the satay Raine, is the fruit ready? ... ... ... Raine, why is there a turkey in the fruit cocktail?"**

* * *

A/N: I cook like Raine. That being said, anyone want some cookies? I made them myself. Thanks to Sylvia Viridian for the idea and for pulling me out of my writer's block! 


	7. Poor Listening Skills

Disclaimer: I have to tell you again that I don't own ToS? That's not right... 

A/N: This skit would play after you see the scene in Gaoracchia Forest where Genis warns Lloyd away from the chest containing the Devil's Arm. Note that the chest in question here is a different one than the Devil's Arm chest. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold.**

* * *

**Poor Listening Skills**

**"Lloyd, I don't think you should mess with that chest."**

"Why not?"

**"I don' know, it's just... wrong. I have a bad feeling about it."**

"Don't worry, Genis. It's probably just a booby trap you're sensing. I can open it without setting it off, promise."

**"Lloyd, stop! Just trust me on this, please!"**

"The last time I listened to you about a chest nothing happened."

**"Because you left it alone!"**

"... ... (click) There. See? Nothing bad happened. You worry too much, Genis."

**"L-L-Lloyd..."**

"What? Did I get something on my face?"

**"Lloyd, Run! It wasn't a chest! It's a fake!"**

"Aaaaah! Escape! Escape!"

* * *

A/N: I. Hate. Fakes. HATE THEM! (flail and claw at the air)Ahem... Now for something completely different. I return! Sorry for the wait everyone. I'm back now and full of ideas, so my absence will be worth it.


	8. Many Apologies

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Colette is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, and _Kratos is italic._

* * *

**Many Apologies**

_"Hm... This is a little dry. I think you cooked it too long."_

"Oh, I'm sorry."

**"What're you sorry for, Colette? I made dinner tonight, not you."**

"I know, but... Heh, sorry."

**"Stop apologizing Colette! You haven't done anything wrong."**

_"He's right, Colette. You have to stop feeling guilty constantly; not everything is your fault. Even if you did commit some transgression there is no one as worthy of forgiveness as you."_

**"Yeah! After all the sacrifices you've made in the world regeneration you shouldn't have to worry about anything!"**

"Hehe, I guess you're right. Sorry for making you have to lecture me."

**"Ugh... Colette..."**

* * *

A/N: I should go through the game script and see how many times Colette apologizes, just for the heck of it. I'll get around to it eventually. But, because I'm lazy, if anyone's willing to do it for me I'd report their findings down here and give them a delicious, Genis-baked cookie for their efforts. 


	9. Monster Troubles

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: This scene would play after Regal points out the traps and Napaloosa Bacura in the Toize Valley Mine. Raine is normal, _Sheena is italic_, **Lloyd is bold**, and _**Zelos is bold and**_ _**italic**_.

* * *

**Monster Troubles**

_"So that's a Bacura... I've heard about them before."_

**"It's made of solid mana? That's pretty amazing."**

"Yes, just imagine how much energy we could harness from a block of mana that size. It's fascinating!"

_**"Well, if my cool beauty Raine wants it, I shall retrieve it! C'mon Sheena, let's grab it."**_

_"Don't be stupid, Zelos! Get away from that thing!"_

_**"Oh cool down, Sheena. It's just a floating block, what can it do-? Aaaaah! Ow! Man, that thing's vicious! Why didn't you warn me?"**_

_"We did!"_

_**"As if getting slapped by girls wasn't bad enough I have to get it from monsters now too?"**_

_"You idiot! (smack) What'd you think would happen when you grabbed a monster? You could have gotten seriously hurt!"_

_**"Hey!"**_

**"Hahaha! Zelos has girl troubles and monster troubles!"**

_**"Hilarious, Lloyd..."**_

"And I'm still without my sample..."

* * *

A/N: I hate Bacuras (Bacurai?) just a little less than Fakes because they always run just as I'm about to finally kill them. They're much more entertaining though, and they don't spit plates at you... 

As for the scoop on Colette's apologizing: According to Hiyuu she does it approximately 40 times. (Yeah, I know you can go to the reviews page and see it, but hey, I promised) Thanks Hiyuu, I award ye this plate of cookies for your effort!


	10. Realization

Disclaimer: You know the drill. 

A/N: I am aware that Kratos would probably never say his lines, but I wanted him in the skit and this question had to be asked.You understand, right? Lloyd is normal, _Kratos is italic_, and **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Realization**

"Argh! That Yggdrasil is such an idiot!"

**"What makes you say that, Lloyd?"**

"Look what he's done to the worlds! Everyone suffers just so he can have his sister."

_"His goals may be selfish, but Mithos is a clever foe. We mustn't underestimate him."_

**"He was smart enough to set up Cruxis and the Desians. Smart enough to trick us too..."**

"Wait... The entire point of the world regeneration is to create a vessel for Martel. The reason the worlds are spilt and people have to suffer is that Mithos thinks it will help him revive his sister. To bring her back."

_"I'm beginning to understand. Martel's body is within the great seed, and her soul must to be present or else she couldn't possess the Chosen."_

"We could end all the fighting right now, we just have to tell Yggdrasil we could help him."

**"Help Cruxis? Lloyd! Have you gone insane! Why would we help create the era of lifeless beings?"**

_"That's not what he means, Genis. We would help Mithos by having Raine resurrect Martel. In theory, once his sister was alive again Mithos would have little reason to keep the worlds separate."_

"We could save everyone with just six words!"

**"You're brilliant, Lloyd! ... Hold on. Bring back this soul from purgatory, Resurrection."**

_"That's seven words, Lloyd."_

* * *

A/N: This is something I've been wondering about. Why couldn't Raine resurrect Martel? Her healing powers aren't limited to battle and she did use Resurrection to heal the catatonic Pietro in Hima. It should be no different to revive Martel. 


	11. It's Not a Date!

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

A/N: All right, I know that Zelos and Kratos are never in the party at the same time. However, they have been in some scenes together during the course of the game so I'm taking artistic license. As for time in the game... Let's say Colette is still hiding her Angel Toxicosis (as she's becoming an exsphere), and the party's been to Flanoir. You can feel free to throw things at me in displeasure but said objects must be on this list: 1) chocolate, 2) high-end electronics, or 3) great, honking wads of cash. Thanks. Lloyd is normal, _Kratos is italic_, **Zelos is bold**, and **_Regal is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**It's Not a Date!**

"Uh, Kratos? Can I ask you something?"

_"Yes, Lloyd?"_

"... Colette's been pretty depressed lately. I was trying to think of some way to cheer her up."

_"Hm."_

**"What's this? Lloyd's planning a date? I'll tell you what you can do!"**

"It's not a date!"

_"Ignore him, Lloyd."_

**"Ouch, that's cold..."**

_**"If I may make a suggestion, Lloyd. Colette seemed to enjoy the beach in Altimira. Perhaps you should take her there."**_

"The beach? With swimsuits? ... "

**"Good idea, Regal! Now what I'd do is head to the Temple of Darkness and set the Sorcerer's Ring then-"**

_**"Zelos, this is Colette we're talking about. Have some decency."**_

"Yeah! Watch your mouth!"

**"Whoa, easy! Calm down, bud. I'm sorry, okay?"**

_"Lloyd, why don't you take Colette to Flanoir?"_

"That's a great idea! We could build snowmen!"

**"Humph, doesn't sound like my idea of a good time. But hey, whatever. Have fun on your date, Lloyd."**

"It's not a date!"

* * *

A/N: There, I finally got around to using your idea, cloud-sephiroth. Hope you liked it! In other news: I'm in a writing slump. A vast abyss of anti-creativity from which there is no escaping! Without outside help that is, give me your ideas and I may be able to haul myself out of it and get back to my normal prolific self. 


	12. We're Not Alone

Disclaimer: don't own 

A/N: This skit would play while you're in the Temple of Darkness. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and _**Zelos is bold and italic.**_

* * *

**We're Not Alone**

"It's creepy in the dark like this... AH! We're not alone in here!"

**"Right Lloyd, we're all here with you. I didn't know you were afraid of the dark."**

"No, I mean-"

_"There's nothing to be afraid of in the dark, but I can cast Ray if it bothers you."_

"I'm not afraid of the dark! I'm trying to say someone touched my butt!"

**_"THAT WAS YOU? Oh gross... That's not me, that's not me..."_**

**"Stop whimpering, Zelos."**

_"... This is the man who would save Tethe'alla?"_

* * *

A/N: Really, how could Zelos know who was who in the temple? He could have messed up. 


	13. Out of the Loop

Disclaimer: don't own 

A/N: Mwhahahaha! Another one so soon? Wonderous. My loyal reviewers, your ideas have inspired me! For now I have only this, but I'm back in the swing of things. Colette is normal, **Noishe is bold**, and _Lloyd is italic_. Enjoy!

* * *

**Out of the Loop**

"Aw, what cute puppies! Look at his little tail, and that one's paws are so fluffy! Cuuuuute!"

_"Hey Colette, why don't you get all excited like that over Noishe? He's a dog too."_

**(Whine)**

"What? No! Of course not."

**(Whine whine)**

"Yep. Why would I think something like that?"

**(Whine)**

"To me you're a big, cute green and white puppy."

**(Whine whine)**

"Hehehe, let's go get dinner, Noishe."

_"... ... What just happened here?"_

* * *

A/N: Just what does Noishe mean by "whine"? Wanna know? Well in this skit I was working with something like this: 

**(She thinks I'm weird...)  
(You can understand me? You don't think I'm weird?)  
(Really?)  
(Thanks Colette, you're a lot smarter than Lloyd.)**


	14. Don't Ask

Disclaimer: don't own 

A/N: This skit would play after you free the unicorn at Lake Umacy. Colette is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, _Genis is italic_, and _**Raine is bold and italic.**_

* * *

**Don't Ask**

**"You're lucky, Colette."**

"Lucky, why?"

**"You and Sheena got to see the unicorn up close at Lake Umacy. That must've been really cool."**

"Hehe, yeah, it was pretty neat. Hey, unicorns are supposed to come to young maidens. Maybe I could call another one for you."

**"Wouldn't it see me and run?"**

"Maybe if you wore a disguise the unicorn wouldn't get scared."

**"You think that'd work? Okay, let's see. A disguise... How's this, Colette?"**

"Wow, that's great! It's really convincing, Lloyd. You look just like a maiden."

**"All right, let's do it!"**

_"... Raine, why is Lloyd wearing your robe and ribbon?"_

_**"Some questions are better left unasked..."**_

* * *

A/N: ... That's it, no more caffeine for me. 


	15. A Lesson for All

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and the _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**A Lesson for All**

_"Who can tell me the name of the first hominid to walk erect?"_

**"Hm, it was... Uh... That's a hard question."**

"I know this one!"

**"You do?"**

_"You do?"_

"Yeah. It's Australopithecines, one of modern human's earliest ancestors."

_"O-oh my, that... That's correct! Amazing... I'm very proud of you, Lloyd!"_

**"Lloyd! How did you know that? I didn't have a clue."**

"Hey, I don't always sleep in class."

* * *

That right there is the only fact I have learned in World History this week. Australopithecines was the first hominid to walk erect. What does that tell you about my teacher? (Keep in mind I'm writing this on Friday) 


	16. Inside Joke

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Mithos is italic_.

* * *

**Inside Joke**

"Raine's making dinner."

**"Woohoo! Noodles!"**

_"Oni Burgers!"_

**"And a whole half of a cookie!"**

_"At the pinnacle of lowness?"_

**"Destructed!"**

"... What?"

**"Sorry Lloyd, it's an inside joke."**

* * *

A/N: There you go BP, I promised I'd have Genis say "woohoo". For all of ye wondering what this is: it is indeed an inside joke, several in fact. The next skit will be coherent, I promise.

* * *


	17. Lloyd's Theory of Relativity

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Lloyd is normal, **Raine is bold**, and _Regal is italic_.

* * *

**Lloyd's Theory of Relativity**

**"Lloyd, you mentioned something called 'Quick Jump' before. What is that?"**

_"Yes, I would like to know as well."_

"It's kind of like a shortcut. Let's see... To get into Meltokio we have to walk through the sewers, right?"

**"Correct. We've entered the city that way ever since Genis and I were captured in Sybak."**

"Now how many times do you remember us actually going through the sewers?"

**"... ... Only once. Yet, we've returned to Meltokio often."**

_"Indeed. I have no recollection of ever traveling that route, except for the time we first met."_

**"How can this be?"**

" It's because we always quick jump. We walk into the sewers and get sent right to the center of the city."

_"I never would have thought such a thing possible."_

**"... This, this is..."**

"Professor, are you all right?"

**"This is amazing! This 'Quick Jump' phenomenon appears to be an anomaly in the fabric of reality. I must study it! To the sewers!"**

_"Raine, wait! We have to stop her Lloyd, she's headed straight for the Papal Knights."_

"Don't worry, nothing can stop her now that she's in ruin mode."

* * *

A/N: What can I say? I'm one of the lazy people who love the Quick Jump option. 


	18. Poor Listening Skills 2

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Genis is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, and the _Fake is italic_.

* * *

**Poor Listening Skills 2**

"What was that?"

**"What was what? Why are you so jumpy Genis?"**

"I keep hearing leaves rustling. I think someone's following us!"

**"I haven't heard anything. It's probably just your imagination."**

"But..."

**"Calm down, Genis. Even if something's after us it can't be any worse than what we've faced already. Do you think the Five Grand Cardinals would be hiding in the bushes waiting for us?"**

"I guess you're right. Hey Lloyd, look over there. There's something shiny."

**"Hm, what is that?"**

"It looks like a stack of... plates..."

**"Plates?"**

_(growl...)_

**"Let's get out of here, Genis!"**

"Run away!"

* * *

As you requested Lord Cynic, it is done. The Killer Fake is still on the loose. Will our heroes escape in time? Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion! (maybe) Right here on Z-Skit Theater! (If you're lucky)


	19. The Reason for First Aid

Disclaimer: Don't own 

A/N: This skit was guest written by my partner in crime, Shadow Phantazy. After this go take a look at her fic _Simple and Sue_. It's a satirical, Sue-mocking bonanza! Zelos is normal, **Sheena is bold,** and _Lloyd is ital_ic.

* * *

**The Reason for First Aid**

_"Hey Zelos, I've been meaning to ask you. Why do you know First Aid? You don't seem like the healer type."_

"Hold that thought for a sec, bud. Oh, Sheena..."

**"What do you want now, Zelos?"**

"No need to be so defensive, my lovely hunnie. I just wanted to tell you that you have a lovely smile."

**"Why, thank you Zelos."**

"Too bad that's not all you're wearing."

**"WHY YOU-! (smack!)"**

"Oww... First Aid! So, what were you asking again, Lloyd?"

_"Never mind, I think you just answered it..."_

* * *

A/N: Look at that in character writing, she's a genius! (was taking notes the whole time) I feel so inadequate now... (goes and drinks potion with the Gnomelettes) 


	20. Beautiful Wings

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Shadow Phantazy, this is for you. (And the other Baten Kaitos fans out there) Lloyd is normal, _Sheena is italic_, **Genis is bold** and _**Regal is italic and bold**_.

* * *

**Beautiful Wings**

"(Sigh) Is it just me or does everyone we know have wings?"

_"I don't have wings."_

_**"Nor do I."**_

**"Raine and I don't have wings either. You're just imagining things, Lloyd."**

"No way! Colette, Kratos, Zelos, Yggdrasil, that jerk Yuan too, they all have wings. And every angel has a pair... It's not fair."

_"You sound a little jealous, Lloyd."_

"Heh, I guess I am little jealous. It looks so cool when Colette flies, I want to try it too. I've got to get some wings!"

_**"Anything is possible."**_

_"Who knows, you might get your wish before all this is over. Your wings may be even more gorgeous than Colette's."_

"... Gorgeous?"

_"Maybe that was the wrong word..."_

**_"Yes, Lloyd would object to being though of as pretty."_**

**"Are you kidding? Look how excited he is, he couldn't care less what he's called."**

"Hahaha! I'll get to fly and you'll all get to see it! (music note)"

**"Yeah Lloyd, we'll all get to look at your beautiful wings."**

* * *

A/N: "Loooook at my beauuuutiful wiiiiings!" You've gotta love the terrible voice acting in Baten Kaitos. It's so bad it's good. 


	21. Endangered Species

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Raine is normal, **Lloyd is bold,** and _Colette is italic_.

* * *

**Endangered Species**

"Oh my! Lloyd, Colette, come see this!"

_"Okay Professor."_

**"Whoa, this slope is really uneven. Be careful Colette, you don't want to fall."**

_"Heh,_ _okay Lloyd, I will. What did you want to show us, Professor?"_

"This is Nelumbo nucifera, a potent magical herb. Its flowers are said to be equal in power to a unicorn's horn. Unfortunately over-harvesting has made it very rare, the species is considered endangered. Oh, this is so lucky, one of the few remaining specimens right here for study! It's all mine... Marvelous!"

_"Uh... ah, AH! Ow, I tripped again..."_

**"Colette! Are you okay?"**

_"I'm fine, I caught myself."_

**"You're such a klutz..."**

"Y-you crushed it... My beautiful Nelumbo nucifera..."

_"Oh no! I'm so sorry, Professor."_

* * *

A/N: Look familiar, Lord Cynic? This was inspired by your review "Oddly enough, Colette would be the type to apologize for stepping on a flower." You're good Milord, you give ideas when you're not even trying. Thankees!

Also, I was just wondering: how old does everyone think I am? I want to be able to gauge how immature or mature my writing makes me seem.


	22. Making the GRADE

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

A/N: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**

* * *

**Making that GRADE**

"Genis, I've got a great idea!"

**"Is this another scheme to get out of doing homework?"**

"You bet! (music note) Think about this: after every battle we pick up money, items and GRADE, right?"

**"That stuff the Katz always want to trade for?"**

"Yeah, I've been grabbing it after battles. I've got a ton!"

**"What does GRADE have to do with homework?"**

"I was thinking I'd show Raine how much I've collected. When she sees my good GRADE she'll have to ease up and give me less work!"

**"... So you're saying that getting GRADE from killing monsters is the same as doing well in your studies?"**

"Exactly. Pretty smart, huh?"

**"You're an idiot, Lloyd."**

* * *

A/N: I wish it were that easy...


	23. Misery Loves Company

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

A/N: This would, of course, play some time after the party races across the Grand Telle'atha Bridge and saves Raine and Genis from the Papal Knights. Preferably when you enter a town. Lloyd is normal, Genis is bold, Raine is italic, and Zelos is bold and italic.

* * *

**Misery Loves Company**

"Man, I still can't believe this..."

**"Lloyd, how many times are you going to check that wanted poster?"**

_"Perhaps we should check it more often, look. It seems the Pope has added three new criminals to the wanted list."_

**"What? Ah! I LOOK NOTHING LIKE THAT!"**

_"Do you think I'm happy with the way I'm drawn? They gave me fangs..."_

"Now you know how I feel. I wonder how Zelos will take it."

_**"Hello, my cool beauty Raine. What are you looking at...? AHHH! W-what have they done to my beautiful macho ultra-gorgeous face?"**_

**"Hehehe. Think we should take his poster with us, Lloyd?"**

"Stop sobbing, Zelos. You're attracting attention."

_"Yes, lying in a fetal position in the middle of the street isn't helping us keep a low profile."_

* * *

A/N: You just know it'd happen. 


	24. Poor Listening Skills 3

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: All right folks, you're witnessing history here: the very first Z-skit I've ever written with five characters in it. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Kratos is italic_, **_Colette is bold and italic_** and the Fake is underlined. Now, for the exciting (I hope) conclusion.

* * *

**Poor Listening Skills 3**

_"Lloyd, Genis, there you are. Don't wander off again, there are dangerous monsters in this forest."_

"We know. We've got to get out of here, now!"

_**"Why? What's wrong?"**_

**"We've got a Fake after us!"**

(Growl...)

_"Lloyd, Genis, get behind me. Sacred powers, cast your purifying light upon--"_

**"Kratos, wait!"**

"Colette's in the way!"

(GROWL!)

_**"AAH!"**_

"Colette!"

(Yipe! CRACK!)

"..."

_"..."_

**"... Wow."**

**_"Ugh. I tripped, again. I'm such a klutz..."_**

"You... You broke the Fake. Is that even possible?"

**_"Hehe, I guess."_**

**"You're amazing, Colette!"**

_"Indeed. Well done, Chosen."

* * *

_

A/N: Our heroes are safe, the is Fake defeated and all is well. But of course, you knew it would end that way. I think I may have abused my exclamation point privileges though...

I'm sad to say that I'm in another writing slump. I've gotten some good ideas (one involving swimwear in particular) and I'll be working on them, but I need more to snap me all the way out of my funk. Please, for the good of Z-ST, give me ideas!


	25. Another Following

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Zelos is normal, **Raine is bold**, and _Lloyd is italic_.

* * *

**Another Following**

**"Zelos, what was that you just gave to that man?"**

"A button, I made some to hand out."

_"Cool! What do they say?"_

(Heart eyes) "They say 'I heart Professor Raine, the super-cool beauty of Sylvarant'. They've got a little picture of her too!"

**"Oh no, not again..."**

"Huh? What's wrong?"

_"Oh, heh. Back in Sylvarant there was a Professor Raine fan club. Almost all the guys in class were members."_

**"That's right, they would follow me around and keep me from reading or grading papers. It was terrible. Now I have a second club here in Tethe'alla. Will I never escape them?"**

"Whoa, sorry... I didn't know."

_"..."_

**"..."**

_"... Hey, Zelos..."_

"Yeah?"

_"Can I have one of those buttons?" (Music note)_

"Sure! Here ya go, bud. Welcome to the club!"

**"(sigh) Why me?"**

* * *

AN: You just know it would be annoying to have a bunch of little boys following you everywhere. Plaguing your steps, never giving you a moment of peace... Heck, it tries my patience just thinking about it. Now imagine that crowd of boys has been replaced by Zelos. Be afraid. 


	26. Talented Kratos

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N: Kratos is normal, **Sheena is bold**, and _Genis is italic_.

* * *

**Talented Kratos**

**"I still can't believe that even with my shinobi skills I can't use a kendama."**

_"Don't feel bad about it. They're really difficult to use."_

**"Still... I can't see why I'm so bad at it."**

_"You just haven't practiced like I have."_

"Hm. May I try, Genis?"

_"Uh... I don't know, it didn't turn out so good last time..."_

**"Let him try. I don't think Kratos will throw it."**

_"Okay."_

"Let's see. Hiyah, hah, yah, hah,"

**"Whoa! "**

"Yah, hah, hiyah,"

_"Not bad."_

"Hah, hiyah, yah, hah,"

**"Not bad? He's even better than you are."**

_"Hey!"_

**"I had no idea you were so talented, Kratos."**

"Hah! Thank you. Hiyah! I've, hah, had a lot of, yah, time to practice. Hah, yah, hiyah!"

_"Okay, now you're just showing off..."_

* * *

AN: You've got to assume Kratos is good. He's had about 4000 years to practice. 


	27. What Is He?

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N: This came to me as I learned my final recipe. Sheena is normal, **Regal is bold**, and _the Wonder Chef is italic_.

* * *

**What Is He?**

**"Excuse me, Sheena. I have a favor to ask of you."**

"Sure, what can I do to help?"

**"I need you to try summoning the Wonder Chef."**

"What? That weirdo? I can't do that, he's human."

**"I'm not so sure. Haven't you noticed how he disappears in a cloud of smoke? Corrine used to do the same thing."**

"That's an old shinobi trick, I can do it too."

**"Will you please try anyway? I must speak with him."**

"... Okay. I'll try, but even if he is a spirit I doubt I could summon him. I haven't formed a pact with the Wonder Chef."

**"Thank you."**

"Let's see, what would be a fitting incantation? Ah, I got it! I call upon the Mysterious Gourmet. I summon thee, come, Wonder Chef!"

_(poof in) "... ... Where am I?"_

"It worked? I can't believe it worked!"

**"Just as I suspected..."**

* * *

AN: What is the Wonder Chef and where did he get his fork? I want that fork... 


	28. Zelos' Nightmare

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: This skit would play in the morning after you spend a night in an inn. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic._**

* * *

**Zelos' Nightmare**

"Zelos, what happened last night?"

**"Yeah, you started screaming in your sleep and woke everyone up."**

**_"I did? Sorry guys. I just had a nightmare, that's all."_**

_"I see. Would you care to tell us about it?"_

**_"Oh, no. It's not important."_**

_"Are you sure? Dreams often have a deeper meaning than the dream itself. If we can discover the cause of the dream we may be able to help."_

**_"You're a professor and shrink? Okay, but it was a really horrible dream so brace yourself. I dreamed..."_**

_"Yes?"_

**_"I dreamed that all my hunnies abandoned me!" (Sob)_**

"..."

**"Zelos..."**

_"Hm, abandonment..."_

"What are you thinking Professor?"

_"I think Zelos may be suffering from some feelings of guilt or betrayal."_

**"Mm... Nah, that can't be right."**

"Sheena's right, maybe when it comes to Zelos there isn't any deeper meaning."

_**"... ..."

* * *

**_

A/N: Ooooo... Aren't I evil? I owe it all to Contraltissimo. Thanks for the killer idea about inns!


	29. Sharp Dressed Man

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: This skit would play between when Lloyd gets his formal clothes and when he arrives at the dinner party. Zelos is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, _**Raine is bold and italic,**_ and Colette is underlined.

* * *

**Sharp Dressed Man**

**"Get out of the bathroom, Zelos! Everyone else is ready to go!"**

"Hold on squirt, I gotta look good for my hunnies."

_"Really Zelos, you're taking longer than I did."_

"Gold watch, diamond ring, I ain't missing but a single thing. And cuff links, stick pin, when I step out I'm gonna do you in." (music note)

**"Wha, is he singing in there?"**

_"Typical Zelos..."_

"Ta-da! How do I look? Don't I just ooze manly sexiness?"

_"Whoa! Raine, Colette, get up here now! You've got to see this!"_

_**"What is it, Sheena? ... Zelos..."**_

"Wow, you look great in that tuxedo Zelos."

"They come runnin just as fast as they can, coz every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man."

* * *

A/N: Sorry all, I just had to do it. When Shadow Phantazy (Go read her story Simple and Sue now!) sent me ZZ Top's Sharp Dressed Man I immediately thought of Zelos in his tux. And happy birthday Miori942! Eggplants for all! (Throws celebratory eggplants) 


	30. Inefficient Design 1

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Lloyd is normal, **Genis it bold**, _Regal is italic_, and _**Presea is bold and italic**_.

* * *

**Inefficient Design 1**

"How do the Desians get anything done?"

**"What do you mean, Lloyd?"**

"Think about it. This place is huge and it's got traps everywhere you look."

_"I noticed that too. Their traps are built so they would harm anyone they catch, not only intruders."_

**_"That is very poor planning."_**

_"Yes, even in an emergency the Desians would still have to deactivate the traps before they could proceed. The Lezareno Company engineers would never design anything as flawed as this, I assure you."_

"Why couldn't they just build their bases like normal people and post a lot of guards? Then we could just fight our way through."

_**"That is the point of building traps, to slow us down."**_

"Yeah, but it takes so long. It's annoying."

_"Perhaps we could ask Yuan when we see him next."_

"That sounds like a good idea."

* * *

A/N: Whoo... the big chapter 30. I never thought I'd keep Z-Skit going this long but here I am. I'm going to try for 100 chapters or more, who's with me?

In other news: I really, really dislike going through Desian bases, Welgaia included. It's easy enough but it does take forever. Raybits and Perfect Murders are my mortal foes, right after Fakes.


	31. Inefficient Design 2

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Lloyd is normal, **Genis it bold**, _Regal is italic_, Presea underlined, and **_Yuan is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Inefficient Design 2**

"Yuan! Am I glad to see you."

**_"... Regal, what is wrong with Lloyd? Is he ill?"_**

_"No, we have a question we would like to ask you."_

_**"Very well."**_

"Why are Desian bases so full of traps?"

**"Yeah. It seems like a good idea for stopping intruders but isn't it hard to deal with them all the time?"**

**_"Ah yes, that was one of my better plans. You see I had developed plans to start the Renegades long before I actually formed the organization. One of my earliest schemes was to place traps in all the human ranches during their construction under the guise of security systems. In reality the traps were designed mainly to impede the Desians and hinder the plans of the Grand Cardinals."_**

"I see, the traps are not a design flaw."

_"They're really a method for hiding rebel devices in plain view. What an ingenious strategy."_

_**"I'm glad you can appreciate it."**_

"That doesn't change the fact that they're really annoying..."

* * *

A/N: There has to be some reason, there just has to be! Let's hope it really was Yuan's idea, it would mean at least one of his plans worked flawlessly. 


	32. Action Figurines

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Here we go, six characters. I'm going to have to get creative. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, **_Zelos is bold and italic_**, Raine is underlined, and _Kratos is underlined and italic_.

* * *

**Action Figurines**

_"Wow, these figurines Dirk made are really intricate."_

**_"I know, the detail is amazing. I bet they'd sell like crazy in Meltokio."_**

_"Zelos, why do you have a figurine of me?"_

_**"Always thinking the worst of me, aren't you Sheena?"**_

"Check it out! Dad made me a Kratos figurine!"

**"And I've got one of Raine."**

_"They're perfect likenesses, Dirk is quite skilled."_

"Yes, he even included the wrinkles in my boots..."

_**"Hey Genis, who do you think would win in a fight? Kratos or Raine?"**_

**"..."**

"..."

**"We'll see! Yah, Photon!"**

"No you don't! Grave!"

_" ... My fighting style is nothing like that."_

**"Missed me! Ray!"**

"Genis, my magic is supposed to be used for healing!"

"I have you now, Judgment!"

_"Cool down, just let them have fun with their action figurines."_

* * *

A/N: Oh come on, what else is there to do with figurines? You don't expect Lloyd and Genis to put them quietly away on some shelf somewhere, do you? Next match: Ozette Woman #1 vs. Botta, it'll be thrilling. 

I forgot to say this earlier, as Shadow Phantazy kindly reminded me: if you want the MP3 of ZZ Top's Sharp Dressed Man (a great song) just send Phantazy an email and she'll get it to you. Force be with!


	33. Gnome the Eccentric

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Sheena is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and _**Zelos is italic and bold**_.

* * *

**Gnome the Eccentric**

**"Man, Gnome sure is weird."**

"I know, he threw me off guard with the way he acts."

**"Me too. Any idea why he doesn't talk like the other summons spirits do?"**

_"Perhaps it's because his temple is located near a large city like Meltokio. He may have adopted his modern mannerisms from the lax city atmosphere."_

"I never even considered that. You're probably right Raine."

**_"You kidding me? Gnome's just plain weird, there's no reason besides that."_**

_"Oh? And what makes you so sure of that?"_

_**"Well, my cool beauty, there's more to him that the way he talks. Gnome's not like the other summons. I mean, really, he wears a bow. And look how he fights. Undine shot spells at us, the Sylph used weapons, but Gnome... He hit me in the face with a shovel!"**_

**"Oh yeah, I remember that."**

"It was pretty funny. 'No, not the face!' "

**"Hahaha!"**

**_"Thanks a lot guys..." (Angry squiggle)_**

* * *

A/N: I love Gnome, he's one of my favorite summons. He's cool, relaxed, and if you really look at him you'll see that he does wield a shovel as his weapon. Who doesn't love bashing monsters with a shovel? On another note: I hold that Zelos has the funniest battle quotes of any character. Just because of his "Not the face!" line. 


	34. Jumping to Conclusions

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: This skit would play after you've seen the skits Ancestral Obsidian Jewel and Labyrinth Forest. (If you don't remember those skits and want a reminder, just ask me in a review.) Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Regal is italic_.

* * *

**Jumping to Conclusions**

**"Hey Lloyd, I've been thinking about that story Zelos told us."**

"The one about the thief's ghost in Gaoracchia Forest?"

**"Yeah..."**

"Don't worry about that. It's just a story."

**"But what if it's true! Zelos said that the thief had hidden a valuable jewel in the forest and that the ghost kills people, right?"**

"Yeah, what about it?"

**"Remember when we were almost out of gald and Regal offered us that obsidian jewel? He said it was worth 500,000 gald!"**

"What are you saying? That Regal's a ghost? That's silly."

**"No it's not! Regal has the jewel, he was waiting for us in the forest, he's a murderer, and that's all we really know about him."**

"It doesn't sound so silly when you say it like that..."

_"Hello boys, what are you talking about?"_

"Agh! It's the Ghost Thief!

**"Run away!"**

_"..."_

* * *

A/N: Genis may be bright, but he's still a little kid. And Lloyd... Don't get me started. He's so gullible, if you look the word up in the dictionary you'll find his picture. Really, go take a look. It's in there, I promise. 


	35. Hide me!

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Corrine is normal, **Noishe is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**Hide me!**

"Help Noishe! You have to hide me from Raine!"

**(Whine whine)**

"She's after you too? Oh no, she's coming this way! What are we going to do?"

**(Whine whine whine)**

"What? That's crazy! But I guess we don't have any other choice..."

_(Enter) "Corrine! Noishe! Come out, I just want to examine you! Oh, where could they have gotten to?" (Exit)_

"Is she gone?"

**(Whine)**

"Wow, I didn't think hiding under a blanket would work. Great idea, Noishe!"

**(Whine)**

_"Aha! There you are!"_

"Ah! Run!"

**(Whine!)**

* * *

A/N: You can run and you can hide but you'll never escape. Raine is coming for you and she's in ruin mode. 


	36. You're Not Lloyd!

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Genis is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, _Zelos is italic,_ and **_Mithos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

You're Not Lloyd!

"Hey Lloyd, what are you doing?"

**"Reading."**

_"Wow."_

"Really?"

**"Yeah, why's it such a big deal? Can't I study?"**

"Well, you never read unless Raine forces you to."

_"And that book looks like it doesn't have a single picture, I'm impressed."_

**"Shut up, Zelos." (Black squiggly)**

"As much as I hate to say it, Zelos is right, Lloyd. You're acting really weird."

**"What is so weird about a guy trying to read?"**

_"Genis, I think this Lloyd may be an imposter from Cruxis."_

"I think so too."

**"Whoa, hold on guys. Come on Genis, put the kendama away and let's talk..."**

"You want to talk instead of fight?"

_"Man, you're really bad at impersonating Lloyd. Let's get him!"_

**"Agh! Get off of me! I just wanted to learn some new martial arts moves!"**

**_"Uh, what's going on here, Genis? Is that Lloyd you're sitting on?"_**

"Mithos, hurry and get some rope! This isn't Lloyd; it's a spy from Cruxis!"

_**"Oh... Of course..."**_

* * *

A/N: Lloyd earned the title "Innocent Bystander". 


	37. Talk to Me

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: This would play once you get the Devil Arms Nebilim, Evil Eye, Disaster and after Presea first mentions that she can hear the Devil's Arms. Presea is normal, **Nebilim is bold**, _Evil Eye is italic_, and **_Disaster is bold and italic_**. (Yes, I wrote a conversation that includes inanimate objects. I'm amazed too.)

* * *

**Talk to Me**

**"Poor Presea..."**

"Who's there?"

_"All alone..."_

"Show yourself!"

**"Join us Presea..."**

"You're the Devil's Arms, aren't you?"

**"Yes..."**

**_"Aren't you lonely, Presea...?"_**

"N-no. I'm not."

_"Come with us, You won't be lonely anymore..."_

"I-I..."

**"We can have a party..."**

"What?"

**_"We'll need salsa..."_**

_"That's right, you can't have a party without salsa..."_

"..."

* * *

A/N: Presea said that the Devil's Arms talked to her, didn't you ever wonder just what it was they were saying? I always thought it was a "Come to the dark side, we have cookies" type of argument, but whatever it was it must not have been very effective. 


	38. What Moms Are Like

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Genis is normal, _Colette is italic_, and **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**What Moms Are Like**

"It's just not right."

**"What's up, Genis?"**

"I was just thinking about Exspheres again, it's terrible that they even exist!"

**"Yeah..."**

"But at the same time, they make me happy."

_"What do you mean?"_

"Well, whenever I use my Exsphere I feel like Marble's here watching over me."

_"Oh, I think I know what you mean. Despite everything that has happened to me because of this Cruxis Crystal, it still feels nice when I use it. It's like Martel herself is helping me."_

**"Hm, now that you mention it, there are times when I can sense my mom in my Exsphere too."**

"Really? You've never said anything about it before."

**"Yeah, there's this really protective feeling that comes from it. It's kinda nagging sometimes, but I guess that's just how mom's are. W-whoa! What the-?"**

_"What's wrong Lloyd?"_

**"My Exsphere... it just... spoke."**

"Wow, I've never heard of anything like that before! What'd it say?"

**"... It said it wasn't a nag and... Told me I'm grounded..."**

* * *

A/N: Go Anna! 


	39. How Random

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: This would play while you're inside the Balacruf Mausoleum. Raine is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**How Random**

"What an interesting mural..."

**"It looks like a battle. Maybe it's a scene from the Kharlan War."**

"Possibly, but look at the giant figures in the background. I believe this mural tells the myth of the Titans."

**"Titans? Why does that sound so familiar?"**

"You've probably heard the myth before. The Titans were mythical giants who were older then the gods, and were often portrayed as both good and bad. For example, Prometheus stole fire from the gods and gave it to the-"

**"Titans, go!"**

"... What?"

**"I don't know, it just popped into my head."**

"..."

* * *

A/N: This is only funny if you know that Lloyd's voice actor also voiced Robin from Teen Titans. I'm still tempted to yell "Titans, go!" whenever I get into a battle, it drives me mad. 


	40. We're Bored

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: This skit would play while you are in the ice temple. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Zelos is italic_, _**Sheena is bold and italic**_, and Raine is underlined.

* * *

**We're Bored**

_**"I can't wait to make the pact with Celsius and get out of here."**_

"Indeed, this temple isn't as interesting as the others. Let's finish here then go somewhere warm."

_"I hear ya, let's go back to Altamira! There's sun, surf, pretty girls in bathing suits..." (hearts)_

"Why hurry? This place rocks! I could slide around on the ice all day. Hey, anyone up for a snowball fight?"

**"I can't believe it... We all got bored with this place before Lloyd did."**

**_"What? No! That's not right..."_**

"I'm afraid it is..."

_"Ugh, you mean I'm starting to act like Lloyd? (Sigh) I guess I can kiss my hunnies goodbye..."_

"That's it, it's snowball time."

_"Whoa, wait Lloyd!"_

**"Agh! Cold, cold!"**

**_"Take cover!"_**

"Ah! Lloyd!"

_**"Oh boy, he's done it now."**_

**"Run, Lloyd!"**

_"At least we're not bored anymore..."_

* * *

A/N: The only thing I didn't like about the ice temple was the ice sliding puzzle. I literally slid around all day... It was also bad when I got to the other side, discovered that I had to know which way the totem faces were looking and realized that meant I had to go and do the puzzle over again. But hey, once you do it once, you don't forget. 

All right, the big 40! Z-Skit is officially over the hill. Just 10 more to the halfway point, I can't wait. (Giddy)


	41. Unfair

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Zelos is normal, **Kratos is bold**, and _Sheena is italic_.

* * *

**Unfair**

"So tell me Kratos, which one do you want?"

**"What are you talking about?"**

"We have four beautiful women traveling with us. Which have you got your eye on?"

**"... ..."**

"You're kidding me! None of them?"

**"I have more important things to think of, like the fate of the worlds."**

"Really... We'll just have to get you flirting then!"

**" ... I'd rather not."**

"C'mon! Here comes Sheena, just go say something I'd say."

**"Hmph. Fine, if it will make you be quiet."**

_"Hey guys, dinner's ready."_

**"Thank you, my gorgeous, ultra cool beauty. We'll be there soon."**

_"Ultra cool beauty? Did Zelos tell you to say that?"_

**"Yes."**

_"In that case..."_

**"Sheena, what are you-? ... "**

"I get a slap, but Kratos gets a hug? That's so unfair..."

* * *

A/N: Yes, Sheena will hug anyone to spite Zelos. Then again, Kratos would probably be more suave than Zelos. 

Also: In response to the multitude of questions I've been getting (a whole 2 inquiries): Yes, other people are more than welcome to do Z-Skit style fics for the other games in the Tales series. The only conditions are:

1) Please ask me first (in a private message please, not a review) so I can announce the new fic. Also, I'd hate for any of us to get caught up in a unneccessary "you copied my stuff!" conflict. Keeping tabs on who's writing what might help to avert problems.

2) That you mention my fic in the author's notes of your first chapter if you use my voice format (i.e. Lloyd is normal, Genis is bold, ect ect.).

So far the Tales of the Abyss fic is being written by Miken-chan (SHAMELESS PLUG: 'Tales of the Abyss Skits' by Miken-chan. Go check it out!) and Tales of Symphonia is of course being written by moi, but all the other games are free to whoever wants 'em.

Thanks for sticking with me y'all, live long and prosper!

-TS


	42. A Lesson Gone Awry

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Regal is normal, _Genis is italic_, **Raine is bold**, and **_Lloyd is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**A Lesson Gone Awry**

"Are you ready for another cooking lesson, Raine?"

**"Yes, but why is Genis here? Will he be helping?"**

"Indeed. This way the food will never be unattended..."

_"Hey guys, I promised Lloyd we would have spaghetti for dinner so let's get started."_

"Very well. Raine, the recipe please."

**"We need noodles, an onion, and a tomato. We could also add cheese and mushrooms if we wish."**

_"Uh-oh..."_

**"What is it, Genis?"**

_"We don't have any of those ingredients!"_

"What? ... Well, what do we have?"

_"We could try to make steak, but it wouldn't be the same without onions... I really want to make spaghetti for Lloyd, I promised I would!"_

"I see... Perhaps we could go to the road and defeat Rogues. They're bound to have some ingredients."

_"Good idea! What're we waiting for?"_

**"Hold on, there's an easier way to solve this problem. Genis, let me see what food we have."**

_"Uh... Okay."_

"Raine, what are you going to do?"

**"I'm just going to substitute these ingredients for the ones in the recipe. Here, some rolls instead of noodles, some of this... Oh, that looks good, throw that in..."**

_"Ah! Raine, stop!"_

"It seems history is repeating itself..." (sweatdrop)

**"There, that looks delicious. Lloyd will never know the difference!"**

_"I'm pretty sure he'll notice, Raine..."_

_**"Hey guys, is dinner ready yet?"**_

**"Yes, it's ready to serve."**

_**"Mm, that smells great! ... Hey, since when is spaghetti made from squid and melon?"**_

_"Told ya he'd notice."_

* * *

A/N: Holy cow, a skit that's longer than a page... Anyway, this was inspired by Shadow Phantazy as a semi-sequal to Marvelous Culinary Advancement. I figured I'd do something special for chapter 42. May you find the meaning of life, the universe, and everything in it. 


	43. It Will Be Called

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: This would be the very last skit, playing right after the spirit of Martel asks Lloyd to name the great tree. (I don't care if other things are still happening, that's when it would play.) Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold.**

* * *

**It Will Be Called...**

"Wow, I get to name the Great Tree? Hm... ... I don't have any ideas... Colette, you're good at naming things, want to help?"

**"I'll try, but I've only named dogs before. This is really different."**

"Yeah, but you can do it!"

**"Okay! Let's see, I've already used Bob, Boo, Pooky, and Poochy... How about Pinky?"**

"I don't think that's going to work..."

* * *

A/N: Just what did Lloyd and Colette name the Great Tree? That's quite a responsibility for the Spirit of Martel to spring on the kids. "Hello, my name is Martel; this big tree will sustain your world. Now pick a good name for it, remember that whatever you choose will be recorded in history forever and ever and ever." I'd be just a bit nervous. 


	44. Versed in Dot Dot Dot

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: This would play after you make the pact with Volt. Volt is normal, **Raine is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, and **_Lloyd is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Versed In "..."**

"... ... ..."

**"Fascinating... You have quite a knowledge of ruins, Volt."**

"... ... ..."

**"Still, your perspective is a valuable resource."**

"... ... ..."

**"So that's how it works... Marvelous!" (hearts)**

_"You're amazing, Raine."_

**"Oh?"**

**_"Yeah, it's pretty cool how you can talk with Volt."_**

_"What language is he speaking anyway?"_

**"To tell the truth, I'm not quite sure. I have to use my intuition to understand most of it."**

_"Hm, I guess all the time you've spent talking to Lloyd has made you versed in '...' "_

**_"Hey! What does that mean?"_**

**"..."**

* * *

A/N: Volt, the summon that just keeps going and going and going... 

Thanks to ye all who told me about the Tree's name. I had an inkling it would be Yggdrasil, (I know my Norse mythology) I've just never played Tales of Phantasia. (Am I the only one?) I'll hunt down a copy of my own soon enough...


	45. Marry Me?

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: This would play after Sheena becomes Chief of Mizuho. Zelos is normal, **Sheena is bold**.

* * *

**Marry Me?**

"So you're the chief now. How cool is that?"

**"What do you want, Zelos?"**

"Want? Why, nothing Your Chiefiness. I just wanted to remind you of the privileges that come with your new office."

**"Oh, so you're suddenly an expert on Mizuho customs?"**

"No, but I do know that as Chief, you get to learn every villager's real name."

**"You're right."**

"So, are you going to go get the list?"

**"Nope."**

"What, why not? You know you're just burning with curiosity!"

**"It can wait. Besides, you just want to look over my shoulder and learn my real name."**

"Pfft, I'd never do something like that. ... ... Please! Sheena, what's your name? You've got to tell me!"

**"No, it's a secret. And I couldn't tell you even if I wanted to. You'd have to marry me before you could find out."**

"Fine, if that's what it takes... Sheena Fujibayashi, will you marry me?"

**"W-what? Zelos, I... ... (sweat drop) No, now give the Sorcerer's Ring back to Lloyd."**

"Aw, I was so close too..."

* * *

A/N: You know the Sorcerer's Ring is the perfect thing to propose with, even if he doesn't really mean it. (Yep, sorry to you Sheena/Zelos fans out there, I'm not starting anything between them.) 


	46. Try, Try Again

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Zelos is normal, **Sheena is bold.**

* * *

**Try, Try Again**

"Sheena..."

**"What is it now, Zelos?"**

"I've come to try again, and I'll do it right this time. Sheena, will you marry me?"

**"Oh wow, Zelos... Is that a real diamond? It's huge!"**

"Yep, and it's all for you, my hunny."

**"It's beautiful! Zelos, I know you're only doing this to learn my name but... Hey, wait a minute..."**

"What's wrong, my voluptuous hunny?"

**"That's the diamond I got from Origin! You're proposing to learn my secret name and using my ring to do it? How dare you, you idiot chosen!"**

"Ah! Somebody help! Violent banshee attack!"

* * *

AN: I was struggling to think of the most caddish thing possible for Zelos to do. (I don't think it gets worse than raiding a lady's jewelry box then proposing with her own ring.) Thanks to RevivedSin for ze brilliant idea! 


	47. She Be Anxious

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: This would play after Lloyd gets his pirate costume. Raine is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Lloyd is italic_.

* * *

**She Be Anxious**

"We're going out to sea again..."

**"What's wrong sis? You seem more worried than normal. I though you'd be happy we were taking the EC instead of the washtubs."**

"I am, it's just... Something tells me this voyage will be more annoying than any we've taken before."

**"Annoying? Why do you say that?"**

"I have a good reason, and here it comes now..."

_"Hey guys, check this out: Yarr! I be a pirate, a salty sea dog born to sail n' plunder n' loot the seven seas! Crossin' blades with me's the last thing a scurvy cur like you'll ever do. Arrr!"_

**"..."**

_"Well, come on! What do you think? Don't I make a great pirate?" (Music note)_

**"I see what you mean, Raine."**

(Sigh) "Why is the potion gone?"

* * *

A/N: Poor Raine, but you know what they say. Do what you want 'cuz a pirate is free, you are a pirate! 


	48. Captain Maxwell

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: I apologize in advance... Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Genis it italic_, and _**Sheena is bold and italic**_.

* * *

**Captain Maxwell**

_"Hey guys, what are you doing?"_

"Hi Genis!"

**"We were talking about those monitors in the Desian bases. What if you built a whole bunch of them all over the world? People could use them to talk or send messages and news, or even for entertainment!"**

_"Wow, that would be great!"_

"I even had an idea for a show. Can you say it again, Sheena?"

**"Please? Genis should hear it too."**

**_"If I have to... (Ahem) Gnome! Efreet! Sylph! Undine! Verius! When your powers combine, they form Captain Maxwell!"_**

* * *

AN: Sorry! Sorry, really I am. I just remembered that Corrine turns into Verius, the quote-unquote summon spirit of heart, and I couldn't help myself... 


	49. I Don't Know

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Lloyd is normal, and **Raine is bold.**

* * *

**I Don't Know**

"Professor, what is this stuff?"

**"Oh my, that's Mystic Herb! And so much of it too... Lloyd, where did you get this?"**

"Uh, from monsters. I've been picking it up after battles. Why, is it rare?"

**"Yes, it's very valuable."**

"Really? What does it do?"

**"Mystic herb is a powerful magical catalyst."**

"Cool! But... What does that mean?"

**"Uh... It means..."**

"... You don't know either, do you?"

**(Sigh) "No..."**

* * *

A/N: There are just some items that seem like they should do something more than what they do. Mystic Herb is used in customization, but something with a name like that should be more useful. Don't you think? 


	50. Kratos' Nightmare

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Kratos' Nightmare**

"Zzz... Zzz... Ah, no... Get back! Nooo!" (Gasp, pant pant)

**"Whoa! You okay Kratos?"**

"Yes... It was only a nightmare. I suppose I woke you, I'm sorry."

**"Nah, I was already up."**

"..."

**"Uh, do you... Um... Want to talk about it?"**

"No, it's not important."

**"You were dreaming about killer tomatoes, weren't you?"**

"W-what? How did you know?"

**"Huh? I-I was just kidding!"**

* * *

AN: Holy cow... We're at chapter 50 already?

I just want to say thanks to everyone for, well, everything. I mean, look up there, there's 356 reviews and counting. I couldn't have done this much without all the help y'all've given me over the chappies. I promise to keep going until chapter 100 and beyond! Seriously, the only thing that would make me stop updating is a premature death. I love writing these skits.

Also: Tales of Legendia fic has been claimed by Hawk Chic. I don't know when she plans to post the first chapter, but I'll give an update as soon as I hear news.

Thanks again everybody,

TS


	51. Offerings from the Hunnies

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

A/N: Sheena is normal, **Zelos is bold**, and _Lloyd is italic_.

* * *

**Offerings from the Hunnies**

_"Wow... Look at all those presents!"_

"Yeah, even I have a hard time believing Zelos has that many admirers..."

**"Oh, those? My hunnies just love sending me stuff. Most of it's sweets, take whatever you want."**

_"Really? You mean it?"_

**"Sure, the Great and Generous Zelos is happy to share. Besides, there's more than I could ever eat. Knock yourself out."**

_"All right! Thanks, Zelos! Hm, what do I eat first? Oh, hey these squishy things are great!"_

**"Heh, trust Lloyd to ignore all the fine chocolate truffles and grab the gummi bears."**

"Wow, these look delicious!"

**"Are those dark chocolates? I didn't see them there... Sheena, those are my favorites."**

"Puppy dog eyes aren't going to work, O Great and Generous Zelos. Besides, you'll probably get another box next week."

**"You're cruel Sheena, taking advantage of my kind and giving nature..."**

"Mm, these are so good!"

**"... ... Gotcha!"**

"Wha-? Thief! Zelos, get back here with that box!"

**"Ah, Sheena! Put Efreet away, he'll melt the chocolate!"**

_"Mm... Heh, this is why I picked the gummi bears."_

* * *

A/N: Lloyd is wise. Kinda... Sometimes. ... Okay, forget I said anything. Merry Christmas to all and a happy Groundhog day too. 


	52. Handsome Masked Warrior Reborn

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play sometime after you see the skit "Great Mysterious Handsome Warrior." Zelos is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Sheena is italic._

* * *

**Handsome Masked Warrior Reborn**

"I, the Great Mysterious Masked Handsome Warrior, have returned with a new mask to defend the hunnies of the world!"

**"Ugh, this again?"**

_"Didn't you learn your lesson last time?"_

"The only lesson I learned is that you have no appreciation for heroics. Now excuse me while I go save yon fair hunny from certain loneliness."

_"This should be good..."_

**"Uh-oh, he's heading straight for that-"**

(Bonk!) "Ah! Ow ow ow ow..."

**"Street lamp..."**

_(Sigh) "Zelos... Next time, make sure you can see though the eyeholes of your mask before you start running around."_

* * *

AN : This skit occurred to me a while ago at Halloween, when I was walking in the dark and couldn't see a thing. I almost ran into a lightpole and thought: _'Gah! That was close... Imagine how much worse it'd be if I was wearing a mask.'_ Then I automatically thought of Zelos. I'm pathetic aren't I? (Rhetorical question!) Anyway, the lesson here is that you're never too old to trick or treat. 


	53. Sheena's Good Advice

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play as you're getting close to having named every dog. Colette is normal, **Sheena is bold**.

* * *

**Sheena's Good Advice**

(sigh)

**"What's wrong Colette?"**

"Oh, it's nothing... I just..."

**"Is it about those dogs?"**

"Yeah. I want to give them all good names, but I'm running out of ideas."

**"Well, when you have a problem do what I do and use your best judgment."**

"My judgment, do you think that will work?"

**"Of course, why wouldn't it?"**

"Okay, thanks Sheena! Oh holy one, cast thy purifying light-"

**"What? No! Colette, stop!"**

* * *

AN: Hehe, Judgment... Oh yeah, it seems it's New Year's Eve. When'd that happen? 

Anyway, my best wishes to everybody! I hope you all have had good luck this past year, and a good start on the next one tomorrow. (BTW, a good way to ensure that is to lay off the champagne tonight.) Happy New Year!


	54. A Motley Crew

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Regal is italic,_ and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**A Motley Crew**

_"Hm, we are quite an eclectic group."_

"Isn't an eclectic a type of fish?"

**"No Lloyd, eclectic is another way of saying unusual."**

"Oh..."

**_"Think about it Lloyd. In our group we've got a ninja assassin, mercenary, murderer-CEO, archeologist, two Chosens, and a lumberjack. I'd say that's pretty diverse."_**

**"Hey, you didn't mention us. We're part of the group too!"**

"Genis, he can't talk about us. We don't have jobs yet."

_"That's not entirely true, Genis is a professional student."_

**"Being a student is a job? Cool!"**

"Hey Regal, do I have a job?"

_"I suppose you could be considered a swordsman."_

**_"Nah, Lloyd's a professional lunkhead!"_**

**"Can't argue with that..."**

"Hey!"

* * *

AN: Honestly, the party in ToS must be one of the most random I have ever seen when it comes to their professions. 


	55. You Deserve It

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Regal is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**You Deserve It**

"Grr... Why do they keep calling me that?"

**"What're you talking about Lloyd?"**

"In the coliseum the announcer keeps calling me a Gentle Idealist. It's getting annoying, I wish he'd stop."

_"Lloyd, that nickname is called a title. You earn them as your reputation grows. It's considered a high honor to have one."_

"Oh, I didn't know that... Hey, do you guys have titles too?"

**"Well, yeah. I'm Honor Roll and Raine is Grand Healer."**

_"I am known as El Presidente, while Presea is Dream Traveler."_

**_"Don't forget about Sheena and Colette! My Sheena's WOW and little Colette's Ironing Board, but I still love her."_**

**"Oh, and Zelos' title is Loudmouth." (Black squiggle)**

_"A richly deserved title indeed..." (Black squiggle)_

**_"Ouch guys, can't you take a joke?"_**

* * *

AN: I was thinking about naming this skit "Untitled" but that was too lame, even for me. (And that's saying something.) 


	56. Not Bad, Merely Different

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you buy weapons from the shop in Luin after it's rebuilt. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Kratos is italic_, **_Presea is bold and italic_**, and Zelos is underlined.

* * *

**Not Bad, Merely Different**

"Man, we got ripped off! Look at this, how am I supposed to fight with a Paper Fan?"

**"It's not that bad, Lloyd. I'm sure you'll get used to them in no time. I love my new Tambourines, and just look at Presea, she likes her Pow Hammer DX already."**

**_"Yes, it makes a fun squeaking noise when it hits someone."_**

_"I'll admit they are strange weapons, but the principle is still the same. With a little practice you will be able to master the fans easily."_

"What? You too, Kratos? I thought you would agree with me, you're stuck with that weird Toy Dagger and all..."

_"It may be weird, but it's surprisingly sharp for a plastic pink dagger."_

"You're kidding... Zelos, back me up here! You don't like using a Baseball Bat, do you?"

"It's the bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, two men out... It's all up to the great Zelos! He swings and the crowd-! Oh, you say something Lloyd?"

(sigh) "Nothing, I'm gonna go practice..."

* * *

AN: I love the weird weapons you get from Luin, especially the baseball bat. Note that I put the game's descriptions of the weapons in everyone's dialog here. I always thought they'd sound great as quotes. 


	57. The Two Sisters

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Genis is normal, **Mithos is bold.**

* * *

**The Two Sisters**

"Mithos, what was your sister like?"

**"My sister? ... She was kind, caring, very brave, and renowned for her calm and easy-going nature. She was a great cook too."**

"I wish I could have met her... It sounds like she was a great person."

**"Yes... In fact, Raine reminds me of her. They're very similar."**

"Wait, are we talking about the same Raine?"

* * *

A/N: I always wondered why Mithos seemed so protective of Raine. It's not obvious but if you read the skits and look at the script, he is more amiable to her than the other party members. Except for Genis, of course. The only reasons I could think of were 1) she's a half-elf, or 2) she reminds him of Martel. Opinions? 


	58. Thanks Dad

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after Kratos rejoins the party after he releases the seal on Origin. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Thanks Dad**

**"Hey Dad, I just wanted to say... Thanks."**

"Dad? What brought this on?"

**"This."**

"Anna's locket? There's a dent in it..."

**"Yeah, when I went to save Colette in the Tower of Salvation I got shot. I would have died, but your locket stopped the arrow. You saved my life again."**

"I'm having a hard time believing that story..."

**"Why? Look at the dent. It happened, I swear!"**

"Yes, it's just so cliche..."

**"What's a cliche?"**

"... Never mind. I'm just glad you're all right."

* * *

AN: That "stopping the bullet with a memento" trick happens in everything. Everything! I admit it's a good device if used well, but... Agh! The cliche! It burns us... 

Also: If you want to find some good ToS stories, go check out Gaurdianangelzelos's profile. Amazing work there, bloody amazing, especially if Zelos is a favorite character of yours. Seriously folks, listen to me on this one. Take a couple of minutes and read 'em. It's more than worth your while.


	59. No Escape

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**No Escape**

"Genis! Stand here, quick!"

**"Whoa! What're you doing, Lloyd?"**

"I'm hiding from Raine, I don't want her to know I didn't study."

**"She'll find out, you know..."**

"No way. You're not going to tell on me, right?"

**"..."**

"Right, Genis?"

_"Come out Lloyd, you still haven't answered my question."_

"Ah! Run away-! Gah! (Choke, cough) Professor... Y-you grabbed my scarves? That's not fair!"

_"What's not fair is you skipping out on your lessons. Now what is the purpose of the Asgard ruins?"_

"Aw man..."

* * *

AN: Lloyd's scarves must be at least three feet long, I'm surprised no one ever grabbed them. They're a perfect handle! Also, thanks to Baby Kat Snophlake for letting me borrow the idea. 


	60. A New Foe

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after the cooking event in Meltokio. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold.**

* * *

**A New Foe**

"It's no use, it doesn't make any sense..."

**"Hm, something bothering you Lloyd?"**

"It's the Wonder Chef."

**"Oh. Heh, that makes sense. That weirdo's pretty surreal."**

"After the cook-off he started talking about the Dark Chef Alliance and 'chefs that have fallen to evil' and 'people suffering at the hands of the Dark Chefs.' I was just wondering, are we fighting the right enemy?"

**"What do you mean? Of course we are! We have to stop Mithos and Cruxis or both worlds will die."**

"But I'm fighting so that no one will have to suffer anymore. The Wonder Chef said the Dark Chefs were making people suffer, they have to be stopped!"

**"... Okay Lloyd, after we beat Cruxis and save the worlds we can go and defeat the Dark Chefs. What do you say?"**

"All right! Let's fight for a world without bad cooks!"

**"Uh... Lloyd... I think she heard you."**

"Who heard me-? Ah, P-Professor Sage! No, wait, Professor! That's not what I meant!"

* * *

AN: Has this ever happened to you? You're writing and have a good thing going, then you go back and make revisions. Only... You're not happy with what you've done. So you make more revisions and, by the time you're done editing, the quality of the piece has degraded significantly... I hate it when that happens.

Anyway: I love the Dark Chef, although I think he should wield a giant spoon instead of a fork. At the very least he should have a spork. In all fairness, I think he should really have a knife. It's much more menacing and he _is_ evil after all.


	61. An Easy Mistake

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Raine is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**An Easy Mistake**

"Hey, is that an Exsphere?"

**"What? Where did you see it, Lloyd?"**

"Over there."

_"I doubt an Exsphere would be left lying around."_

**"Lloyd, this is a Metal Sphere."**

_"They look extremely similar to Exspheres, but are useless for our purposes."_

"Oh... Well, it's still kinda cool, right?"

**"(sigh) "Lloyd..."**

_"Let's keep moving, we still have a task to complete."_

"You guys are no fun."

* * *

AN: I have bad luck with Metal Spheres. Heck, I have bad luck with customization in general. I'll have a load of materials for half the game and decide I'm never going to use them. Then, once I sell most them, I find that I need them to upgrade something. 

I'll have every material required except for one, which I'll never be able to find again no matter how many enemies I fight. This happens on every play thought too. Why don't I ever learn?

And thus my rant has made my AN longer than the skit they described...


	62. A Happy Town

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you visit the Katz village for the first time. Colette is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**A Happy Town**

"I think the Katz village would be a nice place to live."

**"Really? I think I'd go crazy if I were stuck there."**

"It just seems like a happy place. It's always sunny with a nice cool breeze, and everyone's always smiling. Not to mention all the bright colors and the sea. It's so pretty!"

**"Okay, it doesn't sound so bad when you say it like that. But Colette, you know there aren't any dogs in the Katz village, right?"**

"Oh yeah. Heheh, nevermind then."

* * *

AN: Really, I'd like a little summer home or condo in the Katz village. I think it'd be a nice retreat. Now if only there was some way to get rid of that annoying background music... 


	63. Keeping a Low Profile

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after the skit "Aska... Fascinating...". Aska is normal, **Sheena is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**Keeping A Low Profile**

(Sheena...)

**"Oh, hi Aska."**

_"Hey Big Bird, what's up?"_

(... Sheena, will you require my assistance any time soon? If not, I would like to keep a low profile for now.)

**"I wasn't planning on it. Why, what's wrong Aska?"**

(Raine.)

**"Oh."**

_"It's sad that that's all he needs to say..."_

* * *

AN: Personally, if I knew Raine was out there just waiting to dissect me, I'd try to keep a low profile too. 


	64. What is Expected

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: I thought of this after looking back on my work. Kratos is normal, **Sheena is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**What is Expected**

"... Raine, is there something on your mind?"

_"Hm? No, why?"_

"You've just been very quiet."

**"Yeah, we've been in this ruin for an hour now and you haven't said a word. I was starting to worry..."**

_"Oh, I see. If the professor isn't bouncing off the walls in 'ruin mode' then there must be something wrong with her."_

**"What? No! That's not what I meant, Raine. I..."**

"Raine, Sheena and I meant no offense. We were genuinely concerned."

_"... I may have overreacted, I'm sorry. It's very tiring when everyone expects you to be constantly volatile and obsessive."_

**"Well, you can't say you haven't earned the reputation."**

_"What was that?"_

**"Ah, I was just kidding!"**

"..."

* * *

AN: In many, well, most of the stories I've read, Raine is portrayed as constantly in ruin mode with no hints of her big sister/kind teacher personas at all. I've done it too. Let's all remember that there's more to Raine than her legendary short temper. 

Also, as I hate to admit... I've been running short on the funny lately. I desperately need ideas and inspiration. So c'mon, cough up some ideas already! Thanks, y'all.


	65. Zelos' Worst Fear

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold,** and _Zelos is italic._

* * *

**Zelos' Worst Fear**

**"What's up Lloyd? Something wrong?"**

"I was just thinking about Kilia."

**"Kilia? She was creepy..."**

_"Hm, who's Kilia? Somebody you knew from Sylvarant? With a pretty name like hers, I bet she was a real cutie!"_

**"Kilia was a little purple monster who was working for the Desians."**

_"Oh... Well, I've always thought purple is a very cute color..."_

**"Zelos!"**

_"Hey, hey, calm down. Sheesh, can't you take a joke? Seriously now, tell me more about this Kilia gal."_

"We fought her in Palmacosta. She was using her shape-shifting powers to impersonate Governor-General Dorr's daughter."

_"Ugh, doppelgangers... I hate doppelgangers! They're one of my worst fears..."_

**"Wow, really?"**

_"Yeah. They can take any form, right? What if one pretended to be me? He'd steal all my hunnies!"_

**"Now it makes sense..." (sweat drop)**

* * *

AN: There you go Shadow Phantazy, doppelgangers. Hehe, aren't they wolfdog?

And thanks for all the ideas guys! I wrote a ton of new skits. (I also learned I should never ever have a double-shot espresso again. I was up all night writing until I thought my hand would fall off.)


	66. Sturdy Relics

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play in the windmill chamber of the Balacruf Mausoleum.. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic,_ and _**Kratos is italic and bold.**_

* * *

**Sturdy Relics**

"Agh, I just don't get it! Why aren't these windmills working?"

**"What do you mean. Lloyd? They're working just fine!"**

"R-really?"

**_"If that is so, then why has the door not opened yet?"_**

**"But they have to be working, just look at them spin! That's what windmills are supposed to do, right?"**

"Colette... (sweatdrop, sigh) Never mind. Do you remember the order we're supposed to spin the windmills in, Professor?"

_"I believe it was white, yellow, red, green, blue."_

"No, that's not it. It's still not working! This is so annoying..."

_**"Perhaps you should stop all the windmills before you try to spin them again."**_

"... Why don't I just hit them? If you break a lock, the door opens, right?"

_"No, Lloyd! Don't you dare! If you damage those priceless artifacts-"_

"Hiyah!"

**"... Nothing happened..."**

"Not even a dent?"

_**"It seems these priceless artifacts are quite sturdy."**_

_(phew)_

* * *

AN: I'm not sure if that color combo is the right solution or not, I think it may be but it's been a long time since I played that part. There ya go Vegeta the 3rd, sorry I kept you waiting so long! 


	67. No Need for Introductions

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Random Meltokio Snob is italic_.

* * *

**No Need for Introductions**

_"Excuse me! Who are you that you think you can strut around the Noble Quarter? You look like you belong in the slums."_

"What did you say?!"

**"Hmph, listen to this snob. Acting all superior... How pathetic."**

_"Snob? How dare you! I demand to know your names!"_

"Give me your name and I'll give you mine."

_"'Give me you name...?' Oh, you must be that Lloyd Irving ruffian that everyone's talking about. (sniff) You're not worth my time." (exit)_

"H-huh? Wait, what?"

**"Looks like your catchphrase is becoming popular, Lloyd..."**

"Gah, what just happened here?"

* * *

AN: Really, he says that all the time. You'd think eventually people would connect the phrase with the speaker. (Also: I dislike FF's penchant for cutting off exclamation point and question mark combinations. Whenever I want someone to yell a question, my '?!'s usually get cut down to just one of the symbols. It's rather annoying.) 


	68. It's a Cornered Market

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Presea is normal, **Regal is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**It's a Cornered Market**

"Regal, you are cooking dinner tonight."

**"Yes, do you have a request?"**

"Yes. Please make Tenderloin."

_"Good choice, Presea. Cute and has good taste too, what a combo!"_

**"Tenderloin... Very well, but we will need to go and pick up some ingredients first."**

_"Sure, let's head into Sybak and get what we need from the cafeteria."_

**"Actually, we'll need to go to the Katz Village."**

_"What? That's like, an eight hour flight from here!"_

**"I know, but the Purple Satay I require to make Tenderloin is sold nowhere else."**

_"Ugh... Man, is it really worth that long of a trip?"_

"..."

_"Whoa! Okay, okay! Jeez, we'll go get the satay!"_

"Thank you."

_"Uh..."_

**"Presea, perhaps you should put your axe away now."**

"Oh, yes."

* * *

AN: Tenderloin, an essential part of any lumberjack's diet. (She's a lumberjack and she's okay!) Thanks to Kusabi Makabe for the idea! 


	69. Ask the Experts

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: Lloyd is normal, _Kratos is italic_, and **Regal is bold**.

* * *

**Ask the Experts**

"Hey, what would happen if a person had more than one Exsphere attached to them?"

_"Hm, that's an interesting question. Why do you ask?"_

"I was thinking that if we ended up with another Exsphere, I'd equip it too. If one Exsphere boosts your skills, then two would make you even more powerful, right? I just wanted to ask the Exsphere experts and make sure it wouldn't turn me into an Exbelua or anything..."

**"I assume this extra Exsphere would be equipped with a Key Crest, correct?"**

"Yeah, it'd be just like the one I have now."

**"I see..."**

_"Let me think..."_

**"... At the risk of becoming an Exbelua, I'd say..."**

"Yeah?"

**"Don't do it."**

"What? Why not?!"

_"Lloyd, if you equip more than one Exsphere, your head will explode."_

"... You don't know what would happen, do you?"

**"... No."**

"..." (Angry squiggle)

_"Just... Don't do anything reckless, Lloyd."_

* * *

AN: Hehe. All right everyone, close your eyes and envision Kratos saying that "your head will explode" line with his trademark serious, straight face. I was snickering randomly as I wrote this and earned odd looks from everyone around. Thanks to cloud-sephiroth, for inadvertently inspiring this.

* * *


	70. Yuan's Secret

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play if you go to the Triet Desert after Yuan appears and heals Kratos at Origin's Seal. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Yuan is italic_.

* * *

**Yuan's Secret**

"Yuan! We've got something to ask you."

_"Is that so? Well, what are you waiting for?"_

"Why do you always show up just in time?"

**"You and the Renegades appear out of nowhere whenever we're in danger. At the top of Mount Fooji, at the Tower of Salvation, before Origin's Seal..."**

_"Hmph, are you insinuating that I've been stalking you and your friends?"_

"That's right."

**"It's pretty obvious you've been following us."**

_"... I suppose there's no point in denying it, now that I've been found out."_

"Huh? I didn't think you'd actually admit it..."

**"That's so creepy!"**

_(Sigh) "Don't either of you understand the concept of sarcasm?"_

* * *

AN: Yuan was not stalking the party, he was merely predicting where they'd be and when they'd need help. He has plenty of his own work that requires his attention. Betrayals to plot, plots to ponder, people to assassinate. He's a very busy man. 


	71. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Attack of the Killer Tomatoes**

_"Genis, what are you planning to make for dinner tonight?"_

**"I don't know. How about spaghetti?"**

_"... Could you perhaps make something that doesn't have tomato in it?"_

**"Oh yeah, I forgot you don't like tomatoes..."**

"That's right! You know, you've never told us why either..."

**"Are you allergic to them or something?"**

_"No, it's nothing like that. Let's just say I had some... Unpleasant experiences with them in my youth."_

**"Uh... Okay?"**

"Psst, Genis! Watch this..."

**"Lloyd, you're not going to throw that tomato at Kratos, are you-?"**

"Kratos! Think fast!"

_"Hm-? Hiyah!"_

"W-whoa... Kratos..."

**"Wow! That was amazing Kratos!"**

"You sliced that tomato clean in half... You didn't even have to think about it!"

_"It was merely a reflex. It attacked me."_

**"You're used to fending off attacks from flying vegetables?"**

_"Indeed. I had a very unusual childhood."_

* * *

AN: Very unusual indeed... 


	72. Pirates vs Ninjas 1

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after he gets his pirate costume. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**.

* * *

**Pirates Vs. Ninjas**

"Hey Sheena, what're you doing?"

**"What am I doing? What're you doing? You're dressed like a filthy pirate!"**

"Huh? Oh yeah, Alfreid gave me these. Aren't they something?"

**"Oh, they're something all right. I can't believe you!"**

"W-what? What did I do wrong?"

**"You befriended a pirate! What were you thinking?"**

"I don't get it, Sheena. Why are you so upset about pirates?"

**"You're not serious... You really don't know about the ancient feud? (sigh) Lloyd, you idiot... (exit)"**

"Hey Sheena, come back! Agh, what the heck was she talking about?"

* * *

AN: Yes, I love pirates. I also love ninjas. Thus, I can't decide which is better. Thanks for the idea Unmortem! 


	73. Pirates vs Ninjas 2

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Heh, you thought it was over? No no no, the best is yet to come. Lloyd is normal,_ Regal is italic_, and **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**Pirates vs. Ninjas 2**

"Hey Regal, could you give me some advice? I need to know why Sheena's so mad at me."

_"I would assume the issue is your pirate garb."_

"I don't get it, what's the big deal with pirates? I think they're pretty cool..."

**"Okay Lloyd, this is how it goes: A long time ago something happened between a pirate and a ninja. Most people agree that a crowd started betting on which one would win a fight."**

_"It's said that the pressure from the crowd led to a duel between the pirate and the ninja. The outcome of the battle is unknown, but the incident sparked a fierce rivalry between the factions of pirates, ninjas, and their supporters in Tethe'alla."_

**"By wearing that pirate costume you're telling Sheena that you side with the pirates and against her."**

"But I don't! I just think it looks cool."

**"That's not how she sees it."**

_"To her that outfit is a challenge. You're fortunate she didn't attack you on sight. Although if it did come to a fight, we all know who would prevail."_

**"Yeah. No offense Lloyd, but Sheena'd kick your can."**

_"I doubt that. Lloyd would win, he's defeated her twice before."_

"Uh, guys, that's really not-"

**"Nah, Sheena all the way. Not only does she have summons and superior martial arts training, she's a ninja. We all know ninjas are awesome, and by awesome I mean totally sweet."**

_"Hardly, pirates are the superior fighters. They have the advantages of numbers, firearms, and determination. A pirate will fight harder for their goal than any ninja."_

"Hey! Regal! Zelos!"

**"What's that supposed to mean, Regal? Are you insinuating that the great Zelos Wilder chose the wrong side? That just doesn't happen, I side with the strongest."**

_"Hmph. That's exactly the logic I'd expect from a ninja supporter."_

"Ugh, what have I started?"

* * *

AN: The rivalry is fierce! As for me, I love pirates and ninjas equally and actually writing an end to this mini-arc means that I have to pick a side to win. Who would I have come out on top? This is more than a question of Lloyd or Sheena; this is a matter of worldwide importance! I don't think I'm qualified to decide. Some questions are best left unanswered... 


	74. Pirates vs Ninjas 3

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Heheheh... Inspiration has struck, in the form of Kusabi Makabe. Thanks for the idea, mon ami. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Kratos is italic,_ and _**Presea is bold and italic**_.

* * *

**Pirates vs. Ninjas 3**

"Whoo, am I glad I got away from them..."

**"Got away from who, Lloyd?"**

"Zelos and Regal. I never knew they were so into pirates and ninjas."

_"Hmph, pirates and ninjas. I would have thought those two were above such childish bickering."_

**"I know. The whole argument over which is better is totally pointless."**

**_"Both pirates and ninjas are equals in battle when in their respective environments."_**

"You agree with me then? Thank you!"

**"Yeah. The thing I hate most about that silly argument is how it excludes groups who are actually worth fighting over."**

_"I agree. A true angel could defeat any pirate or ninja regardless of battle conditions."_

"Wait, you're not going to-?"

**" Uh, I was talking about mages, Kratos. Warlocks are the greatest warriors of all, we control the power of the elements."**

_"As do angels."_

"You are..."

**_"You are both mistaken. The lumberjack's axe is derived from our Viking heritage. We are the descendents of the fiercest warriors to ever live."_**

"Agh! There's no escape!"

* * *

AN: What's better is that I... Have an idea... 


	75. Pirates vs Ninjas 4

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, **_Zelos is bold and italic_**, Kratos is underlined, and _Regal is underlined and italic_. (Wow, six people... Have I gone mad?)

* * *

**Pirates vs. Ninjas 4**

"Owww... My head..."

_"Whoa! What happened to you guys? You're all bruised up."_

**"Everyone got really worked up over the pirate-ninja controversy, so we decided to find an answer ourselves."**

_"And you didn't invite me? (sigh) Fine... Uh, how did you decide?"_

**_"We held a battle royale. Ouch! Man, I'm going to be feeling this for weeks..."_**

"It was not one of our finest moments."

_"Yes, a terrible lapse in judgment."_

_"Well, what happened?"_

"We fought until someone won."

**"It was really intense! There were blades and spells and feet flying everywhere!"**

_"Wow, I wish I could have seen it! So, who won?"_

_"Raine did."_

_"Raine? What side was she fighting on?"_

"She was on her side. Her, against all of us."

**"She saw us gearing up to fight and, uh... stopped us..."**

_"So all those injuries are actually from her?"_

"... Yes."

_"Well, at least now we know who's the best."_

**_"Angry, half-elven schoolteachers."_**

* * *

AN: Ah, here we are, the big number seventy-six. We've officially entered the last quarter of my one hundred chapter challenge! I can't I've been able to write so many Z-skits. Anyway, I think the end of the Pirates vs. Ninjas conundrum was a good way to celebrate. 


	76. Our Livelihood

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Sorry guys, I had to break from the pirate-ninja feud. I couldn't bring myself to choose. I may be inspired to pick it up again later though, so don't lose hope! Now: Genis is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**Our Livelihood**

"You know... We're all thieves."

_"That's a bit harsh, don't you think?"_

**"Nah, in a way it's true. For this entire journey we've just been taking stuff we find laying around."**

"And living on the gald we take from monsters and people on the road."

_"All right, all right. So we don't have a sterling reputation... But we have a good reason for what we do, right? Besides, what does a monster need gald for anyway?"_

**"Good question. Why do the even carry gald?"**

"And where do they keep it? I've never seen an Egg Bear with pockets ya know..."

_"... That... Gives some pretty disturbing images, man..."_

**"Yeah..."**

"Let's forget this conversation ever happened..." (Sweat drop)

_"Agreed."_

**"Agreed."**

* * *

AN: That's always been a major question of mine. What does a random monster like a carnivorous plant need with human money? 


	77. The Window of Opportunity

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play if you put off the final fight with Mithos and walked around the world for a while. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**The Window of Opportunity**

**"Lloyd... Traveling is fun and all, but don't you think we should go fight Mithos now?"**

_"Genis is right, Lloyd. We should return to the Tower of Salvation as soon as possible."_

"Why? There's really no need to hurry."

**"What're you talking about, Lloyd!"**

_"Have you forgotten that Derris Kharlan is drifting away from us? If we wait too long, it will be beyond our reach."_

"I know. Seriously, there's no need to worry. We can take as much time as we want, Mithos and Derris Kharlan won't leave without us."

_"How can you be so sure?"_

"The bad guy always waits for the heroes so they can have a big, final battle! You've just got to trust me on this one."

**"..."**

_"... Let us return to the Tower of Salvation immediately."_

**"Yeah."**

* * *

AN: Ever wonder about that? Derris Kharlan is supposedly floating off into space and taking the worlds' only chance for survival with it, yet you're able to while away hours running around and doing sidequests for as long as you want. How odd. Maybe this is related to the same temporal anomaly that creates the quick jump effect... 


	78. Down Time

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Oy... I'm not sure what I was thinking, but I was asked for a skit with the summons, so I wrote one. This is proof of why you never want to be stuck with Gnome for an extended period of time. Gnome is normal, _Shadow is italic_, **Luna is bold**, and **_Celsius is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Down Time**

"Hey Celsius, will you make me a sno-?"

_**"No. I wouldn't the last time you asked and I still won't now."**_

"Aw, why not? Nothing's stoppin' ya."

_**"Now's not the time."**_

**"Celsius is right, Gnome. Sheena may call for us at any time. We must be ready to help her."**

"But I'm starving! Wasting away!"

_"... Hardly..."_

_**"You won't be of any use in a fight if you're stuffing your face. Now be quiet."**_

"Oh, come on Cels! Make me one. Please please please please please please please-"

_"... Celsius... Quiet him..."_

"Please please please please-"

_**"Fine! Here Gnome, have your stupid snocone."**_

"All right! Thanks Celsi."

* * *

AN: You know that's what Gnome would ask for. A snocone, most likely blue flavor. They call it blue 'raspberry', but there's nothing natural in there. There's just blue. You know what I'm talking about, right? 


	79. Parental Responsibility

Disclaimer: Still not mine after all these chapters... 

AN: This would play after you discover Kratos is Lloyd's father. Lloyd is normal, **Kratos is bold.**

* * *

**Parental Responsibility**

**"Lloyd, may I have a word with you?"**

"Uh, sure. Go ahead."

**"Hm, how to say this...? Lloyd, it's my responsibility as your father to make sure..."**

"Kratos, what's wrong? You look really uncomfortable."

**"... Lloyd!"**

"Gah! Yeah?"

**"I think it's time we had a talk about the Birds and the Bees."**

"The... birds and the bees...?"

**"Yes."**

"Oh, I already know all about that."

**"W-what? You do?!"**

"Yeah, I've known about birds and bees since I was little. Birds are animals that have feathers and fly. Bees are bugs with stingers that make honey. Really Kratos, everyone knows that. How dumb do you think I am?"

**"..."**

* * *

AN: Sadly, I overheard a conversation like that once... Thanks to ye, Alyson for the idea! 

Also: We have another skit fic that's just been created, Crossroads Theater, by Hikaru Irving. It's in the Misc. RPGs section. Check it out!


	80. Inconvenient Silence

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after Colette loses her voice. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Genis is italic_.

* * *

**Inconvenient Silence**

**"..."**

"What's up Colette? Is there something you want before we leave town?"

**"..." (nod)**

"Okay."

**"..."**

"L-L-O-Y-D, I H-A-V-E T-O G-O T-O T-H-E B-A-T-H-R-O-O-M. Oh, uh... (Blush) Okay, I'll just, uh... Go tell Professor Raine to wait up..." (exit)

**"..."**

_"P-L-E-A-S-E T-E-L-L L-L-O-Y-D I'-M S-O-R-R-Y, T-H-A-T W-A-S R-E-A-L-L-Y A-W-K-W-A-R-D. Yeah, I'll say..."_

* * *

AN: The loss of your voice is really, really inconvenient. As Shadow Phantazy told me: C-A-N Y-O-U M-O-V-E? Y-O-U-'R-E S-T-A-N-D-I-N-G O-N M-Y F-O-O-T. 


	81. Like Little Kids

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play in the Martel Temple as you're solving the block puzzle to get the Sorcerer's Ring. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Like Little Kids**

"Hey, I just thought of something we could do with those blocks the golems turn into."

**"Lloyd, are you suggesting that we...?"**

"Yeah. Wanna try?"

**"Of course! Let's build a fort!"**

* * *

AN: You know you'd do it too. A golem fort is irresistable! Even better than couch cushions! 


	82. No Use Reasoning With Him

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you've seen skit 023 "Fight with Your Feet" and skit 087 "Ancestral Obsidian Jewel". Lloyd is normal, **Regal is bold.**

* * *

**No Use Reasoning With Him**

"Hiyah! Hiyah! Hiy- AGH! Ow ow ow..."

**"Lloyd... Why were you kicking that tree?"**

"W-what are you talking about? I, ow, didn't kick anything."

**"Lloyd, I just saw you doing it. Your form was nearly perfect too, until your last strike. Your foot's not broken, is it?"**

"No, I'm fine, it's just hurts."

**"I've told you before, if you want to learn to fight with your feet-"**

"I said no! I love my swords, I'll never give them up!"

**"Swinging a sword and kicking someone are not mutually exclusive. You could do both if you so wished."**

"... Really?"

**"Yes."**

"... ... No way!" (exit)

**(sigh) "I give up..."**

* * *

AN: Lloyd can be so stubborn some times... There ya go GoldenTalesGeek, your fight with your feet skit idea has become a reality. 


	83. Sparkling Wings

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you open the first seal in the Triet Ruins. Genis is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Raine is italic._

* * *

**Sparkling Wings**

"Hey Colette, can I see your wings again? Please?"

**"Sure! Heh, they're pretty cool, aren't they?"**

"You bet! They look like they're made of pure mana!"

**"They probably are. Look, you can put your hand right through them."**

"You're so lucky Colette, becoming an angel will be awesome."

**"Yeah!"**

_"All right Genis, that's enough. Colette needs to rest and so do you."_

"Aw, okay Raine."

**"Okay Professor."**

_"Oh, Colette, before you go..."_

**"Yes, Professor?"**

_"Could I... Maybe take a look at your wings?"_

**"Of course, how's this?"**

_"Oh, look at them sparkle, they really are made of mana! Marvelous!" (Hearts)_

* * *

AN: I... Would kill for wings like that. Not pink like Colette's... But still, wouldn't it be awesome? You all know what to get me for my birthday now. 


	84. Chosen's Privilege

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play if Zelos' personal ExSkill is on. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**Chosen's Privilege**

_"Farewell, my sweet hunny! Ciao!" (hearts)_

**"Zelos!"**

_"What's wrong, squirt? Intimidated by my overpowering manly sexitude?"_

**"No, I'm mad! You're slowing us down!"**

"Yeah, Zelos, can you give it a rest? We've got stuff to do."

_"Hey, hey! Have you forgotten how much loot my flirting has got us? All the gels and gald..."_

"... Why do those girls give you all that stuff anyway?"

_"It's because of my natural charm, of course!"_

**"..."**

_"... And my 'Chosen's Privilege' too."_

"Chosen's privilege?"

_"Mm-hm. My status lets me commandeer private property. I ask, the ladies give."_

**"Does that work for everyone?"**

_"No, just the hunnies. I tried asking Regal for his handcuffs, but he refused."_

**"Huh? What would you want with Regal's-"**

"Let's just leave this one alone, Genis."

* * *

AN: Personally, I'd give Zelos some cash if he asked, but that's just who I am... 

Also, there's a new skit fic! It's _Phantasia Tales Skit Theater 4,000_ by Drew L. There are already several chapters up, so go take a look.


	85. Housebroken?

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after your first time fighting a Lobo. (The gigantic, horrible wolf monsters in the Ice Temple.) Colette is normal, _Raine is italic_, **Genis is bold**, and **_Lloyd is bold and italic_**. The Lobo is (in parenthesis).

* * *

**Housebroken?**

"Everyone, look at this dog!"

**"Huh, dog? What are you talking about Colette? Whoa!"**

_"There shouldn't be any dogs living in a temple- Oh my."_

_**"Get away from that Colette! It's not a dog, it's a Lobo!"**_

"But he's so cute, and it doesn't look like he has an owner..."

(Bark! Bark!)

**_"Come on Colette, move it! That thing could kill you!"_**

_"However it hasn't attacked yet, interesting..."_

**"Raine, do something!"**

"Aw, look at you. I think I'll call you Poochie!"

(Howl!)

**_"You've got to be kidding me..."_**

**"She's petting it? I don't believe it!"**

"Professor Raine, he's so sweet. Can I keep him?"

(Grrrr...)

_"... No, Colette. It's probably for the best that he stays here. Besides, I doubt he's housebroken."_

* * *

AN: A Lobo, now that would be wolfdog! (Cower in anticipation of Shadow Phantazy whacking me with a rolled up newspaper.) 


	86. Professor Zelos, No More

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you see skit 067 "Top of the Class". Zelos is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Genis is italic_, and **_Lloyd is bold and italic._**

* * *

**Professor Zelos, No More**

_"Hey Zelos-"_

"Uh-uh-uh! What do you call me?"

_"Grrr... Professor Zelos..."_

"Ah, Genis! What can I do for you?"

_"You're supposed to be teaching us! What's today's lesson?"_

"Huh? Oh yeah, a lesson. let's see..."

**"Professor Zelos!"**

"Yes, my little angel?"

**"Have you checked our homework yet?"**

**_"We haven't gotten our last test back either. Have you been doing any grading at all?"_**

"What are you talking about? I'm the teacher. I stand in front of the class and talk, then you go off and do your own thing. That's it, right?"

**_"Are you crazy?"_**

**"That's not how it is at all!"**

_"Yeah! Raine spends hours planning lessons and grading assignments. She hardly has any time to herself!"_

"You're kidding me! Man, I don't have that kind of time. My hunnies would kill me for leaving them alone for that long... All right, your lesson for today: just because you're good at something, doesn't mean you can teach it. I'm going to let Raine take her class back. Ciao." (exit)

_"... Wow Lloyd, I can't believe your plan to get rid of Zelos actually worked!"_

**"You're amazing!"**

**_"Heh, it was pretty cool, wasn't it?"_**

_"No more Professor Zelos. This is a dream come true!"_

* * *

AN: I always wondered just how long Genis could stand calling Zelos "Professor" before he went crazy. Not long, I suppose. And it's true, teachers work their bums off. From what I've seen (and I do have good sources on this matter) they do even more work than their students.

A quick question: Is anyone else having issues in uploading documents to their accounts? For some reason FF is refusing to cooperate with me and I can't bring in any of the new material I wrote. This has been going on for a couple days now, and it might mean trouble for you guys if I can't get it fixed. I only have four skits left in stock... If I run out, you'll all have to go without until the situation resolves itself.


	87. Really Spacious

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play in Meltokio after you get the Wing Pack, if Kratos is in your party. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Kratos is italic_, and **_Noishe is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Really Spacious**

**"Hey, that girl has a dog in her purse!"**

"What? Where? I want to see!"

_"Don't bother. Carrying your pet in your purse has become a new fad in the city, I'm sure another 'fashionable' lady will walk by for you to see."_

**"Gee Kratos, you sound really down on this fad..."**

_"I just don't see the sense in keeping an animal where it can soil your money and belongings."_

"Well I like it. This means I'm being stylish for once."

**"Huh? You're carrying Noishe?"**

_"I'm more surprised about the purse part."_

"It's not quite a purse..."

**"Is that the Wing Pack?"**

"Yeah! It's really spacious and Noishe fits in there with room to spare."

_**(Bark! Bark! Bark!)**_

_(Sigh) "Don't encourage him, Noishe..."_

* * *

AN: Haven't you ever wondered where Noishe just randomly appears from? Or how he moves from Sylvarant to Tethe'alla and rides on the Rheiards? The answer: He must ride in the fourth-dimensional recesses of the Wing Pack. (It's really spacious.) 

Thanks to everybody who gave me advice with my uploading issues! However, I haven't tried the exporting method yet because I've found it started working again. Figures, every time I complain about something it fixes itself instantly and makes me look like a fool. Every time! I hope everyone else who was having problems is now back to normal too... This early update is a thank-you to y'all. Force be with!


	88. The Creature of Torent Forest

Disclaimer: Not Mine. 

AN: This would, of course, play in Torent Forest when you're on your way to find Kratos and you spook that... Uh... Furry thing that lives in the stumps. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic,_ and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**The Creature of the Torent Forest**

"Whoa, look at that thing!"

**"I've never seen an animal like that before. I wonder what it is."**

_"It seems as if you spooked it when you hit that stump with the Sorcerer's Ring."_

_**"I know I'd run if some big, loud human came running through the woods and blasted my home with a fireball."**_

"Hey, stop making me sound like the bad guy! I didn't know he was there."

**"Lloyd, look... I think it wants us to follow it."**

"I don't know Colette, I think he's just running from us."

**"Yeah! He's running and trying to lead us to something, I just know it! You think so too, don't you Professor?"**

_"I'm sorry Colette, but I have to agree with Lloyd."_

**_"What would it have to tell us anyway? That little Kratos fell down the well? I say we just head for the heart of the forest."_**

_"Do you know which way that is?"_

**_".. Not really, no."_**

**"Let's follow the little animal. He lives here, so he should know the way!"**

(sigh) "Fine, let's go..."

* * *

AN: I've always thought that that animal guides in games reek of Lassie. Thanks to FlamingWings for the idea! 


	89. Important Decisions

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Colette is italic_.

* * *

**Important Decisions**

**"Hey Lloyd, when you grow up are you going to teach your kids the Dwarven Vows?"**

"I've never thought about it before... Maybe."

_"That'll be so cool! All your kids will be able to say any vow on command, just like you."_

"Hold on, I haven't even decided what I'm going to do yet!"

**"It wouldn't be that hard. You still remember them all, right?"**

"Of course I do! The thing is, if I had kids they wouldn't be dwarves."

_"What do you mean Lloyd?"_

**"Lloyd's not a dwarf Colette, he's human. He was just raised by Dirk. You know that!"**

"Yeah, and since I'm not going to marry a dwarf, my kids will be human too."

**"Wait, you're not going to marry a dwarf?"**

"Of course not! I like dwarves, they're good people, but that doesn't mean I'll marry one! Besides, I don't even know if there are girl dwarves."

**"You never know, there may be. What if you meet a really cute dwarfette?"**

"I said no!"

_"Dirk will be so disappointed..."_

* * *

AN: Are there even female dwarves in ToS? Or any of the Tales games? 


	90. How Does He Do That?

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you get Regal's formal costume. Regal is normal,** Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**How Does He Do That?**

**"Regal... How do you put your clothes on?"**

"E-excuse me?"

**"How do you get dressed without taking off your handcuffs?"**

"Hm, that's... An odd question. Well, if you look closely you'll see that the sleeves of my shirt lace up. All I have to do it step into the torso section and tie up the sleeves."

**"Oh, that makes sense... But what about your formal clothing? Those don't have laces anywhere."**

"For those I... Uh..."

**"Regal?"**

"Excuse me Lloyd, but I think I smell our dinner burning." (Exit)

**"Huh?" (sniff sniff) "I don't smell anything... Hey! Regal!" (Exit)**

* * *

AN: If you look, Regal's normal clothing is all made so it's possible to dress without ever taking off those cuffs. It's true. Thanks to GaurdianAngelZelos (I think...) for the idea! 

On another note: Ten.


	91. Katz? He's a Kitty Katz

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after Genis gets his Katz Katz Katz title. Genis is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, _Noishe is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic._**

* * *

**Katz? He's a Kitty-Katz**

"Meow meow meow."

**"Uh, hey Genis. ... What're you doing?"**

_(Whine)_

"Ah! Oh, h-hi Lloyd. I was, uh..."

**"Why do you have your Katz suit on?"**

"I was playing around. I know it looks silly, but it's really comfortable. It's kinda fun to pretend to be a Katz too, but... Please, don't tell anyone, Lloyd!"

**"Okay."**

"No one! Understand? Zelos'd never let me live it down!"

**"Okay! Don't worry Genis, your secret's safe with us! Right, Noishe?"**

_(Grr...)_

**"Huh?"**

"What's wrong with Noishe?"

**"I don't know..."**

_(Grr... Bark! Bark!)_

"Hey, Noishe, stop it!"

**"I think he thinks you're a Katz, Genis! Get out of here!"**

_(BARK! BARK! BARK!)_

"Ah! Mad dog!" (exit)

_(Grr... BARKBARKBARK!) (exit)_

**"Uh-oh... Genis is running straight for camp..."**

**_(Enter) "Hahahaha! Hey Lloyd! Did you see what Genis is wearing? That's hilarious! I'm never gonna let him live this down."_**

**"Oh boy..." (Sweat drop)**

* * *

AN: Noishe doesn't like monsters, but he absolutely HATES Katz. 

And calm down FlamingWings! Don't worry, I'm not going to stop at one hundred. It's nice to know I have such devoted (or addicted, whatever you want to call it) fans. (Music note) That said: Nine.


	92. More Thoughts on Angels

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you meet Mithos as a half-elf, if you've seen skit 162 "Lloyd's Thoughts on Angels". Lloyd is normal, **Mithos is bold.**

* * *

**More Thoughts on Angels**

**"So... Colette's an angel?"**

"Not really. She's the Chosen, but she never became an angel. That transformation is, uh..."

**"Hm? What were you going to say, Lloyd?"**

"Nothing. Hey Mithos, have you ever seen a real angel before?"

**"... Yes, I saw one once."**

"Cool! Then you'll understand. Okay, Colette's wings go right through her clothes, but real angels have solid wings, right?"

**"Yes, I guess they do."**

"Have you ever thought about how inconvenient that must be? They'd have to make special clothes and furniture to make room for the wings, not to mention that they'd have to move weird..."

**"No, I never considered that. Wings have... Never bothered me before..."**

"Bothered you? ... Oh, I get it. You mean you've never thought about it as hard as I have."

**"Y-yeah, that's it. You're very observant Lloyd."**

* * *

AN: The same goes for Hawkgirl from the Justice League. I'd hate to try shopping off the rack if I were her, the only things that'd fit would be halter tops... 

T-minus: Eight!


	93. Noishe's Final Form

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you learn that Noishe is a Protozoan. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**Noishe's Final Form**

"Someday, Noishe is going to be a human... How cool is that? I wonder how long it'll take before he changes.

_"Well I wonder what he'll look like."_

**"Me too. I bet Noishe would be really athletic as a human. You know he's got to be strong, the way he carries Lloyd around everywhere."**

_"Okay, so well-built..."_

"Hold on, are you drawing him?"

_"Yeah, keep talking. What about clothes and hair?"_

**"Hm, armor and long hair. Make him look wild and fierce."**

"But he's going to be a heroic human who fights evil, he can't look too wild. He needs something like a cape to show he's a good guy."

**"No capes Lloyd, they're dangerous!"**

_"Actually, I like the cape idea."_

"Give him big, pointy ears too. I don't think those will ever go away."

_"Okay, I got it. This is just a rough sketch, but how does it look?"_

**"Wow, that's pretty good! I didn't know you could draw like that, Zelos.**

_"Well, I took some art classes at the Imperial Academy..."_

**"Hey, wait a minute..."**

"You noticed it too, Sheena?"

_"What's wrong?"_

"Zelos, the way you drew him... Noishe as a human looks just like Yuan."

* * *

AN: Really, I think that's what Noishe'd look like. Thanks for the idea, Poet of Life! 

Seven!


	94. To Avoid Embarrassment

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**To Avoid Embarrassment**

_"Lloyd, I've been meaning to ask you, why do you wear suspenders?"_

"That's a silly question, Kratos. I wear them because they hold my pants up."

**"Yeah, but you've got two belts to do that. Why do you need suspenders too?"**

_"Exactly. It seems like overkill if they're there merely to secure your pants."_

"Uh, well... To tell the truth it's because I'm a swordsman."

**"... I don't get it."**

"It's a sort of safety net. In fights, suspenders and belts get cut all the time and the victim's pants fall down. I figure if I wear a lot of belts, then there's no way they can all be cut and I won't be embarrassed. It makes a lot of sense, doesn't it?"

**"Not really..."**

_"Ugh, Lloyd..."_

"It made sense to me... ... Wait... If my reason doesn't make sense, then why does Kratos wear two belts too? There has to be something to it if we both do it!"

**"Huh, good question. Why do you wear two belts, Kratos?"**

_"Why do I-? Hm, I've never thought about that before. I..." (Sigh) "I suppose I wear them for the same reason Lloyd does..."_

* * *

AN: Almost every movie with a swashbuckling swordfight has some instance of trousers falling due to severed suspenders or belts. It's a staple of the sight gag industry. 

I'd say six, but I have a feeling you all may be getting tired of the countdown.


	95. Regal The Trickster

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you see skit 119 "Chef Regal". Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Regal is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Regal the Trickster**

"Mmm, this is delicious Regal! Heh, let me guess, you cooked this with your feet, right?"

_"This time, yes, I did."_

"Hahaha! You know, that's really funny now that I know it's a joke."

_"It's no joke Lloyd."_

"W-what?"

**_"He really did cook this with his feet. We watched him do it."_**

**"Yeah, it was amazing!"**

"You're kidding..."

**"No Lloyd, we're telling the truth!"**

_"I did indeed cook this dish with my feet. After you mentioned it, I found myself wondering if I was capable of such a thing."_

"You mean this food is... It's... Seriously?! Aaaaaaagh!" (Exit)

_"... Heh. Zelos, Genis, thank you for going along with my joke."_

**"Hahaha! No problem, it was hilarious!"**

**_"Yeah, and it means more for us."_**

_"..."_

**"... Regal, it... Was a joke, right? You didn't really cook this with your feet, did you?"**

_"Heh. Of course not. I used my hands."_

**_"... That's a creepy smile you have there Regal."_**

**"Y-yeah..."**

_"Heh heh heh."_

* * *

AN: You know Regal could be capable of some major creepy, if he just tried.

Five!


	96. Kratos Admonished

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you finish a battle with Kratos severely wounded. Lloyd is normal, **Raine is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Kratos Admonished**

_"Hmph, never stood a chance."_

"What are you talking about? That monster almost killed you!"

_"Nonsense, it's only a flesh wound."_

"Are you kidding me? Look at you, you're a mess!"

**"Kratos, you need to focus!"**

"Overconfidence breeds carelessness."

_"... I-I'm sorry...?_

* * *

AN: Kratos has said that to Lloyd so many times, you know Lloyd must have wanted to say it back at least once. (Four!) 


	97. Athletic Noishe

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play if you equip Colette with a Flying Disk. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Noishe is italic_.

* * *

**Athletic Noishe**

**"Lloyd, why are there all these bite marks on my Flying Disks?"**

"Oh, Noishe and I were playing fetch with them. They're great for that. He's really good at it too, aren't you Noishe?"

_(Bark! Bark!)_

"He can even jump and catch them in midair!"

**"But Lloyd, these were brand new! Now they're all chewed up and..."**

"Whoa, don't cry Colette! We didn't mean it..."

_(Whine...)_

"Uh, how about we get you another pair of chakrams? Something even stronger, like a Slicer Ring!"

**"O-okay, thanks Lloyd."**

"Hey, it's the least we could do after wrecking your last pair, right?"

**"Lloyd..."**

"Yeah?"

**"Can... Can Noishe really grab a Flying Disk in midair?"**

"Yeah, it's really cool! Wanna see?"

**"Yeah, let's do it!"**

_(Howl!)_

* * *

AN: I've come to the realization that Noishe rocks, and I'd love to play fetch with him. That is all. (Three!) 


	98. Raine's Post Battle Habit

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play directly after a battle. Lloyd is normal, **Raine is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Raine's Post-Battle Habit**

**"Lloyd, you need to remember that enemy's weakness."**

"Huh? What're you talking about, Professor? I did!"

**"R-really?"**

"Yeah! I figured out its element and used a weapon of the opposite element, just like you told me to."

_"It's true. Lloyd's strategy was impressive."_

**"Oh... I'm sorry Lloyd, I suppose I'm so used to scolding you after battles that it's become a reflex."**

"... I don't know if that's an apology or an insult."

* * *

AN: The term is a 'backhanded compliment' Lloyd, although in this instance I suppose it would be a backhanded apology... (Two!) 


	99. Where You Sent Him

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play if Kratos is in your party when you go to Niflheim. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Where You Sent Him**

"Where is he? Where is he? He's gotta be here!"

**"Lloyd! Stop running around, you're wasting our soulfire!"**

_"Just who are you looking for, Lloyd? This is the underworld, we're the only living beings down here."_

"Yeah, I know. But if we're in hell right now, then where's Kvar's ghost? He should be here!"

_"Kvar's ghost...?"_

**"That's silly, Lloyd. We're not going to see any ghosts down here. Right, Kratos?"**

_"... Yes, of course. It's silly to think we'll meet a spirit here."_

**"See Lloyd? Now come on, we don't want to run out of soulfire. You coming Kratos?"**

_"I'll be along in a moment."_

**"All right, let's go Lloyd!" (Exit)**

(Sigh) "Okay. I really wanted to see him though..." (Exit)

_"... ... Kvar... Where is he?"_

* * *

AN: I always hoped that a special, super-rare monster in Niflheim would be a Zombie Kvar. It would be amazing. (Only one more!) 


	100. Writer's Cramp

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Whooo... Here we are, the big chapter one hundred. A long time ago, you guys said you wanted to see more of silent Colette so I wrote this. I never thought it would end up as number one hundred, but now that I think about it, it's title rather fitting... Think about what my hands must be like after writing all these skits! (Kidding, of course.) This would play after Colette loses her voice. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Genis is italic_.

* * *

**Writer's Cramp**

**"..."**

"Huh, what's up Colette? 'C-A-N U G-E-T M-E S-O-M-E H-2-O?' ... Hey Genis, what's H two O?"

_"She means water, Lloyd. Colette wants a glass of water. Right, Colette?"_

**(Nod) "..."**

"Oh, then why didn't you just say so?"

**"..."**

"'S-R-Y, M-Y H-A-N-D I-S T-I-R-E-D.'"

_"Wow, I never thought of that possibility. It'd sure stink if you weren't able to talk and you couldn't write either..."_

**"..."**

"'Y-A, R-L-Y. L-O-L.' Lol? What's that mean? You have any idea Genis?"

_"Nope, I'm stumped."_

**"..."**

"'N-V-M.' ... What does nvm mean?"

**(Shake head) "..."**

_"Maybe you should just go get her some water, Lloyd."_

"Oh, right! I'll be right back." (Exit)

**"..."**

_"'T-H-N-X, G-E-N-I-S.' Heh. No problem, Colette."_

* * *

AN: I swore I'd never use "lol" in my writing, but this was too good to pass up. 

Thanks for sticking with me for so long everyone! I promise you all, this isn't the end of Z-Skit Theater. As I've told many of you already, I'm having too much fun to quit. Plus I've got a load of chapters in stock and ready to update that I wouldn't want go to waste.

But I've been thinking... Since I finished my first goal of getting up to chapter one hundred, I should have another, even grander goal to strive for now. There is one that I've been toying with for a while, and if I decide I can do it by next chapter I'll reveal it to the public! Or all of you who are reading... Whatever comes first.

Until then: thanks again and may the force be with you!


	101. Dress for the Weather

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play in Flanoir after you get the "Pickup Artist" title for Zelos (it's his bathing suit). Zelos is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Presea is italic_.

* * *

**Dress For The Weather**

"Hahaha, I love this bathing suit! It calls to the hunnies, draws them in like a magnet."

_"..."_

**"..."**

"Ah, you two wouldn't understand..."

**"I understand! I like my bathing suit too, but you're just being weird! We're in Flanoir, you should be wearing a coat!"**

"Yeah, probably, but the Great Zelos Wilder has fans all over Tethe'alla. Who am I to deny the ladies of Flanoir the sight of my beautiful bod? Besides, I'm too hot to get cold."

_"That is biologically impossible."_

(Sigh) "You're no fun Presea..."

_"Zelos, when wearing clothing like that at these temperatures, the chance of frostbite is one hundred percent."_

"Now that you mention it, I am feeling a bit chilly..."

**"Hmph, you know what they say goes first when you get frostbite..."**

"Agh! You're right! Where'd my clothes go?!" (Exit)

_"..."_

**"Wow, I never knew Zelos was so concerned about his toes."**

* * *

AN: I wish Kratos wasn't so stuffy and had a swimsuit like everyone else. Zelos may be funny in his speedo, but Kratos in a bathing suit would be comedic gold. 

As for my goal, you're very perceptive, Mr. Hiyuu. As you said, there are three hundred and seventy-nine skits in Tales of Symphonia. I do indeed want to surpass that. I hope to write more skits than are actually in the game! And maybe create a peaceful world on the side... That's my next goal. It'll take a while, at least a few years, I know, but I'm willing to stick with it and write for as long as I can. Now the question is, how do I come up with three hundred more ideas?


	102. Absolute Certainty

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Absolute Certainty**

**"... Lloyd... Do you ever think that maybe Mithos will win?"**

"What? No way! We'll beat him for sure, I know it."

**"But how do you know, Lloyd?"**

"I... I just know, okay?"

**"..."**

"Fine, fine. I know because of Dwarven Vow #7: Goodness and love will always win." (Black squiggly)

**"Huh? I thought you hated that vow."**

"I do, but that doesn't mean it's not true."

**"... You're right, Lloyd. We'll win no matter what, because goodness and love will always win!"**

"Agh, that line is so cheesy..."

* * *

AN: If anyone has a complete list of the Dwarven Vows, all one hundred and eight of them, I'd be very impressed and would like a copy. 


	103. Crisis of Faith

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This'd play while Colette has lost her sense of touch. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**.

* * *

**Crisis of Faith**

**(Sniff) "T-this is terrible..."**

"Colette, what's wrong?"

**"This angel transformation, this... Thing I'm turning into... I can't trust myself. Lloyd, I don't know what to believe anymore!"**

"Colette..."

**"... Lloyd, I can't it figure out on my own, so I need you to tell me! Here!"**

"Huh? A coffee cup? ... Colette, what am I supposed to tell you about?"

**"Is it hot or is it iced? I need to know!"**

"Ugh, Colette..." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: It's iced. ... I lied, it's really hot. ... Sorry, it's actually iced. ... Or maybe it is really hot, I can't tell. 


	104. Women Can Be So Cruel

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This'd play after Zelos' death if you saw the scene at the hot springs. Colette is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and**_ Sheena is bold and italic._**

* * *

**Women Can Be So Cruel**

"I can't believe Zelos is really gone..."

_**"Yeah, it just doesn't seem right that he's not here. I'm going to miss him..."**_

**"Me too. Sure, he got on my nerves sometimes, but Zelos was a friend."**

_"We'll all miss him, but as long as we remember him, Zelos will be alive in our hearts."_

"Wow Professor, that was really sweet... You're right! I won't forget Zelos, not ever for as long as I live!"

**_"Me too, I'll remember everything Zelos ever did, perverted or otherwise!"_**

**"You got that line from Regal, didn't you Professor? ... Ah, well, I won't forget either. And, uh... While we're talking about remembering perverted stuff... You remember when we went to the hot springs, right?"**

**_"And we caught you peeping at us?" (Black squiggly)_**

_"Yes, we remember."_

**"It wasn't me, I swear! It was Zelos, he was peeping and I tried to stop him! He got away before you showed up..."**

_"..."_

**_"..."_**

**"R-really, I'm telling the truth! You have to believe me!"**

"We know."

**"Huh? You do?"**

"We saw you were trying to stop Zelos."

**_"We saw him run away. It's almost impossible not to notice that crazy red hair of his."_**

**"So you just let me suffer this whole time?"**

**_"Yeah, pretty much. Sorry."_**

**"Why would you do that? I really thought you were mad at me!"**

_"Don't yell, Lloyd. If you want to know, ask Colette. It was her idea."_

**"What?!"**

"I thought it would be funny. I'm sorry, Lloyd."

**"Ugh, I know what Zelos would say if her were here now: Women can be so cruel..."**

* * *

AN: Honestly, the girls couldn't have really thought Lloyd would be one to peep when Zelos was around. While Colette may believe her eyes, Sheena and Raine should know better! 


	105. Zelos' Wardrobe

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you meet Seles. Colette is normal, **Sheena is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**Zelos' Wardrobe**

"Zelos... I've been wondering, why do you wear pink? Is it your favorite color?"

_"No, not at all, my sweet little angel. I wear pink because-"_

**"Wait, let me guess: 'Because the ladies love it!' That's it, right?"**

_"Sheena, I'm hurt. Do you really think I'm that shallow?"_

**"..."**

_"I wear pink because it's Seles' favorite color."_

**"Really? Your little sister... But I thought you two hated each other."**

_"Hey, that's not fair. We may not be on the best of terms with each other, but she's still my little sis. I figure that even if she's never happy to see me, I should do something to try and cheer her up a bit when I visit."_

"Wow Zelos, that's really sweet! Seles is really lucky to have a big brother like you."

**"I never would have thought... I'm sorry Zelos. I guess... I underestimated you."**

_"Ah, don't worry about it."_

"So now we know, you wear pink for your sister."

_"That's right. ... But there's actually another reason too."_

**"Zelos..."**

_"It turns out, the ladies love it!"_

**"Agh, I should've known..."**

* * *

AN: Zelos, the rich, seemingly carefree playboy with a deep mind and a tragic past. Kind of like Bruce Wayne... Hm... Do I smell a ToS/Batman crossover? No, no I don't. Unless someone else wants to do it, then I'd be happy to read. Thanks for the idea LameJokeGuy! 


	106. Genis the Prankster

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Raine is normal, **Genis is bold.**

* * *

**Genis the Prankster**

**"Take that! Aqua edge!"**

"Ah! Genis..."

**"Drown! Spread!"**

"Genis! I-I know you want to study, but could you please not cast water spells right next to me?"

**"Oh, okay. Sorry Raine."**

(Phew) "Thank you, Genis." (Reads her book)

**"... ... Hehehe, create a torrential vortex and engulf the evil spirits. Tidal wave!"**

"AGH! Genis!"

**"Uh-oh, run away!" (Exit)**

* * *

AN: I'd do it, but then I'm mean. 


	107. Sheena's Statue, It's True!

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This'd play after Luin is rebuilt and you see skit 280 "Sheena's Statue". Sheena is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**Sheena's Statue, It's True!**

"So Genis, what's the final answer?"

**"I've done the calculations, and according to the ratios... Well..."**

"That doesn't sounds good. Do I even want to know?"

**"Sorry Sheena, the statue... It does have better measurements than you do."**

(Sigh) "I thought as much."

_"Yeah! Can I call 'em, or can I call 'em?"_

"Zelos!"

_"Hey, it's all right. That statue may be WOW!!!, but you're still WOW! too."_

"... That shouldn't have been as comforting as it was..."

* * *

AN: Zelos always knows exactly what to say in every situation. (Although others hearing it usually disagree...) 


	108. Presea the Scholar

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: Raine is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Presea is italic_, **_Lloyd is bold and italic_**, and Colette is underlined.

* * *

**Presea the Scholar**

"Ah, I'm glad you'll be joining us for class today Presea."

_"Thank you for letting me sit in and observe."_

**_"Cool! Now we'll get to see how smart Presea really is!"_**

**"I can already tell she's smart, but remember Lloyd, I'm a genius."**

**_"Yeah, yeah... Whatever you say Genis."_**

"All right everyone, let's begin with biology. Who can tell me the name of an individual filtration tube complex in a human kidney?"

**_"A what in a what?"_**

"I'm sorry Professor Sage, I must've read the wrong chapter again..."

**"Oh, I know this one, it's easy! An individual tube complex is called a-"**

_"Nephron."_

**"W-wait, what? Presea, that was my answer!"**

**_"Looks like she beat you to it, Genis."_**

**"Grr... Give us another question, Raine! A harder one!"**

"Hm, very well. In herbal medicine, the chemicals that have the strongest effects are what?"

**"I know this one too! They're-"**

_"Alkaloids."_

"Very good, Presea! Now a follow-up question: What alkaloid is extracted from the leaves and flowers of the plant Foxglove?"

**"Uh... I-I... I don't know..."**

_"Digitalis."_

"That's right. And what is it used to treat?"

_"Heart disease."_

"Excellent! Well done, Presea."

**"... ... ..."**

**_"Wow, Presea's a genius! Isn't she, Genis?"_**

**(Black squiggly) "Shut up, Lloyd."**

* * *

AN: Another skit that was requested long ago. I feel kinda bad for sticking Colette in there with just one line... Not only that, but one line that makes her look like an airhead too. I'm sorry, Colette. Now please forgive me, but I don't remember who suggested it. I think it may have been Scarlet Sky but I'm not sure. Thank you anyway! 

And thank you to my astute editors, Contraltissimo and cutepresea, for alerting me to the grievous grammatical error I missed. (Sweat drop) What would I do without you guys?


	109. Angel May Cry

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play once you get the Angel's Tear swords for Lloyd. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Angel May Cry**

"Genis! Check out my new swords. They're called the Angel's Tear."

**"Neat. You know, I think I've heard of those before. They're supposed to... What was it? Conjure an image of an angel's tear?"**

"Yeah, that's right. But I'm not so sure..."

**"What do you mean, Lloyd?"**

"Well, have you ever seen an angel cry? How can we know for sure that that's what these swords look like if we've never seen any real angel's tears?"

**"Lloyd, that's... Actually a pretty good question. I think I've got a way we can find out! We've just got to make Colette cry, then we can see what her tears look like."**

"What? No!"

**"Why not? Come on, Lloyd! I'm curious now, I've got to know!"**

"No. I'm curious too, but the answer's not worth making Colette cry. Can't we use someone else?"

**"Lloyd, we need an angel. It's either Colette or Kratos. Or maybe you want to go talk to Yggdrasil again..."**

(sigh) "Fine, let's go find Colette."

**"All right! You won't be sorry Lloyd."**

"I hope not..."

* * *

AN: As you can plainly see, Genis is slightly research-crazed. He got it from Raine. By the way, kudos to anyone who gets the slightly obvious reference in this and the next skit's titles. 


	110. Angels Never Cry

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you've seen Angel May Cry, and when you're standing near a dog. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Genis is italic_, and **_the dog is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Angels Never Cry**

_"Okay Lloyd, we've got everything, right?"_

"Yeah, let's just get this over with..."

_"All right. Hey Colette! We have something to show you!"_

**"Oh, what is it, Genis?"**

_"Go on, give it to her, Lloyd."_

"Here."

**"... Is this a bowl of onions?"**

"Yeah."

**"..."**

"..."

_"... I don't get it. I chopped those onions as fine as I could, but your eyes don't even look irritated! Don't onions make you cry, Colette?"_

**"Not really... I'm sorry."**

"Don't apologize, you dork. We shouldn't have been trying to make you cry in the first place. Now come on, let's go- Agh!"

**_(Yipe!)_**

_"Whoa! Lloyd, are you okay? I've never seen anyone trip over a dog before, not even Colette..."_

"Yeah, I'm fine, but..."

**"Oh, you poor puppy!" (sob sob)**

"Aw man..."

_"Yeah, I know. Angel's Tears... What a ripoff. The swords don't look anything like the real thing!"_

* * *

AN: Those dogs always get in my way. Always. They block the road, stand in front of doors... It's like they hate me or something. Well guess what dogs, here's my revenge! Prepare to be tripped over in the name of science! 


	111. Do You Play?

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you give the Linkite Flute to Mithos. Mithos is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Do You Play?**

**"I'm sorry I broke your sister's flute, Mithos. It just crumbled after I played it. I guess it was really delicate..."**

"Don't worry about it, Genis. It's okay. Even if it broke, I'm still glad I got to hear you play. You're really good. Hearing your song reminded me of my sister."

**"Thanks, Mithos! Hey, you know, I never heard you play that flute..."**

"... Yes, well, you see... I..."

**"Huh? What's wrong, Mithos?"**

"I... Don't know how to play the panpipes... My sister knew, but I never learned."

**"Oh... So you never did play it."**

"Yes."

**"Well, I feel a bit better now. You're going to learn to play the linkite flute, right Mithos?"**

"Yes, thank you Genis."

**"Hehe."**

* * *

AN: What if Mithos really had no idea of how to play that flute and just carried it around because it had been Martel's? It's possible, isn't it? 


	112. Yuan's Word

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you return Yuan's ring. (Yes, _that _sidequest. The one nobody really cares about.) Yuan is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**Yuan's Word**

**"So you and Martel were going to be married..."**

"Yes."

_"The M-word... You're a braver man than I, Yuan."_

**"What was she like?"**

"... Martel was an amazing woman. She was intelligent and wise, with an indomitable spirit. She believed in a peaceful world above all else, and that she could help to create that world by accepting and being kind to everyone she met."

_"She sure sounds like the perfect person to style into a goddess of compassion."_

**"Yuan, are you okay?"**

"... Yes. I just... Miss my sweet hunny Martel very much."

_"Hey, wait just a minute! Your 'hunny Martel'? You stole my word!"_

"Your word? Don't be stupid. I've been saying 'hunny' since I was a young man over four thousand years ago. If 'hunny' is anyone's word, it is most definitely mine."

_"But..! It's my...!" (sigh) "Oh man..."_

* * *

AN: Think, it's impossible that Zelos was the first to come up with 'hunny'. And who knows? It may have been Yuan who coined the term, way back when he was younger and more foolish. 

Now, for some unfortunate (kinda) news: I will soon be separated from my computer and unable to update fics for about a week. (Huzzah! Vacation!) You can expect one more chapter before I'll have to leave. (To the great north! Where it's cold!) I'm sorry to make y'all wait, but I'll be back and posting before you know it. (With souvenirs and fudge!) While I'm gone I'll be writing like crazy so I have good stuff to show when I'm reunited with my dear compy. (Yeah, believe it!) And, with luck, this chance to relax will help me evict the annoyingly silly inner voice I seem to have picked up along the line. (I'm excited, so sue me.)


	113. Heart of Stone

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play if you end a battle with Zelos petrified. Raine is normal, **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**Heart of Stone**

**"Ugh... What happened? I feel like one huge cramp. Did I have too much fun in Altamira again?"**

"No, not this time. You were petrified in battle and it took some time before I was able to heal you."

**"Oh. Yeah, I remember that. Thanks. Agh, man I'm sore... Hey, wait a minute! This isn't where we fought that battle. Did you guys move me or something?"**

"Yes. There were still monsters lurking about after the fight so we had to retreat."

**"And I was still petrified, wasn't I? You guys moved me all this way while I was a statue?"**

"Well yes, we couldn't just leave you behind."

**"Wow, I must've weighed like six hundred pounds! Did Colette and Regal carry me?"**

"Hahaha. No, we had to leave in a hurry so Genis tied a rope around your waist and we dragged you behind Noishe."

**"And you're laughing about it? You've got a heart of stone Raine." (Sob)**

* * *

AN: Seriously, how do they move about when members of the party are petrified? It's not like they can just pick up a human-sized chunk of stone and hike with it. They must have some system... Many thanks to The Amazing Chris for the idea!

Anyway, I'm off! See you all again in a week.


	114. Who Does Your Hair?

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_, and _**Sheena is bold and italic**_.

* * *

**Who Does Your Hair?**

**_"... ... ..."_**

**"Uh, Sheena, do you have a question or something?"**

**_"Oh! Sorry, I didn't mean to stare. It's just been bugging me for a while now... Who does your hair?"_**

_"I would assume it would be Raine, correct?"_

**"No! No way! I never let her get near my hair with scissors."**

"Raine's not a very good barber."

**"The last time she cut my hair was when I was five. S-she gave me a bowl cut... It looked terrible!"**

"Haha! I remember that, you looked like a silver Orcot! It was all fluffy and frizzy... Hehehe."

**"Lloyd!"**

**_"So who does do your hair then? Colette?"_**

**"Nope, I do it myself."**

_"Ah, that explains it..."_

* * *

AN: For those of you who don't remember: Orcots are ToS monsters that have huge, puffy monster-fros. I believe Orcots are pink, while the stronger version, the Torent, is green. Both look like they have cotton candy growing out of their skulls. Thanks to Contraltissimo and Baby Kat Snophlake for their joint efforts of inspiration! 


	115. Another Use For Gels

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after "Who Does Your Hair?" Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**Another Use For Gels**

**"Hey Lloyd, do you know who used the last of our gels?"**

"Oh, that was me. Sorry, I didn't know that apple gel was all we had."

_"It's all right, we can always buy more, but Lloyd... If you were injured why didn't you come to see me?  
I would have been glad to give you first aid."_

"Oh, I wasn't hurt. I took the gel to... Uh... Fix my hair."

**"Lloyd..."**

"I couldn't get my hair to stick up right so I took the gel and spiked it. It really works, I swear! Here, smell my head."

_(Sniff) "... Smells like apples. Hm... I see."_

"Professor?"

_"I would like to study this further. Lloyd, please allow me to take a sample of your hair."_

"What? No way! No offense Professor, but only an idiot would let you get near his head with scissors."

**"An idiot? Guess you're in luck sis."**

"Genis!"

_"Hold still, Lloyd." (Snip, snip)_

"Aw, man..."

* * *

AN: I had a tough time deciding what I was going to title this skit. I ended up making a gigantic list of options. My first idea was "Another Use for Gels", but I figured everyone would think it was about Zelos... (Prepares to be smacked) Not that it matters. As it turned out, that was the best title out of the ones I though of, and so it stayed. 


	116. Nothing Like a Homecooked Meal

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after a difficult battle, and only if you're out of Life Bottles. Genis is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Regal is italic_, **_Lloyd is bold and italic_**, and Kratos is underlined.

* * *

**Nothing Like a Homecooked Meal**

"Wow, that was one tough fight. I've never seen so many status conditions in my life!"

_"Genis, I think we should start cooking. The others look as if they could use food."_

"Huh? Ah! Lloyd, Colette! Are you okay? What's wrong?"

**_"Ugh... poisoned..."_**

**"I-I can't move! I'm paralyzed!"**

"O-okay, I'll make some steak and an omelet."

_"Kratos, how are you and Raine? Have you seen to the girls?"_

"Yes. I'm fine, just a bit stunned, but the girls..."

_"Kratos?"_

"Raine, Sheena, Presea... They're all dead."

**_"What?!"_**

**"No!"**

**_"Can't we help them?"_**

"Unfortunately no, we're out of Life Bottles. We should have stocked up when we had the chance..."

"Hm... Regal? I have an idea."

_"What is it, Genis?"_

"Paella combined with Tenderloin. Think it'll work?"

_"Maybe. If we combine our cooking skills, it's possible that we may be able to revive them!"_

"Let's go!"

"Wouldn't it be better to travel to the nearest city and buy a Life Bottle instead?"

"Well yeah, if you want to do it the easy way. But not us, let's get cooking!"

* * *

AN: I love how in ToS food can cure any illness, even enemies' curses. (I never knew quiche was so potent!) I don't see any reason why combining the powers of the restorative foods wouldn't make them able to revive the dead. 


	117. Monster Soup

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after Kratos betrays the party at the Tower of Salvation. Raine is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Lloyd is italic_, and **_Colette is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Monster Soup**

"Dinner's ready, everyone. Eat up!"

_"Uh... What is this, Raine?"_

**"It doesn't look like any recipe I've ever heard of..."**

"It's something new. We were low on ingredients so I had to improvise."

**"... ... You want to try it first, Lloyd?"**

_"What? No way!"_

"..." (Black squiggly)

**_"I'll try some, Professor."_**

"Thank you, Colette."

_**"Hm... It's actually not bad. There's kinda a weird aftertaste, but it's pretty yummy."**_

"Why, thank you, Colette!"

_"Really? Hey, let me try some too."_

**"Lloyd, are you sure Colette's sense of taste is reliable...?"**

_"Yeah, this stuff is pretty good. Can I get seconds?"_

**"In that case, I want some too! Um, Please."**

"Of course, here you are."

**"Wow, this is good-!"**

**_"Ugh, uh... W-what's happening? I can't move...!"_**

_"I don't feel so good either..."_

**"Uh... Agh! My stomach..."**

"Oh no, I was afraid this would happen."

_"Professor, what did you put in the food?!"_

"I used meat from the monsters we killed today. Hm, the Stormclaw and Hare meat wouldn't produce these symptoms. It's most likely the Slime and Minicoid sauce..."

**_"Professor! Help, please!"_**

"Oh! Right, sorry. Recover!"

**"Ah, t-that's better... ****You know, as bad as that stuff is, we should save it."**

_"Why? We can't eat that stuff! It's useless."_

**"No it's not! We... might be able to slip it into the Desians' food supply."**

* * *

AN: This idea was given to me by someone a long, long time ago and I can't quite remember who, sorry. (This is the only downside to having a bunch of reviews, it takes forever to find who said what.) It was something about demonic food that injures those who eat it. I guess you know who you are right? Thank you, mystery fan! 


	118. A Traitor's Just Desserts

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you've seen "Monster Soup" and Kratos rejoins your party after Zelos' death. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**A Traitor's Just Desserts**

**"All right, I warmed up some leftovers so everybody dig in!"**

"Sorry your welcome back dinner isn't all that fancy, Kratos."

_"It doesn't matter. There's no need to celebrate."_

"Well, I'm glad you're back."

_"... Thank you. ... Hm, what is this dish? It's flavorful, quite good actually. Although it has an odd aftertaste..."_

"W-wait, what? Show me what you were eating, now!"

_"This portion here. Why, is there something wrong Lloyd?"_

"Genis! I can't believe you served him 'The Stuff'! How could you let him eat something that dangerous?!"

**"I-I did that? Oh no! I'm so sorry, I must've grabbed the wrong container by accident! How much did he eat?"**

_"Lloyd. Just what is it that I ate?"_

"W-Wow... That's a really scary face Kratos-"

_"What did I eat?!"_

"Leftovers of Raine's experiment!"

**"R-Raine tried to cook using monsters as ingredients. It turned out to be poisonous, but we kept it to use on the Desians."**

_"... Leftovers of Raine's cooking... I see. How much time do I have left?"_

"Not much. Genis and I only lasted a few minutes, then Raine had to resurrect us."

**"It was horrible! Kratos... Do you want me to use Meteor Storm on you so you don't have to go through it?"**

"I'd take him up on that offer. Raine would just have to bring you back anyway..."

_"You... You're actually serious?"_

"Dead serious- Ah, sorry about that... Bad choice of words."

_"... ... ..."_

"..."

**"..."**

_"I suppose... That may be the best-"_

"Pfft- Hahaha! Oh, the look on your face!"

**"Hahaha! We so got you!"**

_"... What?"_

"Well, once you came back, Genis and I decided we should play a welcome back prank on you to haze you back into the group."

**"That was awesome. High-five, Lloyd!"**

_"..."_

"Come on Kratos, you know it was a great set-up."

_"..."_

**"I-I don't think he agrees, Lloyd..."**

"Y-Yeah... We're, uh, just going to run away now. Okay, Kratos?"

_"That would be wise."_

**"Yipe! Come on, Lloyd!" (Exit)**

"Let's get out of here!" (Exit)

_"... ... ... Hahahaha! Excellent. He had me going for a moment there... Perhaps with practice he could become almost as skilled a prankster as myself."_

* * *

AN: This sprouted from tsukasa030's idea that after Kratos returned to the party Lloyd would feed him Raine's cooking to get revenge. I liked the idea, but I couldn't see Lloyd making anyone suffer like that, so I stepped back and looked at the situation from a different angle. Genis' prankster side has started to rub off on Lloyd. Of course, Kratos loves a good joke, so he won't kill them. Yet. 


	119. Colette's Future 1

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after Colette gets the titles "Turbo Waitress" and "Maid". Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**Colette's Future**

"Hey Colette, have you ever thought about what you'll do after we rejoin the worlds?"

**"No, I guess I haven't."**

"I was just wondering. I know it sounds weird, but you'd need to get a job now that you're not going to be sacrificed."

_"I'm curious too, Colette. Are there any occupations that you would find interesting?"_

**"Well, I guess I could be a waitress."**

_"A waitress? But Colette, there are so many other jobs available. You could be a scientist, or a researcher, or an archeologist, or a teacher... There are hundreds of options!"_

**"I know Professor, but I'm a really good waitress."**

"Yeah, I remember how fast you got all those BBQ Combos from the kitchen. You even sent everything to the right tables too. You didn't make a single mistake, it was amazing!"

**"Hehe, thanks Lloyd."**

_"I think your memory is a bit rusty, Lloyd. You forgot when she tripped and spilled the hot Yum Tea all over that elderly couple..."_

**"Oh, that's right, I did... But I cleaned it all up. Ah, I know, I'll be a maid!"**

_(Sigh) "Colette..."_

* * *

AN: Colette was raised to be the Chosen. She was trained from birth to care for others before she even thinks of herself. In short, Colette is the perfect candidate to be an employee in the service industry. 


	120. Colette's Future 2

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you earn Zelos's "Princess Guard" title and expose the Pope for the villain he is! Regal is normal, **Colette is** **bold,** and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**Colette's Future 2**

"Colette, Raine asked me to speak with you about an occupational choice I mentioned to her."

**"Oh, okay. What job is it?"**

"Have you ever thought about becoming the Pope?"

**"T-the Pope? Wow, I don't know..."**

_"Whoa! Did I just hear you say Colette should be Pope?"_

"Yes, now that the Pope has been... removed from office, Colette has an opportunity to take the post. Do you think I'm mistaken?"

_"No, not at all. I think Colette'd be perfect for the job."_

**"You do?"**

_"Well yeah. I'm next in line to be Pope since I'm the Chosen, but I don't want to do it. You're a Chosen too so you could take the job instead. You'd probably do a way better job than I would anyway."_

"And in Tethe'alla there are no regulations that bar women from holding religious offices."

**"Well, in that case I'd love to be the Pope. If I get the chance, I'll totally accept."**

_"Great! Pope Colette the First. That has a nice ring to it."_

**"Hehehe."**

"I'm sure Raine will be happy with this turn of events. I'll go tell her the good-"

_"Hold on, we can't send Colette out into the world of high-power politics all alone. The Meltokian nobles would tear her to shreds. What you need is a wise and trusted advisor, Colette."_

**"Oh? Well, I guess that makes sense... I know! Zelos, you're the other Chosen, and you know how to deal with nobles. Would you be my advisor?"**

_"Hehehe. Of course! I'd be happy to help you, my sweet angel- Er, Pope Colette!"_

"... I have a feeling Raine will be less than pleased with this development..."

* * *

AN: I seriously considered having Regal suggest Colette get a job as a bunny-girl in Altamira. I'm sure Zelos would have supported that idea as well. 


	121. Overprotective Little Brother

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after the scene when you get the Heart of Chaos from Koton at Hakonesia Peak. But! Only if you play the storyline where Zelos has died. ... Wow, what an oddly specific set up. Please forgive the obscurity. Moving on, Genis is normal, **Sheena is bold**.

* * *

**Overprotective Little Brother**

"'Hanging on to things he gave her'? Who's 'He'? Did she...?"

**"Something bothering you, Genis?"**

"I was just thinking about what Raine said back at Koton's."

**"So you don't know anything about that either?"**

"Yeah. I don't think the 'He' she mentioned was a boyfriend or I would have known about it. Raine wouldn't date someone without introducing him to me, would she?"

**"I think you're worrying about this too much."**

"Maybe 'He' was Zelos! Grr, how dare he hit on my sister!"

**"Whoa, calm down, Genis! Raine said He gave her the crown five years ago. Zelos and Raine didn't even know each other then."**

"They better not have! Hitting on Raine... I'd learn Resurrect and bring him back just so I could kill him."

**"And I thought older brothers were the protective ones..."**

* * *

AN: In case you don't remember the scene: After you get all the other Devil Arms, you go to Koton's shack at Hakonesia Peak and try to get the Heart of Chaos from him. The avaricious old coot, however, doesn't want to part with it so Raine trades him another rare artifact (the crown of earth) for the HoC. She also remarks that it's okay to let go of the crown because there's "no sense in hanging on to things he gave her." I just wondered what she meant by it... 

And, of course, look at how fiercely Genis defended Presea from Zelos' advances. Don't you think he'd be even more hot headed if he were protecting Raine?


	122. Overprotective Little Sister

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you've seen skit 327 "Sheena the Evil Witch." Seles is normal, **Sheena is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**Overprotective Little Sister**

_"Hey Sheena, how do you feel about partying with me, Raine, and Colette next time we go to the Coliseum?"_

**"I have a feeling you already asked Raine and Colette and they turned you down."**

_"Aw, come on Sheena. Just once? You know it'd be a blast."_

**"... Fine, Zelos. I'll think about it-"**

(Enter) "You'll do no such thing, you evil witch!"

**"Agh, Seles! Zelos, why did your little sister just kick me in the shin?!"**

"Don't you talk to him! You're just out to break my big bro- Ah, the Chosen's heart. I won't let you hurt him, you conniving monster!"

**"What? Are you crazy? I'm not the heartbreaker here, he- Ow! You little brat! How about I summon Celsius and get her to kick your shins?!"**

_"Hey, calm down both of you. Seles, how did you get out of the Abbey? And why are you attacking Sheena?"_

"I had to come and make sure she wasn't still trying to seduce you again. I know you think your suave Chosen, but the truth is women are always taking advantage of you. You, uh, can't perform your duties if you're always being distracted by unscrupulous vamp like Sheena."

_"..."_

**"Hahaha! Oh, that's a good one Seles! Oh... My sides hurt... Hehehe..."**

"What is she laughing about, Zelos?"

_"I think you've got your facts a little backward Seles. If anyone needs to be protected it's the hunnies of the world, not me."_

"Hmph. I see how it is. If this is the thanks I get for trying to help my- The Chosen, then I might as well not bother." (Exit)

_"Ah, that could have gone better."_

**"Well at least you know your sister loves you. She came all this way to break my shins. I can't believe how overprotective she is."**

_"Yeah... She's a real sweetheart."_

* * *

AN: The inspiration for this one is a combined effort. I took ideas from both LameJokeGuy and WingedWithFieryMana and mixed 'em together. Thanks you two!

And since I'm such a kind, generous soul, I did a double-update today! Huzzah! (I think I'm a bit too excited about this...) If you skipped right to the last chapter, go back and read the previous skit "Overprotective Little Brother."


	123. Regal's Excuse

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you get the "Potion King" title. Regal is normal, **Lloyd is bold.**

* * *

**Regal's Excuse**

**"Regal, that's your fourth potion. How can you stand to drink that stuff?"**

"... Have you ever heard of the Drunken Monkey style of martial arts?"

**"Nope, but it sounds like it'd be funny to watch."**

"I suppose so. The concept behind the style is that the practitioner moves loosely, as if they were intoxicated. It's supposed to cause your opponent to underestimate you."

**"I guess that sounds like it'd work. Does it help to actually be drunk when you fight?"**

"Yes."

**"Okay, I think I get it. ... So, how good are you?"**

"At what, Drunken Monkey Style?"

**"Yeah! You know all this stuff about it, you must be a master! Can you show me some moves?"**

"Not at all. That style requires the use of one's hands. I'm not a practitioner."

**"But then... Why did you tell me all that...? And why are you still drinking that stuff?! Agh, I don't get it..."**

* * *

AN: Regal earned the title "Exceptional Tolerance." (The name for one able to withstand many potions and even more questions. Your tolerance is astounding!) And by the way, there really is a Drunken Monkey style in the family of Chinese martial arts. Thanks to Maxmagnus20019 for the idea! 


	124. Raine the Spearman

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This is something that I, and many others, have noticed. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**Raine the Spearman**

"Hm... Have you ever noticed this before, Zelos?"

**"Noticed what?"**

"It says here in the monster list that the Desians who use spears are all called 'Spearmen', but they're all female. It's weird."

**"That's what you wanted to ask? Come on Lloyd, do you really think I have nothing better to do with my time than stare at Desian girls?"**

"... So that's a yes, right? You've noticed?"

**"Oh yeah! They may be trying to kill me, but those Desian ladies are some of the finest hunnies I've ever seen!"**

"Zelos! How can you think that about Desians? They're the enemy!"

**"Sorry Lloyd, but evil people can be hot too. And just look at those outfits they wear..."**

"... Stop drooling Zelos, it's creepy."

**"Oh, heh. Sorry about that. ... Hey, Lloyd..?"**

"Yeah?"

**"Didn't Genis mention something about Raine wearing one of those Spearman uniforms once?"**

"Yeah, that's how we got into the Asgard Human Ranch."

**"Hehehe, Professor Raine the Spearman..." (Exit)**

"Ugh, how do I know this is going to turn out bad?"

* * *

AN: I know I'm not the only one who thought the female Spear"man" was weird, but I may be the only one who's though of Zelos being attracted to them. 

More importantly though, today is Z-Skit's birthday! August eighth, the one-year anniversary of the start of this fic. I'm so proud, my little story's all grown up... (Sniff, tear) Anyway, I don't have anything special planned for you all at the moment, sorry. (Though I am considering maybe doing something drastic and unheard of, like a triple update later, so don't give up hope!) As for me, I'm gonna go make a pan of brownies so chocolatey that the smell alone will be enough to start clogging your arteries. Sounds yummy, doesn't it?


	125. A Fearful Discovery

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play if you've been to Mizuho and have a Yata Mirror. Zelos is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic._**

* * *

**A Fearful Discovery**

"N-no, no... This can't be! Nooooooo!"

**_(Enter) "Zelos, what happened? I thought I heard a girl scream!"_**

_(Enter) "Are you all right? Where's Colette? Do either of you need healing?"_

"It was horrible, Sheena. I was taking a look at my gorgeous self in your mirror when I saw... It."

_"Saw what, Zelos? You're not making any sense."_

**_"Was it a monster?" (Gasp!) Zelos, did a monster take Colette? Which way did it go?!"_**

**(Enter) "A monster? Where?"**

**_"Colette! You're safe! Thank goodness you were able to escape."_**

**"Escape? What are you talking about, Sheena? What's going on?"**

_"That's what I'd like to know. Zelos, if this thing you saw wasn't a monster, what was it that upset you?"_

"Are you making fun of me? How can you miss this gigantic pimple marring the manly beauty of my ultra-sexy face?!"

**"You mean that teensy little thing there?"**

"Yes..."

_"That's what you got upset about? A tiny pimple?"_

**_"You idiot Chosen! We were worried you'd been hurt!"_**

"But I am hurt, just look at my face! I've been mortally wounded!"

**_"Zelos! ... Hey, wait a minute. That scream we heard earlier... If it wasn't Colette, then that means it was you!"_**

_"My, I didn't know a male voice could reach such a high octave."_

"Hey, I was panicked! You would be too if you discovered your wonderful face was completely ruined." (Exit)

**"... He doesn't really look that bad."**

_"I agree, it's barely noticeable. He's clearly overreacting."_

**_"... What are you looking at me for?"_**

**"Maybe you should go after him..."**

**_"Why? It's not like there's anything I can do to help that drama queen."_**

**"You don't have some secret ninja art you could use? Go on, Sheena, you're really good at helping people!"**

**_(Sigh) "Oh, all right. I'll see what I can do."_**

* * *

AN: Stick with me people! Here's a series of skits that actually has a plot. Amazing, I know. Thanks to Arisu Tsunaru for the idea!


	126. Sheena's Remedy

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after "A Fearful Discovery." Zelos is normal, **Sheena is bold.**

* * *

**Sheena's Remedy**

**"Zelos? Zelos? Where'd he get to...?"**

"Over here, Sheena."

**"... Care to tell me how long you're planning on wearing that bag on your head?"**

"For as long as it takes... This isn't coming off until I'm my gorgeous self again- Hey! What's the big idea?! Give it back!"

**"You don't need a bag. Here. Well, go on, take it!"**

"Just what is this, Sheena?"

**"It's a fast-acting blemish remover that we shinobi use to craft disguises. You can have it, but keep it hidden, okay? That stuff's a trade secret."**

"Wow, how fast-acting is it?"

**"Uh, I've never timed it, but it should only take a few seconds to fix you up."**

"... ... ..."

**"Zelos? Are you okay?"**

"Thank you, O Wise and Voluptuous Hunny Sheena!"

**"H-hey, don't call me that! And get up, y-you don't have to bow..." (Sweat drop)**

* * *

AN: Sheena saves the day!


	127. The Vain Ghost of Mizuho

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: For all you people who skipped right to the last chapter: I know this is madness, but I'm doing a triple update! Since these three skits actually follow a rough mini-plot, it's advisable that you go back and start reading from "A Fearful Discovery." That said, this would play after "Sheena's Remedy." Zelos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, _Genis is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**The Vain Ghost of Mizuho**

"Wow, this stuff really works. I look great! I'll have to thank Sheena."

**"Huh, what's that Zelos? Makeup?"**

_"Haha! Zelos wears makeup!"_

"No I don't, twerp. This is a special, secret ninja cosmetic. Only a few jars have ever been taken out of Mizuho."

_"I don't believe you. If it's so special why would you have some?"_

"Because Sheena gave it to me, of course. She's my hunny, after all."

_"I guess that makes sense... Even though that last part is obviously not true."_

**"Cool! What does it do?"**

"Well, it's kind of like vanishing cream, except that instead of just hiding things it erases them completely. Sheena told me the ninja use it when they put on disguises."

_"Is that all? I would have thought ninja vanishing cream would do something, I don't know... More dramatic."_

**"Yeah, like make whoever wears it invisible or something."**

"... Hehehe... Did I ever say it didn't?"

_"What? It doesn't really make you invisible, does it?"_

**"Whoa, I was just kidding. I wonder if that's how Sheena disappears. She probably tosses a smoke bomb then puts that stuff on!"**

"Maybe. All I know is that you should only use a tiny amount at one time. There's a story about what happens when you use too much, the... The Tale of the Vain Ghost of Mizuho."

_"Ghost? Is that stuff poisonous in large doses?"_

"No. The Ghost was a young shinobi girl who was very self-conscious about her complexion. One night she slathered herself with this stuff and went to bed. When she woke up... Well..."

**"She was dead? A ghost?"**

_"Lloyd, you can't wake up if you're dead."_

"He's sort of right, Genis. When she woke up, she found the vanishing cream had eaten away her entire body. There was nothing left of her but her spirit."

**"N-no way... That's spooky!"**

_"Yeah, it wouldn't do that!"_

"But it did. Since she didn't have a body, she could never die. So she roams the village after dark, haunting it to this very day. It's a true story. Maybe next time we're in Mizuho you'll hear her crying at night by the well-"

_"Ah! That stuff's dangerous! Keep it away!" (Exit)_

**"I-I think I'll wait outside the village next time..." (Exit)**

"Hehe, there's nothing like a prop to make an impromptu ghost story convincing. It's just too easy!"

**_(Enter) "Zelos! What did you tell Lloyd and Genis? Another one of your stupid stories?!"_**

"Uh-oh..."

* * *

AN: There you have it the Tale of the Vain Ghost of Mizuho for all you who wanted to hear more of Zelos' stories about Mizuho. A long set-up, but I liked it. It's surprisingly easy to write a ghost story like that. Maybe I should try it out on the neighbor kids; it'd freak them right the heck out... Anyway, thanks to Hiei-Riku-RubedoFAN for the idea!


	128. Angel Proof

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play upon finding a locked door in a Desian base if you examined the Colette-shaped hole in Triet. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic_, **_Genis is bold and italic_**, and Kratos is underlined.

* * *

**Angel-Proof**

_(Sigh) "Another locked door..."_

"What? You're kidding me!"

**_"These Desians are so paranoid..."_**

"But not without reason."

**"This means we have to find another key, doesn't it?"**

_"Yes, that would be the next logical step."_

**_"Hold on, I have an idea... Yeah, it'd be easy! We don't need a key. We can get into that room without even opening the door. All we need is Colette."_**

**"Me?"**

**_"Yeah! You can make a door for us."_**

"Oh, I get it now! Colette, all you have to do is fall through the wall like you did in Triet."

_"We could all squeeze through the hole Colette creates and bypass the locked door completely... Brilliant idea, Genis!"_

**_"Hehe, it is, isn't it?"_**

**"Well, if you think it will work, I'll give it a try."**

"Wait a moment, Colette. These walls seem to be-"

**(Bonk!) "Ow!"**

"-constructed of solid steel..."

"Colette! Are you okay?"

**"Y-yeah. I'm fine. Just a bit rattled."**

_"Perhaps we should go find that key."_

* * *

AN: Why didn't they ever think of this? It would have saved so much time! 


	129. Genis, Master of Darkness In Training!

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you learn all Genis' highest-level spells and defeat Abyssion. Raine is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Genis, Master of Darkness In Training!**

**(Sigh) "This can't be everything..."**

"Is something wrong, Genis? Are you having trouble with your spells?"

**"No, they're easy. It's just... I already know all of them. It's boring! There's only one type of magic that I haven't mastered, but you won't let me study it..."**

"Genis... I told you last time, you're too young to be working with dark magic."

**"Raine, you're not being reasonable! I could do it, you know I can! Just let me read the Necronomicon, I'll be fine. I want to learn! You're a teacher. You can't turn away a curious student!"**

"I'm being perfectly reasonable, Genis. Elemental darkness is difficult to control and too dangerous for a young boy like yourself."

**"But sis...! You, Sheena, and Shadow could supervise me. Nothing bad would happen if the summon spirit of darkness was there!"**

"My answer is still no. Until you can prove to me that you have the ability to resist and control darkness, the Necronomicon is off-limits."

**"Aw... Does that mean I have to reanimate a zombie or something?"**

"Yes, that sounds like a good place to start. Bring me your zombie and I'll assign you your next task." (Reads her book.)

**"W-What? A zombie? I was just kidding..."**

* * *

AN: I think that would be one of the most awesome homework assignments ever. Imagine what the classroom would look like when it came time to turn in your projects. This idea came from The Amazing Chris' casual remark that Genis doesn't know any dark magic. When I heard that, I knew Genis wouldn't be happy until he learned some. 


	130. Lloyd the Babe Magnet

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**Lloyd the Babe Magnet**

"... Zelos, why are you following me?"

**"What, can't I hang out with my best bud?"**

"..."

**"Eh, so you're not going to fall for it. Figures..."**

"Come on Zelos, what're you up to?"

**"Well, I thought I'd follow you because you're a babe magnet."**

"A what?"

**"You heard me. As much as I hate to admit it, beautiful women are just drawn to you. Since I know you're not going to take advantage of your talent, I thought I would. You just be yourself, okay?"**

"I don't know what you're talking about, but okay."

**"All right! We'll be the perfect hunny-catching team. You hook 'em and I'll reel 'em in!"**

"Whatever."

* * *

AN: If I were Lloyd, I don't know if I'd be resentful that Zelos was using me as bait, or if I'd be creeped out that he'd been following/stalking me. It's a tough decision... 


	131. I Saw Nothing

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: Wow, I never expected so much return to the last skit... Well, since so many of you asked for a follow-up, here ya go! It's not a sequel per se, but it proves that Zelos doesn't need Lloyd's help to get the ladies. (And that Master Zelos should be careful what he wishes for.) Regal is normal, **Zelos is bold**, _Fangirl 1 is italic_, and **_Fangirl 2 is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**I Saw Nothing**

**(Pant, pant) "Whoo, that was a close one..."**

"What happened?"

**"Some of my hunnies spotted me in the street. I just barely escaped with all my clothes intact."**

"Ah, of course. What else could it have been? How foolish of me not to guess. You have my sympathy. I'm sure all that female attention is an unbearable hardship for you."

**"Hey now, there's no need to be sarcastic, Regal. My hunnies are a fierce and wild breed, practically rabid! In fact, I'd better keep moving. They can track my cologne like a pack of sexy bloodhounds."**

"I'm sure."

_"Master Zelos!"_

**"Uh-oh, they're here!"**

"Hm... Impressive. How many of them are there, Zelos? I would say about thirty, but you no doubt have a better estimate."

**_"Master Zelos, where are you going? You weren't trying to run from us, were you?"_**

**"Of course not, my sweet hunnies. It's just that I'm... Very busy at the moment. I have to put aside fun for a while and concentrate on saving the world."**

_"Oh, but that's the same excuse you used last time!"_

"Last time? Zelos, have you been fibbing to these fine ladies?"

**"Well, I had to make a quick exit and-"**

**_"We're not going to let you get away a second time! Get him girls!"_**

_"Hah! We've got him, let's go!" (Exit)_

**_"Teeheehee!" (Exit)_**

**"Agh, wait! I have to save the world! Regal, help!" (Exit)**

"... If anyone asks, Zelos wandered off and I haven't seen him all day."

* * *

AN: I... Really hate Zelos' Meltokio fangirls, the ones that mocked Colette when you first meet Zelos. Thanks to Riku Uchiha for the idea!


	132. Mithos in Danger 1

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you see skit 287 "Mithos' Cruxis Crystal." Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold.**

* * *

**Mithos in Danger**

"Hey, Genis! What's up-?"

**"Agh! H-Hi Lloyd! Uh, nothing's up. I'm just sitting around!"**

"... Genis, are you hiding food again? If you're hungry you can just ask. I'm sure Regal would be happy to make something for you."

**"That's not it, Lloyd. This snack is, uh... Special. If everyone found out I had it, they'd be angry that I... Didn't share it. Yeah, that's right."**

"You mean you've got something like candy? Cool! Can I see? Is that it there?"

**"Hey, stop it Lloyd!"**

"Jeez, you don't have to push me! I only saw a little of it. It looked kinda shiny... And red, like a jewel..." (Gasp!) "Is that rock candy? Cherry's my favorite flavor!"

**"What? No! No it's not!"**

"You can't fool me, Genis. I saw it. Can I have some, please?"

**"No way, Lloyd. Sorry, but I can't give you any!"**

"..." (Sigh) "Fine... If you're really that hungry you an have it all." (Exit)

**"I'm sorry, Lloyd... But you can be really dumb sometimes."**

* * *

AN: That Genis is smooth... Anyway, rock candy is an old nostalgia thing for me. I used to eat it all the time when I was little. Cherry and purple used to be my favorite flavors, but then I realized they tasted like ick... So I switched to green flavor. 


	133. Mithos in Danger 2

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Sheena is italic_.

* * *

**Mithos in Danger 2**

"Man, I wish Genis would share..."

**"What's that Lloyd?"**

_"We can't hear you if you mumble."_

"Ah, it's nothing."

**"Aw, come on Lloyd! What's bothering you? Maybe I could help."**

"No, really, it's okay. There's nothing wrong. Besides, I promised Genis I wouldn't say anything."

_"So it's a secret? Now you have to tell us, Lloyd!"_

**"Pretty please?"**

"Agh, fine. I found Genis snacking on something and it looked like rock candy."

_"Rock candy? Wow, I haven't had that since I was little. It used to be my favorite."_

"I know, I like it too. I wish he'd share..."

**"Sheena, let's go see if Genis has any more candy."**

"What? Hold on, Colette-"

_"What makes you think he'd give us some if he wouldn't give Lloyd, his best friend, any?"_

**"Because I'm the Chosen, of course! And because Genis is really nice!" (Exit)**

_"... Good point. Let's go!" (Exit)_

"Hey! Wait! You're not supposed to know, remember?! ..." (Sigh) "Sorry Genis..."

* * *

AN: Pretty girls can pull any info out of Lloyd. In that way, Colette was right. He's just like Zelos! And... Now that I think about it, Colette never took advantage of her rank as Chosen. Ever. Sure, the rest of the party did, but never her. Maybe Zelos is rubbing off on her too... 


	134. Mithos in Danger 3

Disclaimer: Not Mine. 

AN: Well, I originally wasn't planning to write this skit. The Mithos in Danger saga was to end with number two. But! Since you all seemed to want a continuation, I pulled this together about... Oh, five minutes ago. Normally a new skit would never make it to posting this fast, but Shadow Phantazy gave me a green light, so here it is! Genis is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Sheena is italic_.

* * *

**Mithos in Danger 3**

"Mithos... I still can't believe you were really-"

**"Genis, there you are! What a good hiding spot!"**

"Wah! H-hey Colette, what're you doing here?"

**"W-we came to see if you'd share your candy with us. Why are you so jumpy?"**

_"Maybe you should give us whatever candy you have left... Look at you Genis, you're shaking. If you eat any more sugar you'll be too hyper to sleep."_

"I-I'm not hyper! You just startled me and-"

**"Genis, what've you got behind your back? Is that the candy?"**

"N-no! It's not!"

_"I think I saw something shiny. Lloyd was right, it is rock candy!"_

"No, stay back! You can't eat it!"

**"Come on Genis, please? We only want a little bit!"**

"No way!" (Gulp)

_"Wha-? Genis, why'd you go and eat it all?!"_

**"Oh no. That was a big piece! You didn't swallow it, did you? Don't choke!"**

"I'mph sawy ut I hed to ho eh."

_"Well he's still got it in his mouth, that's for sure. Any idea what he's saying, Colette?"_

**"I don't know, but... Don't talk with your mouth full Genis. Be careful!"**

_(Sigh) "Well, if he just got the candy all slobbery I guess there's no reason for us to stick around. Don't hurt yourself, Genis!" (Exit)_

**"It's okay that you don't want to share, Genis. We can always get candy some other time!" (Exit)**

"... ... BLAGH!" (Spit, cough cough) Gross! What are these Cruxis Crystals made of? That doesn't taste like a soul, that tastes like... Yuck! Ugh, sorry about that Mithos, but I had to keep you a secret. Trust me, it won't happen again. (Shudder)

* * *

AN: He just stuck the crystal in his mouth to hide it. He didn't actually eat it because that would be gross and probably unhealthy, not to mention problematic later in the game. As for what Genis says when his mouth is full, it's "I'm sorry, but I had to do it." I figured out what it should sound like by saying the phrase myself with half my fist in my mouth. It was a very silly few minutes.


	135. ACHOO!

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play at night in your room at the Altamira Hotel. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, and **_the Cat is bold and italic._**

* * *

**ACHOO!**

"Whoa! Did you guys check out the room below us? It's filled with cats!"

_"What, cats?"_

"Yeah, there must be at least fifty of them! They're everywhere, I could hardly walk in there."

_"Agh, that-" (Sniff) "-explains it."_

**"What's wrong Sheena? Do you not like cats?"**

_"No, they're-" (Sniffle) "They're fine, I'm just really-" (ACHOO!) "I'm really allergic to them."_

**"You are? I'm so sorry! Oh, and we probably brought a bunch of cat hair in with us..."**

_"No, it's okay. You didn't know."_

"It's not okay! You're going to be miserable all night now. Is there anything we can do to help?"

_"Nah, I'll-" (Sniff) "-be fine. This may actually be good for me. Who knows? Maybe I'll get used to it if I-" (ACHOO!) "Am exposed to enough cat."_

**"You think so?"**

"It really works like that?"

_"That's what I've heard." (Sniff)_

**"Okay, that settles it, I'll go borrow a cat! We're going to help you beat this allergy Sheena!" (Exit)**

_"N-no! Colette, wait!" (Sniff) "Oh no. Cat hair is one thing, but if she brings a cat in here..."_

**_(Meow)_**

_(ACHOOOOOOOOO!) "Agh, I'm gonna swell up like a melon..."_

"Sorry Sheena."

* * *

AN: Cats, the mighty Chief Sheena's one weakness! On another note: I've been having really bad allergic reactions to... Something lately. (Not cats though.) I think it's pollen, but whatever it is, it's horrible. Sure, I could say it's just sneezing and a runny nose, but I won't. It's a terrible, constant, histamine Hades! No matter what I do, I can't breathe though my nose. Anyway, it's sick, it's gross, and I hope that Sudafed I took kicks in soon. Everyone else who has allergies, I feel your pain. 


	136. Durable Wooden Blades

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you get the title "Eternal Apprentice". Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Durable Wooden Blades**

"Lloyd... I can't help but wonder, do you ever plan to use a different set of swords?"

**"Nah. I really like this pair of Wooden Blades. I've had them almost forever. Besides, I've gotten so used to them, they're like a part of me. Now that I think about it, I don't think I'd be able to switch to something new even if I had to."**

"Hmph. I'm sure you could use any swords you wished, Lloyd. You're a skilled enough swordsman that mastering a different weapon shouldn't be a challenge. But it does make sense that you would be attached to those swords. They served you well during this journey."

**"Yeah, my swords have never let me down! They're tough enough to handle anything, just watch! Hiyah!" (Crack! Snap!) "..."**

"... Lloyd..."

**"... ... ..."**

"Perhaps solid stone wasn't the smartest thing to demonstrate their strength on."

**"Kratos..."**

"... ... Very well, I'll leave you alone."

**"Thank you."**

* * *

AN: I have many bokkens (wooden practice swords) like the ones Lloyd uses. I know for a fact that one pair would never last for the entire game if he was the one wielding them. I'd give each pair a lifespan about three dungeons.


	137. It's In Their Blood

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Colette is normal, **Sheena is bold**, G_enis is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**It's In Their Blood**

_"... Hey Zelos, how does the church decide who will be Chosen in Tethe'alla? In our world, the Chosen has to come from a special family. Is it the same here?"_

**_"Yeah. The Chosen has to be a member of the Lineage of Mana, the bloodline that runs in my family."_**

**"Wait a minute... If that's true on both worlds, then that means..."**

"What is it Sheena?"

**_"Yeah, what are you two talking about? Cough it up, twerp."_**

_"You really can't figure it out for yourself? Sheesh, you're hopeless!"_

**"Think about it Zelos. Being the Chosen is a role that's passed down through families, right? You're the Chosen because you share the angelic bloodline, and so does Colette."**

_"It's a little creepy, but since the worlds were once joined, there's a good chance that all the Chosens of Sylvarant and Tethe'alla are related."_

**_"What?! What do you mean she and I might be related?!"_**

"Really? Wow, that is so cool! Zelos, you could be my long-lost brother! Isn't that great?"

**_(Sigh) "Yeah, just great..."_**

_"Congratulations Colette!"_

**"Yeah, you're now one of the only two girls in existence who are off-limits to Zelos!"**

* * *

AN: While it makes for a good joke, I always wondered about this. The Chosen is supposed to come from a family line, right? But don't Chosens die young? They don't live long enough to leave heirs, so that must mean there are lots of families that could be considered as candidates for the Chosency and a new line is selected to carry out each regeneration. By now Yggdrasil must have used up all the most compatible bloodlines and is digging up the angelic dregs from the bottom of the barrel. No wonder he can't revive Martel... 


	138. Something Sleeps in the Deep

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you see skit 368 "A Ruin in the Sea." Raine is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Something Sleeps in the Deep**

**"Hey Professor, what're you up to?"**

"I'm reviewing the data I collected from my underwater probes. It's fascinating."

**" So you took Colette's advice after all, eh?"**

"Yes. Although I'm still uncomfortable around water, it would be unscientific to allow my fear to keep me from possible discoveries."

**"Cool. What have you found?"**

"Well, it's strange... One of my probes picked up a set of ultra-low-frequency sonic waveforms."

**"..."**

"Sounds, Lloyd. Very, very low sounds that would most likely be made by something far larger than a whale."

**"Whoa! Do you mean something like a sea monster?"**

"I suppose you could call it that. Whatever sort of creature it is, it's gigantic. Larger than anything that's ever been discovered before! But, that's not the oddest discovery I've made."

**"How could you find something weirder? That's pretty impressive already..."**

"My second probe picked up voices. A chant of 'Ia! Ia! C'thulhu f'htagn!' I'm having doubts about whether I should pursue this further..."

**"Y-yeah... That sounds like trouble. Maybe you should leave this one alone..."**

* * *

AN: I don't blame you if you don't get this one, it's a bit obscure. For all of you who have no idea who C'thulhu is, go and check him out, along with H.P. Lovecraft, on Wikipedia. You'll see why Raine would be wise to leave C'thulhu alone and let him sleep. It's creepy...

By the way, this is one of the skits I wrote on my trip that I took forever ago. This baby was created while I was taking the ferry to South Manitou Island. There's nothing like deep, rough water to make you wonder if something scary is living down there.


	139. Can't Beat Regal

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you get the "Combo Newbie" title, if you earn it while Regal is in your party. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Can't Beat Regal**

"Man, I love combos! Pow, whack, slash, biff! I'm a master!"

**"But you've only done a ten-hit combo..."**

"So I can do better. Does it really matter? I'm still amazing!"

**"..."**

"What, don't you believe me?"

**(Sigh) "Yes, Lloyd. You're amazing, but you're not a master yet. Not even close."**

"Ah, I guess you're right... Well, when do you think I'll be able to call myself a master?"

**"When you beat Regal's combo record."**

"Regal? Okay. What's his record?"

**"Two hundred and eighty-seven hits."**

"W-what?! You're kidding!"

**"Nope. All Regal's attacks can link together, so he can do almost infinite combos. The only limit is the enemy's health."**

(Sigh) "I'm never going to be a master, am I?"

* * *

AN: I wrote this skit on my trip while I stopped in a gas station off the side of route 37, headed to Traverse City. Surprisingly, the smell of stale gas station coffee and old Krispy Kreme doughnuts is rather inspiring...


	140. Colette the Thief

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you learn Item Thief and Item Rover. Colette is normal, **Sheena is bold**.

* * *

**Colette the Thief**

"Hey, I found something! I must be getting better at this."

**"All right Colette, this has got to stop."**

"Huh? What's got to stop, Sheena?"

**"You're stealing from those monsters! I know it's weird of me to object, but I'm a ninja... My honor demands I stop any injustice I see."**

"..."

**"You probably think I'm crazy now, don't you?"**

"No, not at all! That's really noble of you, Sheena. I'm sorry, I never knew it bothered you so much."

**"Oh, thanks! Um, so does this mean you'll stop stealing?"**

"Mmm... Yeah. It'll mean fewer items for the party, but it's fine."

**"Great, I feel better already. Thanks Colette."**

"Heh, it's okay. It's nothing, really. I'm just glad you're happy. Besides, I can always help the guys search the bodies after the battle's over." (Exit)

**"Ah, okay then- hey, that's grave robbing! Colette! That's no better than before! ... Agh, we're right back where we started..."**

* * *

AN: Item Thief may not be very Chosen-like, but it does help the party out. Colette grabs tons of useful items that help them to survive, so I can forgive her. (I never would have beaten Abyssion if not for her all-divides.) 

In other news, this is yet another one of the skits I wrote on my trip. I jotted it down while sitting in a little gourmet market and deli that I found on the outskirts of Traverse City. They were expensive (really expensive!), but the sandwich I ordered was pretty good. (It had big slices of portabello mushroom on it! I love mushrooms...)


	141. Everything In Moderation

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play on your first play-through once you get twenty of one item. Lloyd is normal, **Raine is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Everything in Moderation**

"Professor, I've been wondering... Why did you set a limit on the number of items we can buy?"

**"It's not a limit Lloyd, it's common sense."**

_"If we're carrying hundreds of the same item, we'll travel slower than if our packs were light. We're overburdened as it is."_

**"Also, since we're not buying everything we see, we have plenty of spare gald to use in case of an emergency."**

_"Frugality and moderation are twice as important when you're traveling abroad."_

"All right, but what if we get into a tough battle and need more than twenty of something? What if some huge monster ambushes us? We haven't been doing so good in our fights lately, twenty apple gels might not be enough!"

**"... That's a very good point, Lloyd."**

_"Indeed, our physical well being should be our primary concern. Perhaps next time around we'll carry more items."_

"Like one hundred?"

_"..."_

"Ninety-nine?"

**"Thirty sounds reasonable."**

_"I agree."_

"Aw..."

* * *

AN: Why twenty? Of all numbers, twenty? I'm sure that they could have chosen some completely random number like forty-three, but really... If you're going to go for twenty Namco, add an extra five and make it a nice, square number. I'd rather have one fourth of a hundred than one fifth!


	142. Zelos the Artist

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Hm... It's been a while since I posted a Zelos skit, not to mention an installment of the "(Character) the (Adjective/Noun)" skit series. Well, I can easily fix that! Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Zelos is italic_, and **_Kratos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Zelos the Artist**

_"No, that's not it... Agh, why can't I do this?"_

"What's wrong, Zelos?"

_"Ah, nothing. I was just doodling, but no matter what I do I can't get Sheena's hair to turn out right."_

**"Hey, wait! You've been drawing me?"**

_"Yeah, you're a good model." (Heart eyes)_

**"I don't know how to feel about that..."**

"Hey Zelos, can I see your sketchbook?"

**"Hold on, Lloyd. I don't know if Zelos' sketchbook is the best thing for a kid like you to be looking at."**

_"Oh come on, Sheena. There's nothing bad in there. Go ahead Lloyd."_

"You really do draw Sheena a lot, Zelos. They're pretty good."

_"Like I said, she's a good model. Her figure's painfully obvious thanks to those tight-fitting clothes she wears, so it's easy to sketch her too."_

**"Zelos..." (Black squiggly)**

"Don't get mad at him, Sheena. There are a lot of pictures of everyone else too. See? Here's one of Kratos. It's awesome!"

**"Oh wow... Look at that detail! That's amazing Zelos, it's a perfect likeness!"**

_"Of Kratos? I don't remember drawing any pictures of him... Let me see."_

"It's this one, right here."

_"Oh yeah, that one. Actually Lloyd, that's not supposed to be Kratos, it's you."_

"W-what? But how? I don't look anything like that!"

_"Not yet you don't, but I was drawing what I thought you'd look like when you're all grown up. I did one of Genis and Colette too."_

**"Hm, yeah! I see it now. There's certainly a family resemblance..."**

"No way, I'm not going to look like Kratos. I look like me!"

_"Sorry Lloyd, but you know what they say. A son will eventually become his father."_

**"He's right you know. Even now, you and Kratos look a lot alike."**

"No way! That's not true!"

**_(Enter) "Lloyd, it's your turn to-"_**

"I'm not like you! I'm my own man and I'll always look like me!" (Exit)

**_"... I assume I have you two to thank for this, correct?"_**

_"Heh heh, you could say that. No matter how hard I try, I can't deny my artist's soul!"_

**_"..." (Sweat drop)_**

**"Sorry Kratos, I'll talk to him."**

**_"Thank you. Sometimes I wonder about that boy..."_**

_"Lloyd? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. The way he acts, you'd think he's got a screw loose."_

**_"Haha, quite. Actually Chosen, I was speaking of you." (Exit)_**

_"Hmph. He just doesn't appreciate my artistic flair. ... What are you laughing at Sheena?!"_

* * *

AN: Thanks to both Kusabe Makabe and tsukasa030 for their ideas! (And sorry for taking so very, very long to post it. What's it been, four months since you guys suggested your ideas? Man, I must be slipping...) 


	143. Ribbon? What Ribbon?

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you see skit 378 "Ribbon". Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, and **_Gnome is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Ribbon? What Ribbon?**

**"Can you please summon Gnome, Sheena? I want to talk with him."**

"I've got some questions to ask too."

_"Okay, stand back. I call upon the Servant of Mother Earth, Gnome!"_

**_(Enter) "Hey guys, what's up?"_**

**"Hi Gnome! I just wanted to tell you how much I love your ribbon. It's so cute!"**

**_"Uh, thanks, but I don't know what you're talking about. I don't wear a ribbon."_**

**"What? But it's right there..."**

**_"Where?"_**

_"On top of your head, Gnome. You have a ribbon."_

"It's bright red."

**"And sometimes it spins!"**

**_"Oh, that... It's not a ribbon, it's a manly bowtie!"_**

"Really? Then why isn't it around your neck?"

**_"Uh, yeah. About that... ... 'S been great seein' ya, Sheena. Later!" (Exit)_**

"Hey, get back here and answer me!"

_"Agh... Gnome is one summon I'll never get used to."_

* * *

AN: A ribbon, a shovel... I love a summon who knows how to accessorize! Thanks to Unmortem for the idea!


	144. Noishe the Fighting Fury

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, and_ Noishe is italic_.

* * *

**Noishe the Fighting Fury**

**"Come on Noishe, you can do this! It's only a 'Lupine Rend'. Just take your paw and swipe like this. It's easy!"**

_(Whine)_

"Lloyd, just what are you doing with Noishe?"

**"I'm training him to fight. I figure Sheena can fight with Corrine, so there's no reason that Noishe couldn't fight with me. Besides, he's a protozoan. One day he'll be a great warrior, so he needs to learn."**

"I see. How many moves have you taught him?"

**"Uh... Well, I showed him two, but he hasn't actually done any of them..." (Sweat drop)**

"If Noishe refuses to perform, it may be because he's bored. Perhaps you need a target for him to attack that's more interesting than that dummy you made out of Zelos' clothes."

**"What? But Noishe loves attacking the Zelos-dummy! Don't you, boy?"**

_(Whine...)_

**"Huh, you don't? Really? Oh, well okay. What do you have in mind Kratos?"**

"Noishe, on your feet! Show me what you've learned."

_(Whine?)_

**"Kratos, put your sword away. You can't think Noishe will actually attack yo-"**

_(Grr... Bark! Bark! Bark!)_

"Ha, hiyah!"

_(Grr... Hoooooooooowl!)_

"Ugh!"

**"Wow! A perfect 'Lupine Rend' and a 'Spin Blade' too! Way to go Noishe, you knocked Kratos on his butt!"**

"Indeed..." (Sweat drop) "It's difficult to guard against something so fast. You've done a good job training him, Lloyd. I'm impressed."

**"Thanks, but Noishe is the one you should compliment."**

"Of course."

_(Hooowl!)_

"But Lloyd, you do realize that, although he can fight, Noishe is still likely to run when monsters appear, right?"

**"Yeah..." (Sweat drop)**

_(Whine...)_

* * *

AN: Lots of sweat-dropping in this one... (Sweat drop) But that's what happens when you work with animals, no? Small children too. (Though I think they may be classified as animals as well...) Anyway, the thanks for this idea go to Kusabe Makabe. That boy gives me skit ideas even when he doesn't mean to... 


	145. Get With The Program!

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after a hard battle if you've given orders (you know, changing your strategy in the middle of a fight) with every character at least once. Sheena is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Genis is italic_, **_Zelos is bold and italic_**, and Regal is underlined.

* * *

**Get With the Program!**

(Pant pant) "That was a really close fight."

**_"Yeah, for a minute there I was afraid Tethe'alla might lose it's main source of manliness."_**

**"Don't worry Zelos, I gave Regal a Miracle Gel. He's okay now."**

_"Hahaha! You're amazing Colette!"_

"Ouch."

**_(Black squiggly) "... What I was trying to say is we need a plan."_**

"Zelos is right, we need to decide on a single strategy to follow before we go into battle again. We can't afford to fight as haphazardly as we have been as of late."

"Okay. Does anyone have a strategy in mind?"

**"Oh, yeah. Let's do that one plan!"**

_"Which one? The usual, or that one?"_

**_"I'm sure she means my pimp plan!"_**

"No, no! She's talking about the Mizuho Tactic!"

"Perhaps the first thing we should do is give each strategy a name to eliminate confusion."

* * *

AN: Seriously, if you listen to the things they say when giving orders it's amazing that any of them know what to do... Colette, Sheena, Zelos, and Genis' last lines are all modified versions of their command quotes, if you haven't noticed. I like Zelos' the best.


	146. It Sounds So Cute!

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you have Colette use a magic lens on a rare monster. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**It Sounds So Cute!**

"Hey Professor, have we seen that monster before?"

_"I'm not certain. It did seem familiar... Let's look it up in the monster list. ... ... ..."_

"What is it, Professor?"

**"Is there something wrong?"**

_"I... Seem to have misplaced the list."_

**"Oh! Sorry, I forgot. I have it. I added that new entry you wanted and forgot to give it back. Here."**

_"Ah. Thank you, Colette."_

"New entry? Is it about that monster we just fought?"

**"Yeah. It was a brand new one, rare too! Its page is right here."**

"All right! Come on Professor, let's hear about it!"

_"Very well, it's called a- ... ... ... Colette...?"_

**"Yes, Professor?"**

_"This monster, it wasn't really named Poochie, was it?"_

**"Hehehe."**

* * *

AN: I had to write something about that bit of dialog... I had no choice.


	147. Lloyd's Questionable Role Model

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after Zelos' death and Kratos returns to your party. Kratos is normal, **Raine is bold**, _Regal is italic_, and Lloyd is underlined.

* * *

**Lloyd's Questionable Role Model**

"Yeah, Falcon's Crest! Did you see that attack, Genis? I must be a genius!" (Exit)

**"Oh my... Now he's quoting Zelos as well..."**

"Zelos Wilder?"

_"Yes. Lloyd and Zelos became rather close during the time you were... Gone."_

"Hm, Lloyd befriending Zelos. I never would have guessed."

**"Is that all you have to say?"**

_"You surprise me Kratos. I would have thought you'd be more upset to learn your son had found a role model in Zelos."_

"I can't deny that Zelos had many inappropriate habits, but he also had a good heart and was rather wise. I couldn't think of a better example for Lloyd to follow."

**"..."**

_"..."_

**"How many potions has he had?"**

_"None that I've seen. He must have gone temporarily insane."_

(Sigh) "Does no one trust my judgment?"

* * *

AN: Seriously, if you can look past all the flirting and "other," you'll see that Zelos is a great guy and a pretty excellent role model too. 


	148. Water Damage

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play once you have the Sand Saber and Aqua Brand if Zelos is in your party. Sheena is normal, **Zelos is bold**, and _Regal is italic_.

* * *

**Water Damage**

"Zelos!"

**"Ah, Sheena! What is it, my sweet hunny-?"**

"Don't you 'sweet hunny' me! What was this doing in my pack?!"

**"Oh cool, my Aqua Brand! Thanks Sheena, I was looking for that."**

"Uh-uh, you're not getting this until you tell me why it was packed in with my things."

**"Well look at it. The Aqua Brand is always wet. Do you think I wanted that in my pack so it could get all my stuff soggy?"**

"So you put it in my pack?! You idiot Chosen! All my stuff is soaking wet! My armor and clothes have all started to mildew, most of my cards are ruined... You might as well have taken everything I've got and thrown it in the Thoda Geyser!"

**"Oops, sorry Sheena. I should've thought more about what I was doing. I didn't mean for your stuff to get ruined. Heh, if I'd been thinking, I would have put it in Lloyd's bag instead!"**

"Zelos!"

**"I'm just kidding! Don't worry, I'll replace as much of your stuff as I can. And anything I can't find, well, you can hold it over my head for a couple years, okay? I really am sorry. I never meant for this to happen."**

"You really mean that?"

**"Yeah, on my honor as the Chosen of Mana and the sexiest man alive! So, can you forgive me?"**

"..." (Sigh) "Yeah, fine. Just don't let it happen again. Oh, and Zelos..."

**"Yes?"**

"Watch out for Regal for a while. He found the Sand Saber you hid in his stuff and he's really upset. His pack looks like somebody shoveled half the Triet Desert in there."

**"Regal, mad? I didn't think he got mad."**

"He doesn't really, but he holds grudges. Remember what he was like with Vharley?"

**"Whoa! You mean he's that angry with me? Yikes..."**

"I'd watch out if I were you."

**"Thanks, I'll make sure I stay as far away as possible from-"**

_(Enter) "Zelos, I may have a word?"_

**"Ah, crap!" (Exit)**

_"... Strange... Well then, Sheena, I'll ask you. I'll be starting dinner soon. Do you have a request?"_

"Heh... Nope. Make whatever you feel like."

* * *

AN: How would you safely transport a sword that's eternally wet? You can't keep it with the other weapons, they'd rust. And you can't keep it with the clothes or provisions for the reasons Sheena mentioned. You couldn't keep it with you either, since having it by your sleeping bag/bedroll would cause you to wake up in PJ's and covers that were sopping wet. It would weaken your immune system. You'd get sick and die! The Aqua Brand is a cursed blade! And the Sand Saber just sounds like a nuisance...

On another note, I figured it was about time for Sheena to get her share of revenge. Let's see how long Zelos sweats this one out.


	149. Recipe For Revenge

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after "Water Damage" but isn't really a sequel. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Regal is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic._**

* * *

**Recipe For Revenge**

_"I see, so it was Kratos who slew Kvar..."_

"Yeah, after all these years he was finally able to avenge my mom. I still can't believe he was able to wait so long. If it were me, I would have rushed in and killed Kvar the first chance I got!"

**"Well you know what they say, Lloyd: Revenge is a dish best served cold."**

_"Actually, that's a common misconception. Revenge is properly served piping hot in a savory sauce with a cilantro garnish."_

**"Regal..." (Sweatdrop)**

"Are you kidding? I can never tell..."

_"I have the recipe right here, it's one of my favorites."_

**"Hey, that looks pretty good."**

"I'll say! Regal, could you make this for us tonight?"

_"I don't see why not."_

"All right!"

**_(Enter) "Hey Lloyd, do you remember whose turn it is to cook? I think it might be mine, but I forgo- Ah! H-Hi Regal. Didn't see you there..."_**

_"... I am cooking tonight, and we're having... Revenge."_

**_"I-Is that so...? I-I think I'll just, uh, fix myself a sandwich..." (Exit)_**

* * *

AN: As skits go, I love this one. This skit is a testament to my paradoxical, undiagnosed ADD. It all started with me pondering random sayings, then I though: "You know, what if revenge isn't really supposed to be served cold? It probably tastes terrible like that, all icy and hard! Put in in the microwave for ten minutes at half power and..." As you can all see, it went downhill from there. The way I'd serve it is actually chopped up and stewed into a thick chili then poured over rice or spaghetti, but I'll let Regal have his way. (Picture his most scary face when he says that last line!) Nyahahaha... 


	150. Pun With Summons

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: First things first, this is the one hundred and fiftieth chapter of Z-Skit Theater! As such, I felt it needed an especially memorable skit. This would play after you form pacts with all eight elemental summons. Sheena is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, and_ Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**Pun With Summons**

"Wow, we actually did it. We made pacts with all eight summon spirits."

_"Nah, it was all you, Sheena."_

**"We fought, but you did all the real work."**

"Ah, well, if you say so... Anyway, what do you think of them?"

**"The summons?"**

"Yeah. They're going to be fighting alongside us. I think it'd be smart to get to know them."

_"Well I know I like Celsius!" (Hearts for eyes)_

"Zelos!"

_"Hey, can you blame me? She's so cool!"_

**"... Yeah, Undine too. She may seem shallow sometimes, but she's really deep."**

"Ugh... Let me guess, next you're going to say Efreet is hot."

_"But not nearly as hot as me."_

"Okay, what about the Sylph then?"

_"They're nice girls, but they're a bit too breezy for me."_

**"Gnome's a good guy too, really down-to-earth."**

_"And Volt's okay once you get to know him."_

"He has an electric personality?" (Black squiggly)

_"Now you're getting it!"_

"Well, I bet you can't think of a way to mock Aska and Luna."

_"Are you kidding? It's easy when they've both got such sunny personalities."_

**"And they're always so lighthearted when they're together."**

"W-wha-? Fine. So you can get them, but I know there's no way you can make a joke about Shadow. You just can't make fun of the Envoy of Darkness, it's impossible."

_"... ... ..." (Sigh) "Well, what can I say, Sheena? You're right."_

**"Yeah, Shadow doesn't show much of a personality. We're still in the dark about him."**

"I... I don't believe it..."

_"That's my bud Lloyd!" (Laughing madly)_

**"Huh? What did I say...?"**

* * *

AN: Oh, I do love puns. The worse they are, the better. But, please take note, this is why Zelos and Lloyd should never under any circumstances do stand-up. (I apologize to anyone who doesn't love puns as much as I. You must all be groaning and rolling your eyes by now, but I just had to write this one. My inner evil comedian made me do it.) 


	151. Conquering Your Fears

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you see skit 369 "Labyrinth Forest". Genis is normal, **Sheena is bold**, and _Presea is italic_.

* * *

**Conquering Your Fears**

"This place is sure creepy... Y-you don' think it could be haunted, do you?"

**"Haunted? ... No, I can't sense any presences. Why do you ask?"**

"Uh... Well..."

_"Is Zelos' ghost story still bothering you?"_

"Yeah. I just... I really don't like ghosts. They're out there and you can't defend yourself against them!"

**"What are you talking about Genis?"**

"You can't fight ghosts, Sheena. They're dead! You can't kill something that's already dead!"

**"Well we seem to be doing a good job of it."**

"Huh?"

_"We have fought and defeated several Ghosts and Phantoms already."_

**"Yeah, Zombies and Ghouls too. We've been killing undead monsters left and right. They're not as scary as you think."**

"I guess you're right... But..."

_"I have an idea. My mommy always said you should face your fears. Let's find Genis a group of Ghosts to fight."_

**"That sounds like a great idea! Once he kills them all, Genis will see there's nothing to be afraid of."**

"H-hey! Don't I get a say in this?"

_"No."_

**"Come on, Genis. Let's go conquer your fear!"**

* * *

AN: I always wondered how one could kill a Ghost. It's already dead, isn't it? I suppose you might be able to destroy/disrupt its ectoplasmic body, but it still seems... Wrong. Know what I mean? (Also: Please note that these monsters are zombies and ghosts, not zombie goasts.)


	152. The Perks of Homelessness

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Yowch, I sure kept you guys waiting with this one, didn't I? Sorry 'bout that. (Exams, registration, a multitude of papers... It's the peak of the fall term here at the university...) Anyway, I'm getting back on track with my schedule, huzzah!

This would play in Triet very soon after Iselia burns. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**The Perks of Homelessness**

"Are you all right, Genis? You look a little depressed."

**"I guess I am. I was just thinking about Iselia..."**

"Oh, yeah... ... Hey, cheer up Genis. I know they'll never let me return, but I'm sure you'll be able to go back someday."

**"Why would I want to go back? I don't exactly have anything that I'd return for."**

"Huh? What are you talking about? Iselia was your home."

**"Yeah, and my house burned down. The town doesn't want me back, and even if I returned there wouldn't be any place for me to go. Raine and I are homeless now."**

"I guess you're right... I'm sorry, Genis. I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that I didn't stop to think about you. I guess I should be thankful that Dirk wasn't in the city when the Desians came..."

**"It's okay Lloyd. I shouldn't be so upset. It was just a building. The important thing is that Raine and I are safe. Besides, think of the good things that came of it."**

"Yeah! Now you get to come with us and see Colette regenerate the world. Raine would never have let us come if we could have gone back to Iselia."

**"Well, I guess there's that too..."**

"Wait, what were you thinking about?"

**"Oh, nothing big. Just how I'll never have to clean my room again!"**

"Ah, that's right! Lucky..."

* * *

AN: There is nothing funny about homelessness, it's a serious problem that our society has yet to overcome. That said, I'd still like to not have to clean my room...

In other news: I know it's a day late, but happy Halloween everybody!


	153. Give the Ring to Zelos

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you use the Sorcerer's Ring in Tethe'alla. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Genis is italic_.

* * *

**Give the Ring to Zelos**

"There's another one of those terminals for the Sorcerer's Ring! I wonder what this one will make the ring do."

_"Those terminals are sure weird... They're starting to creep me out."_

**"Why do you say that, Genis?"**

"Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with them. We've seen them everywhere. They're pretty normal."

_"That's just it, they show up everywhere! There are terminals all over Sylvarant and Tethe'alla. They're even in Desian bases!"_

**"Yeah, it's really convenient! No matter where you go in the worlds, you can make the Sorcerer's Ring do what you want."**

_"But Colette, the Sorcerer's Ring is supposed to be a tool to help the Chosen complete the journey to regenerate the world, right? Why would the Desians install terminals to help the Chosen's journey?"_

"Hm... You're right Genis, that's pretty weird."

**"I wonder why they would do that..."**

_"I was thinking the Sorcerer's Ring might be a trick. While it does help us get to the seals, it might also be something like a tracking device. Maybe it's set up so that each time we use a terminal, the terminal sends a signal back to the Desians and tells them where we are."_

"Whoa!"

**"Do you really think it could do that?"**

_"I don't know, but since it could be leading the Desians to us, I think we should give the ring to Zelos. For, uh, safekeeping."_

"Safekeeping? Sure..."

_"Oh come on, Zelos is tough. He could take a few hundred Desians!"_

**"Genis! Stop being so mean to Zelos."**

_"But Colette-!"_

"Colette's right. If the Desians come for the ring, then we'll all fight them off together."

_"You're probably just saying that because you don't want to give it away..."_

"T-that's not it at all! ... Well, maybe just a little..." (Sheepish)

* * *

AN: An idea I got long ago from cloud-sephiroth. Who installs those terminals anyway? They're everywhere in the remote corners of the worlds, like save points. At least Namco explained save points in the Tales series. ... You know, all this talk of save points has made me remember that I hate them. Down with save points! I want to save wherever I want, whenever I want. Are you with me?!

And, I'd side with Lloyd. The Sorcerer's Ring is a magical Swiss Army Knife! Who in their right mind would want to give that away?


	154. Sound Effects

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you get the Laser Blade in Welgaia. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**Sound Effects**

"Vmmm... Vmmm... Vmmm... Ha-hiyah!"

**"...Lloyd, just what are you doing with my sword?"**

"Wha-? Zelos! Uh... I was just trying it out. I guess you caught me."

**"Of course I caught you. You took my beautiful Laser Blade right off my belt then started waving it around and giggling like an idiot. Did you think I wouldn't notice?"**

(Sigh) "Sorry, it's just such a cool sword."

**"Isn't it though? Toss it here, bud."**

"Oh, right. Here."

**"Hey Lloyd, what was up with those sound effects earlier? You know, the 'vmmm'?"**

"It just seemed right. I mean, your lightsaber glows. Shouldn't it be humming with energy?"

**"Yeah, but it's called a Laser Blade, not a lightsaber, Lloyd."**

"Whatever."

* * *

AN: The Laser Blade is Mace Windu's lightsaber. That's all there is to it.


	155. You're It!

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play in Welgaia after skit 268 "Weightless". Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Zelos is italic_, and **_Genis is bold and italic._**

* * *

**You're It!**

"Whoo! This rocks!"

**_"Yeah, you're not gonna catch me!"_**

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, Genis. Here I come!"

_"Whoa! Watch it, Lloyd. You almost got me there."_

"But that's the point, Zelos. I can't be 'It' forever. I have to catch one of you two."

_"Yeah, yeah, I know how the game works. I just don't like being 'It'."_

**"Hey, what're you doing guys?"**

"We're playing tag. Lloyd's It!"

**"That sounds like a lot of fun."**

_**"It is! Isn't it Zelos?"**_

_"..."_

"Zelos..."

_"Okay, okay. As much as I hate to admit it... This is pretty fun. I guess you're not as boring a guy as I thought you were, Lloyd."_

"I'm glad you think so, because now you're it! Haha!"

_"Hey! How is that fair?!"_

* * *

AN: One day, I'm going to go somewhere where I can experience zero gravity. It's on my list of things to do before I die. (Right up there with "catch Santa red-handed." That jolly old fat man's been stealing my cookies every year since I was a little kid!) And yes, I will play tag when I get there.


	156. Colette Everlasting

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after all Colette's Cruxis Crystal problems are solved and the truth about the crystals (that they make you immortal) is known. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**Colette Everlasting**

"... ... ..."

**"Lloyd, um, what are you staring at? Is there something on me?"**

"Oh, no. It's nothing. I was just looking at your chest... Sorry for staring."

_"Haha! I've finally gotten through to him!"_

"W-what? No! That's not what I meant! I was looking at Colette's Cruxis Crystal."

**"It's okay Lloyd, I know what you meant. What did you want to know about my crystal?"**

"I was just thinking, will that Cruxis Crystal make you immortal like Kratos and Mithos?"

_"Huh, I bet it will. She's already gone through all the trouble of the transformations..."_

"That's what I was thinking. Right now, Colette could probably live forever."

**"Do you really think so? Hm... If that's how it works, then couldn't you be immortal too, Zelos? You've got a Cruxis Crystal of your own."**

_"Maybe, but I don't really like the idea of immortality. Besides, I wouldn't want to go through the transformations."_

**"Yeah, I guess you're right. I wonder if I really will be immortal... Maybe I should ask Professor Sage, she might know." (Exit)**

_"... That was a good cover story Lloyd, but you really were staring at her chest earlier, weren't you?"_

"I was not!"

_"Aha! Indignation. I knew I was right! You may be Kratos' son, but you're more like me than you know."_

(Black squiggly) "S-shut up..."

* * *

AN: This is another one of the skits I wrote while on vacation all those months ago, it's also what you get after I spend three days away from all forms of electricity. (Except for when we took the coffee pot up to the ranger's station and pirated some power to make our morning brew.) The campground we were staying in was beautiful, but about as bare-bones as you can get. Pit toilets for three days... Yippee-skippy...

Anyway, have a happy Thanksgiving everybody! Eat turkey and pumpkin pie 'til you think you're gonna explode, then eat some more! Wahoo! (Loople-do!)


	157. About the List 1

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you've pretty much filled up the Monster List. Lloyd is normal, **Raine is bold**.

* * *

**About the List...**

**"Lloyd, have you seen the Monster List? I have some new data to record in it."**

"Oh yeah, I was flipping through it and looking at all the monsters. They're pretty cool, but..."

**"Hm? What is it Lloyd?"**

"It's just something that's been bothering me for a while... There are a whole bunch of monsters that look exactly the same, except for their color. What is it that makes a Starfish different from a Super Star, or a Wolf from a Night Raid?"

**"That's an excellent question Lloyd. Technically, all the monsters that look alike could be considered to be of the same species. However, the alternate coloration of some monsters is evidence of a genetic mutation which makes the monster more powerful."**

"I guess that makes sense... But what about the jellyfish?"

**"What do you mean?"**

"Here you have a Sea Jelly and a Jellyfish, but there's also an entry for an Evil Jelly that's way stronger than the others. Is that because it has a mutation too?"

**"No, the Evil Jelly is stronger because it's, well, evil."**

"... That doesn't sound very scientific to me..."

**"... Please excuse me, Lloyd. I have data to record." (Exit)**

"Huh? What was that about?"

* * *

AN: The Evil Jellies scare me...

In other news, who wants to play this game with me? It's called, simply, "Vampires!" and is a fun way to mindlessly waste a few minutes each day! The idea is that you're a vampire running around a city getting blood, supernatural powers, cash, and other nice junk. Follow this link to get to the game (first removing all the spaces, and replacing the stuff in parenthesis with its symbol, you know the drill):

http: (backslash, backslash) quiz (dot) ravenblack (dot) net (backslash) blood (dot) pl (question mark) biter (equals sign) Meruve

Sign up from that link and the game will put you in my vampire family and we can run about the city wreaking havok together! What fun!


	158. About the List 2

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**About the List 2**

"Professor, we were looking at the Monster List again and Colette pointed out something really important."

_"What is it, Colette?"_

**"I noticed your filing system is kinda off... You have every monster under a type, right?"**

_"Yes, I did that for quick reference."_

**"Well, there are a few entries that are in the wrong types. Like Ogres, you have them as humans when they really should be beasts. You've also got the spider monsters as being insects, but spiders are arachnids."**

"Then I noticed that every Desian Entry is under a human type, they should be half-elves."

_"I-I did that to, ah, minimize confusion. Right, I didn't make a half-elf category because I didn't want people to be confused while reading."_

"But Professor, you gave angels their own category... Oh, that was another one! Kratos is listed as a human, not an angel."

_"Ah! Uh, p-please excuse me. I have... More research to do. I'm very busy." (Exit)_

"Huh, it's just like last time..."

**"Lloyd, do you think we might have hurt her feelings?"**

"Uh-oh, I never thought of that. Aw man, I didn't mean to..."

* * *

AN: Why is Kratos listed as a human? It doesn't make sense. When you fight him the first time he's already revealed himself as an angel. So they can't be calling him human just to avoid spoilers early in the game... And he's definitely not human, not anymore.

And, to the twelve of ye who signed up to play (so far): Hiya! I haven't run across any of you in-game yet, but I'm sure we'll see each other eventually. It's a big town, but it's not _that_ big. Another random bit-o-info: The game only shows me the names of the ten highest-scoring players out of everyone I've brought in. If you're new and haven't played enough to rack up a good score, you may be right next to me and I wouldn't even know it, having never seen your name. So if you see me, give a shout. It'd be neat.


	159. About the List 3

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**About the List 3**

"Professor Sage? We were looking at the Monster List again."

_(Sigh) "Did you find another error?"_

**"Actually, ye-"**

"No! No we didn't. We just noticed there were a few places where the entry number were skipped, like you were going to put an entry in but didn't have the data yet."

_"You noticed that? I'm impressed, Lloyd."_

"It's not that big of a deal, Genis had to point it out to us..." (Blush)

**"We figured you left those blank spaces for some rare monsters that we haven't seen yet, so Lloyd and I researched the best ways to find some."**

"We're ready to start monster hunting whenever you are!"

_"Lloyd, Colette... Thank you. I'd be happy to start hunting right away. What is the first monster you researched?"_

"That'd be a Drake."

**"They live in the grassy areas outside the Gaoracchia Forest."**

_"Excellent! Now, what are we going to use as bait?"_

**"Bait?"**

_"Of course, you need bait to lure rare monsters out into the open. Drakes and most other dragons are attracted to young girls..."_

**"Um, Professor Sage, why are you looking at me like that?"**

"C-couldn't we just use a steak?"

_"I'm afraid that won't be as effective. If it helps Lloyd, just think of the marvelous specimen we'll find with Colette's help."_

"No way! I won't let you use Colette as bait! C'mon Colette, let's get out of here!" (Exit)

**"Lloyd, wait! Put me down!" (Exit)**

_"Lloyd, come back! Ah, can't that boy understand sarcasm? He can't honestly believe I would throw Colette to a dragon in the name of science..." (Sigh) "I'd better catch him before he gets to Noishe." (Exit)_

* * *

AN: She'd do it. For a rare species of dragon that they'd never seen before? She'd do it a heartbeat, the Ritual of Regeneration isn't _that_ important... 


	160. Regal's One Love

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play in the Altamira amusement park. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, and _Regal is italic_.

* * *

**Regal's One Love**

"All right, this is going to be so cool!"

_"Have you ever been on a roller coaster before, Lloyd?"_

"No, this is my first time. They looks like they're a lot of fun."

_"They are. I love roller coasters, all thrill rides actually. This park was originally created to be my personal theme park, but we had to open it to the public in order to fund it."_

"What about you, Sheena? Do you like-?"

**"Ugh... I don't know why I let you take me on this. I think I'm going to be sick..."**

"But we haven't even started moving yet!"

**"Doesn't matter..."**

"Sheena, you're a ninja! You're always running around and doing crazy flips in battle, why's this any different?"

_"Some people simply can't appreciate the subtle beauty of a thrill ride. Perhaps you would enjoy the Ferris Wheel more, Sheena. There's still time to get off."_

**"Y-yeah... That's a great idea, Regal." (Exit)**

"... Regal, what is it about this roller coaster that had Sheena so scared?"

_"I'm not sure. Perhaps it was the speed. This ride does run at least as fast as a Rheaird, possibly faster."_

"..."

_"Or it could be the loops. Almost half of the ride is spent upside-down."_

"..."

_"Although it's most likely the two hundred-foot vertical drop at the beginning."_

"..."

_"You look shocked Lloyd."_

"I-it didn't look that extreme from the ground..."

_"That's the best part! Lezareno Corporation builds the worlds' finest, most deceptive roller coasters."_

"Ah, we're moving! It's too late to get off, isn't it?"

_"Indeed. Hang on!"_

"Oh maaan! Aaaaah!"

* * *

AN: I. Adore. Roller coasters. And Regal seems like the type to be an adrenaline junkie, don't you think?


	161. Colette's Nightmare

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after Colette gets her heart back. Colette is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**Colette's Nightmare**

(Gasp!) "Oh no, no! What have I done? No!" (Pant, pant)

_(Enter) "Colette? Are you all right, my little angel?"_

**(Enter) "We heard you scream. Are you okay?"**

"Y-yeah. It was just a bad dream. I'm sorry I yelled."

**"That's weird... You don't usually have nightmares, do you Colette?"**

"No, not usually..."

_"That's okay. If your dream is still bothering you, you can stay with me for the rest of the night. I'll take good care of you!"_

**"Zelos!"**

_"Hehehe."_

"Thanks Zelos, but I think I'll stay here. I'll be fine now."

**"Hey Colette, can I ask you what your dream was about?"**

"It was horrible! I dreamt that I kicked a poor, defenseless puppy when I was heartless."

**"..."**

"It walked right up to me and I just watched my foot... I couldn't stop myself! I think I dreamed about hitting you too, Zelos. I can't really remember, but I think I hit you really hard. I'm so sorry!"

_"..."_

"But it was only a dream, right? It's not like I really did any of that."

**"Yeah Colette, it was just a dream..."**

_"A crazy, crazy nightmare..."_

**"The part where you hit Zelos wasn't so bad though."**

_"Shut up, twerp!"_

* * *

AN: I do believe that Colette says (in a way) that she was aware of what she did when heartless after she wakes up on Mt. Fooji, but I'm guessing she only remembers what happened after Lloyd made and attached her Rune Crest. If that's the case, then she wouldn't remember kicking the puppy or smacking Zelos.

And, my friends, this is the last gasp for a while. It's the end of term and thusly, cues dramatic music, finals week. Yep. For the next seven-or-so days I'll be... Out of touch. I'm going to shun anything and everything not school-related (excluding sleep and food, I hope) in favor of studying. TV, computer, videogames, all of it will be shut off and locked away until the end of my exams.

Basically, if you don't hear from me for forever, I'm not dead. (And I don't want to go on the cart!)


	162. Your Debt to the Desians

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: Ah... It's good to be back! Sitting here at my compy again, typing endlessly. I'm so glad finals are over and I have my life back! (Not that I have much of a life, but still...) Thanks to everybody who wished me luck. (Grinning madly) The results haven't come back yet so I don't know how I scored, but I think I did well. Now, for what you really want to read!

Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Your Debt to the Desians**

**"I hate those damn Desians! Making everyone suffer..."**

"Lloyd, you constantly curse the Desians, but have you ever considered mentioning the good they've brought to the world?"

**"Good? From the Desians?! Have you gone crazy Kratos?"**

"Don't misunderstand, I'll be the first to admit they do very little good, also that what good they do bring comes from bad, but think about it. The Desians have actually affected you positively."

**"Oh yeah? What good was there in burning Iselia? Where was the positive side when they killed my mom?!"**

"... Lloyd, had the Desians not killed your mother, where would you be now?"

**"I-! ... ... I don't know. Everything would be totally different."**

"Correct. You would most certainly not be here on this journey with us. You would have never known Dirk, or befriended Genis, or met Colette. All those relationships that have brought you joy over the years would never have formed if not for the Desians."

**"Kratos, that's-! ..." (Sigh) "Absolutely true, isn't it?"**

"Yes. As much as you might hate it, you owe a great deal to the Desians."

**"So what, do you want me to thank them or something?"**

"Not at all. I just wanted to give you some perspective. However, if you wanted to thank them, go ahead. Such a ploy may throw them off balance in battle."

**"Heh, you're weird Kratos, but... Thanks." (Exit)**

"Weird? Not the term I would have chosen, but I can't say I disagree... Who would have thought I'd ever defend a Desian?"

* * *

AN: While Kratos does hate Desians and would normally _never_ defend their honor, he would also never want his son (though he wouldn't know it yet!) to fall prey to the same blind hatred that drove Mithos over the edge. He's seen what prejudice can do to people and would do everything in his power to make sure that never happened to Lloyd. Besides, everything he said is true. (Wow... That actually sounded semi-convincing.)


	163. March of the Penguiners 1

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play in the Flanoir area after you've seen both Penguiners and Penguinists, and have gotten Genis' "Katz Katz Katz" title. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**March of the Penguiners**

"Man, those Penguiners really creep me out."

**"Yeah... I like playing in the snow too, but they're just weird."**

_"They're not weird, the Penguiners are fascinating research subjects!"_

"Uh-oh, she's in ruin mode again!"

_"What have I told you about calling it that?! ... As I was saying, Penguiners are wondrous creatures. They seem to be humans in costumes, but are truly genuine monsters."_

**"So they really are monsters? I always wondered about that..."**

_"Yes. Penguiners, like Katz, are not human. In fact, the two species seem to be closely related."_

"Have you been studying them, Professor?"

_"You could say that. I've been observing them from a distance. It's time I moved in and studied the Penguiners in their midst."_

**"What are you talking about, Raine? They'll attack if you get too close, it's dangerous!"**

_"I've already taken steps to prevent that. By wearing these, my helpers and I will be able to blend in and infiltrate the Penguiner population."_

"Are those Penguiner suits?"

_"Yes. I modified Genis' Katz suit and then made two more costumes from the same pattern."_

**"And, uh, just who are your helpers going to be sis?"**

_"Why, you and Lloyd, of course!"_

**"I was afraid you were going to say that..."**

* * *

AN: Yep... I thought of this one after seeing "Gorillas in the Mist." Natural observation rocks! I hope this series quenches your thirst for Penguiners, Fireblast123. (Also: Yes, Raine is forgetting that the Katz weren't fooled by a human in a Katz suit. The chances that Penguiners would be fooled by a pack of humans in Penguiner suits is similarly low, but if she can overlook that fact, so can we! ... We can, right?) 


	164. March of the Penguiners 2

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**March of the Penguiners 2**

_"All right, we're getting close now so act natural. No talking, no sudden moves, just be inconspicuous."_

**"Gee Raine, that's gonna be tough when we're dragging all of this research equipment."**

"Do you really need all this stuff?"

_"Of course I do! All that equipment is vitally important to collecting the data I require."_

"Oh. ... So, it would be a problem is I, uh, lost one of the boxes you gave me?"

_"..."_

"I'm not saying I did! I'm, uh, just asking because..."

_"Which one did you lose, Lloyd?"_

"The orange one..."

_"What?! That box held all my notes!"_

**"Uh, sis..."**

_"We have to find it now, quickly!"_

**"Raine..."**

_"The box was bright orange, so it should stand out against the snow. If we-"_

**"Raine!"**

_"Yes, what is it Genis?"_

**"I think the Penguiners heard you shouting. They're coming this way."**

_"Oh dear..."_

* * *

AN: I sympathize with Raine, I'd freak out too if I found my valuable data (my notebook full of skits and stories) was missing. I'm actually feeling guilty for putting someone else, even a fictional character, through that sort of stress... 

And merry Christmas everybody! Have a great couple days off from work/school, be safe, spend quality time with thy families, and (for those of you of age) go easy on the egg nog. To everyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas, same things apply, only I wish ye a merry December 25th. (Starts handing out big mugs of peppermint tea and christmas cookies)


	165. March of the Penguiners 3

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and _**Sheena is bold and italic**_.

* * *

**March of the Penguiners 3**

_**"Hey, you're back! How did the research go?"**_

_"Terrible. Lloyd lost my notes and we were forced to abandon my equipment and flee when the Penguiners attacked."_

_**"You were attacked? But I thought you had your disguises on."**_

**"We did, but then Lloyd went and gave us away."**

"It wasn't my fault!"

**"Yes it was!**

**_"Hey! Just tell me what happened."_**

_"We were close to the flock of Penguiners and... Accidentally drew their attention. Because we were in disguise we opted to sit still and act like Penguiners. It seemed to work."_

**"Then Lloyd here thought he should make some monster noises..."**

"It made us more realistic! Real Penguiners aren't silent."

**"Yeah, but real Penguiners don't say 'Penguiner, penguiner' either!"**

_**"... You actually said that?"**_

"It seemed like a good idea at the time..."

* * *

AN: Lloyd must first realize that monsters are not pokemon. They don't say their names. Oh, and I just realized I may have been sending the wrong messages with my titles in this last mini-series. I was bored out my mind by March of the Penguins and I... loathed Happy Feet. I love penguins, hate the movies made about them. I just wanted to be sure y'all know where I stand on the important issues in life! (Because what could possibly be more important than dancing penguins?) 


	166. I'm Tired Just Thinking About It

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after the first time you escape from Welgaia and the Tower of Salvation. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Genis is italic_, and **_Raine is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**I'm Tired Just Thinking About It**

"We escaped, but we're going to have to go back up there again, aren't we?"

_**"Yes. Yggdrasil lives in Welgaia. We have no choice but to return if we wish to defeat him."**_

_"Well we got out, so it shouldn't be that hard to get back in. We just need to hop on the warp panel and it'll take us up to the city."_

**_"Not necessarily."_**

**"What do you mean, Professor?"**

**_"Because warp panels are a product of magitechnology they can be turned off. If he wanted to, Yggdrasil could shut the panels down and force us to climb the Tower of Salvation by staircase."_**

_"What? Really?!"_

"That's crazy Professor, there must be millions of stairs in the tower! There's no way we could climb that!"

**_"Exactly. When it comes to going to Welgaia and Derris-Kharlan, we're at Yggdrasil's mercy."_**

_"Wow, I never thought about that..."_

"Me neither. What about you Cole-? ... ... What are you doing, Colette?"

**"I'm praying"**

_"What? To Martel?"_

"After what we just saw up there?!"

**"I'm thanking Martel for installing warp panels in Welgaia."**

"..."

_"..."_

"... Colette..?"

**"Yes, Lloyd?"**

"You don't mind if I, uh, join you, do you?"

_"Me too."_

**"Hehehe."**

* * *

AN: Yep. I'd hate to climb the Tower by stair. If it were Exsphere-less little old me, there'd be no way I could fight once I got to the top (about a month or two after I started climbing). That is, if there even are stairs inside the tower itself. Lloyd might just have to climb up the outside of the tower like Goku. (Yes, yes, I watched Dragonball.) 


	167. Come With Us, Kratos!

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play in Altamira after Kratos rejoins the party, if you already got Zelos' bathing suit. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Come With Us, Kratos!**

**"Hey Kratos, we're going to the beach! Want to come?"**

"No. I'm sorry, but you'll have to go by yourself. I'm too old to go to the beach, and I dislike swimming."

**"But the beach isn't all about swimming. There are plenty of other things to do, like building sandcastles, and smashing watermelons with giant hammers! You know that sounds like fun, Kratos."**

"Yes, but it would be best if I stayed at the hotel and rested."

**"Aw, come on. I just want to spend a day at the beach with my dad."**

"Lloyd, if I were to go with you, what would I wear? You don't have a swimsuit for me."

**"Well, uh... Actually, there is one. We've still got Zelos' old bathing suit, but..."**

"Exactly. Lloyd, would you really want your father to go out in public dressed like that?"

**(Grossed out) "Ah! Y-you're not serious, are you?"**

"Of course, it would be my only option."

**"... Okay. Fine."**

"I'm glad you understand Lloyd-"

**"What're you talking about? Go put that suit on!"**

"What?!"

**"I told you, I want to spend time at the beach with my dad! It doesn't matter what you're wearing! Besides, you're going to embarrass me anyway sooner or later. It's what parents do."**

"Y-Your logic is impossible... You must have inherited that from your mother."

* * *

AN: Seriously, with all Lloyd's "Colette is Colette" and "a heart is a heart" talk, I don't think he'd have all that big of a problem with Kratos wearing that suit. (I know I wouldn't mind...) Sure, it'd be weird, but a dad is a dad! Or they could just shop around Altamira and find Kratos some surf trunks. By that point in the game I usually have at minimum one hundred thousand gald, so they shouldn't have any problem finding an affordable pair. Thanks to Shadic the Hedgehog Author and Mare for the inspiration! 

Happy new year everyone! Anyone who can keep their resolution longer than I can gets a cookie. (My resolution is not to choose a resolution that I'll end up breaking, as such, I've not chosen a resolution. I can't break that, so I am, in fact, keeping with my resolution of not breaking my resolution. I guess I'll study harder for calc and work out a bit too... but those aren't as fun. )


	168. Make Your Own Fun

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Kratos is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Make Your Own Fun**

"All right, here goes. Demon Fang! ... Ah, that one stunk."

_"Don't worry. You get a second try, remember?"_

"Oh yeah, Demon Fang!"

_**"Oh, nice spare Lloyd."**_

_"Now it's my turn. Demon Fang!"_

"Whoa, a strike! Good one, Kratos!"

_"Heh, those bottles never stood a chance."_

_**"Okay, the Great Zelos is up to bat! Demon Fa-! Whoa! Look out, Sheena!"**_

**"Hey! What's wrong with you, Zelos? I heard your attacks and came to help you fight. I'm your ally! Why would you attack me?!"**

**_"I'm sorry, you stepped in front of the pins."_**

**"Pins?"**

"Yeah. We weren't fighting, we were bowling. I got bored so I set up some Holy Bottles and started knocking them down with Demon Fangs. Kratos and Zelos joined in later."

**"Demon Fang bowling? You're kidding."**

_**"Nope, we've been at it for a while now. Kratos is surprisingly good, he's got at least twelve strikes already!"**_

**"Wow, I never would have expected you were a bowler Kratos. You don't seem they type..."**

_"I'm not. However, this version of the game allows me to hone my skills and beat Zelos at the same time. I couldn't resist."_

_**"..." (Black squiggly)**_

**"Hm... I bet I could knock all those bottles down..."**

"You want to try?"

**"Sure. Source of Heaven, Earth, and everything in between, Ruler of all, I summon thee, Origin!"**

"Hey, that's cheating!"

* * *

AN: This idea, contributed by Contraltissimo, is one that she probably thought would never be written. Maybe it shouldn't have been, but I like it. It reminds me of some of the things I used to do to stay awake in class...

By the way, now that the chapter/skit-count is nearing two hundred, I'm... starting to lose track of what I've posted and what I haven't. The list is very, very long and hard to find specific things in. If I'm at any time dumb and accidently post something that I've posted before, feel free to scream at me, as loudly and vehemently as you can, and I'll fix it right away.


	169. Homecoming

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after Presea joins your party and is constantly requesting to go home. Presea is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Homecoming**

"I want to go home..."

**"H-hey, Presea...? Um, what will you do when you get home?"**

"... ... ..."

**"P-Presea?"**

"... ... ..."

**"Did I say something wrong? I... I'm sorry!"**

"... I do not know."

**"Huh?"**

"I don't know what I will do when I get home."

**"Oh! Uh, okay. I-I'm sure you'll think of something..."**

"... I want to go home..."

* * *

AN: I hate it when she says that, it makes me wince with pity. It's so sad... Her voice actor is just too good! 


	170. Cuddly Secret Weapon

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you see Presea's "secret weapon" (the stuffed bunny/teddy bear thing) in battle. Genis is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Presea is italic_.

* * *

**Cuddly Secret Weapon**

**"Wow Presea, what a cute stuffed bunny!"**

"I can't believe how you fought off all those monsters with it, you were amazing!"

_"Thank you. This bunny is one of the toys I played with as a small child."_

**"I had a favorite stuffed animal when I was little too. It was a puppy named Robby."**

"You did? I don't remember that..."

**"Yeah, I took it with me everywhere I went. Presea, did you name your bunny?"**

_"No, but I made all the modifications to it myself."_

"Modifications?"

_"Yes. I reinforced the seams and placed a twenty-pound steel ball in the body. It is now a formidable weapon."_

**"Oh, wow. Presea that..."**

"Sounds, uh, huggable..."

* * *

AN: God of Steel mentioned this and I just couldn't resist. I mean, Presea, screaming "BEAST!" and slapping someone with a stuffed animal? Priceless.

Now, truth be told... I've never gotten a good, clear view of that stuffed teddy/bunny thing. If I got it wrong, and it's not truly a bunny, please tell me. I'll fix it ASAP.

* * *


	171. Anna's Concern

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after Kratos rejoins the party if you talked to him in Flanoir. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Anna's Concern**

**"..."**

" Is there something on your mind, Lloyd?"

**"What was it like when I was a baby and we were always running from the Desians?"**

"First Lloyd, you have to realize we didn't spend our entire time as a family running. We would settle down in a place, stay for several months, and then leave when it seemed the Desians had located us again."

**"Really? Wow, I thought we hid out in the woods the whole time."**

"Three years of solid camping would have been torturous, and certainly no way to raise a child."

**"Yeah, it does sound silly now that you say it out loud... Well, what kind of houses did we live in? Any mansions?"**

"No, nothing so grand. Mostly our homes were small and modest, similar to what you and Dirk have now."

**"Ah, gotcha."**

"I do remember one home in Hima... It's demolished now, but we lived there for almost a year. At that house we had an exceptionally low coffee table."

**"Why do you remember something like that?"**

"Mm? Oh, it was during the time when you were learning to crawl. You would always hit your head on it. Anna was worried it would negatively affect your development. Seeing you now, I'm led to believe she was... Heh. Never mind."

**"... You'd better be thinking 'she was wrong'..." (Black Squiggly)**

* * *

AN: I remember my little brother always ran into the coffee table when he was learning to crawl. It got so bad we had to get rid of the table and I was forced to color on the floor with a clipboard. I hope he appreciates the sacrifices I made from him! Thanks to Angelic Lily Maiden for the idea! 


	172. Kratos the Showoff

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play early on in the journey, as soon as possible when walking about in the field after the party reunites in Triet. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold,** and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Kratos the Show-Off**

_"Take this, stone blast! Take this, fireball! Take this, wind blade!"_

**"It's so cool to watch Kratos train."**

"Hmph... I guess even bigshot mercenaries need to practice."

**"Are you still upset about what happened at the Martel Temple?"**

"No, of course not!"

**"Uh-huh, sure... ... You know, Kratos is the only human I've ever met who could use magic."**

"Really?"

**"Well yeah Lloyd, you know everyone I do so..."**

"Oh, yeah. Heh..."

**"Still, magic is mostly used by elves and half-elves. In fact, I can't remember even hearing about any normal humans who can use it. Kratos is unique."**

_"Take this, lightning! Take this, first aid!"_

**"If his incantations weren't so repetitive, he'd be really amazing. I wonder why he just says 'Take this!'"**

"Yeah, he 's a professional soldier. Shouldn't he be shouting something a little more intimidating?"

**"You would think so."**

"Let's ask!"

**"What? Hey, wait Lloyd!"**

"Hey Kratos!"

_"Take this-! Hm, what is it Lloyd?"_

"Genis was just wondering something. Go on Genis, ask."

**"Ah, well... You know all those spells Kratos, but you only use one incantation. Shouldn't you, you know, say something a bit scarier?"**

_"... What do you have in mind?"_

**"Well, I saw a spell in one of Raine's books that goes like this: Gentle winds, gather before me and transform into waves of air, Cyclone!"**

_"You think I should say all that on the battlefield?"_

"I do. It sounds like it would be pretty cool."

**"You're probably the only human in Sylvarant with magical skills. Why don't you show off more?"**

_"... I am a mercenary, a professional soldier. I have no time for theatrics. If I stood still long enough to chant all that, I would be killed."_

**"Oh, I see... I guess that makes sense."**

"Fighting wars must be really different from killing monsters..."

_"Infinitely so. Now if you'll excuse me, I must get back to my training."_

**"Ah, sure." (Exit)**

"Later, Kratos." (Exit)

_"... Hm, perhaps they're right. This is no war we're fighting. Maybe I do have time to... show off. ... Sacred powers, cast thy purifying light..."_

* * *

AN: ... ... ... Uh, hi? Yep. I've naught to say today. Amazing, isn't it? 

Edit: Seems I've something to say now. Thanks to Fenix of the light for pointing out that it's "transform" not "turn into" in Genis' incantation for Cyclone. Fenix, you get a cookie.


	173. Real Life Action Stars

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: Hm... I seem to be on a Kratos and Regal kick lately, not that I'm complaining... This would play after you battle a starfish with Regal and Kratos in the party. Lloyd is normal, **Regal is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Real Life Action Stars**

"I can't believe how hard those Starfish can kick! My shins are all bruised..."

**"Indeed. I'm always glad I wear greaves when we face them."**

_"I've always found it amazing that they can even kick."_

"Huh, you're right. How do they do that?"

**"I'm sorry, biology is not my area of expertise..."**

_"I know, but the explanation is long and rather technical. Are you sure you want to know?"_

"Yeah! How does it work?"

_"Starfish are echinoderms, meaning they have a hard and spiky exoskeleton that protects them from harm. Inside their exoskeleton they have a series of vein-like tubes that carry water. By building up pressure in those tubes then suddenly releasing it all at once, the starfish are able to move quickly to kick and punch with great force."_

**"An organism that moves with hydraulic pressure? Interesting."**

"Wow... I never knew they were so cool!"

_"Starfish are amazing creatures. Their strength, along with their natural armor and affinity for the martial arts makes them perfect candidates to train as Cruxis' shock troops."_

"Wait, you're telling me that Cruxis has an army of starfish at its command?!"

_"Absolutely."_

"You... You're serious?!"

_(Black squiggly) "Of course not. You are far too gullible Lloyd."_

"Agh, not you too Kratos! Why do you guys always say stuff like that with a straight face?"

* * *

AN: All that stuff about starfish moving with natural hydraulics is true; and who knows, Cruxis very well may have a grand starfish army tucked away somewhere. 


	174. Clever Marketing

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**, and _Regal is italic_.

* * *

**Clever Marketing**

**"Those Katz are sure master businessmen..."**

"What do you mean?"

_"I should think it's fairly obvious. The Katz run a successful business because they fill a specific niche in the market."_

"... Niche?"

**"What Regal is trying to say is that the Katz are the only ones who do what they do. If you want treasure found or monsters spotted, you have to hire them to do it. They don't have any competition either so they can charge whatever they want."**

_"Exactly. They have a monopoly on services that are vital to travelers and explorers."_

"That doesn't sound fair at all."

_"It's not. Monopolies are severely frowned upon in Tethe'alla because of the way they can manipulate the world's economy. There are even laws that prevent companies from gaining monopolies on goods and services. I've tried to discover how the Katz managed to circumvent those laws for decades..."_

"Why would you want to know that, Regal?"

_"... ... ... No comment."_

**"The worst part is their advertising though. Look at their suits, Lloyd. What do you see?"**

"... Katz?"

**"Exactly. Cute, fuzzy, humanoid cats. People, especially women, can't resist them. They'll pay whatever price the Katz ask because they're cute!"**

"So... Does that mean that if we dressed Genis up in his Katz suit and sent him around asking for stuff, people would give it to him? If he looked like a Katz, Genis might be as popular with the ladies as you are Zelos."

**"Whoa! I never said that. You're obviously not getting my point. There's no way that that twerp could be as popular as me... I'm just saying those Katz have really clever marketing."**

"... Then couldn't you have just said that without wasting time on the long economics lecture?" (Black squiggly)

_"Hmph. Economics is a fascinating subject, it's never a waste of time!"_

**"W-whoa Regal, calm down..."**

"I think you're been spending too much time around Raine..."

* * *

AN: Mm, economics. Think about it, the Katz have a monopoly, an explorer-aid business empire, on both worlds! They're clearly a forgotten, rogue branch of Cruxis bent on world domination... 


	175. Ever Changing Noishe

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you learn Noishe is a protozoan. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Ever-Changing Noishe**

**"Hey, Kratos?"**

"Yes, Lloyd?"

**"When did you get Noishe?"**

"Get Noishe?"

**"Yeah, how long have you had him? Did you ever see him go through one of those transformations the elves were talking about?"**

"Lloyd, Noishe is not a dog. I don't own him, he travels with us of his own free will. Noishe deserves more respect than you give him."

**"Oh, that's right. Sorry... I grew up thinking of him as my dog. It's going to be hard to think of him as anything else..."**

"... I don't think he minds. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you. As for your question, I've known Noishe for several thousand years, but I've never seen him transform. I may be exceptionally old, but I'm not that ancient."

**"Really? That's too bad... It would be cool to see him change."**

"Yes, but it may be for the best. It would have been impossible for him to travel with us had he not been in canine form."

**"Why? It wouldn't have been that hard to take a bird with you."**

"True, but what if Noishe had been in an even earlier state? Imagine trying to go into battle carrying a fishbowl."

**"Ugh..."**

* * *

AN: The Ancient Heroes found Noishe at exactly the right time. How fortunate for Kratos. If he had been several hundred years earlier or later, then he may never have met Noishe and Lloyd would be dead. (Since Noishe wouldn't have been there to save him from Anna as an Exubela.)

* * *


	176. Deja Vu

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you lose the same boss fight and load your saved game five times. Just a (not so) subtle hint on the game's part... Lloyd is normal, **Raine is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Deja Vu**

"Hey, hold on everybody. Something's not right here!"

_"What do you mean, Lloyd?"_

"I don't know... It feels familiar, like we've been here before, doing this. Yeah, I'm sure of it!"

**"Lloyd, the feeling you describe is a fairly common occurrence called deja vu. It's nothing to be worried about."**

"Still, let's... Not go down there. I've got this feeling something bad'll happen if we do."

**"And what would you have us do, Lloyd? We have to go defeat our enemy to continue on our journey."**

_"Just a moment Raine, Lloyd may be onto something."_

"You believe me?"

_"Yes. Swordsmen often find their training gives them a sort of clairvoyance, a sixth sense that allows them to detect danger. Lloyd, I suspect your deja vu may actually be your sixth sense warning you not to proceed."_

**"What do you suggest then, Kratos?"**

_"I recommend turning back and training before we face this foe. If Lloyd's premonition is true, then we may very well be walking to our deaths."_

"Please Professor, let's come back later."

**"All right Lloyd, calm down. We can go train. I suppose I should be glad you're not running blindly into battle this time."**

* * *

AN: You all know the situation. You've lost the boss fight four times already since you rushed through the earlier areas without leveling up, and now you have to walk from the save point back to the fight area, yet again. I've always wondered if the characters could remember their past loses/deaths. I suppose the save file was never changed, so they haven't died yet per se, but what if they knew each time they walked to the boss arena that they were going to lose? That would stink, majorly stink. (And please note that I didn't make any Matrix jokes.)

* * *


	177. Beef vs Tofu: the Eternal Clash!

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Regal is italic_.

* * *

**Beef vs. Tofu: the Eternal Clash!**

"Genis, you're making dinner tonight, right?"

**"Yeah. Well, actually Regal and I are going to work together on it."**

"Oh... Too bad. I was going to ask if you would make beef tonight, but if Regal's cooking with you there's no way he'd agree to it."

**"Why not?"**

_"Because I hate beef. I thought you knew."_

**"You, Regal? No way. You're the best chef I know, how can you say you hate any type of food?"**

_"It's simple. Beef is red meat, which contains high levels of fat and cholesterol. It's unhealthy, so I avoid it."_

"That's you reason? You're crazy! Beef tastes great, and you get enough exercise to burn any fat you eat, and then some!"

**"Lloyd does have a point there, Regal..."**

_"I also dislike the taste of beef."_

"... ... ..."

**"Wow, I've never seen Lloyd speechless before. He's always got some comeback, even if it's a dumb one..."**

"How can you say that, Regal?!"

_"Easily. To tell the truth, I dislike the taste of most meats. I prefer tofu."_

"T-Tofu?! Regal... How could you betray me like this?!"

**"Betray? What're you talking about, Lloyd? All he said was that he likes tofu."**

_"Indeed, what's so hateful about tofu?"_

"It's tofu, it tastes like nothing!"

**"I think you're overreacting, Lloyd..." (Black squiggly)**

_"I believe I have a compromise you may find acceptable, Lloyd."_

"I'm listening."

_"Genis and I will make a stew containing beef-"_

"All right!"

_"-And chunks of tofu."_

"... What are you up to, Regal?"

_"It's simple: If it turns out you find the tofu palatable, then you must admit that tofu is just as good as beef, if not better."_

"Oh, that's all? Okay, you're on! See you at dinner." (Exit)

**"Regal, is that really fair? I don't think Lloyd knows..."**

_"That tofu tastes like whatever it's cooked with? I hardly think that matters. This will broaden his horizons."_

**(Sigh) "So he's got to admit he likes tofu, or say he doesn't like beef? Poor Lloyd..."**

* * *

AN: According to the table of favorite and least favorite foods for the ToS characters I've got (Thank ye, Baby Kat Snophlake!), Lloyd's favorite is indeed beef, and Regal's least favorite is beef. His most favorite: tofu.

Just for the record, I (a die-hard carnivore) don't really care what a person decides to eat. It's their personal choice and not for me to judge. I just really dislike it when people try to convert me to soy... I want my bacon, thank ye very much.

And another thing! Look at that skit title... I think I've been watching too much Naruto. It's starting to influence me...

* * *


	178. Broadening Horizons?

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: Well, you guys asked for it last time around, so I scrambled to come up with a sequel! This would play after "Beef vs. Tofu: the Eternal Clash!" Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Regal is italic_, **_Sheena is bold and italic_**, and Raine is underlined.

* * *

**Broadening Horizons?**

**_"Mmm... This is delicious! And it's a new recipe too. Did you run into the Wonder Chef again, Genis?"_**

**"Nope. Regal came up with this one, it's all his idea."**

**_"Really? Wow, good call Regal. You really are a- ... What are you doing?"_**

_"I'm removing the beef from my stew. Forgive me, but I can't stomach it. Even the tofu is questionable now, it takes like beef as well."_

"Stop picking at your food, Regal. It's rude, and you need the nutrition. You should eat it even if you dislike the flavor. The same goes for you too Lloyd."

"Do I have to? The tofu still tastes like... Bad. Ugh, and now the beef tastes like it too! Sorry Genis, I can't eat this."

_"This is inedible. I think I will skip dinner tonight and go straight to bed. Please excuse me." (Exit)_

"Yeah, me too." (Exit)

"Unbelievable, they're both like little kids. How are they supposed to stay healthy if they refuse to eat?"

**_"I don't think missing one dinner will kill them. Besides, now there's more for us."_**

**"Yeah, dig in!"**

* * *

AN: When I was little, I used to pick all the "icky" toppings (olives, onions, peppers, ect.) off my pizza and annoy my folks. I bet Regal did it too. Also, you can tell that Raine's given that "stop picking at your food" speech before, can't ye? She's good at it. Genis must've been a troublesome little kid... (Note: Absolutely no one's horizons were broadened by this experiment. A spectacular failure!)

* * *


	179. So Easy, a Lloyd Could Do It!

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after you form the pact with Volt to recharge the Rheairds and reclaim them from the Renegade Base. It would appear once you land the Rheairds, then try to get back on and fly. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**So Easy, a Lloyd Could Do It!**

**"We've sure got a long way to travel, don't we?"**

"Let's take the Rheairds!"

**"..."**

"You're not still upset about falling, are you?"

**"No, I know they'll work fine now that they have power. It's just... I don't know if you're the safest pilot, Lloyd."**

"What are you talking about, Genis? I can pilot a Rheaird no sweat! It's even easier than steering the washtubs we took to Thoda Geyser."

**"I don't know, Lloyd... I still think-"**

"Come on, Genis. Why would I be a bad pilot? Give me a reason."

**"Well, you've never actually flown a Rheaird yourself before."**

"... Okay..."

**"And you've never had any training to fly."**

"I guess..."

**"And you almost crashed our washtub at Thoda Geyser."**

"All right, all right! So I may not be the best, but I can still fly! The controls are really easy, like they were specifically designed so anyone could use them."

**"I know, I wonder why the Renegades would make it so easy for somebody to fly the Rheairds. I mean, if you can do it Lloyd, who can't?"**

"Yeah, it's like they wanted them to be stolen- Hey! Genis!"

**"Hehehe. Come on Lloyd, let's get going. I'll fly."**

* * *

AN: For the record, those GEICO commercials with the cavemen really annoy me... Thanks to Baby Kat Snophlake for unintentionally inspiring me! And speaking of the Renegade Base... Here's my chance to brag! My best GRADEs ever (so far): Against Yuan and Botta, plus 16.28; against Remiel, plus 17.04; against Pronyma (at Mt. Fooji ), plus 19.6; and against Regal (in Gaoracchia Forest), plus 20.00 GRADE. Thanks for your time/humoring me. I'm done being a brat now.

* * *


	180. The Perfect Solution

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play in the main area of the Toize Valley Mine before you get on the moving platform with the Sorcerer's Ring-powered switch. Regal is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

**_Edit: Hey! Look! cutepresea drew an awesome pic of this, found here on Deviant Art: cutepresea . deviantart . com / art / The - Perfect - Solution - 77591571 Just remove the spaces and check it out. You all know the drill._**

* * *

**The Perfect Solution**

"..."

_"Is something wrong, Regal?"_

"It seems I may have miscalculated. As you can see, we must all ride on this platform to get to our destination. However..."

**"It's really little, and that's a long way to fall."**

"Exactly."

_"How are we going to fit all of us on then?"_

**"Maybe we don't have to."**

_"What do you mean, Lloyd?"_

**"Well... Sheena can use her ninja tricks to teleport across, then the rest of us get on the platform. If Regal lets Genis ride on his shoulders and I hang over the edge, then we should all fit."**

_"I doubt that Sheena can actually teleport."_

**"Then she can hang off the side with me."**

_"That hardly seems safe, Lloyd."_

**"It was just an idea..." (Downcast)**

"Why don't we just make two trips? Half of us ride over, then one comes back with the Sorcerer's Ring to get the rest."

_"That sounds like a perfect solution."_

**"Aw man, you mean I came up with a plan for nothing?"**

* * *

AN: How do they fit the entire party into a space that Lloyd can barely fit into alone? (At the time, the party is only seven people. Remember that Presea's still in Ozette.) It reminds me of those team-building, problem-solving excercises where they have a group of people all try and pile onto a tiny wood platform, only with more dire consequences should they fail. Thanks to Baby Kat Snophlake for the idea!

* * *


	181. Hold Still!

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you get the Nebilim from Abyssion. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Hold Still!**

"Agh... Grr... Gah, get in there already!"

**"Um... What're you doing, Lloyd? You sound like you're going to hurt yourself..."**

"I'm trying to get these stupid swords into my sheaths. I don't want to have to carry them everywhere, but they just won't go in."

**"That's weird. All your other swords fit, don't they?"**

"Yeah, Dirk custom-made these sheaths to hold my wooden swords. They've got tough elastic in them, so they stretch a little bit. They'll hold most of the swords I have, it's just that these... Well... Nebilim is different."

**"Oh please, Lloyd! What makes the Nebilim so different from your other swords? They're just cursed, that's all. There's no reason that your sheaths wouldn't work. You must not be trying hard enough."**

"Genis, it doesn't matter how hard I'm trying. I can't get them into my sheaths because they won't stop wiggling."

**"What? They wiggle?"**

"Yeah, take a look."

**"... Ugh, Lloyd, that... That is so gross!"**

"Hey, don't blame me! I didn't tell them to do it!"

* * *

AN: They really do wiggle. All the Devil Arms move a little bit on their own. Just watch closely after battles if you have them equipped, you'll see it. Thanks to VeiledDarkness for the idea!

* * *


	182. Lonesome Raine

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you've seen several of the Raine-chasing-things-to-dissect-them skits. Raine is normal, **Corrine is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, **_Lloyd is bold and italic_**, and Noishe is underlined.

* * *

**Lonesome Raine**

"Hello Sheena, Corrine. I was wondering if either of you-"

**"Ah! Sheena, it's Raine!"**

_"What? Where'd she come from? I didn't even hear her walk up! Come on Corrine, hurry!" (Exit)_

**"Right behind you Sheena!" (Exit)**

"-had seen my golden circlet." (Sigh) "Oh, Lloyd! Have you-?"

**_"Uh-oh, it's the Professor! Let's get out of here Noishe!" (Exit)_**

(Whine!) (Exit)

"Hmph. You try to dissect someone once and suddenly you're a monster..."

* * *


	183. Dodging the Hard Questions

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play after you spend some time in Tethe'alla. Raine is normal and **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Dodging the Hard Questions**

"Fascinating... Even after such a long period of isolation, the cultures of Sylvarant and Tethe'alla are nearly identical..."

**"What do you mean, Professor?"**

"You are aware of the concept of social and cultural evolution, right Lloyd?"

**"Hm, that's when people living in areas develop different cultures, isn't it? I think we talked about it in class once."**

"That's correct, and we did go over it. I'm glad to see you don't always sleep through my lectures. The cultures of the two worlds are interesting because they were once connected. We can assume that at that time they shared a single culture. It would also be logical to assume that after four thousand years of separation from the other's influence, the cultures of Sylvarant and Tethe'alla would have changed to be completely alien from one another. However, that's not the case."

**"Are you talking about how both worlds have the Church of Martel and the Chosen?"**

"Even more than that. We can explain the church and regeneration ritual as the work of Cruxis, but language, currency, magitechnology... They're all constant no matter where you go. The question is why?"

**"That's easy!"**

"Is it, Lloyd? Please explain."

**"Well, I remember Genis saying something about how magic and mana can only be used in certain ways. Wouldn't it make sense that magitechnology would be the same and only one type of design would work for each type of machine?"**

"Perhaps. I was thinking of a situation along the same lines. But go on, what about language and currency?"

**"That's even easier. All gald is is gold coins, right? Gold is gold, it's valuable on both worlds!"**

"But how do you account for the identical designs of each world's coins? It's impossible to tell Tethe'allan gald apart from our own gald. Such a thing couldn't have happened by chance."

**"I have to explain that too?"**

"Yes. It's not enough to say that gold is valuable, that much is obvious."

**"I guess you're right... You're sure picky about what answers you'll accept, Professor."**

"I'm not. You just need to stop using that 'it is what it is' defense to dodge the hard questions."

* * *

AN: He does. Lloyd will instantly answer a question with "blank is blank" instead of pondering the possibilities. It's very idealistic, very him, but it still seems like he's using it to dodge some heavy philosophical ruminations... Thanks to Unmortem for the starting idea! (Of Raine wondering about the two worlds' similarities.)

* * *


	184. I Want to Climb It!

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after the cut scene where Lloyd names the tree. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Genis is italic_.

* * *

**I Want to Climb It!**

_"Wow, you guys got to see the Great Kharlan Tree? Lucky! What was it like?"_

"It was really huge! It sure deserves its name."

**"Imagine the biggest tree you've ever seen, then make it a hundred times bigger."**

_"I wish I could have seen it. It sounds like it'd be awesome."_

"It was! Too bad it was only a vision..."

_"Huh? What do you mean it was just a vision? Didn't the Great Seed germinate?"_

**"Don't worry Genis, the tree is back. It's just a little sapling right now."**

"The guardian spirit of the tree gave us a vision of what it will look like when it's fully-grown."

_"Oh..."_

**"What's wrong, Genis? You look sad."**

"Yeah, don't look so glum. We saved the worlds! We won!"

_"Ah, I'm not sad. I'm just a little disappointed. After all this time hearing about how big the Great Tree was, I was looking forward to climbing it."_

**(Gasp!) "Genis!"**

_"Here we go..."_

**"That's a great idea!"**

_"I-it is? I thought you'd be mad."_

**"No, I think it'd be fun. With my wings I could fly all the way up to the top! You could too, Lloyd."**

"H-hey, wait a second! Don't you think we're getting ahead of ourselves?"

* * *

AN: I would absolutely love to climb the Great Kharlan Tree. Sure, it'd be a bit scary, but I adore climbing trees. Always have, always will, and that'd just be too cool to pass up. (In fact, I wrote this skit while sitting about halfway up in the branches of a giganic cedar. It smelled nice.)

* * *


	185. For the Sake of Harmony

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play when Sheena first joins your party. Raine is normal, **Sheena is bold**.

* * *

**For the Sake of Harmony**

**"Raine, can I ask you a question?"**

"What would you like to know?"

**"... Why, uh... Why did you heal me in Luin? You didn't have to, and you knew I would still be a danger to your group... So what kept you from just letting me bleed out?"**

"You were there, you know what happened. Colette and Lloyd asked me to save you. They would have been upset if I allowed you to die."

**"... Are they really that annoying?"**

"W-What?"

**"Lloyd, Colette, and Genis. Are they really so annoying when angry that you would risk having a trained assassin follow you around just to keep them happy?"**

"..."

**"I'm not saying it was a bad choice or anything! Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that you saved my life. It just seems a little extreme, the lengths you'll go to for the sake of in-party harmony... I mean, at the time you didn't know I'd end up as one of the good guys."**

"... I suppose. Lloyd can be rather irritating when he wants, but his heart is in the right place."

* * *

AN: Sheena has a point...

* * *


	186. A Mercenary's Reward

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play shortly after the on-world event where Kratos and Lloyd talk about Lloyd's future and dreams (near Luin before the first scene in the Tower of Salvation) if you have over fifty thousand gald. Also, a "tithe" is a sort of tax levied by the church for its upkeep. Kratos is normal and **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**A Mercenary's Reward**

**"Hey Kratos, I know it's rude to ask, but I'm really curious... You said Phaidra was paying you well. Just how much are you making traveling with us?"**

"Hm... How much gald do we have right now, as a group?"

**"I-I'm not sure. Maybe fifty thousand? Wow, is she paying you that much, just to fight?!"**

"Heh. No Lloyd, I wouldn't charge fifty thousand gald for bodyguard service on a journey like this."

**"Oh, was that too expensive?"**

"No, it wasn't nearly expensive enough. I'm a professional soldier, Lloyd. My skills are my livelihood, not a charity venture, and jobs have been scarce of late. My fee for the protection of the Chosen, to be paid on completion of my task, is seventy-five thousand gald from Phaidra herself and ten years worth of tithes from the Church of Martel. Roughly three hundred seventy-five thousand gald."

**"Wow... T-That's... A lot of gald. Wow."**

"Indeed."

* * *

AN: It's a lot of moolah, but Kratos is definitely worth it.

* * *


	187. Mystery Liquid

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play randomly after using a Dark Bottle. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Mystery Liquid**

"I wonder what this stuff is..."

**"Don't be silly, Lloyd. It's a Dark Bottle, we use them all the time!"**

"I know what the bottle is, Genis, but what's in it? What makes monsters want it so much?"

_**"Whoa, you mean to tell me you've been spraying that on us all this time and you don't even know what it is?"**_

**"Maybe... It's some sort of monster food. Yeah! It makes you smell like food so the monsters think you're good to eat and attack!"**

**_"Sounds like the brat has it all figured out."_**

"I don't know... Why don't we ask Raine?"

**"I wonder what monster food tastes like."**

**_"If it smells like this, it can't be half bad. Let's find out!"_**

"You're not listening to me anymore, are you?" (Sweat drop)

_(Enter) "Zelos, don't drink that! Dark Bottles are highly toxic when ingested."_

"Professor, what's in those things? Why do monsters like them so much?"

**"Is it because they smell like the monster's food?"**

_"Not quite. The compound in a Dark Bottle is a monster mating pheromone, that's why it's so effective in attracting them."_

**"M-Mating pheromone? Gross!"**

"You mean that...? W-We've been wearing monster...?"

_"Yes."_

**_"Hm, mating pheromones...? I wonder if they make this for humans..."_**

* * *

AN: In Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles there's an item called "Strange Liquid," and you can drink it to boost your magical power. I've never trusted it. What kind of adventurer drinks a keg of some strange liquid they randomly find in a goblin's den? Not one who wants to live long, that's for sure...

* * *


	188. Top of the Food Chain

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: Hahahahaha! Oh man, the responses to that last chapter were great. Seriously all the "Ew!"s and various phrasings of "That's disgusting!" _really_ made my day. I'm glad to know I reached you all so strongly. Now, read on. In the meantime, I'll go and continue to chuckle evilly over in the corner. Maybe even throw in a chortle or two...

This would play after you see "Mystery Liquid" and fight both a snake monster and a mantis. Raine is normal and **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Top of the Food Chain**

**"I wonder what monsters eat... I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since Genis mentioned it."**

"It's very simple Lloyd, monsters eat monsters."

**"What? They're cannibals?!"**

"Not exactly. Some monsters do eat members of their own species, but most prey on other types of monster. For example, Wolves eat Rabbits on a regular basis, and Violent Vipers have been known to devour Mantises and other insects when Sewer Rats are in short supply."

**"Wait, are you telling me that a little monster like a Viper can eat a Mantis? Those things are bigger than I am!"**

"Have you forgotten your biology lessons? Snakes are able to dislocate their jaws, allowing them to swallow objects larger than their heads."

**"Yeah, but still... That's crazy!"**

"What were you expecting, Lloyd? The word 'violent' is right in their name."

* * *

AN: They've got a mean streak a mile wide! And sharp, pointy teeth...

* * *


	189. The Art of Improv

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play in Zelos' house after you've examined/talked to him about the gifts from his hunnies and the piano they sit on. (To all those of you who I asked: I finally got to that part in the game again and yes, there actually is a piano in Zelos' house, right where I thought it was. I didn't hallucinate it, which makes me happy.) Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**The Art of Improv**

**"Hey, where's that music coming from?"**

_"Oh terrific, Lloyd must've found the record player."_

**"You mean Lloyd's playing that music? It sounds great!"**

_"No way, that song's way too complex for any of us to play. Even skilled concert pianists have trouble with it. Lloyd just found my record of it and started playing it."_

**"But you just said... Wait, what's a record player?"**

_"Oh yeah, you're from Sylvarant so you wouldn't know. A record player is a machine that automatically plays whatever song you tell it to. The player and the discs that the music is stored on are very delicate, so I want to get Lloyd away from it ASAP."_

**"...You're being nicer than normal, Zelos. You haven't called me a twerp or a brat once in this entire conversation."**

_"Desperate times call for desperate measures. Ah, here we are. All right Lloyd, back away from the record player and nobody gets-! Huh?"_

**"Is that it? It's off...? But then, that means... Lloyd, that was you?!"**

_"You were actually playing the piano?!"_

"Uh, yeah, I was. Was I not supposed to?"

**"That was amazing Lloyd! Where did you learn to play like that?"**

"Well, Dirk taught me the basics and I just made up the rest as I went." (Sheepish)

_"Are you telling me you just improvised that? One of the hardest pieces of music ever written and he... Wow. Well, uh, just stay away from my record player!" (Exit)_

"...What was he talking about?"

**"Nothing Lloyd, keep playing."**

* * *

AN: The inspiration for this comes from Zelser, who told me a long time ago that each character should be able to play an instrument. (Or something along those lines.) Anyway, thankees!

* * *


	190. Motion Sickness

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: In response to all the mentions that everyone should play and instrument, and the questions of who would play what... You're right. They all should, and should all play a jam session or maybe even an improv symphony together. It's Tales of _**Symphonia**_, after all. (By the way, a 'symphonia' is a musical term that, while applied to many things, most likely refers to the bagpipes.) But no, I'm not writing a sequel. (At least not right now...) Instead, here's what I've worked out:

We've already got Lloyd on the piano, so then Kratos would play the violin. Zelos gets a saxophone and Sheena a shinobue (bamboo flute of japanese origin). Genis gets to play the drums (all of them, loudly) while Presea gets the double bass (full size). Regal was most difficult. You see, unshackled he plays the pipe organ (when available) and the sitar (any other time). Shackled, he goes for the harmonica. Finally, Colette gets to play the triangle and Raine conducts.

Now, moving on... This would play after you learn Tempest if Sheena is in your party (because you can conceivably learn Tempest before she joins you). Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Motion Sickness**

"W-whoa..." (Stagger)

**"Lloyd? Hey, are you okay?"**

**_"You look a little green around the- Wha! Lloyd!"_**

**"Oh no, Lloyd!"**

_"Genis, what happened?"_

**"I-I don't know, one minute Lloyd was fine and then he just collapsed!"**

**_"He's out cold. Maybe... Maybe he got hurt worse than we thought in that last battle."_**

_"Perhaps... Whatever the cause, I should at least do some First Aid to stabilize him. Stand back."_

**_"Right!"_**

**"Okay!"**

"Uuuugh..."

_"Hm, Lloyd?"_

"Uuuugh?"

_"Lloyd, can you speak? Do you need me to heal you, or are you all right?"_

"Y-yeah... Yeah, don't worry. I'm okay."

**_"Hey, sit back down, give yourself more time to recover!"_**

**"Yeah, what was that Lloyd! You never just fall over! Are you sick or something?"**

"No, no. Really, I'm fine. I was just a little dizzy from all that spinning around. That Tempest is a tough move." (Sheepish)

_"Lloyd, I don't think you should be using a move that has such a negative effect on your health."_

**_"Don't make us worry about you like that!"_**

"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you guys. But really, it'll be okay. I'll get used to the spinning, I've just got to train."

**"You'd better! It's bad enough that Colette gets sick after each seal, we can't have you collapsing after each battle too." (Exit)**

"Genis!" (Exit)

_"Colette and Lloyd..."_

_**"Those two have more in common every day."**_

* * *

AN: Hm... Genis sounds like a brat here, doesn't he? Tsk... Well, he's yelling and running off out of concern for Lloyd's health, not just being snotty. In other news! I don't know about all of you, but I think Tempest would really mess with the user's inner ear. All that spinning... An untrained practitioner would find it hard to walk straight, maybe even stay standing for hours!

* * *


	191. Give the Ring to Phaidra

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play at the very, very end of the game. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold.**

* * *

**Give the Ring to Phaidra**

**"Hey Lloyd, what're you thinking about?"**

"Oh, just our journey and how we saved the worlds. I know there's still a lot of work to do, but it's pretty cool once you remember all the stuff we did."

**"Yeah. It's hard to believe it's all over..."**

"Tell me about it... At least we got a happy ending, right?"

**"... Aren't you forgetting something, Lloyd?"**

"Huh? What is it, Genis?"

**"Now that our journey is over and we don't need it anymore... You have to return the Sorcerer's Ring to Phaidra."**

"Ah! N-no I don't want... I asked her about it already and she- She said I could keep it."

**"Do you really expect me to believe that Lloyd?"**

"Come on! They won't need it anymore. There aren't going to be any more World Regenerations."

**"Still, it's not ours, Lloyd. We stole it from the temple and now we should return it."**

"... ... ... I guess you're right. I'll give it back..."

**"I knew you'd make the right decision-"**

"As soon as I get back from collecting all the world's Exspheres!" (Exit)

**"Lloyd..." (Black squiggly)**

* * *

AN: I wouldn't want to let go of it either. Thanks to cloud-sephiroth for the idea!

* * *


	192. Altessa the Master Craftsman

Disclaimer: Don't own. 

AN: This would play at Dirk's House after you've seen skit 218 "Dirk and Altessa". Dirk is normal and Lloyd is bold.

* * *

**Altessa the Master Craftsman**

**"Hey dad, I'm back."**

"Ah, Lloyd. Welcome home, son. How was your journey?"

**"You'll never believe it, we met another dwarf!"**

"Really now? And here I thought I was the only one still living above ground. Tell me Lloyd, where is this dwarf? What's his name?"

**"Well he's... Not from around here. He lies in Tethe'alla and his name's Altessa."**

"A-Altessa?! You met Altessa, the Altessa?"

**"Yeah. Do you know him? Is he famous or something?"**

"I don't know him personally, no, but Altessa was always a legend among the dwarves. None of us could ever hope to match his skill. To learn he's still alive... It's a bit of a shock."

**"Oh, so Altessa really is the best..."**

"Of course he is! He's the greatest smith who ever lived. You should feel honored to have met- Lloyd, is something wrong?"

**"Ah, well... Back when we were in Tethe'alla Genis and I were arguing about which one of you two was the better craftsman. I was backing you and I kinda..."**

"Lloyd, tell me you didn't challenge Altessa to a competition on my behalf!"

**"What? No, I wouldn't do that! It's just now I have to tell Genis he was right..." (Black squiggly)**

* * *

AN: No one knows how long-lived dwarves may be, do we now? Perhaps Altessa is actually old enough to have a reputation in both worlds. Or perhaps he crossed over to Tethe'alla at the urging of Cruxis... Either way, he's famous.

* * *


	193. Our Only Hope

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play once the party regroups after the scenes when they all sacrifice themselves in the Tower of Salvation. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Genis is italic_, **_Raine is bold and italic_**, Regal is underlined, **Presea is bold and underlined**, _Sheena is italic and underlined_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic and underlined_**. ... I'm sorry.

* * *

**Our Only Hope**

"... ... ..."

**_"What's the matter Lloyd? You look pensive."_**

"... Professor, I have to know. Back there in the tower, why did you guys all...?"

**_"Sacrifice ourselves so you could continue on to fight Mithos?"_**

"Yeah..."

_"That's easy Lloyd, it's because you're the only one of us who can beat him!"_

"W-What?! I'm the only...? ... Sorry Genis, but... That's got to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

"It's not as dumb as you may think, Lloyd. Genis is merely voicing what all of us have felt during the course of this journey."

**_"You've gotta admit, Lloyd... You're pretty much the leader of our little group. You can't tell me you haven't ever noticed that we usually pin our hopes on you."_**

"Well, I have noticed but-"

_"No buts, Lloyd. Remember that speech you gave Vice-Chief Tiga back in Mizuho, the one about saving both worlds? That pretty much sealed it for all of us."_

**"You are an idealist Lloyd. Your conviction in your beliefs and abilities inspires us to support you."**

**"We're all counting on you, Lloyd. We believe in you!"**

**_"Not to make you feel pressured or anything..."_**

"Guys... Thanks, but when it actually comes to fighting, I always depend on all of you. It's always a team effort. Besides, most of you are actually stronger than me, and I was kinda counting on Sheena to beat Mithos."

_"M-Me?"_

"You're the only one of us who has dark spells. That's Mithos' weakness. You're the one we should be rooting for Sheena, you're instrumental!

**_"You're remembering enemies' weaknesses? You've been studying?"_**

"Yeah, but I don't see how that's importa-"

**_"It's very important! You've been studying and applying new tactics. Mithos doesn't stand a chance now!"_**

"Professor..." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: Yep. Eight voices... Ouch. Like I said before, sorry for that slight memory overload there. Anyway Death Skater mentioned how Sheena's the only one in the party to have dark spells, and also how everyone implies that Lloyd is the only one who can defeat Mithos. And thus, this skit was born! Thanks for the ideas Deathy m'dear! (As for the title... blame Princess Leia.)

* * *


	194. Can't Be Coincidence

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play in Hima after you see the scene with Clara (in monster form) and the adventurers hunting her. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, Raine is Italic.

* * *

**Can't Be Coincidence**

"We've sure been seeing Clara a lot lately... Do you think she might be following us?"

**"Nah, if anything it's us who are accidentally stalking her."**

_"Nonsense. No one is stalking anyone! We are simply going about our business trying to regenerate the world. She is simply going about her business rampaging across the countryside. The fact that we occasionally come across each other is pure coincidence!"_

**"Uh, okay. If you say so Raine..."**

"Hold on! Professor, you've got that look like, like... You're in ruin-mode! You've been secretly having us follow Clara so you can study her, haven't you?"

_"A-Absolutely not! I admit, I was tempted for a while, but I've done no such thing. Every extra minute we're on this journey is another chance for the Desians to prevent the Regeneration. I wouldn't put the fate of the world at risk just for a chance to do research!"_

**"... I'm not buying it."**

"Me neither, but it's good to know we're not like the other groups after her. We want to heal Clara, not kill and dissect her, right Professor?"

_"Yes, of course... That's right."_

* * *

AN: Clara... She does seem to show up everywhere that you go, and far more often than would be a mere coincidence. Maybe she really is stalking them...

* * *


	195. Quit it!

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

AN: This would play after Kratos and Lloyd duel in the Torent Forest. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Quit It!**

**"... ... ..."**

"Is something bothering you Lloyd?"

**"W-what? No, I'm fine."**

"... Are you sure? You look troubled."

**"Kratos... Have you been holding back this entire time?"**

"I'm... Not sure I understand, Lloyd."

**"In battle! All those times we fought monsters together, you fought at my level and got hurt. But then when you were with Cruxis I couldn't even touch you, you would destroy us before we even started fighting!"**

"At that time it was necessary to disguise my identity, I'm sorry."

**"Yeah, but what about our duel? You... You beat me so easily at the Tower of Salvation. Why was I able to beat you now? You were even using all your crazy spells!"**

"Lloyd, you defeated me because you now have the strength to do so. It's not surprising. Your swordsmanship has improved tremendously since our first battle at the Tower."

**"So, you're not holding back anymore?"**

"Yes. If you'd like me to fight at full strength, I will. It's a simple enough request."

**"Thanks Kratos. And... Don't hold back your thoughts either, okay?"**

"What do you mean?"

**"You're always acting so tough and reserved, open up a little. If you've got a problem, then tell us! It's like you told me when we were first starting out, you have to rely on the rest of us sometimes. It's stupid to keep all your troubles bottled up when we're all here for you."**

"... I see. So you wish me to speak my mind?"

**"Yeah."**

"Very well." (Smack!)

**"Ow! Hey, what was that for?"**

"You said I was acting stupid. That's no way to speak to your father."

**"Heh... Well, it's a start."**

* * *

AN: There you go, Kratos isn't going to hold back anymore! Not that that'll make much of a change. As for smacking Lloyd, Lloyd should be thankful that Kratos is a lot more lenient than Raine. Thanks to CO Raven for the idea!

Note: This is the first skit I've written with a title beginning in Q.

* * *


	196. No More Sacrifices!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: Happy April Fool's Day everyone! I was thinking of doing something horrible to you all, like saying I was quitting and that this would be the last skit ever, but I figured that was just too mean. So instead I sated my craving for April Foolery by putting fake vomit in my little brother's room. And saran-wrapping the toilet. (No results from that yet...) And unleashing a wild turkey in the driveway. (Actually, she was there on her own, but it worked out well with my plans. It was kinda neat.) Anyway! Here's the skit:

This would play only if Colette used Sacrifice in battle, then immediately afterwards you resurrected her with Raine and turned off Sacrifice in Colette's technique list. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**No More Sacrifices!**

"Colette! Colette, speak to us, wake up! Colette!"

**"Ow, what-? What happened...?"**

"You're alive! You're okay! ... Don't you ever do that again!"

_"You gave us quite a scare just now. How are you feeling?"_

**"Um, better? Professor, what's going on? I don't remember..."**

"You almost- No, you did! You died, Colette. You sacrificed yourself in battle to heal us and defeat our enemies... You were really dead, and Professor Sage resurrected you."

_"It was quite a shock. Please, don't force us to relive that particular experience."_

**"Okay, I won't do it again, I promise."**

_"Never again?"_

"Never, ever, ever again? No more sacrifices?"

**"I-I... Yes! I promise, no more sacrifices!"**

_"Thank you, Colette." (Relieved sigh)_

"Yeah, thanks." (Relieved sigh)

* * *

AN: You would think Lloyd would be more than a little upset, and possibly totally freak out, after learning she even knows the move Sacrifice. Just imagine what he would feel like if Colette actually uses it. (You've got to admit, actually dying would be the best, most evil prank ever.)

* * *


	197. Lloyd Tries His Hand

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after you have gone to Mizuho at least once. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Genis is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Lloyd Tries His Hand**

**"Oh, what's that you're doing, Sheena?"**

**_"This? Just some origami. It's a traditional pastime from Mizuho. I found some paper and, well, I thought I'd better stay in practice."_**

_"Whoa, look at these! There's a crane and a cat..."_

**"Wow, this frog actually hops!" (Gasp!) "What a cute little dog!"**

"Man Sheena, you're really good at this."

**_"Heh, thanks. Hey, you want to give it a try?"_**

_"Go for it Lloyd! You're good at making stuff, this should be easy for you."_

"All right. Sheena, can you show me how to make a crane? I have an idea for a design I think might work, but I need to make a crane first."

**_"Sure thing. First you fold the paper in half like this, then in half again..."_**

"Okay, looks easy enough. Hm, now that I've got a crane, I'll fold here and here, then fold that over, and then here, and I should get a really cool... Crumpled piece of paper." (Black squiggly)

_"Hahahahaha!"_

**"I think it's a very nice crumpled piece of paper!"**

**_"Here Lloyd, take another sheet."_**

* * *

AN: I'm good at origami. It's a great way to waste time and I can make practically anything after a few tries. (Except that darn lotus pattern, it always tears right when I'm about to finish the last step! Grrr... **Edit: Disregard this complaint! I just learned how to do it.** ) My best, most practiced pattern is the frog. I can turn out an army of amphibians to do my evil bidding in no time. (They do do my bidding, by the way. It just takes a while, and they're shy, so they don't move when anyone's watching.)

* * *


	198. Regal's Aversion to Altamira

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play after Regal finally agrees to enter Altamira with the rest of the party and you learn about Alicia. Regal is normal, **Zelos is bold**, _Bunnygirl 1 is italic_, **_Bunnygirl 2 is bold and italic_**, Bunnygirl 3 is underlined, _Bunnygirl 4 is underlined and italic_, and **_Bunnygirl 5 is underlined and italic and bold_**. (Yeah, seven people, I must be insane.)

* * *

**Regal's Aversion to Altamira**

**"I get it now, why you didn't want to come into town.**

"Oh, really now?"

**"You bet. Bad press, bad memories... When it comes down to it, there's nobody who understands that better than me."**

"Perhaps. You would likely understand my other reason for not wanting to return as well."

**"Other reason?"**

"Yes, here they come now... Be prepared to run."

_"Oh my- It's him! It's really him!"_

**_(Gasp!) "Master Regal is back?!"_**

"Hurry girls, Master Regal's returned!"

**"They're your reason? You're complaining about having a flock of bunny-suited hunnies who adore you? Count your blessings, they wouldn't even leave their posts for me!"**

"Blessings? Their attentions are a curse, Zelos. These girls are even more aggressive in their pursuits than your fangirls, and they're my employees!"

**"Y-You're kidding! Worse than my Meltokio hunnies? That's... That's terrifying!"**

"Indeed. Quickly, into the hotel before any more arrive! They won't follow us in there." (Exit)

**"Sorry ladies, gotta run! Right behind ya, Regal!" (Exit)**

_"Oh no!" (Pant) "They got away..." (Pant) "We took too long."_

**_(Pant) "I remember when we could-" (Pant) "Catch him every time..."_**

_"That's okay girls, it's been a while. We're all a little out of practice."_

**_"Besides, we can wait. They can't stay in the hotel forever."_**

"Hehehe!"

* * *

AN: Regal's a tougher guy than Zelos, from a tougher town than Zelos. (Well, political intrigue vs. corporate intrigue... It's a toss-up really.) Shouldn't it make sense than his fangirls are more demanding too? Thanks to Maxmagnus20019 for the idea!

* * *


	199. Packrat Warriors

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play if you've never sold a sword. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Packrat Warriors**

**"Hey guys, you look like you're really working hard. What're you doing?"**

"We're cleaning our swords. You've got to take care of them or they'll rust."

_"Maintaining one's equipment is an important task for a swordsman. Take care of your blade and it will take care of you."_

**"Huh... You know, I've never realized just how many swords you two really have. Seeing them all laid out like this is... Well, it's kinda shocking."**

"Really?"

**"Yeah! Wooden Blades, Hydra Dagger, Nebilim, Aqua Brand, Koketsu, Fafnir, Osafune, Ether Blade, Sinclaire, Stiletto... And that's not even a third of them!"**

_"It's true, we have fallen into a habit of collecting swords."_

**"Tell me about it... Don't you guys think you have enough?"**

_"... What are you implying...?"_

**"Well, you both already own so many swords, it's not like you need any more of them. I'm just wondering why you don't sell some of them."**

"... Sell our swords...?"

**"Ah, guys?"**

"You're crazy Genis, you can never have enough swords! There's no such thing as too many!"

_"A true swordsman never sells a sword. His blades are his life!"_

**"Oh boy..."**

* * *

AN: My friend Blackmoon partially inspired this skit, as he has the same mentality (problem?) when it comes to swords. His collection is impressive and he's just as diligent in (addicted to?) acquiring swords as Kratos and Lloyd are.

Blackmoon: My goal is to have so many swords that I can build a house out of all the cheap ones to keep the other swords in. (NO, YOU FOOL, THAT'S A LOAD-BEARING CLAYMORE!)

* * *


	200. Charming Older Men

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: Wow, chapter two hundred. The halfway mark! Right off the bat, I'd like to say a heartfelt "Holy crap!" I mean, wow... We're halfway to four hundred, and I've still got ideas. (It's all thanks to you guys! Your suggestions keep me from starving and grinding to halt. To be honest, on my own I would have run out long before now...) Anyway, enough of that. Here's what you all came for, number two hundred!

This would play in a city after Zelos' death if you run out of gels. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Charming Older Men**

"Uh-oh, we're out of gels and low on cash..."

**"Great, what're we going to do now? This never used to happen when Zelos was with us."**

_"What exactly did Zelos do?" _

"He would just talk to girls and they'd give him stuff. It was actually kind of weird..."

_"I see. Well then, why don't you try that, Lloyd?"_

"M-Me?"

_"Yes, there's a girl right over there. Go talk to her."_

"Uh, okay. Hold on..." (Exit)

**"I can't hear what he's saying! Kratos, can you?"**

_"... He said 'Hello there, my sweet hunny.'"_

**"Ha, he stole one of Zelos' lines! What's she saying?"**

_"... She said 'Go away, you creep.' Hm, that looked painful..."_

**"Whoa, she slapped him!"**

(Enter) "Ow... Man, she could've just asked me to leave."

**"Ouch Lloyd, that looks like it'll leave a bruise..."**

_"Hm, I wonder... Excuse me, miss!" (Exit)_

"Huh? I wonder what he's thinking."

**"What's he saying, Lloyd? I can't hear."**

"Neither can I! Just watch, Genis. Maybe she'll slap him too."

**"I don't think so. Look, she's giving him stuff!"**

"A lot of stuff, and gald!"

_(Enter) "Here Lloyd, this Lemon Gel should help with that wound."_

"Wow, thanks!"

**"That was amazing, Kratos! How did you do it?"**

_"I simply talked to her."_

"So did I, but she hit me! What's so special about you?"

_"I have no idea. Perhaps I'm simply more attractive than you. Women do seem to love charming, older men..."_

**(Snicker) "I never thought I'd hear you say something like that, Kratos!"**

"Great, my father's our new Zelos..." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: Kratos has angelic senses like Colette, who describes her hearing as being "really good", so I'm assuming that Kratos' range of hearing would be larger than Genis' and Lloyd's. Thanks to Vegeta the 3rd and freakyanimegal for their combined efforts in inspiring this skit! And to Contraltissimo, who helped me choose this one as the big number two hundred! Really, thanks to everybody for sticking with me for the past (almost) two years. There are two hundred more chapters to go, and I won't let you guys down!

* * *


	201. Bringing It Back

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: Oh no, I left your guys without a new skit for almost a week! Sorry about that, lads and lasses. This skit was the second-place winner of my "chapter two hundred derby" and totally deserves to be number two hundred and one. It would play after Zelos dies, once Kratos rejoins the party, if you win a battle with him, Lloyd, Colette, and Sheena as your playing characters. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Kratos is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Bringing It Back**

_"You actually want me to say that? Lloyd, did you by chance receive a head wound in that last battle?"_

"Zelos was our friend, and we all miss him!"

**_"He may have been annoying every now and then, but it doesn't seem right to win a battle and not say it."_**

**"Please, Kratos? It's what Zelos would have wanted."**

_"..." (Sigh) "Very well."_

"All right! Victory..."

**"Hehe. ...Belongs to..."**

**_"...The most..."_**

_"...Sexy! Dead sexy!"_

"... It's just not the same..." (Downcast)

_"Hmph, you're welcome."_

* * *

AN: You know you all love it. And again, I give copious thanks to Contraltissimo, who unknowingly inspired this skit through a casual mention of that line.

* * *


	202. Calling Her Bluff

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play in Tethe'alla after the on-world event where Sheena tells Lloyd about her cards. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**.

* * *

**Calling Her Bluff**

"Can I ask you something, Sheena?"

**"Sure. Ask away."**

"When you said your cards were a Mizuho secret, that you had to be a member of the village to know how they're made... Were you telling the truth?"

**"What? Of course I was! There's nobody outside of Mizuho who's able to make cards like ours. Nobody. Why would I lie to you Lloyd? You're my friend. "**

"I know, and I trust you, but if only the people of Mizuho can make them... Why have we found cards for you in almost every shop in Tethe'alla? We've found them in stores, in chests, there were even some in Sylvarant! You're not going to tell me that they were all made in Mizuho, are you?"

**"Uh, yeah, I am. That's exactly what we do, Lloyd. We make cards and sell them. They're a huge source of income for the village."**

"Oh... But, why would you sell you secret ninja weapons? Couldn't someone figure out how they worked and start making cards themselves?"

**"Nope! We thought of everything. The cards we sell have extra seals placed on them that make them burst into flame if someone tries to reverse-engineer them. We're ninjas Lloyd, if there's one thing we're good at, it's keeping secrets."**

"I guess so. Sorry I doubted you, Sheena."

**"Don't worry about it. It's a confusing system, and you did have a good point."**

"And I guess I should give these back."

**"A deck of my cards...? Why did you have these, Lloyd?"**

"Ah, I was going to try and reverse-engineer them. Before I knew they'd explode on me if I tried, that is. Sorry."

**"Lloyd..." (Black squiggly)**

* * *

AN: Of course... Lloyd could always work around the exploding trap by simply buying a deck from the shop in Mizuho. Because (supposedly) no one but Mizuho ninja are allowed in the village, the cards sold there wouldn't have the trap seals drawn on them, and wouldn't explode when Lloyd tried to figure out how they work. (I've got no idea why he hasn't thought of that yet, don't ask me.)

* * *


	203. Stick To Your Strengths

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play in a dungeon after you open a chest with a pair of greaves in it. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Regal is italic_, **_Zelos is bold and italic_**, and Presea is underlined.

* * *

**Stick With Your Strengths**

"I wonder what's in this chest."

**"Careful Lloyd, it could be a Fake!"**

**_"Fake? It seems pretty real to me. Here's a new pair of greaves for ya, Regal!_**

"They look quite formidable."

_"Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me for a moment..."_

"Agh, I hate it when he does that. How am I supposed to see how he does the buckles with his hands tied if he always turns away?"

**_"Lloyd, you are one weird dude. Why're you so obsessed with-?"_**

**"Hey, there's still some stuff in the chest!"**

"There is?"

**_"So there is. Whoa! Would ya take a look at that!"_**

"A bow and a quiver full of arrows."

**"But who'll use it?"**

**_"Just call me Cupid! I'll wow the ladies of both worlds all over again with my unerring aim and my magic arrows of love!" (Whisper) "They thought my sword was impressive, just wait 'til they see my longbow, hehehe..." (Whisper)_**

_"Hmph. You have no idea what you're doing with that bow, do you Zelos?"_

**_"Of course I know what I'm doing! Just watch as I-"_**

"You are holding it wrong, Zelos. A bow is held in the left hand and drawn with the right."

**_"S-so I'm a little out of practice... I just need to fire a few shots and I'll be back in business. What should be my target?"_**

"Why not that-?"

**_(TWANG!)_**

"AGH! Zelos! What's wrong with you?! You almost shot me!"

**_"Sorry Lloyd, that was one heck of a miss... Guess I'm worse off than I thought."_**

**"There's something else in the chest too! It's- Ugh, it's really heavy..."**

_"A medieval flail, interesting."_

"You've seen one of these before?"

_"Yes, I used to train with one myself before I vowed not to use my hands. It took several broken bones before I was able to anticipate its movements and master it, but it is possible. Perhaps you should use it, Genis."_

**"What? How am I supposed to do that, Regal? I can barely hold it, I don't think I could swing it too."**

"This is not wise."

**_"Yeah. It's not like I care or anything, but you're just going to end up hurting yourself with that thing, twerp."_**

"I'm with them on this, Genis. That flail doesn't look safe."

_"Nonsense. After me, Genis is the best qualified among us to wield it. His main weapon, the kendama, is another flexible weapon and he shows great dexterity with it. Moving from one to the other should be an easy transition. And if the weapon is too heavy for him now, training with it will increase his strength."_

**"Now that you say it like that, I guess you do have a point. You've really thought this out, haven't you Regal?"**

_"Indeed. The flail is a beautiful weapon and there are very few_ _who now use it. I do not wish to see the skills disappear, so if you choose to adopt it as your weapon of choice, I will be glad to instruct you in its use."_

**"All right, yeah. I can learn this! Maybe one day I'll be even better than you were, Regal."**

"Hold on! Just think for a minute, Genis. That flail is a really dangerous weapon, especially for novices. And you, Regal, Raine would kill you if she found out!"

"Lloyd is correct. This training can only end in injury."

**_"Whatever. If the brat wants to ignore us and maim himself, that's his problem. I'm gonna take a step back. There's no sense in all of us getting whacked."_**

"Agreed."

**"All right, let's see what I can do with this."**

"You're still thinking of-?!"

**"Yeah, now move back, Lloyd. I don't want to end up hitting you on accident. Hrr... Man, I think it got heavier since last time."**

_"Just focus your strength and swing."_

**"Okay! Hrr... Rah! Wha-? Oh no!"**

"Presea, Zelos! Incoming!"

**"I'm so sorry, Presea! T-the flail, it just slipped out of my hands! Are you okay?"**

"I am unharmed. Zelos should be fine once he regains consciousness. He was hit, but it was only a glancing blow."

_"Hm... That's quite a sizable bump he has on his head there. ... Good job, Genis. You must've put a lot of power into that swing!"_

"You know, when we first found these I started wondering why none of us use more than one type of weapon in battle, but I think I've figure it out..."

_"Because our current combination of weapons allows for efficient teamwork and a well-coordinated fighting force?"_

"No, it's because if we all decided to switch to a new weapon and fighting style, we'd end up destroying ourselves before Cruxis could do the job..." (Black squiggly)

* * *

AN: Well, this was a four-page skit in my notebook. I must be insane. But... Aye, whatever. Thanks to Gunshow7 for the idea! And for anyone who (somehow) has no idea what the weaponry I'm talking about is...

Bow and arrows/quiver: You have no excuse to not know what this is. Now, go away or I will taunt you a second time!

Medieval flail: Also called a "mace" by some poor, misguided souls. It's (well, this one is, at least) a spiky metal ball about the size of a grapefruit, joined to an ironclad, wooden club by a stout chain. Now, imagine it in Genis' hands, out of his hands, flying towards Zelos' face. I'm a meanie, aren't I? (We can ask Zelos when he wakes up.)

Finally... Just remember, Regal's flail-mastery is a one-time thing, okay? Even though I love to do it (for some reason I can't quite understand) I really need to stop giving Regal every skill imaginable. He does too much, he's not Superman... So, following the long, proud history of videogame plot holes, it'll be mentioned once and never brought up again. Same goes for Zelos' archery skill and lack thereof, kinda. (Even though his longbow is impressive...)

* * *


	204. The Truth Will Out!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: Heheheh... I see how it is. I make one slightly off-color joke about our dear Zelos and the reviews come pouring in! I love it! (I'm laughing madly at my keyboard right now, if you couldn't tell.) Well, anyway... Remember what I said about plot holes last time around? I lied. Sorry. (The coffee's iced.) I'm going to mention both Regal's and Zelos' skills again in this, the sequel! But after this one, those skills are never mentioned again, for real this time. I promise.

This would play after defeating an enemy Ranger if you've seen "Stick to Your Strengths." Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**,_ Regal is italic_, and **_Raine is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**The Truth Will Out!**

**"Hey, check it out. That Ranger dropped his bow. Maybe we should take it with us-"**

"No! No way, Zelos. You remember what happened last time you held a bow!"

**"Calm down Lloyd, that was an accident. It won't happen again. Besides, these guys are criminals. We can't just leave them armed."**

**_"Zelos has a point. The Ranger and his comrades have already attacked us once, what's to stop them from coming after us again if we don't take their weapons?"_**

"But Professor, you don't understand! You weren't there when he-!"

**"I think my ultra-cool beauty Raine can decide for herself what she understands, Lloyd."**

_"That may be, but in this instance Lloyd is absolutely right. Please trust us Raine, this is not a good idea. The last time Zelos held a bow he almost shot Lloyd in the head."_

**"Hey, that was an accident, you snitch! And it's not like you're any safer, Mr. Weapons-Master. Having Genis wield a flail... The brat almost killed me and Presea!"**

**_"..."_**

"Uh, guys, we should be going. Right now. Raine's got that look in her eyes!"

**_"What's this about shooting Lloyd, Zelos? And you! Regal, I thought you were a responsible adult. How dare you give my little brother such a dangerous weapon, he's only a child! Lloyd, why didn't you tell me about any of this?!"_**

"H-Hey, can't we talk about this, Professor? Without any kicking...? Please...?"

**_"No!"_**

**"What do we do now? I'm too young and pretty to die!"**

_"There's only one thing we can do."_

"Yeah."

_"Run away!" (Exit)_

**"Run for your lives!" (Exit)**

"Sorry Professor!" (Exit)

**_"Hey, come back here!"_**

* * *

AN: Man, this started as having the party steal a defeated foe's weapon, then the Professor's ire got involved and... Phew. At least I didn't have her kick anyone, eh? Thanks for the idea go to Unmortem and six-foot-four-and-vicious!

* * *


	205. The Road to Rune

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after you get your third Rune Bottle. Genis is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**The Road to Rune**

"It's dinner time, Raine! You'd better hurry before it gets cold."

_"I'll be right there, Genis. Just as soon as I finish this experiment."_

**"Experiment? What're you working on, Professor?"**

"Whatever it is, you can talk about it over dinner. Now come on!"

_"It's absolutely fascinating. I was curious as to how Rune Bottles worked, so I began to study them. I've never seen such complex alchemy before!"_

**"I know what you mean. It's amazing how they can change stuff into completely different stuff."**

_"That's one way of saying it I suppose... But yes, it is impressive."_

"Hello! Doesn't anyone care that it's time to eat?"

_"I've found that Rune Bottles tend to turn low-quality items into higher-quality version of themselves, and vice-versa."_

**"Yeah, I kinda figured it worked like that."**

"Fine. I made a delicious, gourmet meal that I'm gonna go eat. You can have some, if you get there before it's gone." (Exit)

**"Ah, Genis is right. We should go eat. That paella he made smells great."**

_"Hm, I wonder..."_

**"Professor?"**

_"Do you think that treating Genis' cooking with a Rune Bottle would transform it into something similar to my cooking?"_

**"Maybe... I guess it would, but why in the world would you want to do that?"**

_"For science, of course! I think I'll try." (Exit)_

**"Hey, wait! Don't ruin it before I get some!" (Exit)**

* * *

AN: Rune Bottles. Capable of making something worthless into something a bit more valuable, and also capable of making you very mad when you use a second bottle and your semi-valuable thing becomes something worthless. Me? I just play it safe and stockpile them. They're worth more to me if I sell them for gald than if I actuallly used them.

* * *


	206. All Old Guys Are The Same!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play while you're riding your Rheairds after you've formed a pact with Maxwell. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**,_ Zelos is italic_, **_Sheena is bold and italic_**, and Maxwell is underlined.

* * *

**All Old Guys Are The Same!**

"I love flying! Colette, is this what it's like when you use your wings?"

**"A little, but I don't think I can fly this high or this fast. Rheairds are so much fun!"**

**_"I don't know about that, but they sure are convenient. I remember back when we were stuck walking everywhere or riding Noishe. A trip like this would've taken us days."_**

_"Ugh, walking... My legs still ache. I don't ever want to go back to that. I love Rheairds too!"_

(Enter) "Rheairds, eh? So this is how you youngin's get around these days."

_"Whoa!"_

"Maxwell?"

**_"W-Where did you come from? I didn't summon you!"_**

"You kids are lucky. Back in my day we didn't have any of this new-fangled magitechnology."

**"But I thought magitechnology flourished when the summon spirits were awake."**

"Well, you must've been mistaken, lassie. We didn't have anything! If we wanted to go somewhere we had to walk for miles-"

"Uphill both ways, in the snow?"

"How did you know?"

"Dirk says the same thing, all the time."

_"All old geezers do, Lloyd."_

**_"You don't really expect us to believe that, do you Maxwell? You're a summon spirit, and you've got that levitating platform. I bet you've never walked a step in your life!"_**

"How rude! Calling me a liar and a geezer to boot! What's wrong with kids these days?!"

_"Whoo boy... Here it comes."_

"You whelps need to learn some respect for your elders!"

_"I can't tell you how many times I've heard that."_

**_"Uh, Maxwell, you still haven't told me why you're here."_**

"Oh yes, I had something I wanted to tell you, Sheena dear."

**"..."**

"..."

_"..."_

**_"... And it was...?"_**

"Ah, seems it slipped my mind. I knew what it was, but I came down here and I completely forgot. Maybe it'll come back to me later. Farewell!" (Exit)

"... I am so confused..."

**_"You're not the only one."_**

**"I guess all old guys are the same too!"**

* * *

AN: Maxwell... I always see him as either a dear English gentleman, or a curmudgeonly old Scottish bloke. Either way, he should totally get off his tiny floating platform every now and then and charge into battle with a silver hammer. Thanks to FireBlast123 for the inspiration!

* * *


	207. Enunciate!

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: I am so glad to be back! (You all probably didn't notice I was gone, but that's okay, it was only a few days...) My poor, long-suffering monitor passed away unexpectedly last Thursday at the tender age of five and a half months old, so I was barred from using my computer for a while. However, now I've got a nice, shiny new LCD monitor (That was completely free thanks to the old one still being under warranty! Score!) so I'm finally here to update. If there's something that these few monitorless days have taught me, it's that 1) I _**really**_ depend on my computer (I love my compy...) and 2) you really "don't know what you've got 'til it's gone."

In other news, this skit has eight voices to memorize! (Sorry about that...)

This would play during a night scene when everyone's camped out. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Kratos is italic_, **_Regal is bold and italic_**, Presea is underlined, **Colette is bold and underlined**, _Sheena is italic and underlined_, and **_Raine is bold and italic and underlined_**. Again, I'm sorry.

* * *

**(Enunciate!)**

"I'm bored... There's never anything to do in camp."

**_"You could always go to bed early. You've already eaten dinner, so it's not as if you would miss anything."_**

"I guess I could try, but I don't think I'll be able to fall asleep this-" (Yawn) "Early..." (Zzz...)

_"He's out like a light..."_

**"Lloyd's right though, it's pretty boring around here. Maybe we should, I don't know, play a game or something."**

_"A game? Not tag again, I hope."_

**_"Nor hide-and-seek. We don't need to be searching the forest for you and Colette in the middle of the night again."_**

**"We said we were sorry. How were we supposed to know the woods were out of bounds?"**

"Why don't we play a word game? We take turns saying tongue twisters, the most complex one wins."

_"That sounds like fun. Let's do it!"_

**"Yeah, I'll go first! Big black rubber baby-buggy bumpers! Say that three times fast."**

**"How about this one? The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick. Pretty good, huh?"**

_"Yeah, but I've got one for you. Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better!"_

**"Wow, go Sheena!"**

**"That one was really good! What do you think Presea?"**

"... Brisk brave brigadiers brandished broad bright blades, blunderbusses, and bludgeons- Balancing them badly."

_"I'm impressed, but is 'blunderbuss' even a real word?"_

**_"I believe it is. Now that we're getting into longer rhymes... Can you imagine an imaginary menagerie manager imagining managing an imaginary menagerie?"_**

**"That's amazing, Regal!"**

"Yes, you are very good at this."

**_"Thank you. My father enjoyed riddles and rhymes, so the family library is full of such tomes, and I have read most of them."_**

_"When I traveled with Mithos, Martel, and Yuan, we would pass time in a similar manner to this and decided early on that speed and accuracy of pronunciation were most important. I would always win with this rhyme: She sells sea shells by the sea shore, the shells she sells are surely seashells, so if she sells shells on the seashore, I'm sure she sells seashore shells."_

_"Holy... That was fast... Did you even take a breath when saying that?!"_

_"I did not. I... Have a knack for tongue twisters."_

**"How about you, Professor Sage? You haven't said anything yet."**

**"That's right! Come on sis, it's your turn."**

**_"If I must. Let me think... Ah, yes, that one should work." (Ahem) "I need not your needles, they're needless to me; for kneading noodles, 'twere needless you see; but did my neat knickers need to be kneed; then I should have need of your needles indeed."_**

**"Professor... You must have practiced that for years!"**

**"I never knew you could do that, Raine! Do you know any others?"**

**_"Astounding. Of all the rhymes I've read, that was the only one I could never recite. My hat's off to you, Raine."_**

**_"N-Nonsense, it's nothing. A teacher has to be eloquent to get through to her students..."_**

(Zzz...) "Snerk- Ugnn..." (Yawn)

**_"Oh! Lloyd, you're awake."_**

"Yeah, you guys are really loud. What the heck were you doing?"

_"We were saying tongue-twisters. Turns out we're all pretty good. Raine's the best though..."_

"Really? Me and Dirk used to do that all the time, it was really fun! Hey, mind if I say one?"

"Of course not. Go ahead, but you will have to have a rhyme that is more complex than Raine's."

"Well, I didn't hear hers, but the one I'm thinking of should be good. How'd it go again...? Boring, bear... Okay! Once upon a barren moor there dwelt a bear, also a boar. The bear could not bear the boar, the bear thought the boar a bore. At last the bear could bear no more of that boar that bored him on the moor, and so one morn he bored the boar- That boar will bore the bear no more. Heh, Dirk taught me that one. It's a dwarven classic!"

**"Lloyd..." (Shocked)**

**"And he was half asleep too!"**

_"I'm speechless, I couldn't even follow that..."_

"Uh, guys? What's up?"

**_"Now that was a feat."_**

_"No contest."_

**_"Lloyd wins."_**

"Congratulations, Lloyd."

"Uh, thanks. I guess..."

* * *

AN: You know, when I have eight people in one skit, it's a clear sign that I'm a stark-raving lunatic. The only clearer sign is what I just thought: _'If eight people were in one skit, then the screen with their pictures would look like the intro to the Brady Bunch minus Alice. ... Sheena'd be Marsha.'_ Thanks to Vook and Arisu Tsunaru for the idea!

* * *


	208. Loud and Conspicuous

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play in any Tethe'allan city during the time that Kratos is serving Cruxis. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, **_Zelos is bold and italic_**, Sheena is underlined, and _Kratos is italic and underlined_.

* * *

**Loud and Conspicuous**

**"Hey, look! There's Kratos!"**

"Kratos, where?"

**_"Who? Oh yeah, that SOB who keeps following us. What's he doing here?"_**

"How should any of us know? And what have I told you about watching your language?!"

**_"Easy there, my violent hunny. I was just telling it like it is."_**

"You idiot Chosen..." (Black Squiggly)

"Hm, do you think we should go and talk to him?"

_"No. I think it would be wise to avoid a confrontation with Kratos is such a crowded area."_

**"Yeah, you remember what it was like the last time we fought. If we get into another battle here we might end up destroying the city!"**

_"We also need to remember that we're wanted criminals in this world. We must be careful not to draw attention to ourselves or we may alert the Papal Knights."_

"You're right Professor, we have to stay- Hey, where'd Kratos go? He was right there and now-"

_(Enter) "Hello Lloyd."_

**"Kratos!"**

"How did you figure out we were here?"

_"Easily. I saw you."_

"We do stand out..."

_"And I heard you, the Chosen speaks very loudly."_

**_(Gulp) "Uh yeah, about that..."_**

_"Your little group is very conspicuous, Lloyd. You should be more careful if you truly wish to avoid the Papal Knights and Cruxis."_

"So what now? Are you here to fight us?"

_"Of course not. You were the ones who were going to approach me, remember? Think about what I've said, Lloyd. Farewell." (Exit)_

"... Well, that was weird."

_"I can't help but think Kratos has a point. We make quiet a memorable company." (Exit)_

"And Zelos is really loud, visually and in general." (Exit)

**"It might be safer for all of us if we just left him behind. Less annoying too." (Exit)**

"Maybe..." (Exit)

**_"Haha, very funny. ... Uh, you were just kidding, right? Hey, guys, come back!"_**

* * *

AN: Thanks to Penamesolen for the idea!

* * *


	209. Genis' New Spell

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play after you learn all of Genis' spells. (Both S and T-type, so you'll have to play through at least twice or do some fancy forgetting and relearning of techs.) Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Genis is italic_.

* * *

**Genis' New Spell**

_"This is terrible... I've mastered every spell! There aren't any more to learn!"_

"Terrible? You should be happy, Genis! You've become a really powerful sorcerer."

**"Yeah, I can't think of anyone who knows more magic than you, Genis. You're the best in both worlds!"**

_"Maybe... But I still want to learn more. I've tried to learn spells I've seen other people use, but it hasn't worked out so well."_

"Huh, what did you try? What happened?"

**"You didn't get hurt, did you?"**

_"Nope. I tried to do Pronyma's Leonazium, but I think I mispronounced something because it just made me a sandwich..."_

"Hey, that could be useful!"

_"For what, making monsters eat themselves to death?"_

"Ah, not that. I'm just a little hungry and I thought maybe..."

_"Lloyd..." (Black squiggly)_

**"Genis, if you're so good at magic now, why don't you just invent your own spells? You could do that, right?"**

_"I don't know. I guess I can try. How about a lightning spell? I'll have to make up the incantation, but that should be easy. Let's see... From the shuffling of countless feet I draw thee, Static Jolt!"_

"Yeowch! That one hurt, Genis! It wasn't a spell either, you just rubbed your feet on the carpet and shocked me..."

_"No I didn't. There's no carpet here, Lloyd. That was my new spell, Static Jolt."_

"Wait, that spark was almost an inch long! Are you telling me you can do that anywhere now?!"

_"Yeah. I bet I can make other spells too! Thanks Colette, this is going to be a lot of fun!"_

**"You're welcome, Genis."**

_"Now... Anyone know where Zelos is? Hehehe..." (Exit)_

**"I'm glad I was able to help Genis like that. He looked so happy about his new spell!" (Music note)**

"You have no idea what sort of monster you've created, do you...?"

* * *

AN: Genis earned the title "Magical Mayhem." The shuffling of your feet no longer gives you away, you're the ultimate prankster! Thanks to Hikaru Irving for the idea! And yes, I did make a "Mayonazium" joke, you weren't seeing things.

* * *


	210. It's All Fun and Games

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play in the Balacruf Mausoleum after you see skit 344 "Traps in the Ruins." Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic_, **_Genis is bold and italic_**, and Kratos is underlined.

* * *

**It's All Fun and Games...**

"Hey Genis, watch this! Ha, hiyah, ha!"

**_"Whoa, go Lloyd!"_**

**"Be careful!"**

_"Genis, do you know where Lloyd has gotten to-? Ah! What does he think he's doing?!"_

"He appears to be dodging the booby traps, quite skillfully in fact."

**_"He hasn't gotten hit once, it's awesome!"_**

_"Doesn't he know how dangerous that is?! We have to get his attention!"_

**"Please don't, Professor. Lloyd will be just fine, he can do this."**

"He seems to be doing well enough, and if he gets hurt it will be a learning experience for him. Let him be."

_"No. I would prefer not to see my student impaled. LLOYD IRVING, YOU GET AWAY FROM THERE THIS INSTANT!"_

"W-What-? AAAAGH!"

**"Oh no, Lloyd!"**

**_"He's hit!"_**

"I've got him!"

_"First Aid!"_

"Ow..."

_"Lloyd, how could you do something so stupid? Can't you tell how dangerous those traps are? You could've been killed! What would I have told Dirk!?"_

"I was doing just fine until your yelling startled me. You threw off my timing! I could have died!"

**_"He does have a point, sis."_**

"While we can't say what may have happened had Lloyd been left alone, we do know your interference caused him to be injured."

_"But I-!"_

**"You have to have more faith in us, Professor. We're your students, but we can take care of ourselves too."**

_"I just didn't want anyone to get impaled..." (Downcast)_

* * *

AN: That exchange between Raine and Lloyd reminded me of Speed Racer, how sad is that? "How could you race in this race? You're too young to race in this very dangerous race! You could have gotten yourself killed!" Also, I despise the sudden attention Speed Racer's been getting lately.

* * *


	211. What's In a Name?

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play after you learn Kratos is Lloyd's dad. Kratos is normal and **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**What's In a Name?**

**"Kratos, I was wondering... If you're my father, why isn't my last name Aurion? Where did Irving come from?"**

"I assumed the name Irving belonged to Dirk."

**"No, dad doesn't have a last name. Maybe Irving was mom's name."**

"No. As a host body in the human ranch Anna didn't have a surname. However... Perhaps your mother invented the name Irving when Dirk found you two."

**"Invented it, you mean she just made my name up on the spot?"**

"It's possible. I have a feeling that Anna named you Irving to protect you."

**"... I don't get it."**

"Think Lloyd, the name Irving is completely separate from both my name and your mother's, because of that your name does not reflect your parentage. That fact seems to have been enough to hide you from the Desians for all the years you were growing up with Dirk. Had your mother openly declared you an Aurion, you likely wouldn't have survived to see your first birthday."

**"You're probably right. Mom was pretty smart, wasn't she?"**

"Yes, she was."

**"But... What name should I use now? Irving or Aurion?"**

"Why not make a compromise and hyphenate your last name? That way you could keep both the name your mother gave you and your father's name."

**"So I'd be Lloyd Irving-Aurion? ... I think I'll just stick with Irving for now..."**

"As you wish." (Face-palm)

* * *

AN: As far as this idea goes, thanks to Death Skater for asking the question and to Baby Kat Snophlake for inadvertently helping me come up with the answer!

* * *


	212. False Advertising

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play if you have Draupnir equipped to Genis, Hanuman's Staff equipped to Raine, and Excalibur equipped to Zelos. Raine is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**False Advertising**

**"Cheap piece of junk!" (Black squiggly)**

"What seems to be the matter, Genis?"

**"This Draupnir isn't working right! It's useless!"**

"What do you mean? Doesn't it protect you from attacks?"

**"Well, it does..."**

"Then I'm not sure I understand what's wrong."

_"It's armor. As long as you're not dying, I'd say it's working."_

**"It's just that... Remember that class we had where you talked about mythology, sis? You said that Draupnir was the name of a magical gold ring given to Odin by the dwarves, and that every nine days it would create eight more identical gold rings. I got my Draupnir nine days ago and so far nothing's happened..."**

_"... You're kidding, right?"_

"Genis, just because something is named after a mythical artifact doesn't mean it has the same powers as the original. I have Hanuman's Staff, but I can't make it change size and I doubt it belonged to the Monkey King himself."

**(Sigh) "I guess you're right. That's too bad, we could have had enough Draupnirs for everyone and sold the extra rings for a lot of gald..."**

"Actually Genis, you should be glad our things aren't the real items from mythology. If they were, Zelos would be king because he has Excalibur."

_"Heh, that's right. Send the twerp to the dungeons!"_

**"I'm glad! I'm glad!"**

* * *

AN: Seriously, do the characters know the significance and mythology behind the names of their weapons? Would Genis really be disappointed when Draupnir failed to create its foretold eight clones?

* * *


	213. A Bonding Experience

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play one of the times you spend the night in Zelos' mansion. Colette is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**A Bonding Experience**

"Oh, how pretty! Zelos, are all these porcelain dolls yours?"

_"Nope. They belonged to my mother. She was a great lady, just a little crazy when it came to dolls."_

"They're beautiful! And really realistic too. I kinda expect them to get up and start walking around!"

_(Shudder) "Please... Don't say stuff like that."_

**"Really Colette, those dolls are creepy enough just sitting on the shelf."**

_"You think so too? Let me guess, it's the eyes that creep you out, isn't it?"_

**"Uh-huh. I hate how they just sit there and stare..." (Shiver)**

_"Oh yeah, that's the worst! To tell the truth, I only keep these dolls around because mom loved the so much. Well, that and it was a stipulation in her will... But don't worry. I lock this room up tight at night so nothing can get in, or out..."_

**"W-Wait, 'get out?' What do you mean by that?!"**

_"... I don't really want to think about it. ... I'm gonna go get another lock." (Exit)_

**"I-I'll come with you..." (Exit)**

"What do you know? Genis and Zelos have something in common after all!"

* * *

AN: Porcelain dolls creep me right the hell out. It's got nothing to do with Chucky or any of those idiotic movies. (Well, okay. Maybe Talky Tina from the Twilight Zone... She doesn't like me.) It's just how they stare with their cold, dead eyes... (Like a shark's eyes!)

There's also the fact that when I was little my mom had this horrible antique doll she got from a flea market. Its face was cracked, one eye was scratched and cloudy, and its clothes were generally worn... It was perfect for the "shabby chic" style mom liked at the time and absolutely terrifying to me. It didn't help that it moved either.

I still don't know why- maybe it was an uneven floor, or the house shook enough when people walked through the room, or my parents were playing a cruel sadistic trick on me- but this doll would slide back and forth across the little bench it sat on. It'd take about a week, but you would come into the room and notice that the doll was over here, when it had once been over there, and no one had moved it. Then it'd stare at you with its creepy eyes.

I wanted to be safe (and have some fun/vengeance at the same time) and burn it, but it ended up just being packed away. (In the storage area next to my little brother's room.) Long story short: I don't like dolls.

* * *


	214. First Time for Everything

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play if you fight several battles in the woods-type areas with Lloyd's bathing suit costume on. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**First Time for Everything**

"Itchy, itchy, itchy!"

_"Stop scratching Lloyd, you'll only spread it."_

**"Man Lloyd, that looks terrible! How'd you end up getting poison ivy? You've lived in the forest your whole life, and I can't remember you ever getting it before."**

"I don't know. Maybe I should've changed out of my bathing suit before we started hiking..."

**"Gee, ya think?"**

_"Honestly Lloyd, sometimes I'd like to look inside your head and see what you were thinking before you do things like this. It would no doubt be fascinating."_

"Uh, thanks, I think... Ugh, Professor, can't you do something about this? So itchy...!"

_"Perhaps, let's see... Recover! How's that?"_

"It's still itchy. I don't think it did anything."

**"Actually sis, it looks like that made it worse!"**

_"How can that be? Hm, let's try this. Purify!"_

"Agh! Professor, stop! Genis was right, you're just making it worse!"

_"This is undocumented! A healing spell aggravating a condition instead of mending it... Genis, what do you think of this?"_

**"I think we should give Lloyd a Panacea Bottle. He doesn't look so good..."**

"Itching... In my brain..."

_"Hm, I suppose you're right. Very well."_

* * *

AN: Spells are iffy, but a Panacea Bottle always works. It's a panacea after all... (And yes, I am an avid Invader Zim fan for all of you who noticed.) Note also that this is the first skit to have an F as the first letter in its title. Oh ho ho, the cleverness! Thanks to Vook for the inspiration!

_Edit: HA HA HA HA! Yep, I was a dummy. This is, in fact, not the first skit with F for the first letter in the title. As Mega Mario pointed out, (Thanks, by the way.) there have been two before this! One of which I meant to come after this skit but messed up in my posting order. Sheesh... Well, I'll keep that AN as it is as reminder to myself that I can (and do) easily make mistakes. It'll help keep my over-inflated ego under control. (So it won't accidently start to eclipse the sun. No one wants that! :P)_

* * *


	215. Lord of the Dance

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after your second trip to the Tower of Salvation if you chose to keep Zelos in your party. Raine is normal, **Zelos is bold**, and_ Regal is italic_.

* * *

**Lord of the Dance**

**"Man, I just don't get that Yggdrasil guy. He claims to be the all-powerful ruler of Cruxis, but then he wears that! Ugh!"**

"Yes, the skintight bodysuit and plunging neckline do seem to undermine the air of sinister authority Mithos is trying to cultivate."

_"Perhaps he wears it out of confidence, since he knows he's capable of incinerating anyone who mentions it."_

"Possibly."

**"Whatever the reason, that suit reminds me of one thing. Disco. I bet it's polyester."**

_"Zelos! I wish to keep my sanity, don't even speak of that hideous fad!"_

**"Haha! You know I'm right though!"**

"Hm, what is this 'disco'?"

**"Oh, it was a horrible dance craze that swept Meltokio and Altamira about a decade or two ago. It's dead now-"**

_"Good riddance."_

**"-But I gotta admit, those dudes could sure boogie... And before you ask, polyester is a fabric woven from pure evil on the loom of never-ending misery."**

_"I couldn't have described it better myself."_

"I see..."

* * *

AN: Lame as it is, if I could learn to disco or jitterbug or breakdance or do any of the really outrageous moves that exist, and then do it well, I would in a heartbeat. Also, anyone else think that Regal doth protest too much? What sordid disco past could he be trying to hide? (Regal Bryant, roller-disco king of Altamira!)

* * *


	216. White Lung

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: Before we begin, happy Friday the 13th everyone! I don't know why everyone's always so down and out about today's date being bad luck, I've had a pretty good day. (Well, except for when I got rained on bringing in the groceries, and how the ice cream melted, and the dog bit me, and...)

This would play in the Martel Temple before you find the Sorcerer's Ring. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Kratos is italic_, and **_Genis is bold and italic._**

* * *

**White Lung**

"Wow, this temple's a lot bigger inside than it looks from the- Ack!" (Cough cough cough!)

**"Uh-oh! Lloyd, are you okay?"**

(Cough cough!) "Yeah, I'm-" (Cough!) "I'm fine."

**_"You don't sound fine!"_**

"No really, it's okay. The Professor just caught me off guard this time so I breathed in more dust than normal. It's nothing to worry about, really."

_"Excuse me, but if you don't mind me asking, exactly what is ailing Lloyd?"_

**_"Oh, he falls asleep in class all the time and my sister Raine usually wakes him up by throwing her chalk or blackboard eraser at him. Sometimes both."_**

**"It makes a big cloud of dust that makes Lloyd cough. I don't think it's safe..."**

_"I see. ... I can't decide whether to commend Raine for her dedication to keeping her students on track, or to criticize her for giving them white lung."_

* * *

AN: Believe it or not, white lung is a real medical condition just like black lung. While coal miners got black lung from breathing all the coal dust suspended in the air in the mineshafts, millers got white lung from breathing all the flour floating about in the air in their mills. What's better, both conditions can and will kill you! So remember to always try and avoid breathing in floating, particulate matter. This has been Hideous Medical Condition 101 with Professor Scribe.

* * *


	217. My Aching Tailbone

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play in the Lightning Temple after you fall off the walkways in the lightning-illuminated rooms and are dumped out of that chute in the main room. Regal is normal, **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**My Aching Tailbone...**

**"Ow! Man, that really hurts! Not only do I get to fall three stories and get dumped on a hard stone floor, but this blue-haired ogre lands on my back too!"**

"Hmph. Have you ever thought that it may be your own fault? I would not have fallen with you had you not grabbed my leg as you slipped off the walkway."

**"Yeah, well can you get off already? My back's killing me..."**

"Gladly, you're a most uncomfortable landing cushion. Next time be patient and wait for the lightning to show us the path instead of running blindly in the dark."

**"Why haven't you moved yet?!"**

* * *

AN: Am I the only one who thinks that falling face-first onto the stone floor when you come out of that chute in the Lightning Temple looks extremely painful? And don't forget the entire party would be falling with/on whoever the avatar character is. That's incentive enough for me to walk slowly and cautiously.

* * *


	218. It Spits!

Disclaimer: Do not operate heavy machinery while reading Z-Skit Theater. Those currently taking other medication should not read Z-Skit Theater without first consulting their physician...

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Zelos is italic_, **_Sheena is bold and italic_**, and Colette is underlined.

* * *

**It Spits!**

"Oh, Lloyd, you forgot to put your name on your homework."

"Do I really have to fix it? I never want to see that assignment again."

**"I don't think it matters, Colette. Raine knows Lloyd's handwriting, and there are only three of us. I think she can figure it out."**

**_"I don't know, if Raine wants your names on your papers you should do as she asks. She's your teacher, after all."_**

"Fine... There, my name's on it, happy now?"

_"Lloyd Irving. hey, I didn't know your name started with a two L's. That's kind of rare, isn't it?"_

**"Wait, how could you not know that? You've checked our homework before!"**

_"And Lloyd never puts his name on his papers."_

**_"A double L... Yeah, there aren't too many words in our language that start with that. In fact, I can't think of another one that does..."_**

**"Me neither."**

"Llama."

"What?"

"Llama! It starts with two L's too."

**_"What's a Llama?"_**

**"Yeah, I've never heard of one."**

"Um, I'm not really sure. The only thing I know is that they're supposed to spit."

_"Spit?"_

"Yeah! Like twenty feet!" (Happy lines)

"That's just weird."

**_"But it does start with a double L..."_**

* * *

AN: Looking in my dictionary... Aside from Lloyd, there are only two other words in the English language that start with a double L. (If I disregard variations or plurals.) Llama and Llano. Neat, eh?

* * *


	219. EEK!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play in Meltokio after you leave the sewers, if you're at the correct point in the plot (where Colette's lucid, not heartless, again) and you ran away or escaped from every battle against Sewer Rats while you were down there. Sheena is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**EEK!**

_"Man, it's always good to be out of those disgusting sewers. Now all we have to watch out for are the Papal Knights, but don't worry Colette. I'll protect you! I won't let anyone lay a hand on my sweet angel." (Whisper) "Except me..." (Whisper)_

**"Um, thanks Zelos, but I really think I'll be okay on my own."**

_"You sure? We Chosens have to stick together, you know."_

"Oh? And just what'll you do, O Brave Chosen? From what I remember, you're not too good at even protecting yourself."

_"I don't know what you're talking about, Sheena."_

**"Me neither. Sheena, what are you referring to? Was I there?"**

"Are you kidding? Colette, it was just a few minutes ago in the sewers! Zelos, the heroic Chosen of Tethe'alla, ran for his life every time we came across a Sewer Rat!"

_"Hey now, you can't hold that against me, Sheena. You know we were tiny when we fought those rats, thanks to that Ring-thing Lloyd's got. If we fought I would've got my ultra-sexy head bit off!"_

**"It's true, even I was scared."**

"I can't believe he was the one who was supposed to save the world... A grown man, who's absolutely terrified of a tiny little Sewer Rat."

* * *

AN: I actually like the Sewer Rats, they're kind of cute. But they take time to fight, and I didn't want to spend it, so I ran away from every monster avatar I could see in the Meltokio Sewers, all of them rats. Thus, we have brave, brave Sir Zelos Wilder, who was my own avatar at the time, running away from rats at every opportunity. Priceless.

* * *


	220. Braaaaaains

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play if Sheena uses Purgatory Seal on Lloyd during a battle. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Braaaaaains...**

"... Uuuugh..."

_"He's coming to, everyone back up and give him some space. How are you feeling Lloyd?"_

"Ow, my head... What hit me?"

**"Jeez... What didn't hit you, Lloyd? You got pounded by those monsters! Sheena had to bring you back to life so you could keep fighting."**

"W-What?! I died? Sheena, you know Resurrection? Why don't I remember any of this?"

**_"Ah... It's complicated. The reason you can't remember is, well, you technically weren't alive to remember it. When you fell in battle I used Purgatory Seal and brought you back as a zombie so you could finish the fight. Then when it was over, Raine resurrected you."_**

"You turned me into a zombie?!"

**_"Yeah, that's what Purgatory Seal does. It retrieves the soul of someone who's just died and uses it to reanimate their body, but they don't really come back to life since it doesn't restore health."_**

"You turned me into a zombie..."

**_"I'm sorry, Lloyd. Raine was busy beating up monsters and I couldn't just leave your body lying there..."_**

"Oh! No, it's okay, I'm not mad. It's just a little... Well, I was a zombie."

**"Yeah, I think we got that, Lloyd."**

"Shut up, Genis. ... Hey Sheena, Professor, am I going to be okay? I'm back to normal, right?"

_"Yes, I've given you a clean bill of health."_

**_"Don't worry, being a zombie is only temporary. You won't start to rot or wake up in the middle of the night with a craving for brains."_**

"Hm, I don't know... That actually sounds kinda good. Hey Genis, do you think you could make me some brains? I'm little hungry."

**"What?! You're just joking, right...?"**

**_"Of course he is. I think..."_**

"Braaaaaaaains..."

**"Wah! He's still a zombie!" (Exit)**

**_"That can't be! Something must've gone wrong with my spell!" (exit)_**

_"... Are you happy with yourself, Lloyd?"_

"Heh heh. Yeah. Oh come on, when would I ever get another opportunity like this?"

_"After that stunt? I'd say never again."_

* * *

AN: This was inspired by Shadic the Hedgehog Author who reminded me of Sheena's Purgatory Seal technique. Come on, it brings a dead ally back with zero HP. That's totally a zombie.

* * *


	221. Housing Crisis?

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play the second time you go to Mizuho. Sheena is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**Housing Crisis?**

**"I didn't notice it before, but there are so many people here, Sheena! Where do they all live?"**

_"Yes, I was wondering that myself. So far I've only seen two houses in all of Mizuho. Surely that's not enough for everyone."_

"Actually, it is. We're used to living in cramped quarters, it's part of Mizuho tradition. We have the bare minimum number of buildings so that our village stays small and easier to keep secret."

_"So those two homes are shared by every member of your village..."_

"Well... Kinda. One of the perks of being the Chief or in the Chief's family is that you get a house all to yourself."

_"... You can't be serious. The entire village lives in the same one-room house?"_

"Yeah, that's pretty much the size of it."

**"Wow Sheena, I'm impressed! I don't think I could live like that."**

"Hey, don't be too impressed. I'm part of the Chief's family, so I get my own house. To tell the truth, I don't think I could stand living in a crowded house like that either."

* * *

AN: As we all know, RPG worlds are far too small to be actual worlds. They're more like countries. What's more, they lack the infrastructure to support the huge populations they supposedly have. Seriously, Mizuho has two houses for an entire society of ninja! Anyway, enough of my ranting. Thanks to Crow T. R0bot for the idea!

* * *


	222. Like Brother and Sister

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play in Altessa's house before you find out who Mithos really is. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Mithos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Like Brother and Sister**

_"... ... ... No, it couldn't be..."_

**_"What're you thinking about, Raine?"_**

_"Oh, it's nothing. I just realized how very similar you and Colette look."_

"Wow. You're right, Professor! I can't believe I didn't notice it until now. You really do look like her, Mithos. I bet you could be Colette's long-lost brother or something!"

**_"I could...? But I'm..."_**

**"Don't listen to him, Mithos. Lloyd doesn't know what he's talking about."**

"Hey, don't you think that's a little mean, Genis?"

**"Well it's true! They do look alike, but for Mithos to be related to Colette he'd have to be part of the Mana Lineage. People usually know about stuff like that."**

"Oh yeah... I guess you're right, Genis. The only other way they could be related is if Mithos was an angel, but we can tell that's not it. Right, Mithos?"

**_"I... I suppose."_**

* * *

AN: As the good Sir Crow T. R0bot asked me... Why don't any of the heroes see how similar Colette and Mithos look? No one ever says anything about it, but it's so obvious that one would think someone should say something! I mean, Mithos could be Colette's twin. Her evil, fraternal twin.

* * *


	223. Fact or Fiction?

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after you learn about Yuan, the Renegades, and how Yuan is a Seraphim of Cruxis. Raine is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, and _Yuan is italic_.

* * *

**Fact or Fiction?**

_"Lloyd, I'm glad I was able to find you."_

**"Yuan! What're you doing here?!"**

_"Calm down Lloyd. I've not come to fight, or whatever it is you think I would do."_

"Why are you here then? I doubt you tracked us down for the engaging conversation."

_"Hmph. Because for now your goals and the goals of the Renegades coincide, I've decided to give you this. Take good care of it, for it's one of the most potent weapons ever created to combat Cruxis Seraphim."_

**"It is? But it's just a list..."**

_"Read it."_

**"... 'Kratos Aurion's tears can cure cancer. Too bad Kratos has never cried.' ... What's cancer?"**

"... 'There is no such thing as evolution. There is only a list of creatures Kratos Aurion allows to live.' Is this some sort of a joke, Yuan?"

_"Heh heh. Yes, an entire list of them. Except for that one you just read, Ms. Sage, that one's true. They are Kratos Aurion facts, inside jokes from our travels four thousand years ago. If Kratos approaches you again, read these to him and he will be so irritated he will depart. Reading them in Mithos' presence will paralyze him with laughter. He's still something of a child at heart."_

"You're joking. That can't possibly be true!"

**"I don't know, why would Yuan lie to us about something like this? He is on our side, at least for now."**

"I suppose."

_"Whether you use it or not is up to you. Good luck." (Exit)_

**"... 'Kratos Aurion doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.' Heh heh..."**

(Sigh) "I'll be hearing these all night now, won't I...? Curse you ,Yuan..."

* * *

AN: Yes, Kratos Aurion facts! Another fine suggestion by Crow T. R0bot. Feel free to contribute some Kratos Aurion facts of your own!

* * *


	224. Definitely Fiction

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: Hehehe... Well, my friends, here by popular demand is a most wondrous sequel! (Updated early, too...) Seriously, when everybody asks for closure, I'm kinda obliged to give it... Anyway, be on the lookout as you read. You may spot a few familiar things. (Ooh, cryptic...) Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Zelos is italic_, **_Kratos is bold and italic_**, Raine is underlined, and **Sheena is bold and underlined**.

* * *

**(Definitely Fiction)**

**"Hey, is that Kratos over there?"**

**"It is! And he's coming this way!"**

_"Great, just what we need, another run-in with that jerk..."_

"Don't worry guys, I'll handle this."

"Lloyd, you're not seriously considering-?"

"Sure I am! It's time to try this out."

**"What's that? Some sheets of paper?"**

_"You're going to try and beat a Seraphim with paper?"_

**"Have you gone crazy Lloyd?"**

"Of course not, Genis. This isn't just a bunch of paper, it's a list and our secret weapon. Yuan gave it to me to help beat Kratos." (Self-satisfied smirk)

**"Wow, really? That sounds cool!"**

"Doesn't it?" (Grin and happy lines)

_"Hey Lloyd, if you're gonna use that list of yours, you better get ready. Kratos is almost here."_

**_(Enter) "List? What list are your speaking of, Chosen?"_**

"This one!"

(Sigh) "Here we go..."

**_"... I see. Lloyd, I came to warn you that-"_**

"'Kratos Aurion doesn't breathe; the air is too scared to enter his powerful lungs.'"

**_"W-What did you just say?"_**

"'If you have five gald, and Kratos Aurion has five gald, Kratos Aurion has more money than you!'"

**_"Lloyd, stop that immediately."_**

"I don't think so. 'Kratos Aurion kills with two weapons, his sword AND his glare!'"

**_"Lloyd! That's enough!" (Black squiggly)_**

"Wha-? Hey, you're not supposed to grab the list! Give it back!"

**_"No."_**

**"Whoa, he tore it up!"**

_"Sheesh, that's quite a temper you've got there, Kratos."_

**"Yeah, it was just a joke. Lighten up."**

**_"I hate that list. Yuan never should have rewritten it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be off. There's some... Business I have to attend to."_**

"Would this 'business' of yours involve harming Yuan in some way?"

**_"That is a distinct possibility, but I'm sure he doesn't truly need all four of his limbs. Farewell." (Exit)_**

**"Whoo... I sure wouldn't want to be Yuan right now."**

_"Yep, Kratos is going to kill him when he finds him."_

**"This is your fault, Lloyd. You never should have read him that stuff!"**

"Oh come on, Kratos is totally overreacting."

"Perhaps. I'm just astounded the list actually worked. I was beginning to think Yuan set us up."

* * *

AN: Yes, that's right. Your eyes did not deceive you! I used the Kratos Aurion facts you contributed in your reviews last skit for my own evil purposes! Anyway, you all have yourselves to thank/blame for this sequel. Good show folks!

* * *


	225. Regal's Genius Scheme

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: All right, I was seriously considering making one last installment in the Kratos Aurion Facts saga (Title: The Death of Yuan) however, I figured that not only would I be pushing it, I would be unable to clearly portray that magnitude of violence in skit form. So instead, I decided to go with something almost equally as ridiculous and silly. Enjoy!

This would play by the Vending Machines in the Tethe'alla Renegade Base. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Regal is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Regal's Genius Scheme**

"Hey Genis, want anything from the Vending Machine?"

**"Mm... Yeah, I could use a few gels. We're low on Life Bottles too."**

"All right then, let's get-"

**_"Whoa, hold it, Lloyd! Don't buy anything from that machine!"_**

"Why not? It's just a Vending Machine."

**"What'll it do? Poison our gels?"**

**_"Think for a second you two. Who owns that machine? The Renegades, right? So who collects the gald you put in? The Renegades! By buying stuff from that machine, you're funding our enemies. It's simple economics."_**

**"Ah, you're right!"**

"I never thought of it like that before. Oops..."

_"Hm, actually... Lloyd, Genis, buy whatever you wish. As much as you can afford, and get a receipt."_

**"What? Why?!"**

"Didn't you just hear Zelos?!"

_"I did, but Zelos is overlooking a very simple option."_

**_"Oh, am I now? Well then, O Wise Blue Shin-kicker, what's your brilliant idea?"_**

_"It's very simple. That Vending Machine is a useful invention, one that would no doubt be worth quite a bit to the patent-holder on the open market. Because the Renegades are a secret organization, I doubt they've come forward to gain a patent on the device themselves. This means that the patent, and profit, is likely still free to whoever presents the invention and applies for it."_

"So, you're saying we should take it with us. Steal the Vending Machine."

_"Exactly. Buy whatever merchandise you wish and then help me put the machine in the wing pack. When we leave here we'll open the machine up, retrieve your money, and apply for a patent."_

**_"You're a genius, Regal my man! Lloyd, grab two Lemon Gels for me."_**

**"We're gonna be rich! We're gonna be rich!" (Music note)**

"You know, I'm really impressed, Regal. You'd make a great businessman or something."

_"Heh, thank you. I've heard such sentiments before."_

* * *

AN: Yeah, that's right. By buying from Vending Machines you're helping to support the Renegades and, more importantly, Cruxis. (I hope your soda was worth the destruction of the world and life as we know it.)

* * *


	226. Study Like Mithos

Disclaimer: Do not operate heavy machinery while reading Z-Skit Theater. Those currently taking other medication should not read Z-Skit Theater without first consulting their physician...

AN: This would play after Kratos rejoins your party. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Study Like Mithos**

**"Hey Kratos, I was wondering... ... No, never mind."**

"What is it, Lloyd? It's obvious something is troubling you."

**"... Am I... A better student than Mithos was? You said you taught him how to use a sword and I was just curious..."**

"I see. Well, I'm sure that you've realized by now that you are very much like Mithos when he was young. However, I must say he was a much better student than you."

**"What?!"**

"Mithos was a genius pupil. He would throw himself into training whenever he was shown a new technique, refusing to even eat or sleep until he had mastered it. He went from never having held a sword to mastering all I could teach him in a matter of months."

**"No way, are you serious?! A few months and he's a master swordsman? That's impossible!"**

"Yet Mithos was able to achieve it."

**"... So, what you're saying is I should be training harder? ... What did Mithos do to train? I'll do it too!"**

"All right then. First you start with three hundred Demon Fangs a day, followed by two hundred Sword Rains and two hundred Super Sonic Thrusts. Finish that, and I'll give you the next portion of Mithos' training regimen."

**"Uh, on second thought, maybe it's okay to be second best..." (Sweat drop)**

* * *

AN: Yes, Mithos Yggdrasil and Rock Lee have something in common. Next thing you know they'll both be running five hundred laps around Konoha! And if they can't do that, then they'll do one thousand push-ups! And if they can't do that, then they'll...!

* * *


	227. This Is No Game!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play if you have at least three Magical Cloths in your inventory. Regal is normal, **Zelos is bold**,_ Raine is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**This Is No Game!**

**"Regal! How's my favorite CEO doing?"**

"Hello Chosen."

**"'Hello Chosen'? That's how you greet your old buddy Zelos? Tsk, that's cold..."**

"Forgive me, I was preoccupied by my sewing. I wish to finish this as soon as possible so I may begin training again."

**"Sewing, huh? I didn't know you could sew. Seems you're pretty well-rounded, Regal. So, just what are you making?"**

"It's a device that allows me to sharpen my foot-eye coordination. The design is fairly simple, I sew a small bag and stuff it half-full with sand or gravel, then stitch the bag shut."

**"Oh, so you're making a hacky-sack. You could've just said so."**

"This is a piece of serious martial arts training equipment, Zelos. It is not a hacky-sack." (Black squiggly)

**"Whatever you say, but I still think it looks like-"**

"It is not a hacky-sack."

_(Enter) "Excuse me Regal, Sheena and I were planning to make a fruit salad for lunch. Could you tell me where you packed the White Satay-? Oh, what's that you're making?"_

**_(Enter) "Come on Raine, I found the Satay-! Hey, is that a hacky-sack, Regal? I haven't seen one of those in a long time."_**

**"What did I tell you? Hacky-sack!"**

"It is not-"

_"Just what is a hacky-sack?"_

**_"It's a sort of toy, a little bag filled with something heavy like pebbles. You play with it by kicking it around, usually with a group of other people. You have to keep it in the air, so if someone misses the hacky-sack and it hits the ground, then they're out."_**

**"It was really popular with the students in Sybak when I was going to the academy. I was king!"**

**_"I wasn't too bad myself back then."_**

_"I see..."_

"There, finished."

**"All right, let's play a round! Let's kick it!"**

**_"What do you say, Regal? We could teach Raine..."_**

"I'm sorry, but now I must go and train."

**"We can come with-"**

"In solitude."

**"Aw..."**

**_"Well, if you're sure..."_**

"Thank you for understanding, Sheena. Now, if you'll excuse me-"

_"And where do you think you're going?!"_

**_"R-Raine?"_**

_"This hacky-sack game sounds fascinating. I demand a demonstration, play!"_

"V-very well." (Unnerved)

**_"Y-yes ma'am!" (Shocked)_**

**"All right!" (Music note)**

* * *

AN: The one and only time Raine sides with Zelos. Thanks to Maxmagnus20019 for the idea!

* * *


	228. I Can't Go On

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play if you cross the Grand Tethe'alla Bridge five or more times in one game-time "day." (i.e. without going to an inn or camping out between crossings.) Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Zelos is italic_, **_Sheena is bold and italic_**, Regal is underlined, and **Colette is bold and underlined**.

* * *

**I Can't Go On...**

(Pant, pant) "Sorry guys, I've got to stop."

_(Pant, wheeze) "Yeah, me too. Let's take a break."_

**_(Pant, pant) "Agh, my legs feel like they're going to fall off... Why couldn't the engineers have thought to build moving sidewalks on this thing?!"_**

**"Tell me about it. This bridge is just way too big! I feel like I'm gonna collapse."**

**"That's weird, I feel fine! My legs aren't tired at all."**

**"That's because you've been flying the whole way, Colette, not walking like the rest of us." (Black squiggly)**

**"Oh, I guess you're right. Heehee!"**

_(Groan) "Don't taunt us, Colette..."_

"Hmph. Walking across this bridge isn't that arduous. Raine, Presea, and I have been using our legs yet none of us are complaining."

**_"Oh please, that's because you've got legs like a gorilla and Raine and Presea never complain about anything!"_**

"..."

"Please, just give us five minutes, then we can go again."

"Very well."

* * *

AN: The Grand Tethe'alla Bridge is one of my most-hated places to travel through. I'm always overjoyed when I get the EC so I don't have to walk it anymore. Thanks to Zesler for the idea!

* * *


	229. Market Research

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after the scene in Altessa's house where Sheena calls Altamira a "gaudy resort." Regal is normal, **Sheena is bold**.

* * *

**Market Research**

"Sheena, can you tell me why you dislike Altamira?"

**"Ugh, it's just so, well... Gaudy. That's really the only way to describe it."**

"I see, so you dislike the glitz and the touristy air."

**"Exactly."**

"Well then, if that were to... Diminish, would you enjoy the town?"

**"I guess... It'd still be a little loud for my tastes, but I might consider going there if the glaring neon lights were gone. ... Why do you ask, Regal? You doing market research for Altamira or something?"**

"Ah, no. Just curious..."

* * *

AN: This idea comes from Shiankumo Bani. The question was if Regal would be offended by hearing Altamira called a gaudy resort. I don't think he would. To me, Regal seems like he'd be above being insulted and would probably try and figure out how to change the town in order to get more of a market share.

* * *


	230. Ask And You Shall Receive

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play in a shop after you learn that Kratos is Lloyd's father and he rejoins your party. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold.**

* * *

**Ask And You Shall Receive**

"There, now we have enough gels and bottles to last us for quite some time. I think we're finished here-"

**"Wow! Look at those swords! They're a lot better than the pair I have now..."**

"Hm, they do seem to be high-quality blades."

**"I wonder how much... Whoa, they're expensive! Hm... Dad, do you think you could get those for me?"**

"..."

**"..."**

"..." (Sigh) "Very well. But tell me Lloyd, why is it you only call me 'dad' when you're asking for something?" (Face palm)

* * *

AN: Lloyd earned the title "Moocher!" Kratos earned the title "Pushover!" Thanks to freakyanimegal1456 for the idea!

* * *


	231. The Legendary Hero Pac Man

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play in Flanoir if you're looking at the Pac-Man snow sculpture. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**, and _Regal is italic_.

* * *

**The Legendary Hero Pac-Man**

"Hey, what's this thing? It looks too simple to be a statue..."

**"Oh, that's the honored Mr. Pac-Man. He's kind of the guardian spirit of this place."**

_"According to Flanoir tradition, the snowstorms and blizzards here confuse and trap ghosts, causing malignant lost spirits to wander the frozen wastes forever. The story goes that Mr. Pac-Man keeps the four strongest ghosts at bay in an eternal battle by using the power of the 'super pellets', which is thought to be a flawed translation of the word 'stars.'"_

"So they believe this round ball with a mouth protects them from snow ghosts..."

**"Pretty much. And on festival days they thank Mr. Pac-Man for his protection with offerings of fruit and small gold orbs."**

_"They say that on particularly stormy nights you can hear the sounds of Mr. Pac-Man battling the ghosts. It's supposed to sound vaguely like an electronic 'wagga wagga wagga.'"_

"... This is all too weird for me..." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: That's the sort of bedtime story I would tell my kids, if I were ever to have any, and a prime example of why I should never, ever be a parent. (No matter how extremely cool a parent I might be.)

* * *


	232. The Culinary Hero Wonder Chef

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after inspecting the Wonder Chef statue in Flanoir. Regal is normal, **Lloyd is bold.**

* * *

**The Culinary Hero Wonder Chef**

"Hm..."

**"What's up, Regal? You look like you've got something on your mind."**

"Oh, it's nothing important. I was simply thinking of how odd it is to see a statue of someone you know."

**"The Wonder Chef, eh? ... Why does he get a statue of his own anyway?"**

"Well, if you read the plaque on the statue you would know that he 'introduced variety into the Flanoir diet with wonderful new spices and recipes.'"

**"They built him a statue for doing what he always does?"**

"Lloyd, in case you haven't noticed, Flanoir is built in an arctic wasteland. There is precious little to do for entertainment. By livening up their daily existence with good food, the Wonder Chef made himself a hero among the townsfolk."

**"Hm... So, do you think they'd make Genis a statue if he showed them how to play kendama?"**

"Probably not, but only because I doubt any of them could actually learn how to do it. Perhaps something a little less difficult..."

* * *

AN: I don't even know how they manage to get food up in Flanoir. There should logically be no growing season in the arctic, thus no plant life and no vegetables or fruits. Without those, there should also be no animals or livestock. I doubt that Flanoir imports all its food from the south, so where is the stuff coming from? Could it be that the magical grocery pixies, like the ones that fill up my refrigerator every few days, actually exist?! (And here mom almost had me convinced that she was "doing the shopping." Ha!)

* * *


	233. The Mything Link

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play if you fight a Bigfoot at the Ice Temple, then go back to Flanoir and look at the Bigfoot snow sculpture. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold.**

* * *

**The Mything Link**

"Hey, that sculpture, it's a Bigfoot!"

**"Sure is. I'm a little surprised you could tell what it was."**

"What do you mean?"

**"Well, it's just that you usually don't know squat about Tethe'allan mythology. This is the first time you've been able to ID something."**

"Wait, mythology? When did we start talking about that? You're not making any sense, Zelos..."

**(Sigh) "Guess I'm going to have to spell it out for ya... Bigfoot is a mythical monster, Lloyd. It doesn't exist."**

"Sure it does, I've seen it! You were there too!"

**"No way, you couldn't have... Scientists and hunters have been searching for Bigfoot for centuries. None of them have ever found more than weird footprints. It's a legend, that's all."**

"... Zelos, listen to me. Bigfoot is real. We fought one just a few hours ago! How can you not remember?!"

**"Hm... To tell ya the truth, I didn't bother remembering much of anything about going to the Ice Temple besides my sweet hunny Celsius." (Hearts)**

"Zelos..." (Black squiggly)

* * *

AN: If only finding Bigfoot in real life was as easy as it is in ToS, I'd be a rich, rich monster hunter by now.

* * *


	234. No Questions Asked

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play if you have Presea's personal EX Skill on and pick up ten pieces of food in one dungeon. Presea is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Sheena is italic_.

* * *

**No Questions Asked**

"These are for you, Genis."

**"W-What, ingredients? Wow, these are pretty high-quality too. Thanks Presea!"**

"You are welcome."

_"Hey, where did you get all that, Presea? It's not like there are any stores out here..."_

"I found it."

**"Found it? All this food was just lying around?"**

"Yes, on the ground."

_"... Works for me. I'm starved."_

**"Me too, let's eat!"**

* * *

AN: Why is it that no one questions or cares where Presea gets that food from? Thanks to Maxmagnus20019 for the idea!

Also, it's that time of year again! Time for the Twilight Scribe to make the annual migration out to the Middle of Nowhere to chill on vacation for a week. (With Courage, the Cowardly Dog!) I can't wait! (I'm making all my Nowhere plans already.) Anyway, I'm leaving for Nowhere on monday and will try to put up one more chapter (or maybe two!) before then, but after that you probably won't hear from me for a week.

Hopefully I'll come back from my trip with a notebook full of gold like I did last time, and in case I somehow miss the next update(s): Keep safe, Force be with y'all, and I'll see ya later!

* * *


	235. Do A Barrel Roll!

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: Okay, first off: It seems I forgot to mention it yesterday because I was hyped about my trip, but holy cow! It's Z-Skit's two-year anniversary! Whoooo! (Throws confetti and brownies with confetti baked into them) Anyway, I thought that was pretty neat. (I can't believe I've been doing this for two years now.) Thanks to gulliblemuffin for reminding me! Now, the skit...

This would play while on the Rheairds if Kratos is in the party. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Do A Barrel Roll!**

"Man, I never get tired of flying!"

**"Yeah, but I'm starting to wonder if we can do any tricks or stunts with our Rheairds. It's cool to be in the air and all, but it seems like we should be able to do something other than just level flight."**

_"Hm... I'm not sure Raine would approve of me telling you this, but there are tricks that can be done with Rheairds. In fact, there is a simple stunt called a barrel roll that is programmed into each Rheaird's flight controls as an evasive maneuver."_

**"Really? Wow!"**

"How do we do it?"

_"It's easy. Do you see the button labeled 'R' on your Rheaird's controls? If you press it twice, your Rheaird will go into a roll."_

"Okay, so we press 'R' twice to do a barrel roll."

_"That's correct. Be sure to hold on tight."_

"All right! Here we go!"

**"Woo hoo!"**

* * *

AN: ... Yeah, Starfox... Let me just say, I despise Peppy Hare. Despise. I wish he'd just be quiet and let me pilot my ship already. (I don't like Slippy Toad too much either.) But doing a barrel roll on a Rheaird? Fun! Maybe. As long as you don't fall off...

* * *


	236. No More Grudges

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: I'm back! And I had a great time off in Nowhere. Kayaked one of the most beautiful rivers I've ever seen, bought and flew a stunt kite (Into the ground more than a few times, I'll admit... It's really hard!), ended up with an assortment of shiny rocks... (One is jet black and almost perfectly round... It looks like black materia with a matte finish.) Oh, and I ate at least three times the recommended weekly dose of fudge in just a few hours. (I got a little nauseous later, but it was totally worth it.) And, when I wasn't busy doing anything else, I wrote. (Who could've guessed?!) If this trip is anything like my last, you won't actually see the skits I did while on vacation for about six months... But hey, I think they're pretty good. Anyway!

Genis is normal, **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**No More Grudges**

**"Heya twerp, what's up?"**

"Hmph, nothing an idiot like you would understand."

**"Harsh... Genis, why're you so mean to me all the time?"**

"Go away."

**"What? I'm just curious! Come on, why are you always so cruel Genis?"**

"Well, maybe it's because the first thing you did when we met was insult me and my best friend."

**"Hold on. You did the same to me, and then you insulted my hunnies too, remember?"**

"Then you hit on my sister!"

**"... Okay, I'll give you that. But can you blame me? She's a hottie!"**

"Zelos!"

**"All right, all right... Just calm down Genis, no need to pull out your kendama. How does this sound, I'll quit calling you names if you quit being a brat. Deal?"**

"... Will you stop hitting on Raine, and Presea too?"

**"Can't promise you that. But what do you say, truce?"**

"... Yeah, okay. Truce."

**"Great! This means we need to get you a new nickname... How about 'Little Dude'? No? Hm... Oh, I know! 'Mr. Wizard!'"**

"N-No way! Those are so weird..."

**"Ah fine, plain old 'Genis' it is."**

"Hey, Zelos?"

**"Yeah?"**

"Why did you do this? Why'd you try and get on my good side? It seems really unlike you."

**"Let's just say I realized something important."**

"That it's better to get along with each other than it is to hold grudges?"

**"Nope. That if I get on your good side, I can get even closer to your sister!"**

"Zelos!" (Black squiggly)

* * *

AN: Yes, Genis said "hmph." The question of exactly why Genis and Zelos hate each other was brought up by Feral Phoenix. As I see it, Genis is irked with him because of loyalty to his friends, family, and personal honor, and Zelos dislikes any obstacle to his womanizing ways. Makes sense, don't it?

* * *


	237. Take It Off

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play after you find out who and how old Kratos really is. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Take It Off**

"... Is there any reason you're staring at me, Lloyd?"

**"I was just wondering about your Exsphere. It keeps you from aging, right? Doesn't that mean that I'll keep growing up and you'll stay looking the same forever? Eventually I'll be an old man, and you'll look like you could be my son!"**

"I suppose so... Would that bother you?"

**"Well, yeah. It'll be weird to be a sixty-year-old man standing next to my twenty-something father."**

"Very well. Perhaps when this journey is finished I will remove my Exsphere and begin aging again."

**"You can do that?"**

"I'm not sure, but in theory it should work."

**"But... What if you took it off and aged four thousand years all at once? You would just crumble into dust. Or what if you turned into an Exbelua or something? I know you've got a Key Crest on it, but you've worn that Exsphere for so long... I bet it's more like a Cruxis Crystal now, you could even start crystallizing. It could be unpredictable."**

"... You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you Lloyd?"

**"Ah, yeah... Can you blame me though? It's cool!"**

"I'm relieved you find it amusing to imagine my hideous, Exsphere-related death." (Black squiggly)

**"Oh, sorry. It's just a good question, and I wanted to know-"**

"It's all right. It's your nature to be curious. Let's leave it at this, if my lack of aging becomes too bothersome, I'll remove my Exsphere and we'll see what happens then."

**"Thanks, Kratos."**

"In the meantime, could you... Possibly make me a Rune Crest for this?"

**"Hehe, sure thing!"**

* * *

AN: I can't help but think that after hearing so many different options of an unpleasant Exsphere-based demise, even Kratos would be a little unnerved. Thanks to Midnight Silver Okami and Death Skater for the ideas in this one!

* * *


	238. A Deeper Meaning

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play after Zelos' death once Kratos rejoins the party. Lloyd is normal, **Raine is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**A Deeper Meaning**

**"Kratos, I couldn't help but notice... Every person with angelic wings like Colette and yourself seem to have them composed of a different color of mana. Is there some significance behind the phenomenon?"**

_"Yes, there is. The color of a person's wings reveals two things. The first is the strength of their mana signature, denoted by the number of different colors in their wings. The more colors present, the more powerful the individual."_

"You've got two colors, right? So you're just as strong as Yuan and Colette?"

_"In terms of raw mana, yes."_

**"I see... And what is the other meaning?"**

_"The second meaning depends on the shade and intensity of the wings' color, and shows the qualities of their owner's soul."_

"So... They're like mood rings for souls."

_"In a manner of speaking. Pink-tinted wings like Colette's show deep kindness and spiritual purity. Blue wings are indicators of courageous individuals with strong morals and beliefs, while green wings, like Martel had, tell of a wise and generous spirit. The last type, orange wings, belong to individuals capable of deep friendships and loyalty, though having rather lax morals."_

**"..."**

"..."

_"What is it?"_

**"... Zelos had orange wings."**

_"I see. Wing colors truly are the most accurate judge of character."_

"Is that a compliment or an insult...?"

* * *

AN: Note, I didn't mention the type of wings that are black at the base and fade out into either silver, crimson, cobalt, bright pink/magenta, or violet. That's because those indicate the bearer is most likely a Sue and are not worthy of our attention. Thanks to Zorfendor for the idea!

* * *


	239. I See Dead People

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play at night at an inn after you earn the "Katz Katz Katz!" title for Genis and after Zelos' death. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Presea is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**I See Dead People**

"Hey, you okay Genis? You look a little shook up."

**"I'm fine, I think. Do you remember how I saw that ghost in Meltokio?"**

"Oh yeah, that little boy you said was there but nobody else saw."

**"Right..."**

**_"What about the ghost, Genis? Are you worried it followed you from the slums or something?"_**

**"No, it's just that... What if I'm psychic or something? I've already seen one ghost, maybe I'll start seeing them all over the place."**

"Is that possible? That would be so cool!"

**"I don't know, Lloyd. I'm worried because if I start seeing real ghosts, then I might end up seeing Zelos too."**

**_"They do say that those who die violent deaths come back as ghosts... You might be right, Genis."_**

**"But I don't want to see him! It'd be creepy and- And- We killed him! What do you say to someone after something like that?!"**

"Good point..."

_"Don't worry, Genis. If you haven't seen him by now, you never will."_

**"I hope you're right- Wait, 'by now?' P-Presea, what does that mean...? Zelos, he's not here is he? Right now?"**

_"Yes. His spirit has been floating around us ever since he died."_

**"But, how would you know? You can't see ghosts! You can't... Right, Presea?"**

"Hm, Presea did have that weird connection with the Devil Arms, maybe she has some link to the dead too."

_"..."_

**"... Sorry Presea, but I'm not believing it this time. If Zelos' ghost really was here with us, he would have done something spooky already. Scaring me from beyond the grave with a real-life ghost story sounds like something he'd love to do!"**

**_"I don't know, he might just be biding his time..."_**

**"Sheena!"**

"Hey, do you guys hear that?"

**"Hear what?"**

"Woooo... Wheeere is Geeeenis...? Wheeere is the braaaat...?"

**"Lloyd, I know that's you."**

"Wheeere iiiis heeee...?"

**"Come on Lloyd, stop it! You're creeping me out!"**

_"..."_

**_(Sigh) "It's what Zelos would have wanted."_**

* * *

AN: Man, I feel like I've been on a real Zelos kick lately. He's in (or the subject of) five of the last ten chapters, this chapter (kinda), and probably the next two chapters as well... It's not really a bad thing, but I just felt I had to say something. Anyway! Sorry for bringing Zelos' death up again so soon, but you know that this would be one of the things he would have put in his will: "Spook the brat at every opportunity!"

And about last chapter, to all who mentioned it: Remember, we only see Yuan as the cold, scheming mastermind that he is in the present. I'm sure that way, way back when Martel was alive and they were to be wed (remember the Assassin's Ring sidequest?), Yuan was a much kindlier person. If Lloyd is to be believed, then your soul is your soul and it shouldn't change to reflect your outward emotions all that much. That was my reasoning behind Yuan's wings. (But Key of Ra is absolutely right, Yuan _is_ a butterfly. XD)

One last thing: **Wing size means nothing!** (Ahem...)

* * *


	240. Genis Admonished

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after the scene where Lloyd finds that mysterious guy in his hotel room in Triet. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Genis Admonished**

"Man, that was sure creepy last night... I wonder what that guy who broke into my room wanted. He didn't take anything, so I don't think he was a thief..."

**"Hm, maybe he was a pervert."**

"What?!"

**"Yeah, he was probably trying to peek at Colette or Raine and got our rooms mixed up. The nerve of that jerk!"**

"Y-You sure come up with some weird ideas, Genis."

* * *

AN: RAH! What was that guy doing?! Seriously, what? They never go back and revisit that and it just kills me. (Ahem) Anyway... This skit is one of the ones that needs its follow-up to be truly great. You'll see what I mean once you read the sequel, trust me. The sequel makes it. Thanks to Unmortem for spurring this idea.

* * *


	241. Genis Vindicated

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: **HOLD IT! This skit is a sequel that I uploaded along with its prequel. (Because they're best when read together, making you wait for the sequel would be unwise.) Go back one chapter and read "Genis Admonished" ere you continue here.**

This would play if you stay the night in the Altamira Resort after you've seen "Genis Admonished." Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**. (Hahaha! More Zelos!)

* * *

**Genis Vindicated**

"Wha-? Hey! Who are you and what're you doing in my room?!"

**"L-Lloyd?! What're you doing in-? ... Aw, man... I messed up."**

"Zelos?! Hold on, messed up? What're you talking about? And why are you standing over my bed like that?! You scared me!"

**"Well, you see... I was actually trying to get into Sheena's room, but I guess I got a bit mixed up in the dark."**

"... Weird. Maybe Genis was right after all..."

**"You say something, Lloyd?"**

"Huh? No. ... Hey, what're you still doing in my room?"

**"Sheena's in the next room over, right?"**

"Out!"

**"All right, all right, I'm gone. Sheesh... See you in the morning, Mr. Grumpypants." (Exit)**

"Yep, Genis was definitely right..." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: Lloyd earned the title "Mr. Grumpypants." (_After a long day you just want to sleep, heaven help the one who disturbs your nap!)_ And there we are, Genis is always right and Zelos is always a little... Um... Pervy. There's really no nice way to say it. Thanks to GaurdianAngelZelos for the idea!

* * *


	242. Tie Dyed Deja Vu

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: Howdy! I would have had this chapter up yesterday, but my efforts were obstructed by my creative right brain insisting that I make chainmail late into the night. Anyway, not only is this chapter one of the ones I wrote while off in Nowhere (Six months, ha!) and it's going to break the recent Zelos streak. Enjoy!

This would play after you have fought both Penguiners and Penguinists. Raine is normal, **Genis is bold.**

* * *

**Tie-Dyed Deja Vu**

**"First Penguinists, now Penguiners? Didn't we get enough of this in Flanoir?"**

"Yes, it's strange how populations of penguin-suited monsters can exist in both worlds. I wonder if the two species are related."

**"I guess it's possible, but that's not what I was talking about."**

"I-Is that so? But what could be more interesting than a possible monster subspecies?"

**"It's not interesting, it's annoying! They threw snowballs at us in Flanoir and now they're throwing big clumps of sand. I think one of them had a rock in it!"**

"Oh, I understand. It's the species' similar behaviors that you pay attention to. Very perceptive of you, Genis!"

**"Uh, yeah... Whatever, sis." (Sweat drop)**

* * *

AN: This idea comes from Mega Mario, who asked for a skit on everyone's favorite penguin-themed monsters. I have to admire how the game programmers put the Penguiners on sandy Katz Island so they could replicate the snowball moves of their cousins in Flanoir. Seriously, Penguiners and Penguinists are only different in their color schemes and what kind of booze- Er, "potion" they carry.

* * *


	243. Less Than Effective

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play after you've seen both Regal and Sheena do their "Mana Cannon impressions." Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, and _Regal is italic_.

* * *

**Less Than Effective**

"Grr... Urg... Haaa!"

**"What the heck are you doing, Lloyd? You sound like you're gonna hurt yourself."**

"I'm trying to channel my mana and make a blast."

_"Is that so?"_

"Yeah. I've been wanting to try since I first saw you do it in Welgaia. I figure if you and Sheena could learn to do it, then there's no reason I can't learn it too."

_"That's a fine goal, Lloyd, but you must realize it takes years of practice and discipline in order to gain the control over one's mana required to produce a focused beam of energy. It's a technique that takes a lifetime to master."_

**"Literally. The only reason I was able to do it is because I've been training to control my mana since I was a little girl. It's part of being a summoner."**

"That's okay. I can usually pick up new moves pretty fast."

_"Not this one. To be successful you need to be in tune with your body's energy. Your time would be better spent in quiet meditation than standing here grunting and trying to force mana from your palms."_

**"If you want, I could show you some of the more basic meditation exercises I know."**

"No thanks, I think I'll stick with grunting. Kaaa..."

_"..." (Sweat drop)_

"Meee... Haaa...!"

**"..." (Black squiggly)**

"Meee...! HAAA!" (Pant pant)

**"And how's that working out for you?"**

"Not too good..." (Pant) "Could you-" (Pant) "-show me some of those exercises you were talking about?"

* * *

AN: I know how these things work. Anyone can unlock INCREDIBLE POWERS if they just grunt and yell long enough. Having a friend obliterated by an energy blast can help too. (But don't worry, they can always be brought back later!) Just ask anime. Anime never lies!

* * *


	244. Out For Blood

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play at any time when Raine and all four Tethe'allans are in your party. Regal is normal, **Raine is bold**.

* * *

**Out For Blood**

**"Excuse me Regal, I couldn't help but notice... Your hair is very blue." **

"... Yes, it is."

**"And Presea's hair is pink... Even Sheena and Zelos have strange hair colors, with the purplish tint in her hair and that brilliant red of his. Is it normal in Tethe'alla for people to have such oddly-colored hair?" **

"For some, yes. My hair is naturally this color, it runs in my family. However, some nobles have been known to dye their hair. As for the others, I do not know what color hair runs in Sheena's family, but Presea's sister's hair was also pink and I've heard that Zelos received his... Distinctive look from his father."

**"I see, so they are most likely genetically predisposed to their looks. Thank you, Regal. Hm..." **

"If I may, I'd like to know. Do you ask out of pure curiosity, or do you have some ulterior motive?"

**"Originally, no, it was pure curiosity. But now that I know your strange coloration is a genetic trait... Regal, may I have a sample of your DNA? Saliva, skin cells, hair, blood... Anything will do." **

"Blood...?"

**"Yes, I would like to obtain a sample from all four of you. I want to compare Tethe'allan DNA to that of natives of Sylvarant and see how great the differences are. It's a marvelous idea!" **

"... Excuse me, I feel I have a responsibility to go warn the others that you're after their blood." (Exit)

**"Wait, come back Regal!" (Sigh) "I suppose my experiment will have to wait for now. How disappointing..." **

* * *

AN: Technicolor hair... It crops up in even the most unlikely of places. I wonder what Raine thinks of all the half-elves that also have green/teal, pink, and purple hair. Hm, perhaps... Could it be that the Tethe'allans have an unusually large number of their humans with non-natural hair colors because they aren't really entirely humans? (Gasp!) All the "humans" in Tethe-alla might actually be quarter/eighth/sixteenth/thirty-second-elves! Imagine how the discriminating jerks would react to that little tidbit. Ha!

* * *


	245. Float Like A Butterfly

Disclaimer: Do not operate heavy machinery while reading Z-Skit Theater. Those currently taking other medication should not read Z-Skit Theater without first consulting their physician...

AN: This would play once you use Rising Falcon twenty-five times. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Genis is italic_.

* * *

**Float Like A Butterfly**

"Rising Falcon!"

_"Wow Lloyd, how do you do that?!"_

"Huh? Do what? I'm just jumping in the air..."

_"But you hang there for a while. You're defying gravity! Even with all the spells I know, I haven't figured out how to fly yet."_

"I guess you're right. I've always thought of it as just another technique, I'm not sure how I do it."

_"Well figure it out! I want to do it too."_

**"Um, Genis, if you want to learn how to fly you can just ask me. I can do it too!"**

_"Well yeah, you have wings, Colette..."_

**"Oh, right. Hehe."**

* * *

AN: Hm... It says here in my notebook that this skit was inspired by J.A. Phillips. I can't really remember how, but it's there... So thanks for the idea!

* * *


	246. Sting Like A Bee

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This skit has absolutely nothing to do with the last chapter, but I love the naming convention! It would play if you come close to the exit of any city that has Giant Bees or Killer Bees in the nearby area on the world map. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Sting Like A Bee**

"All right, let's get going! We've got too much to do to hang around in this city much longer."

**"Are you crazy?! There's no way I'm going out there. There are Bees all over!"**

"Oh come on, Genis. You're not afraid of a teensy little bee sting, are you?"

**"When it's from a bee monster that's as big as I am, yes."**

"..."

**"..."**

"On second thought, let's just stay here for a while. I'm sure there's lots of stuff for us to do in town..."

**"Heh. I knew you'd see it my way, Lloyd."**

* * *

AN: Shika Kev Prower, Key of Ra, you guys inspired this one. I wasn't planning on doing a sequel to 'Float Like A Butterfly', but your joint title request worked out anyway. Thanks!

* * *


	247. Raine's Catchphrase

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play after Raine beats someone up (in a cutscene), if Sheena's in your party at the time. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, and **_Raine is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Raine's Catchphrase**

_"Yikes... You know what? I'm really glad we'll never have to fight Raine."_

"I know what you mean. She can be even scarier than Yggdrasil when she's in ruin-mode."

**"You just say that because she kicks you, Lloyd."**

_"That sounds like a valid reason to me."_

"Have you ever wondered what she'd say?"

**"Say? What're you talking about, Lloyd?"**

"You know how whenever we fight people, they always seem like they pose and say something cool before they attack? I was just wondering what Raine would say in that situation."

**"Hm... Well, if it was us, she'd probably say something about school and tests."**

_"Heh. 'Now, time for your final exam!'"_

**"Nah. More like 'I hope you've done your homework!'"**

"I was thinking 'Ready for a pop quiz?'"

**_(Enter) "Lloyd, Genis, you're late for class. Colette and I have been waiting for you."_**

**"Oh, sorry sis."**

"Yeah, sorry Professor. We'll be right there."

**_"Good. Oh, and starting today I'll be giving you pop quizzes to get you in shape for the final exam, so I hope you've done your homework." (Exit)_**

_"Did she just say what I think she said?"_

"I'm officially creeped out now."

**"Me too. That's just a little too close for comfort..."**

* * *

AN: The idea of fighting Raine, is actually pretty scary. Sure, she's a healer and the best she can do offensively is cast Photon and Ray... But those are both pretty strong attacks, and she kicks hard and has a big stick! Thanks for the idea Sora no Hoshi!

* * *


	248. Mr Popular

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after you leave the Fortune Teller's tent in Triet if everyone in your party has a soulmate-level relationship with Lloyd. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic_, **_Genis is bold and italic_**, Sheena is underlined, and _Zelos is italic and underlined_.

* * *

**Mr. Popular**

**"So Lloyd, what did the Fortune Teller say to you?"**

"She, uh, said I'm..."

_"Speak up Lloyd, we can't hear you if you mumble."_

**_"Yeah, come on Lloyd! What did she say?"_**

"... Well, she said I'm soulmates with-"

_"Colette, right?"_

"It's so obvious, why didn't I see it before?"

**"Me?"**

"Uh, yeah. Colette's one of the people..."

_"More than one soulmate? I'm proud of you Lloyd, you're a quick study."_

_"Let him finish, Zelos. Lloyd, please continue."_

"She said I'm soulmates with everyone. All of you, even Kratos!"

**_"Me too? Ugh, gross!"_**

"Hey, I don't like it either!"

_"And here I thought I got around! Well, I guess if you're into that sort of thing..."_

"I just said I don't like it!"

"Poor Lloyd. You're Mr. Popular."

* * *

AN: Those are all, of course, TOTALLY PLATONIC soulmate-ships as I don't champion any specific pairing here in Z-Skit Theater! You all hear that? Totally platonic! (Ahem) Seriously though, you'd think the Fortune Teller's proclamation of "Hey guess what? You're soulmates with your dad! And your best friend(s)! And your teacher! And a little girl! And an older woman, who's a ninja! And two other dudes from another world!" would really mess Lloyd up, especially since he'd likely be one to think that "soulmate" equals "romantic relationship". (A soulmate is a soulmate!) Poor guy...

... Lloyd earned the title "Mr. Popular!"

* * *


	249. Fiery Hot

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play after you see skit 116 "Too Hot." Colette is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Fiery Hot**

"Okay, how did I do this time? I tried not to add too much spice."

_"It smells wonderful and it's... ...!"_

**"It's what, Kratos?"**

"Is it good?"

_(Gasp!) "Water!"_

**"Hold it Kratos! Here, eat some cheese. Drinking water only makes spicy food hotter..."**

"I messed up again, didn't I?"

_"It seems like you used even more spice than you did last time..."_

**"Don't feel bad, Colette. Everybody's got to start somewhere. You'll get better."**

"Thanks Genis."

**"But until then, I think I should cook dinner from now on..."**

"All right! I'll practice until I'm just as good a chef as you!"

_"My mouth feels safer already."_

* * *

AN: Water! I feel like that sometimes when my Aunt orders Indian food for dinner. She loves her lip-meltingly hot spices. I love them too, but I always end up eating too much and being sorry later when my mouth's on fire.

* * *


	250. It's Not What It Sounds Like!

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: (Oh wow, is it really chapter 250 already?) This would play once Raine and Genis rejoin your party after being left outside Heimdall. Raine is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Lloyd is italic_.

* * *

**It's Not What It Sounds Like!**

"Hmph. So what if Genis and I weren't allowed to enter Heimdall? It's not that big of a deal... Yes, why should I need to see the city of the elves? I lived there before, so it's not as if I would discover anything new."

**"Uh, sis? Are you talking to yourself again?"**

"The ecology of the Ymir Forest is much more interesting! Take this tree for example, look how its roots have formed around the boulder it grows on, entrapping it. What a hardy specimen!"

**"Uh... Uh-huh."**

"And this boulder! I can't quite identify it, but it's a very hard mineral. My staff's not even making a dent! It must be at least an eight on the Mohs scale... Marvelous!" (Hearts)

_(Enter) "Hey guys, we're back-! Uh, Professor, why are you hitting that rock?"_

"Oh! I, ah, this... I was experimenting on it, testing its hardness." (Blush)

**"Careful Lloyd, I think staying out in the woods made her go crazy! She started talking to herself and then...!"**

_"Okay... I was going to ask how you guys were doing, but I think I can pretty much guess."_

"It's not what it sounds like, I promise." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: Just for the record, the Mohs scale is a scale that rates the hardness of minerals from one (softest: Talc) to ten (hardest: Diamond). An eight is as hard as Topaz and, for reference, a steel file is 6.5, so that's one hard rock the Professor was beating up!

As for the idea, it comes from the fantastic Contraltissimo, who wanted to know if when the party comes back to pick up those members they've temporarily left behind, do they ever come back earlier than expected and catch their friends doing something odd or embarrassing? And of course they do. Just wait until next chapter when I revisit this, with Regal as the star. Ahahaha!

* * *


	251. Caught With His Feet Up?

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play once Regal rejoins your party after being left outside Altamira. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Regal is italic_.

* * *

**Caught With His- Feet Up?**

_"And one, two, three, four, five..."_

"Hey Regal, we're- Whoa! What're you doing?!"

_"... Eight, nine, ten. Simply some exercises to increase my flexibility. Surely you didn't expect me to sit and do nothing while I waited for you to return from the city."_

"N-No, we didn't, but..."

**"We didn't expect to come back and find you putting your foot behind your head!"**

"Yeah, exactly."

_"Hmph. All this fuss over one stretch. Putting one's foot behind one's head isn't all that impressive. Would you like to see me put both my feet behind my head at once? I'm able to do that, you know. Or, if you prefer, I could attempt to do the splits..."_

**"No! Er... No, that's okay."**

"Let's just keep moving."

_"As you wish."_

* * *

AN: And here I said I was going to stop giving Regal all these new skills... Oh well. (Shrug) Again, this idea is all thanks to Contraltissimo, so thanks!

* * *


	252. Terrifyingly Strong Corrine

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play soon after the Tower of Salvation and 'Escape from the Triet Renegade Base' scenes if Sheena's in your party. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Zelos is italic_, and **_Corrine is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Terrifyingly Strong Corrine**

"Wow Sheena, I'm impressed. I never realized how strong Corrine must be."

**"Thanks, but... What're you talking about? I don't remember ever having him fight at full power when you were around."**

"It was back at the base in Triet, when you called Corrine to hold off the Renegades while we escaped. He held off Yuan and Botta and a bunch of their soldiers too!"

**"Oh yeah, I'd almost forgotten. Me and Corrine have done so many things like that over the years, they all kind of blend together."**

"You two must make an amazing team when you're really serious."

_"Don't be too impressed, Lloyd. Corrine isn't really as strong as you think."_

**"Oh? And how would you know something like that?"**

_"Well, I don't know these Renegades you're talking about, but if they're anything like the Desians are supposed to be, then they're absolutely terrified of gerbils! Corrine probably never even fought these Renegade guys. The probably saw him, mistook him for a gerbil and fled!"_

"That's... Really stupid, Zelos."

**"Don't you insult Corrine like that! Corrine!"**

**_(Enter) "Hey Sheena, what's up?"_**

**"Zelos called you a gerbil!"**

**_"What?! He knows how much I hate that!"_**

_"H-hey, calm down now... Nice summon spirit... Agh! Hey, stop! Lloyd, help!"_

"Huh, I was right. Corrine is terrifyingly strong..."

* * *

AN: Beat up by a gerbil... Zelos has lost all confidence as a man.

* * *


	253. Terrifyingly Strong Noishe

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play if you've ridden Noishe when you've had a full party. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**,_ Presea is italic_, and **_Noishe is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Terrifyingly Strong Noishe**

**_(Howl!)_**

"Hey Noishe, it's good to see you too."

**"So he finally comes back after all the monsters are gone."**

**_(Grrr...)_**

"Calm down, Noishe. You can't growl if it's true."

**_(Whine...)_**

**"Ha!"**

_"... Noishe is a very interesting animal."_

"I know, there aren't many green and white dogs out there."

_"That is true, but not what I meant. Noishe is very strong for a dog, isn't he? He is able to carry all eight of us at the same time, as well as all our luggage. Not even a horse or dragon could do something like that."_

"Huh, I guess he is pretty strong. I always took it for granted, but you're pretty awesome Noishe."

**_(Howl!)_**

**"If Noishe is so strong, then why does he run away whenever there are monsters?"**

_"... One can be strong, but also a coward."_

"Hey, that's not nice..."

**_(Whine)_**

* * *

AN: Noishe is a brute! And, according to one of my earlier skits, he knows how to fight too. I wouldn't want to get on his bad side. Thanks for the idea go to Sora no Hoshi!

* * *


	254. Noishe Strikes Back

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: Here's just a little more attention for Noishe. This would play if you get on and off Noishe five times on the world map without entering a town or dungeon in between. Lloyd is normal, **Noishe is bold**.

* * *

**Noishe Strikes Back**

"All right, let's go Noishe!"

**(Whine)**

"Hey, come on. What're you waiting for? We still have a long way to go."

**(Growl)**

"N-Noishe?"

**(Bark! Bark! Bark!)**

"OW! What was that for Noishe?!"

**(Growl, bark!)**

"Is that all? Jeez, if you were so tired of me riding you, you could've just said so. You didn't need to throw me off. That really hurt..."

**(Whine...)**

* * *

AN: Contralitissimo asked what happens when Noishe gets tired of carrying people. The answer is that, like anybody else would, he throws them off! Of course, he feels bad about it afterwards, but his back was killing him!

* * *


	255. Colette, You Traitor!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after you see skit 364 "Dirk's way of Memorization." Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_,**_ Sheena is bold and italic_**, Colette is underlined, and **Zelos is bold and underlined**.

* * *

**(Colette, You Traitor!)**

**"Dinner's served! Eat up everybody!"**

"Wow, that looks great, Genis! I can't wait to dig in!"

_"Hold on, Lloyd. Not so fast."_

"Oh no..."

"Hey, what're you doing , Professor? Give me back my plate, I'm starving!"

**"What gives, sis?"**

**"Taking away a guy's dinner? Not cool."**

**_"Come on Raine, give it back. Lloyd needs to eat."_**

_"And he will, if he can answer a few questions for me."_

"What?"

_"Colette told me about how successful you were at memorizing all your Dwarven Vows, so I figure I'll be able to use Dirk's method to help you memorize your schoolwork as well."_

"Colette! How could you?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't know what she'd do..."

_"From now on, Lloyd, you only get to eat if you can pass my before-dinner quiz."_

**"There's no way that's going to work."**

**_"You're kidding. That's cruel and unusual, Raine!"_**

**"Lloyd's gonna starve!"**

"..."

_"Well Lloyd, let's do some physics. What direction does the normal force always act in?"_

"... ... ..."

"Stop it, Professor! Give Lloyd his dinner."

**_"Yeah, you're just torturing him-"_**

"The normal force always acts perpendicular to the surface an object is resting on."

_"That's correct."_

**"Wow!"**

**_"What the-?"_**

_"Now, what does the variable 'mu' represent?"_

"Um, I'm pretty sure it's the coefficient of friction."

_"Very good."_

**"Jeez, forget what I said before. I'm a believer."**

"She's not even using any dwarven memory ingredients!"

_"What formula do you use to determine the force of gravity between two objects?"_

"The constant of gravity times the mass of both objects, divided by the square of the distance between the two objects. Can I eat now?"

_"Yes, you've passed today's test with flying colors. I'm very proud of you... Um, Lloyd?"_

"Wait until he's finished eating, Professor. I don't think he can hear you over the chewing."

**"Ugh, I know it's a campout, but you'd think he'd have some better table manners..."**

**_"Raine, that... That was amazing!"_**

**"Yeah, that's the first hundred percent Lloyd's ever gotten!"**

* * *

AN: This is actually the exact same method I used to study for the Physics final I took during summer semester. Exact same, and (Bragging alert!) I got a 3.75 in the class. (For those of you not familiar with the four-point grading scale, that's damn good. A solid A.) Anyway, I'm done bragging now. Thanks to Sora no Hoshi for the skit idea (and my study methods).

* * *


	256. Kratos' Descendants

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: Hehehe. Normally I don't do review replies in my author's notes, but man, the ones for this last chapter were just too great not to. Right off the bat: SoS, thank you! "Epic" is always my adjective of choice. You get a brownie! And freakyanimegal, you're so eloquent! Seriously, I love the creative description. Have a brownie! XD

Everybody, really truly thanks. I don't say it enough (once every fifty chapters is not enough), but you guys are the absolute best. I open up my inbox every day and always find messages from all of you that make my day. You all get brownies! And you get this skit, which I think is a _lot_ better than the one I originally planned to post today.

(And for those of you who are going to try the Sage Study Method, remember: It's not so much starving yourself (That's unhealthy!) as it is forcing yourself to study. If you eat often (count snacks as eating), and if you study before you eat, then you study often too.)

Now, this would play after you learn how old Kratos is and that he's Lloyd's father. I suppose you would also have to choose to have Zelos live. Kratos is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Regal it italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Kratos' Descendants**

**"Kratos, did you ever have a family before Lloyd and his mom?"**

"What?"

**"I know it's really none of my business, but if you're actually thousands of years old like you say you are, then it doesn't seem very realistic that Lloyd's mom was the only woman you've been in love with."**

_"Yes, I was curious about that as well. To remain a bachelor for all those millennia... I doubt any man, angelic or not, could bear it."_

**_"My thoughts exactly! So, how many were there really? Were they hotties? Come on, you can tell us, Kratos."_**

"... There were a handful of women who I became... Acquainted with."

**_"Hehehe. That's one way to put it."_**

**"Zelos!"**

"Since I have always been required to keep my identity as a Seraphim relatively secret we were never allowed to marry. You see, they were all of noble birth and I am, technically, of common stock. Of course, none of my loves allowed that to get in our way... I have had many children, and have even more descendants."

**_"Wow. Kratos, you dog! My respect for you just doubled."_**

_"I see. You should be careful who you tell this tale, Kratos. Many noble families of today go to great lengths to hide the fact that such arrangements were once commonplace, they might find your story quite offensive." _

**"Hey, you said all the women you fell in love with were noble ladies. Are there any we might know of?" **

"Perhaps... About two thousand years ago I fell in love with Lady Ayame of the Fujibayashi clan. Some of my more recent loves have included Countess Dahlia Bryant and Baroness Valencia Borden, you may have heard of them."

**"A-Are you kidding me...?" **

_"Impossible!" _

**_"What?!" _**

"Is something wrong?"

**"You... And Ayame Fujibayashi? The founder of Mizuho?!" **

_"Being able to trace your family tree back to its roots is a requirement for all noble children. Do you mean to tell me that four centuries ago the mysterious lover of Count Bryant's only daughter and heir was you?!" _

**_"You bastard! Valencia Borden is my grandma!" _**

"Heh heh heh..."

**"... You're just messing around with us, aren't you?" **

"Yes. Lloyd is my only child and his mother is the only woman I've ever loved."

_"Now I understand how Lloyd feels when he complains about my straight face..." _

**_"Man, there are some things you just don't joke about!" (Black squiggly)_ **

* * *

AN: Okay, I know the ancestors I named aren't canon names mentioned in-game. But then again, in-game they hardly cover any ancestry back farther than one or two generations. (And I'm thinking 'Borden' is Zelos' Grandma's maiden name.) Thanks to both Unmortem and Penamesolen for the ideas I melded together in this skit! I had a ton of fun with it.

* * *


	257. Watch Your Step

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play if you go back to the Ossa Trail after Sheena joins the party. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Kratos is italic_, and **_Raine is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Watch Your Step**

**"This place again... Can't we go some other way? There has to be some other route that's, you know, not full of open mineshafts."**

**_"I'm sorry, Sheena, but this is the fastest way."_**

**(Sigh) "Fine. I'll go, but I don't like it."**

_"Now remember, the Ossa Trail is exceptionally steep and the terrain is very unreliable. We must move cautiously."_

"Yeah, you sure wouldn't want to trip here. It'd be a really nasty fall."

_"Heh. Yes, it would certainly be a long way down."_

**"C-Cut it out, you two! That's not funny!"**

* * *

AN: I adore how, when you examine the trapdoor in the Ossa Trail with Sheena, she says "Ugh... The nightmares are still coming back to me..."

* * *


	258. The Gravity of the Situation

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play in Exire after you've seen the events with Virginia and the Elder has told you she's left. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**The Gravity of the Situation**

"Hm... I don't think the Elder told us the whole truth when he said Virginia left."

**"I was thinking the same thing, but why would he lie to us? There's no good reason."**

"I know. Still, Virginia left? She ran off? We're on Exire, a floating city way up in the sky! Where could she have run off to? Unless she knows how to fly she couldn't have left without a Rheaird."

**"L-Lloyd... You don't think the Elder meant she actually ran off, do you? Like, off the edge?"**

"I-I never thought about it like that..."

**"Lloyd! My mom could-! She could be...!" (Panicked)**

"Calm down Genis, I'm sure that's not what the Elder meant. ... But, just to be sure... L-Let's go ask him again." (Stunned)

**"Y-yeah, okay."**

* * *

AN: She "ran off" hehehe... Feel free to smack me for the horrible pun title and thanks to Death Skater for another wonderful idea!

* * *


	259. Make A Choice

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after Lloyd's "Save the world and Colette, no more sacrifices!" speech(es). Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Make A Choice**

**"Hey Lloyd, what do you want for dinner? I was going to make either Steak or Quiche."**

"Steak or Quiche? Hm, but they're both so good... Isn't there some way you can make both, Genis?"

**"Ew! Do you know how bad that would taste Lloyd?"**

"Nah. I know you could make it work. There's got to be a way, there's always another way. You just have to try!"

**"... You know Lloyd, when it comes to big stuff like saving the world, that sort of logic works. But this is dinner, you've got to make a choice."**

(Sigh) "Fine. Let's have Steak."

**"Can do!"**

* * *

AN: Lloyd always selects the "do both" option. Idealism? Or can he just not make up his mind? Sometimes it gets downright silly.

* * *


	260. A Civics Lesson

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after you find the Book of Regeneration has been given away to the imposters. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**A Civics Lesson**

"Wow Professor, you sure look steamed."

**"Of course she does, Lloyd! I'm mad too. How dare those guys go around pretending to be us!"**

_"It's not the imposters I'm angry with, Genis."_

**"It's not?"**

_"I'm upset with the irresponsibility of the Palmacosta government. They were entrusted with guarding the Book of Regeneration, but they just gave it away with no questions asked." (Sigh) "You can't trust elected officials with anything!"_

**"... So, is that our civics lesson for today?"**

"That's the best one we've had so far!"

_"..." (Black squiggly)_

* * *

AN: (Ahem) ... Only six days left until the election. Don't forget to vote!

* * *


	261. Slightly Hypocritical

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after you see "A Civics Lesson." Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Kratos is italic._

* * *

**Slightly Hypocritical**

"So Raine's really upset about this Book of Regeneration thing."

_"It makes me uneasy as well. The idea that there are those who would take advantage of the Journey of Regeneration as an opportunity to make a profit is disheartening."_

"... Kratos, aren't you getting paid to come with us?"

**"Yeah, how can you say that when you're making a profit yourself?"**

_"Yes, well... You have a point. However, my profit is legitimate and does not abuse the good nature and hopes of desperate people."_

"I guess, but still..."

_"No, you're correct. I was being slightly hypocritical."_

**"I'll say..."**

* * *

AN: Hehehe... Well, this totally unrelated to the skit, but I'm really looking forward to Halloween! There's no question, I'll be going out trick-or-treating tomorrow night, even though I'm supposedly several years "too old." (No such thing as too old! Do you hear me, society?!) For the next couple days, expect me to be even more wacky and off the wall than normal, because... Let me put it this way: My blood won't be high in sugar, my sugar will be high in blood.

* * *


	262. What's Your Secret?

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play after you land/get off your Rheairds. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Regal is italic_.

* * *

**What's Your Secret?**

**"Uh, Regal? I just thought about this, but... How do you manage to fly a Rheaird with your hands in those shackles?"**

"I've been wondering about that too. How do you do it, Regal? What's your secret?"

_"Do you both really have nothing better to do with your time than wonder how I go through daily life without using my hands? If so, I could always suggest to Raine that she give you more homework..."_

"N-No, that's okay!"

**"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry. I was just curious."**

"Yeah, same here."

_"Heh." (Small grin) "Well, if you must know... I've never flown a Rheaird."_

"What?"

**"I could have sworn... Yeah, I'm sure of it! You were flying just a little while ago!"**

_"You must be mistaken. I always ride on the back of the machine and let someone else drive. It's irresponsible for me to fly the Rheaird with these shackles since I would be putting not only myself at risk, but my passenger as well."_

"That's pretty cool of you, Regal."

_"Knowing one's limitations is important, I merely wish to keep everyone safe. Though... If it were just me on the Rheaird, I'm confident I could successfully pilot it with my feet."_

**"I knew it!"**

* * *

AN: Look mom, no hands! I bet Regal could do it, though it might be difficult, seeing as how the people piloting the Rheairds are usually pictured standing up while driving... Thanks to cutepresea for the idea!

And here's something I should have said several days ago! Two new, amazing stories have joined the ToS section! (I've beta'd both of them, so I can attest to their awesomitude.) The first is _Flight of the Jellyfish_ by Baby Kat Snophlake, and the second is a Halloween fic, _Everdark_ by Celsius009. Go read them both, **right now!**

* * *


	263. Lloyd's New Tutor

Disclaimer: Do not operate heavy machinery while reading Z-Skit Theater. Those currently taking other medication should not read Z-Skit Theater without first consulting their physician...

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Lloyd's New Tutor**

"Hey Genis, is it hard to use magic?"

**"You mean like casting spells? Hm... You have to understand how to make the mana you're using flow in the way you want, but once you learn how it's pretty easy."**

"All right! So all I have to do is learn about mana..."

**"You're not going to try to start using magic, are you, Lloyd?"**

"Why not? Everyone else can do it, why should I be the only one without spells?"

**"I don't know, Lloyd... I have a feeling you'd blow yourself up before you learn anything."**

"I would not! Watch, I can already sort of cast Fireball."

**"Lloyd, that's the Sorcerer's Ring..." (Sweat drop)**

"I know. Now help me learn to do the real thing!"

**"... All right, fine. I'll help, but it takes years of practice to master a spell."**

"That's fine. I won't give up until I can cast just as many spells as Kratos!"

**"Okay, then start by reading this book. It'll teach you the basics of mana control."**

"The whole thing? It's thicker than our textbooks..."

**"There aren't any pictures either."**

"..."

**"You're not losing interest already, are you?"**

"No! Well, kinda... Do I really have to read all that?"

**"Yes."**

"Aw, man..."

* * *

AN: Lloyd can totally cast Fireball thanks to the Sorcerer's Ring. Aqua Edge, Lightning, Icicle, Stone Blast, Photon, Wind Blade... Really, any basic elemental spell. Neat, isn't it?

* * *


	264. Going Up?

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: Yay, early victory update in light of the election results! Whoop! (Dance dance) ... Man, I'm a terrible dancer. I'm sorry you had to see that. But still, whoo!

This would play in the Altamira Hotel when you first use the elevator. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, **_Zelos is bold and italic_**, and Colette is underlined.

* * *

**Going Up?**

_"All right, the shops are upstairs, so let's go see what they've got."_

"Um... How are we going to do that? I don't see any stairs..."

**_"We just step in here, my little angel."_**

"But, this is just a little room."

"Yeah. There aren't any stairs in here either. There's not even another door out. How are we supposed to-?"

**"Whoa! We're moving!"**

"Ah! We are!"

"What's happening?!"

_"Calm down guys, it's just an elevator!"_

**"An elevator?"**

_"Yeah. It's a machine that lets you move up and down in buildings without using the stairs. I guess it's not something you would find in Sylvarant... In a few seconds the doors will open and-"_

(Gasp!) "It's a whole new place!"

"Wow, look out the windows! We're so high up!"

**"That's so cool!"**

**_"Wait, you mean this was their first time riding in an elevator? I knew the technology in Sylvarant was backwards, but this is insane!"_**

_"Tell me about it. It's even weirder when you think they've gone places by teleporter before ever setting foot in an elevator. I'm just glad that we didn't bring Raine. We'd still be explaining how the elevator works..."_

* * *

AN: Yes, I know there are some elevator-like machines in the Human Ranches and Renegade Bases, but those have always been more like big hydraulic lifts than proper elevators.

* * *


	265. Going Up, And Down, And Up, And

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play after you see "Going Up?" and the event at Alicia's grave, if you get a room and stay the night at the Altamira Hotel. Sheena is normal, **Zelos is bold**, and _Regal is italic_.

* * *

**Going Up, And Down, And Up, And...**

"Is something wrong, Regal?"

**"Yeah, why the long face? You look even bluer than normal."**

_"We received a complaint from the resort's staff. It seems Lloyd, Colette, and Genis have been riding the elevator back and forth between floors and making a nuisance of themselves."_

**"Ah crap. This is probably our fault..."**

"We took them on the elevator and got them interested in it. Did you know they'd never been in an elevator before?"

_"Hm, that's quite surprising."_

**"Hey, we're not going to get thrown out over this, are we?"**

_"No, the staff said that as long as we get the them to stop they will forgive the disturbance."_

"Then there's no problem. We'll just get Raine to tell them to cut it out."

_"Actually, that is a problem. Raine is with them."_

"What?!"

_"It seems the staff complained to her first and she became very interested in the elevator's mechanisms. Now she refuses to leave until she has thoroughly studied it."_

(Sigh) "Figures..."

**"So, we're screwed, aren't we?"**

_"So it would seem."_

* * *

AN: Elevator riding, the great bored-out-of-your-mind-in-a-hotel-and-unsupervised childhood pastime. It's even better now that I'm older and can play pranks, making the whole experience unsettling to everyone else involved instead of just annoying...

* * *


	266. I've Seen This Movie!

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play near a teleporter if Zelos and Sheena are in your party. Sheena is normal, **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**I've Seen This Movie!**

**"Whoa whoa whoa! Teleporters? You want me to go through a teleporter?"**

"Well, that's the way we have to go."

**"Well, then I guess you'll just have to go on without me. I'm not getting anywhere near that thing."**

"What? Why?!"

**"I don't like the idea of teleporters. Being taken apart into atoms then reassembled isn't too appealing, ya know?"**

"I'm not a huge fan either, but teleporters are well-tested magitechnology! There's no need to be worried, nothing bad will happen."

**"You don't know that. Any machine can fail, even magitechnology. What if it puts me back together wrong and ruins my ultra-manly bod? Are you really willing to tell all my heartbroken hunnies that the Great Zelos Wilder is no more?"**

"Yes, gladly! Now move it, we don't have time to argue anymore!"

**"Wha-? Sheena! What are you doing?! Let me go!"**

"No way. You're coming through this teleporter whether you like it or not!"

**"When we both end up with fly heads it'll be your fault, Sheena!"**

(Sigh) "Fly heads? Where do you come up with this stuff, you big baby?"

* * *

AN: I love old B-movies, whether they be charmingly cheesy or so horrible they're great (i.e. Mystery Science Theater fodder. Rowsdower!) hardly matters, so when An Ordinary Fan sent me this idea I pounced on it. Actually, with the proliferation of teleporters in ToS, I'm surprised there was never a mention of The Fly in-game...

* * *


	267. Overkill

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play if you return to the Iselia area and kill weak monsters near the end of the game when you're very high-leveled. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Genis is italic_.

* * *

**Overkill**

"Wow, there's another monster down! I remember when it used to be hard to get rid of these things. Now I can kill them in one swing!"

**"You're so strong Lloyd, it's amazing!"**

"You could probably do it too, Colette. We've all gotten a lot stronger since the last time we were here."

**"You really think so?"**

_"Yeah, yeah, you're both mighty rabbit-slayers, very impressive. Can we go now?"_

**"Is something wrong, Genis?"**

"Yeah, what's your problem? We worked really hard to train and now we're just excited that we've gotten stronger. You don't need to be so harsh."

_"... Sorry, it's just... You and Colette..."_

"Oh, I get it. Don't worry Genis, I'm sure your spells are strong enough to take out monsters too. It'd be easy for you."

_"Heh, thanks Lloyd. ... Do you think Explosion will be big enough? I've been wanting to use it for a while now..."_

"Ah, why don't you try fireball first?"

* * *

AN: Ah, overkill. The finest of gamer traditions. Player: "What goes there? Just a lone Mu? Who cares!? BLIZZAGA! Is it dead? So it is... Who cares!? THUNDAGA! And just for good measure, FIRAGA! FIRA! FIRE! GRAVITY! And... Charge attack, METEOR!" (That is actually a close approximation of what I sound like when playing Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles. I love destructive spells more than life and I talk to myself. Not a good combo.) Thanks to Gaurdianangelzelos for the idea!

* * *


	268. Not A Total Waste

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: Hoorah! There's nothing better than a day off from chem lab and getting to skip a tedious experiment. (I mean, come on. We were going to be using calorimeters, yes, but we weren't even going to burn anything! Where's the fun in that?) Anyway, thanks to construction and bits of plaster falling from the ceiling in the labs, I have no class today. (Hah hah, yeah. "I have no class." I said it. Make all the jokes you want.) Now, za skit!

This would play after you fight through Niflheim and get the Persian Boots, if you equip them to Zelos. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic._**

* * *

**Not A Total Waste**

**"The Persian Boots? That's it?! We risked our souls fighting demons all the way through Niflheim and all we get is a stupid pair of boots?" (Black squiggly)**

_"I agree. Though we did collect a little gald and a few other items, the rewards hardly seem worth the effort we gave."_

**_"Are you kidding? Have you seen how fast these boots let me run? With these babies I'll be able to hit on twice- No, three times as many hunnies as I could before when I was running normally!"_**

"Well it's good to know they're useful to someone at least..." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: This idea comes from Vook, who pointed out what an utterly pathetic reward a pair of boots, even the Persian Boots, is for completing the trek through Niflheim. If it were me, I would have made the item you get some sort of amulet that... I don't know, lets you set enemies on fire with your mind? Either that, or at least a choice of Black Onyx or Moonstone.

* * *


	269. Ultimate HeebieJeebies

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: Wow! Wow wow! Wowowowowowowow! Four thousand and one reviews! And, though you can't see it, five hundred twenty-two thousand-some hits too. (Over half a million! Whoo!) I've said it before and I'll say it again, you guys are absolutely fantastic. Beyond compare! Thanks, from the very bottom-est cockles of my heart, for sticking with me this long. Rah!

Now, I figured this historical update should be something special, so here's a nice little thought for you all to reflect on as you drift off to sleep tonight. Enjoy!

This would play after you find the Wonder Chef hiding in Lloyd's room. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Sheena is italic_.

* * *

**Ultimate Heebie-Jeebies**

_"Well there's a scary thought..."_

**"Yeah, tell me about it. You all right, Lloyd?"**

"The Wonder Chef was hiding in my room, of course I'm not all right!"

_"Calm down, Lloyd! Genis is just worried about you, you don't have to bite his head off."_

"... I know. Sorry Genis. It's just that... I've had that Rheaird figurine since I was a little kid. I didn't know what it was, but I thought it looked cool. If it was actually the Wonder Chef..."

**"Then he was hiding in your room for years!"**

"..."

**"He was probably doing something creepy like watching you sleep!"**

"... ... ..."

_"I don't think you're helping, Genis." (Sweat drop)_

* * *

AN: He could be hiding anywhere. Check your closet!

* * *


	270. Strange Coincidence

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play once you collect all nine Devil Arms. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Regal is italic_, and **_Presea is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Strange Coincidence**

**"Hm... Is it just me, or do the Devil Arms seem really weird to you?"**

"Well, the way they move creeps me out a little, yeah."

**"That wasn't what I meant. Even though it is creepy..."**

_"I assume what Genis is speaking of is how the weapons seem to be custom-made for us."_

"They do? I hadn't noticed."

**"Think about it, Lloyd! We use some pretty weird weapons, but there's still a Devil Arm for each of us."**

**_"Yes. Having the Devil Arms be swords, a staff, and an axe would make sense because those are common weapons. But there are also kendama, chakram, and card Devil Arms."_**

_"One would not expect such exotic weapons to exist merely by coincidence."_

**"Yeah. I mean, besides me, who else fights with a kendama?"**

"Oh... So, what're you saying? That we were meant to find the Devil Arms? That Nebilim was thinking of us way back when he made them?"

**"No, not that. I just thought it was weird..."**

* * *

AN: Or maybe the Devil Arms are shapeshifting weapons that alter themselves to fit the needs of whoever they think they could most easily corrupt. Spooky spooky spooky...

* * *


	271. Strange Merchandise

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play in Sybak after you check out the Student Shop and the Variety Shop. Raine is normal, **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**Strange Merchandise**

**"So Raine, what do you think of the school scene here at my old alma mater? Pretty impressive, isn't it?"**

"I must admit, this is one of the most impressive academies I have ever visited. However..."

**"Hm, is something wrong, my academic hunny?"**

"No, it's nothing. I was just wondering about the merchandise available in the student variety shop."

**"Oh, you mean all the swords and battleaxes and stuff? To tell you the truth, that always weirded me out too."**

"Yes, it's very different from what I'm used to. In Sylvarant we allow students to be armed because of the threat of monsters, but we would never dream of selling weapons on school grounds. Do you know the reasoning behind it? Are there self-defense classes or something similar taught here?"

**"Actually, it's thanks to the academy's student government. The really believe in giving students the means to protect their rights, and I happen to know the current Student Body President is the most supportive of them all."**

"Does the President carry a weapon?"

**(Sweat drop) "Yeah, five of 'em. Battleaxes... She's one scary chick."**

"Hm, sounds interesting. Perhaps you could introduce us, Zelos."

**"What, are you crazy?! She'd kill me!"**

"Let me guess, you hit on her once and she wasn't as appreciative of it as you would have liked." (Black squiggly)

**"Well, that's one way of putting it. I still have the scars... I can show you them, if you like." (Hearts)**

"..."

**"Ow! Jeez, you could have just slapped me. You didn't have to use your staff..."**

"I'm just taking a page out of the Student Body President's book."

**"Uh-oh..."**

* * *


	272. What Wives Are Like

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This is the _really_ long-overdue sequel to "What Moms Are Like" (chapter 38) and would play if you stop at an inn for the night with Kratos in your party. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**What Wives Are Like**

**(Snore...)**

"... Anna...? Are you there? ... Hmph. I don't know if you can hear me, and to be honest I feel rather foolish speaking to an Exsphere, but Lloyd said you spoke to him so you must be in there somewhere..."

**(Snore...)**

"... I think you would be quite proud of Lloyd, Anna. He's grown into a fine young man."

**(Snore- Snerk!) "..." (Snore...)**

"Yes, I know he can be unbelievably foolish and naive at times, and he certainly has your temper, but he's become very skilled with those blades of his."

**(Snore...)**

"I am not being obsessive about swordsmanship! If Lloyd is going to continue on this journey, then it's more important than ever that he be able to defend himself. Fortunately, the training we did together gave him a good foundation and he's improving every day. Even without magic, his skill rivals my own."

**(Snore... Snerk!)**

"I wish you could be here to meet him now that he's grown-"

**(Snerk-! Cough, cough!) "Gack! Ugh, I think I swallowed a bug! ... Uh, Kratos, why are you standing over me like that? It's a little creepy..."**

"I was, ah- You were making some strange noises. I came to see if you were in trouble."

**"Really? Oh, well thanks for checking on me. Sorry for waking you up."**

"It was no bother."

**"Night, Kratos." (Snore...)**

"Good night, Lloyd. ... And Anna."

* * *

AN: Hooray for one-sided conversations! Was Anna really talking back? Was Kratos just anticipating what she would have said? You decide! Also, make a note: Normally, I don't use much of the dialog that people suggest when they give me ideas, maybe just a select snippet or two, but this time CatMuto's snippets were so spot-on that I used (after adapting them a bit, of course) basically all of them. Good show CatMuto, and thanks!

* * *


	273. A Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous Thing

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: Good news folks! You may have read it on my profile already, or you may have missed it, but I'm going to say it again here. At the request of Celsius009, I've been chatting with FFN support about adding a new category and, in a pretty awesome show of programming reflexes (I'd say under twenty-four hours is awesome), we've got it! The new category in the games section, _'Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World'_ is here! If you go looking around for it and don't find anything, it's because no fics have been posted there yet, but it does show up as an option when posting new stories. So, everyone who's been wanting to post a DotNW fic but hasn't, this is your green light. Go for it.

And, in response to the people who've asked if I'm going to make any DotNW skits: I've been thinking about it and sorry, but don't count on it. My expertise lies in the original ToS, not the sequel. (And since I don't have a Wii, until Nintendo comes to their senses and reinstates the Gamecube as a console of choice, I'm kind of left in the cold...) But if anyone would like to step up and do DotNW skits, the door's open to you. Have fun!

Now, finally, the skit: This is another long-overdue sequel to 'Mystery Liquid.' (Chapter 187) For those of you who don't remember (Heck, I didn't even remember! I had to look it up.) it was the skit about the composition of Dark Bottles. And, trust me on this, it would greatly help if you went back and read chapter 187 first to brush up on it again. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**A Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous Thing**

**_"Ugh... So, now we know what Dark Bottles are really made of. Anything else you want to tell us, Raine? Maybe ruin Holy Bottles for us too?" (Black squiggly)_**

**"Actually, why don't you tell us about those, sis? I'm kind of curious about what's in them now."**

"You sure you want to know, Genis? What if they turn out to be made of stuff like priest's toenail clippings or something?"

**"Well, I'm cautious about what the answer might be, but I'm still curious."**

_"That's an excellent attitude for a scholar to have, Genis. And don't worry Lloyd, Holy Bottles are made of an edible blend of botanical extracts from various holy or sacred plants. If I remember correctly, some of the main ingredients are lotus, madonna lily, tea, and cedar-"_

**"So that's why they smell so nice!"**

**_"Did you say edible? Bottoms up!"_**

_"But the most potent monster-repelling ingredient in Holy Bottles are the non-toxic monster pheromones, used in nature by large predator monsters to mark territory. They're quite useful in scaring off any smaller, weaker species of monster."_

**_"Whoa! What?!"_**

**"Wait... Pheromones to 'mark territory?' Do you mean Holy Bottles have monster pee in them?"**

_"A rather unscientific way to describe it, but in layman's terms, yes they do."_

"I knew it!"

**_"Why didn't you say that first, Raine!? I almost drank the stuff!"_**

* * *

AN: Well there you go Luhan. That's what Holy Bottles are made of. Not much better than Dark Bottles, are they?

* * *


	274. No Cure For Disappointment

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: Oi! Happy Turkey Day, everybody! Here's a special Thanksgiving skit for you, one which... Really has nothing at all to do with Thanksgiving aside from being posted on the day. Yep.

This would play after you see "A Little Knowledge is a Dangerous Thing." Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**No Cure For Disappointment**

"So we're agreed, we'll never use dark or Holy Bottles again."

**_"Yeah. And I don't want to hear about any of the other items we use either."_**

**"Well... Maybe just one more. Raine, do you know what's in Panacea Bottles?"**

**_"No, please, don't tell him!"_**

"I'm with Zelos on this one. Ignorance is bliss."

_"Don't you ever say that again!" (Enraged)_

"Ow! Y-yes, ma'am." (Downcast)

_"Now, Panacea Bottles, hm... I believe the liquid in Panacea Bottles is a mix of anti-venoms and various herbal medicines that act as muscle relaxants, increase circulation, and have detoxifying and simulative properties."_

"... That's it?"

**_"There's nothing else you're going to surprise us with?"_**

_"No. Panacea Bottles are just a simple and effective mixture of medicines. I wouldn't suggest drinking one when it's not needed, but that's all."_

**_(Phew!) "That's a load off my mind..."_**

**"Aw..."**

"What Genis, were you actually hoping it'd be something disgusting again?"

_"Hmph. Not everything has to be gross, you know."_

* * *

AN: This is true, remember it! There you are, freakyanimegal. Panacea Bottles! Oh ho ho!

* * *


	275. Noishe Takes Action

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: All right, cutepresea, this is the one I warned you about. If you like it, do what you will!

This would play in the Triet desert after skit 175 "Noishe Worries." Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, and _Noishe is italic_.

* * *

**Noishe Takes Action**

_(Whine)_

"... What is it now?"

**"Noishe is worried about you again. It's been a while since you had that water and you didn't drink very much. You should really have some more or you're going to get dehydrated."**

"Nonsense. I'm fine, and there are others in our group who need that water more than I do- Ugh..."

**"Kratos!"**

_(Whine!)_

"I-It's nothing. I'm all right."

**"No you're not! You just collapsed! Here. Stop trying to be so tough and drink this. All of it, no excuses."**

(Sweat drop) "I won't drink an entire waterskin when we should be rationing-"

**"Kratos, you need every drop of that. Now drink it or I'll have Noishe sit on you until you do."**

"I refuse- Oof! Noishe!"

_(Growl)_

"Hmph... ... Fine. I'll drink it."

**"Good work, Noishe!"**

_(Howl!)_

"Lloyd, tell Noishe to get up. Or do you expect me to drink this with him on my back?" (Black squiggly)

* * *

AN: Hehehe. I can't tell you how much I love that image. Poor, long-suffering Kratos. He puts up with so much. Thanks for the idea, RoyalFanatic!

* * *


	276. To Each Their Own

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: Heh, since you all seem to love the items so much, here's one more. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Genis is italic_.

* * *

**To Each Their Own**

**"Oh no, you're hurt Genis! Here, take this gel."**

_"Aw, do I have to? I hate gels. They feel so weird..."_

"Feel? What're you talking about Genis?"

_"You rub them on your skin and they take care of the cuts. Duh! What've you been doing with them Lloyd, eating them?"_

"Well, yeah. That's how you're supposed to use gels after all."

**"Really? I always just put them on my hands like lotion..."**

_"..."_

"..."

**"..." **

"I get this feeling that one of us is horribly wrong, but which one? I mean, gels wouldn't taste good if you weren't supposed to eat them, right?"

**"But then they wouldn't smell good if you weren't supposed to wear them." **

_"Or does it really matter how we use them?" _

"Oh, I get what you're saying! If the gels work the same way no matter what you do, then maybe we're all right."

_"Pretty much." _

**"To each their own!" **

_"I still think you're crazy though, Lloyd. Eating a gel... Sheesh!" _

* * *

AN: Believe it or not... Of all my skits, this is the first to have never hit paper before being typed. I usually hate writing straight from the keyboard, but this time I was typing a few lines as a joke and ended up with half a skit. By the time I realized what I had done, I figured I should just continue on the compy since it'd be silly to copy it over to paper and then back and thus, history was made.

You see this? It's history.

Anyway, the idea comes from the twisted mind of Sora no Hoshi, wondering about just how the characters use items. Thanks for your rambling!

* * *


	277. Multipurpose Waterproof Magitechnology!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play once Kratos rejoins your party. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, **_Regal is bold and italic_**, and Kratos is underlined.

* * *

**Multi-purpose Waterproof Magitechnology!**

**"Hey Lloyd, your swords are looking pretty banged up. Are you sure it's safe for you to keep fighting with them?"**

(Sigh) "I don't know. They do look like they're about to break..."

_"Maybe we should invest in some new weapons. My staff has a crack near the end that I'm worried might shatter." _

**_"That's a good idea. Several plates on my greaves have broken as well. I could use a new pair." _**

**"Well, I'm always up for getting a new kendama. The closest town is-" **

"Excuse me, but might I suggest a solution?" 

"Uh, sure. What's up Kratos?"

"Instead of wasting time and gald to buy new weapons, why don't I just fix the ones you have now?" 

**"You can do that?" **

"Of course. Before leaving Derris Kharlan I made a point to obtain this. I only have a few rolls, but it should be more than enough to repair your things." 

**_"That's... It can't be." _**

_"Magitechnology!" _

"What's so special about it? It just looks like a normal roll of tape."

**"Lloyd, it's silver! There's nothing normal about that!" **

"This tape is a complex but easily-produced magitechnology. It's made of woven synthetic fibers overlaid with polymer and bonded to a strong, mana-infused adhesive that can stick to any substance. On Derris Kharlan it's used to patch and connect air circulation ducts." 

"So it's angelic duct tape?"

"Quite." 

**_"And you're certain it will be sufficient to repair our weapons?" _**

"Yes. It's practically indestructible. Had I known you would use it on gear, I would have taken colors other than plain silver." 

**"It comes in different colors?" **

"Any color you can think of." 

_"Marvelous! Kratos, would it be possible for us to get more of this tape?" _

"... I suppose, but only by returning to Welgaia." 

_"Hm..." _

"Uh-oh. I don't like that look in the Professor's eyes."

**_"You don't think she's actually considering facing Cruxis again simply for some tape, do you?" _**

**"Of course she is! I mean, it's so cool... Wouldn't you?" **

**_"... Yes." _**

* * *

AN: I. Love. Duct tape. It's so useful! I mean, seriously, what can't you make out of it? I'd like a cover for my notebook made out of the stuff, then it'd have a little waterproofing and I could relax a bit when I have it within ten feet of any liquids. (I'm very protective of my notebook. Don't touch it. Don't even breathe in its direction.) Duct tape: Our world's version of magitechnology. Thanks for the idea, Kratos the 9th Companion!

* * *


	278. Grand Healer Genis?

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play before Raine learns all her healing moves. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Grand Healer... Genis?**

**"Hey Lloyd, hold still for a second. I want to try out this new spell I learned."**

"What? No way!"

**"Oh calm down, it's a healing spell!"**

"Really? I didn't know you knew any healing spells."

**"Well, I don't really. Not yet. But I'm trying to learn. I want to be able to help out if Raine's busy, you know? So I've been trying to practice."**

"Cool! That's a great idea, Genis. Go ahead."

**"All right, now hold still. ... First Aid!"**

"..."

**"Oh, come on! First Aid!"**

"... I don't think it's working..."

**"Really? You don't feel anything?"**

"Not really. It kind of tingles, but that's about it."

**"But I've been working on that spell for days..." (Sigh) "I guess I'm not the healer type."**

"Yeah, you're more of a 'blowing stuff up' type."

**"And I can always practice that! Right, Lloyd?"**

"Uh, Genis? W-Why're you looking at me like that? Genis...?"

* * *

AN: It seems to me that if you're strictly a magic-user you can either heal damage, or deal damage. Not both. If you overlook Raine's Photon and Ray, she has nothing in the way of offensive spells. If you ask me, the magical swordsmen warriors like Zelos, Kratos, and Regal have a much better skill set. Offensive and regenerative spells mixed with a bevy of physical techniques. That's the way to go! Thanks to Sora no Hoshi for the idea!

* * *


	279. Colette's Stained Record

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after Sheena's seen Colette trip five times in cutscenes. Sheena is normal, **Colette is bold**.

* * *

**Colette's Stained Record**

"Um, Colette, can I ask you something?"

**"Sure. What is it, Sheena?"**

"Why in the world did you wear white clothes on a long journey like this? I know you're the Chosen One and all, but I can't imagine that's easy to keep clean."

**"Oh, I'm not trying to keep my clothes spotless. I like stains! They're a record."**

"Record?"

**"Yeah, look here. It's a little hard to see because it faded, but that was a grass stain once. And that one too, and that one, and that one, and-"**

"Are all those stains from when you've tripped and fallen, Colette?"

**"Uh-huh. They are."**

"But it looks like there's more stain there than the original color!"

**"Oh, yeah. I've had this for a while, and I used to trip more often back then. I'm still clumsy, but at least I've gotten better. I don't trip nearly as much anymore!" (Happy lines)**

"You used to trip even more than you do now?! ... So that's why I couldn't assassinate you. Now it makes sense. To fall that often and come out unscathed... You must be as durable as a tank, Colette!"

**"Yeah, I guess I must be! ... What's a tank?"**

"Oh, uh... Nevermind." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: There you go, Clover-Elf, the clumsy Colette skit you asked for almost a year ago! This skit came to mind while I was making myself a new cape. (Yes, I wear capes, and in public too!) It's bright white, and before I was even done sewing it I accidentally pricked my finger and bled on it... Annoying? Yes. But I decided to look at it this way: Now the cape comes pre-bloodstained, so I don't have to get into any epic knife fights (with bears) to break it in. How convenient!

* * *


	280. A Side of Suspicion

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play as you near the Zelos battle at the Tower of Salvation. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**A Side of Suspicion**

"You know Zelos, you're pretty cool."

**"Heh. Thanks for noticing. But, just curious, what brought that up?"**

"Well, you've helped us out of a lot of bad situations lately. You act like it's nothing, but it's still really cool of you."

**"Ah, so it's just my good heart and natural ultra-coolness."**

"I guess. Anyway, thanks Zelos. We couldn't have made it this far without you." (Exit)

**"... My good heart... What a joke."**

(Enter) "Sorry, did you say something, Zelos?"

**"Ah! N-No. Sheesh, you startled me Lloyd. I thought you'd left."**

"Oh, yeah. I thought I heard you so I came back, but I guess I was wrong. Later, Zelos." (Exit)

**"Yeah, later... ... You really shouldn't trust me so easily, Lloyd. I'm a bad person-"**

(Enter) "What was that?"

**"Agh, Lloyd! M-Man, you've got to cut that out!"**

"Sorry! I just thought I heard you talking again."

**"Ugh, what does a guy have to do to get an aside around here?" (Black squiggly)**

* * *

AN: This was inspired by the many, many skits where the other characters all leave and Zelos says one last mopey thing to foreshadow that he's a traitor. There are just... Agh, so many of them!

Now, for something entirely different. My buddy, the ever-amazing Baby Kat Snophlake, came up with an idea that I think will be a lot of fun. It's a ToS collaboration project. Anyone who would like to write about ToS is welcome to join in, there's no commitment to continue with it, and we'll all build the story by writing and submitting chapters then putting them up to a vote. The full details are all on her profile page and in her forum (at www . fanfiction . net / ~ babykatsnophlake) so go check it out. Four people (myself included) have chimed in already, but you know what they say: The more, the merrier!

* * *


	281. Smash and Grab

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play in the beginning of the game before you meet Marble if you open up the chests in the Iselia Forest area. (There are two before you get to the Human Ranch.) Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold.**

* * *

**Smash and Grab**

**"Hey Lloyd, what's with all these chests?"**

"What do you mean? They're just chests that somebody put out here in the woods."

**"Yeah, and they're still full! You walk this way twice every day, why haven't you taken the stuff out of them yet?"**

"Because they're not my chests. None of that stuff belongs to me. Taking it would be stealing!"

**"And stealing is wrong."**

"That's right!" (Satisfied smile)

**"So... Can you explain why it's okay for us to be opening the chests now?"**

"Ah... Um... Come on Genis, do you want to go see your friend or not?"

**"That's what I thought..." (Sweat drop)**

* * *


	282. Lloyd Confesses His Love, Again

Disclaimer: Today I got killed by a party member of mine who was being mind controlled by a psionic brain in a jar. This makes me think that my D&D character's life, while short, is much more interesting than mine. (We were playing the Tomb of Horrors campaign, if that means anything to anyone.)

AN: This would play after you see "Lloyd Confesses His Love" if Zelos is in your party. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Zelos is italic_, and **_Colette is bold and italic._**

* * *

**Lloyd Confesses His Love, Again**

**_"..."_**

"... I'm going to give it another try."

_"What, you're going to tell Colette you love her again?"_

**"Be realistic, Lloyd. That didn't work before, what makes you think it'll work now?"**

"You thought it would work before, didn't you?"

**"Yeah, but I- Uh... Whatever. It's not gonna work."**

(Sigh) "Colette, I'm not sure if you can hear me, but I want you to know I love you. I really, really love you. You're my best friend and I need you here, the others need you too. So please, come back to us... Come back to me."

**_"..."_**

**"W-Wow Lloyd, that was really good!"**

_"Sure was. That was on par with the things I tell the hunnies, except you sounded like you might have actually meant it!"_

**"How long did you rehearse it?"**

"I-I didn't rehearse anything!"

_"Maybe you should have, since it looks like your little speech didn't really do anything."_

**_"..."_**

(Sigh) "Colette..."

**"You got rejected!"**

_"Denied, again!"_

"Shut up, both of you!"

**_"..."_**

* * *

AN: This idea comes from one anonymous review known only as "Reviewer" and Angelic Celina, both who asked me to make a sequel to "Lloyd Confesses His Love." ... So, there ya go guys! (It is just me... Or is that speech of Lloyd's totally cliched? I hope it is, since that's the way I tried to write it.) And remember, though this chapter had painfully obvious Lloyd/Colette overtones, Z-Skit Theater does not endorse any particular pairings. (Yay for disclaimers!)

* * *


	283. Mizuho's Scheme

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play after Sheena joins your party. Sheena is normal,** Colette is bold**.

* * *

**Mizuho's Scheme**

**"Sheena, am... I the first person you've been sent to assassinate?"**

"Nope. I'm usually sent out on assassination missions at least six times a year, sometimes more. It's kind of my specialty. Um, why do you ask?"

**"Well, before you said that your job was to kill me. I guess I just wanted to know if I was the only one , but now I know I'm not. ... Six people a year, six lives? How could you do that, Sheena?"**

"Whoa, whoa, don't cry Colette. Did I ever say I actually killed everyone I'm sent after?"

**(Sniff) "What?"**

"The ninja of Mizuho aren't mindless robots. We may accept commissions and fees from anyone, but unless we feel the jobs agree with our morals and our own agenda, we don't carry them out. We only complete missions that we think are for a good cause."

**"... Really?"**

"Yeah. Out of all the missions I've been assigned, I think I've only completed about three. All the targets were corrupt Tethe'allan lords and other scoundrels that the law couldn't get by normal means."

**"And me?"**

"Well, I went after you because at the time I thought it would save the world. You can't get a much better cause than that."

**"Hehe, I suppose so. But Sheena, if everybody in Mizuho depends on the fees that your missions earn, how can the village survive if you don't complete your assignments?"**

"Oh, that's easy. We collect our fees up front, non-refundable. It's our traditional policy. We ninjas are tricky."

* * *

AN: Sounds like something I would come up with. Maybe it's because I did...

* * *


	284. An Endless Supply

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: Whoo! It's Christmas Eve! X-mas really snuck up on me this year, I haven't even finished my shopping/making stuff yet... (Eek!) Anyway, here's a festive update for you all that has absolutely nothing to do with the holiday. (Just like that Thanksgiving skit I posted.)

This would play if Colette uses Pow Pow Hammer five times in one battle. Genis is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**An Endless Supply**

"Wow, Colette! Where are you getting all those hammers? They never stop..."

**"Oh, I... I'm not really sure. I just reach to throw them and they're always there."**

"Really?"

_"Are you absolutely certain, Colette? You've never bought hammers to replace the ones you throw?"_

**"Yeah. I just throw them and the bag always stays full."**

_"I... I don't believe it. Colette, you've found a loophole in the Laws of Conservation! You broke physics!"_

**"I did? I'm sorry."**

_"Ah, no. No, this is a good thing. Please, let me document this. It's a scientific breakthrough!"_

"Uh-oh. Colette, start running now!"

**"Hm, why?"**

_"It's simply marvelous!" (Hearts)_

"That's why..." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: Where does Colette get those hammers from? I assume she tries to pick them up after she throws them, but still... She has to lose quite a few over the course of the game. Where do they come from? Thanks to Humble Novice for the idea! Now, I'm going to watch Nightmare Before Christmas for the six thousandth time. (Perfect holiday movie!)

* * *


	285. Evening the Odds

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: Well, I hope everyone survived the chaos of family gatherings, got what they were hoping for, had a generally wicked sweet Christmas. (You all did, right? Excellent!) Now, another totally unseasonal skit!

This would play after your battle with Yuan and Botta in the Tethe'allan Renegade Base. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Evening the Odds**

"Damn that Yuan and Botta! Why did they have to fight together and double-team us? That's not fair!"

**"You've got to be kidding. Do you even hear yourself? Honestly Lloyd..." (Black squiggly)**

_"If anyone's tactics are unscrupulous, it's ours. Whenever we face a truly strong enemy we tend to fight four against one. Is that fair?"_

**_"Yeah. Yuan and Botta were just evening the odds a little. Haven't you heard the saying 'All's fair in love and war?'"_**

(Sigh) "You're right. Still, it's annoying. Why couldn't they just fight like everyone else? They were going to lose either way."

**"Now, that I agree with."**

* * *

AN: This came to me after I heard Gnome say "Man, you guys fight dirty! What's with this four-on-one stuff?" I thought, what would the party feel like hearing that? Are they aware of how underhanded their tactics really are? (Or would they decide they should have gone eight-on-one?) What happens when an enemy decides they don't want to fight alone and brings along an ally that's more powerful than a little minion? Hm...

On a totally unrelated note, I went and got my shots today. A tetanus vaccine (routine ten-year booster) in the right arm and meningitis in the left (because I was there at the clinic already and why the heck not?). It's a little sore, but nothing horrible enough to complain about. Oddly, my hatred of/aversion to syringes didn't once show its twitchy, nervous face and I got through the visit with zero stress and no problems. I even got stickers!

* * *


	286. The Last Laugh

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: Happy New Year's Eve/New Year everyone! (I wonder how long it'll take for me to get used to writing "09" instead of "08"...) This would play after you've seen enough cutscenes to hear every Grand Cardinal and Yggdrasil laugh maniacally. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Regal is italic_, **_Zelos is bold and italic_**, and Sheena is underlined.

* * *

**The Last Laugh**

**_"Man, what is it with those bad guys and laughing? It's like it's their reason for living."_**

"Tell me about it. It's always 'Kyahaha' this and 'Gyahaha' that... Why do they do it?"

_"Perhaps it's a tactic for intimidating the enemy. I have been told that my low chuckle is quite ominous."_

**"Yeah, we know Regal. We're the ones that told you that..."**

"Maybe bad guys laugh because it's fun."

**"You think so?"**

"Well, maybe. All the bad guys we've met look really funny when they laugh, and they're smart enough to realize it... So there has to be some other reason why they do it."

"Hm, you just might be onto something, Lloyd. Maybe we should give it a try ourselves. Ahahahaha!"

**_"That didn't sound very evil, Sheena. You need more menace in it, like this. Ufufufufu..."_**

_"Or like this. Heh heh heh..."_

**"Mwahahahahaha! Hey, that is fun! You should give it a shot, Lloyd."**

"Okay. Hm, what would be a good evil laugh...? Hehehehe... Hahahaha... Mwahahahaha! ... How was that?"

"Holy..."

_"And I thought my attempt was intimidating..."_

**"Lloyd, that- That sounded just like Yggdrasil's laugh!"**

"I-It did?"

**_"No way, that laugh would have made Yggdrasil wet his pants! You're a natural!"_**

"At laughing like a crazed maniac villain? Great..."

* * *

AN: This is, in a way, a little reference Final Fantasy 7 and also to Albedo Piazzola, the villain of Xenosaga and master of the creepy-as-hell evil laugh, whose young form shares the same voice actor as Lloyd. Mr. Menville sure has quite a range. Also, laughs are really hard to convey in writing. Thanks to Crow T. R0bot for the idea!

* * *


	287. Don't Give Him Ideas

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play one of the nights at Altessa's house when Mithos is with you. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Mithos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Don't Give Him Ideas**

_"Lloyd, you look like you have something on your mind. Is everything all right?"_

"Yeah. I was just wondering about Colette. If Yggdrasil wants her so bad, why hasn't he sent angels to kidnap her or something?"

**_"Kidnap Colette... Do you really think this Yggdrasil guy could do that?"_**

**"Probably. Rodyle managed to do it on his own with some dragons and he was only a Desian Grand Cardinal."**

_"Yes, it would make sense that the leader of Cruxis would have more resources available to carry out schemes of that sort."_

"There's no question. He could totally do it, so why hasn't he?"

**_"Maybe the idea just hasn't occurred to him yet."_**

**"That could be why... Hehehe. So Yggdrasil's not really as smart as we think."**

**_"I-I..." (Sweat drop) "That's not quite what I meant..."_**

* * *

AN: Why hasn't he? Really, why not? Yggdrasil's sent plenty of angels to harass our heroes. Why doesn't he just have a few of them separate the Chosen from the rest of the party in the middle of battle and carry her off? It would save him the trouble of having to manipulate the party into bringing her to the Tower of Salvation. Thanks the idea, CatMuto!

* * *


	288. An Insidious Trap

Disclaimer: Please keep all hands and feet inside the car while the skit is in motion.

AN: This would play if you have Kratos wear his Judgment outfit after he rejoins your party. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Kratos is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**An Insidious Trap**

**_"Hey Kratos, I hope you don't mind me asking, but why are you still wearing that Cruxis outfit? Is it some sort of new look for you or something?"_**

"I was wondering that too. Why haven't you changed back to your purple outfit?"

_"Does my clothing choice disturb you?"_

**"Well yeah, we've got bad memories of those clothes. Every time we've seen you wearing them, you've been our enemy."**

_"I see. ... If you must know, I would very much like to change into my old purple clothes. They're much more comfortable. Only..."_

**_"What is it, Kratos?"_**

_"... The belts on this outfit are very complex. On Derris-Kharlan I had a squire to assist me in fastening and unfastening them, but on my own... There are some buckles I am unable to reach."_

**_"So that means..."_**

"Kratos, are you saying...?"

**"You're trapped in your own clothes?!"**

_"I would like to see you try and extricate yourself from this suit. It's much more difficult than it looks." (Black squiggly)_

* * *

AN: Hehehe... Poor Kratos. Thanks for the idea, Death Skater!

Now, my question for today is this: Did you guys know there's a wiki article on me? There's an article on all of us! Not on Wikipedia, but on a semi-creepy (in my opinion) site called the Fan History Wiki. (http : // fanhistory . com / wiki / Main _ Page) Apparently the site is automatically run by a bot that draws its data off of fanfiction . net, so if you've got an account here, you've got a page there with a full timeline of what you've written an posted here on FF. Kinda weird... It makes me wonder if this something everyone else already knew about and I'm just slow in catching on.

* * *


	289. Flawed Logic

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play soon after you use a Refresher for the first time. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold.**

* * *

**Flawed Logic**

**"Hey Kratos, I've been wondering, why do Desians have scars? We know they've got Refreshers and magic to heal wounds, so why don't they use it?"**

"To the Desians, scars are badges of honor and proof of a veteran warrior's prowess. For higher-ranked officers and those the Desians consider war heroes, such as Magnius and Forcystus, having their face slightly marred or even losing an arm is a small price to pay for the respect the wound earns them."

**"..."**

"Is something wrong, Lloyd? You look troubled."

**"It just doesn't make any sense, the Desians have got it all wrong. Scars shouldn't be the mark of a warrior's skill. If you have a scar, it means your enemy hit you, right? Shouldn't the most respected fighters be the ones that have been in a lot of battles but don't have any scars at all?"**

"Yes, I suppose so. It seems we've found yet another flaw in the Desians' logic."

* * *

AN: This was inspired by an excellent question from Heronica. Really, think about it. The Desians have Refreshers, magitechnology that can restore a character that's been beaten almost to the point of death to full health. They have mages, probably not of Raine's caliber, but that are likely skilled enough to heal everything else... So then, why in the world do their warriors have all these obvious scars and hacked-off limbs? Doesn't a Grand Cardinal deserve a little time in the refresher when his arm gets taken off?

* * *


	290. Quiet As The Grave

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: (Holy mother of mackerel cows! T-minus ten!) This would play after you see Kratos by Anna's grave and the Graves in Hima. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Quiet As The Grave**

**"Hey, Kratos?"**

"Yes, Lloyd?"

**"I was just wondering, why do you always stand by graves? No matter where we go, if there's a grave there you'll be standing next to it."**

"Hm, I didn't think you would notice. It's just a preference of mine. Most people shy away from gravesites, so in most cases they're completely abandoned. I seek out graves because I enjoy the solitude and quiet."

**"Huh, I never would have guessed... That's a really good idea, Kratos!"**

"Indeed. Heaven knows, I need a healthy dose of solitude and quiet on occasion to keep my sanity intact. Especially with the way you and Genis act..."

**"Hey!"**

* * *

AN: And that's the reason I like visiting cemeteries. It's also fun to read the tombstones and see how old they are, or if any of them have creepy epitaphs.

* * *


	291. Four Thousand Years of Fangirls

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: (Nine!) Here we are on what I think is the last leg of my latest Kratos kick with a chapter that is a semi-partner piece to my newest story _'His Reason.'_ (Gah, please forgive the shamless plug...) This would play in a Tethe'allan city after Zelos dies and Kratos rejoins your party. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Four Thousand Years of Fangirls**

**"It's a little weird not having girls following us anymore..."**

"You were followed before?"

**"Yeah, when Zelos was with us there would always be at least a few of his fans hanging around us in whatever city we went to. I guess I just got used to it."**

"Ah, I see. I am familiar with the feeling."

**"Y-You are?"**

"Yes. During our travels four thousand years ago Yuan and I both gained quite extensive followings. Much larger than Zelos' to be sure."

**"Wow. I can't believe you had fangirls!"**

"... Some might consider that an insult, Lloyd..." (Facepalm)

**"Oh, sorry."**

"It's all right. truthfully, neither of us ever wanted fans and, unlike the Chosen, we never indulged them. They were obsessive fanatics... Terrifying in large numbers."

**"Yeah, I heard Zelos and Regal say stuff like that every now and then..."**

"Hm, even after four millennia, it seems some things never change."

* * *

AN: "Fangirls scare me" T-shirts. I've seen them a few times before at cons. Unfortunately, I've always been too cheap to buy one. I think they're a must for any sane anime/videogame/manga fan. Thanks to Key of Ra for the idea!

* * *


	292. Did He Just Say?

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: (Eight!) Hah, I guess I thought wrong. Here's one more skit with Kratos in it. The next few will focus on other folks, I promise. This would play some time after you defeat Kvar. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Did He Just Say-?!**

**"Are you two still thinking about Kvar?"**

"Yeah. There was something he said while we were fighting. Or at least I thought he said it..."

_"So you heard it too? To whom was he speaking...?"_

**"Heard what?"**

"Kvar... He said 'Booty call!'"

**"Booty call? ... What does that mean?"**

"I don't know. Kratos, do you have any idea?"

_"..." (Sweat drop)_

* * *

AN: He totally says it! Kvar says "Booty call!" Okay, maybe not, but that's what it sounds like. I wonder what he's really saying... The voice clip can be found on the internet if you haven't already heard it. I located it before, but lost the link so you'll have to search on your own for this one. Sorry.

* * *


	293. A Dwarven Sense of Taste

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: (Seven!) This would play after you learn how to make Curry and have seen the skits about Dwarven Potluck Surprise. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Regal is italic_, and **_Tabitha is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**A Dwarven Sense of Taste**

"Hey Tabitha, I was wondering, how's your sense of taste?"

**_"TASTE? ... I HAVE ORAL CHEMICAL SENSORS, BUT I CANNOT ACTUALLY TASTE."_**

**"What?! But, you-! How can you cook if you can't taste what you're making?"**

_"Yes, that curry recipe you gave us was delicious. I'm curious, how is it you were able to develop it without a sense of taste?"_

**_"I PERFECT MY COOKING THROUGH TRIAL AND ERROR."_**

"Poor Altessa..."

**"Yeah, that sounds worse than how Raine cooks."**

**_"THE MASTER HAS NEVER COMPLAINED."_**

_"Is that so?"_

**"Maybe it's because he knows he can't cook any better."**

"No, I don't think that's it... Maybe Altessa really didn't mind eating Tabitha's experiments. I know my dad can eat some really weird stuff without it bothering him..."

_"Are you suggesting that Dwarves may have a less acute sense of taste?"_

"Yeah. It makes sense, and that would sure explain a lot about dad..."

**"If that's true, then... Lloyd! You've got to let Raine cook for Dirk, she needs the practice and it won't bother him!"**

"What? No way! If she cooked for Dirk, she'd be cooking for me too!"

_"Besides, what is the use of a food critic who can't taste the cuisine? Raine would be better off if she practiced cooking alongside Tabitha."_

**"B-But then, we'd have to eat it..."**

**_"WE ALL MUST OCCASIONALLY MAKE SACRIFICES, GENIS."_**

**"That's easy for you to say. Have Altessa give you tastebuds, then see what you think."**

* * *

AN: There you are, Kusabe Makabe, Tabitha's very-belated debut!

**_Edit: Eek! Thanks for alerting me to that typo, Sagie. (Cookie!) And since folks have asked: I remembered her name being spelled "Tabitha" not "Tabatha," but the searches I've run across the web give me about equal results for both spellings. I guess I could easily find an answer by turning on the Gamecube and checking, but... It's late. (Lazy) Sorry, but today I'm going to play the sloth card. Pick whichever spelling you like best. (Thumbs up)_**

* * *


	294. Sleep On the Floor

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: (Six!) This would play if you take a rest in a House of Guidance/Salvation with Zelos in the party. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic_, **_Genis is bold and italic_**, Regal is underlined, **Presea is bold and underlined**, _Sheena is italic and underlined_, and **_Zelos is bold, italic, and underlined_**.

* * *

**(Sleep On the Floor)**

_"Uh-oh."_

_"It seems we have a problem."_

**_"There's only one bed! Where are we supposed to sleep?"_**

"I have no problem with sleeping on the floor."

"Yeah, they've got some sleeping bags over there."

**_"Well, if you two are cool with taking the floor then it's obvious how the rest should go."_**

**_"You and me sleep on the floor too and let the girls decide who gets the bed?"_**

**_"Very close, Genis. You get the floor, I take the bed, and all you lovely ladies can pile on with me!" (Hearts)_**

**"I don't know... I don't think all five of us can fit."**

_"Zelos, floor."_

_"You heard her. Floor."_

**"Now."**

**_"Okay, okay! Sheesh... Is the axe really necessary?"_**

* * *

AN: There's only one bed in Houses of Guidance/Salvation... How do they accomodate all those travelers?

* * *


	295. A Need To Know Basis

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: (Five!) This would play once you learn who Regal really is, if you get his and Genis' formal costumes. Regal is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**A Need-To-Know Basis**

**"Hey Regal, your shoelaces are untied." **

"Oh, yes."

**"Aren't you going to tie them? I know you've got good balance, but anyone can trip." **

"Hm... No, it's fine. I'll survive."

**"What, do you not know how to tie your shoes or something?" **

"... Yes... It's true." (Downcast)

**"What? I-I was just kidding! Are you telling me you can run a multimillion gald company, but you can't tie your own shoes?!" **

"In my defense, I have never needed to know how until now. I've always either worn boots with buckles or had one of my servants attend to my shoes for me."

**"Wow! I knew you were rich, but you had enough money to hire someone just to tie your shoes for you?" **

"No, no. My household staff had other duties as well..." (Sweatdrop)

**"Oh. Heh, I guess that makes sense." **

"... ... Genis, could you possibly...?"

**"Ah, that's right! your shoes are still untied. All right, I'll tie them for you, but just this once. I'm not your butler." **

"Of course. Thank you."

* * *

AN: Finally, something Regal can't do! (Not to say he couldn't learn, of course. He'll probably know how to do it after watching Genis tie his shoes this once.) Thanks to Unmortem and Lloyd the Idiot (and friends) for the idea!

And here's some extra behind-the-scenes info about this here skit: For those of you who don't know yet, Lunardragon2607 has a new Tales of Vesperia fic out called _"Skit Player-V2." _The two of us were chatting back and forth and noticed that we've got a pair of skits on a common theme. So, now that you've read here, go and take a look at his newest update "The Economics of Shoes."

* * *


	296. Lloyd's New Alias

Disclaimer: Please keep all hands and feet inside the car while the skit is in motion.

AN: (Four!) This would play in Zelos' mansion after Sebastian (The butler! How could you forget him? You're so cruel...) has called Lloyd "Sir Bud" five times. Lloyd is normal, **Sebastian is bold**.

* * *

**Lloyd's New Alias**

**"Will you be needing anything, Sir Bud?"**

"N-No, I'm fine. But could you please stop calling me that? My name's Lloyd, not Bud."

**"I'm sorry, Sir Bud, but the office of butler requires that I address all of Master Zelos' guests with the proper honor as Sir or Madam."**

"All right, but if you have to call me Sir, please call me Sir Lloyd. 'Bud' is just something Zelos made up."

**"Ah, I see. I shall do my best, Sir Bud."**

(Sigh) "Never mind..." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: Gaaaaaah... I thought I already posted this chapter, so posting it now is messing with my head. There are just so many skits, even I'm forgetting what's happened! (Headdesk headdesk) You tell me, I didn't already post this, did I? (If I did, well... I'll take this down, put up a new skit, and then go hide in the corner until I stop being embarrassed.)

Anyway! The next time you're at a con', if you see a Lloyd, be sure to call him (or her) "Bud." The reaction you get will prove how good or bad that cosplayer really is.

* * *


	297. Tuxedo Mask?

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: (Three!) This would play after you get Zelos' formal costume, see the Masked Swordsman event, and see his "secret" weapon (roses) in battle. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Zelos is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Tuxedo... Mask?**

**_"... Zelos, what are you wearing?" (Sweatdrop)_**

_"Why, just my brand new Great Mysterious Handsome Warrior costume. Now I'm even better prepared to defend the hunnies of the world as the champion of justice and love!"_

**_"..."_**

"..."

**"..."**

_"Too much, huh?"_

**"Duh! You look like an even bigger idiot in that outfit than you normally do."**

_"Shut it twerp. Only people with a sense of fashion are allowed to talk."_

**_"If you really want advice... The tux is fine, but lose the cape and top hat. Oh, get rid of the cane too."_**

"Zelos, are you really going to try and fight monsters with those roses? You might want to stick with your sword."

_"Fight with roses? Don't be silly Lloyd, I've got my sword right here. These beautiful roses are for my new damsel-in-distress and sidekick! What do you say Sheena? Will you aid me in my struggle against the forces of evil?"_

**_"W-what? Why would I-?"_**

_"Come on Sheena, you've already helped me with my costume. Together, we could hold the forces of darkness at bay forever! You know you want to be the Great-Chested Mysterious Kunoichi Sheena. I've got a great costume picked out for you too, with a miniskirt and everything! Hehehehe..." (Hearts)_

**_"N-No I don't! Look, Lloyd helped you too. Why don't you ask him?"_**

"Hey, don't get me involved in this!"

**"Hehe, I don't think Lloyd would make a very good great-chested kunoichi."**

_"... Ah, fine. If neither of you want to do it, then I guess I have no choice, a hero has to have a sidekick. Annoyingly Loudmouthed Brat Genis, you're coming with me!'_

**"H-hey! No, wait!"**

* * *

AN: Zelos as Tuxedo Mask. Mysterious (not really), dashing (the tux does look good on him), valiantly wielding his roses in battle (kinda)... This skit came from was a combo of suggestions given by Mare, God of Steel, and Nietzsche. I hope you're all happy!

And again there was a strange, unplanned synchrony with Skit Player V2. How odd...

* * *


	298. How They Know

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: (Two!) This would play in Vinheim after you find the Ninja Blades. Lloyd is normal and **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**How They Know**

"Wow, these are awesome! These blades used to belong to a famous female ninja, that's why they're named the 'Ninja Blades.' I wonder if Sheena would know her..."

**"Yeah, sure. That's not a bad story Lloyd, but I'm not buying it." **

"Huh? What do you mean, Genis? That's the truth. These swords were once held by a legendary female ninja!"

**"Come on, Lloyd. You can't expect me to believe you can tell a sword's name and history just by looking at it. Not even Raine can do that!" **

"Looking at...? Hahaha, that's not what I'm doing at all! All the sword's information is engraved right here on the guards. I was just reading it off."

**"What? That's weird... Do all your swords have stuff written on them?" **

"Yeah, pretty much. Actually, most of the weapons we find do. Sheena's cards have that funny Mizuho writing on them and when we find things for Colette there are usually tags linking the two chakrams together. Regal's greaves have a size and name printed on the inside too. Haven't you noticed?"

**"No, none of my kendamas have anything on them. I named them all myself." **

"Hm... Well, I guess it makes sense. After all, who uses a kendama besides you, Genis? You're probably the only person in history to fight with a toy."

* * *

AN: A long pondered question answered, they know the weapons' names and descriptions because they're etched on the weapons themselves. And really, who else would use a kendama? Seriously, it's restrictive enough since it seems only half-elves can use them and why go for a kendama when you can have a yo-yo? (Yay Ness!) Thanks to VeiledDarkness for the idea!

* * *


	299. FourStar Safety Rating?

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: (One!) This would play after you make the pact with Volt and get the Rheairds working again. Raine is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Four-Star Safety Rating?**

_"All right, the Rheairds are all charged and ready to go."_

**_"Let's fly! Racing around on a Rheaird sounds like a blast!"_**

"Just a moment, I'm not entirely confident about allowing Genis to ride these again. Even if they don't crash, it would be easy for a rider of his size to fall off."

**"What? Don't be silly, Raine. It's just a Rheaird, I'll be fine."**

_"I don't think you need to worry that much either. Besides, what could you do to keep him from falling anyway? Glue him to the seat?"_

**_"Oh yeah! That sounds like a great plan, let's do it!" (Laughing)_**

**"Hey!"**

"Would it be possible to devise some sort of restraint system? Like a harness or a belt of some sort to make sure Genis stays in his seat?"

_"Well, we've got some rope in the Wing Pack. We could try tying him on."_

"That will have to do."

**"What? No way! That's so lame..."**

**_"Totally lame. But think of it this way, Genis. Would you rather wear your seat rope and be lame, or be just as lame and dead too if you fall and go splat? Don't get me wrong, I couldn't care less, but I'd hate to see our bewitching Professor upset."_**

**"..." (sigh) "Fine. I'll wear the seat rope. Happy?"**

"Thank you, Genis. And you too, Zelos."

* * *

AN: Yes, I know that the characters are usually shown standing on the Rheairds, but they do have seats and I don't imagine our heroes stand the entire way when traveling on a trip across the world. Especially not Genis, with his tiny little kid legs. He'd get tired! Anyway, thanks to godzillahomer for the idea!

* * *


	300. Much Ado About Something

Disclaimer: Please keep all hands and feet inside the car while the skit is in motion.

AN: Here it is, skit three hundred! Now, a few of you have mentioned it (and I was even seriously considering it for a while), but no. No. No, no, no, no, no. There will not be any 300 references in this skit whatsoever! Sorry, but there are enough "THIS. IS. (insert object of your choice here)!" jokes out there already, I'm not going to add to the count. Instead, I have something else that's (hopefully) as or even more memorable in store for you all.

This would play some time after you learn how old Kratos and Yuan really are. Raine is normal, **Yuan is bold**, _Kratos is italic_, **_Sheena is bold and italic_**, Lloyd is underlined, and **Presea is bold and underlined**.

* * *

**(Much Ado About Something)**

"Excuse me, Kratos, Yuan. Could the two of you help me with some research? It won't take long."

_"What type of research...?"_

"There's no need to be so suspicious, Kratos. I want to compare the language we speak today with what was spoken in the ancient times."

**"And because we both lived through that era, you believe we'll give you valuable information."**

"Yes. Will you help me?"

_"... Very well."_

**"... I suppose it wouldn't hurt."**

"Thank you."

"Huh, ancient language... I wonder what it sounds like."

**_"It's really old-fashioned and formal, like how I talk to the summon spirits when forming pacts."_**

**"As time passes, language evolves to reflect the culture."**

"Oh, that makes sense. I guess..."

"I'm going to ask a question and I'd like you both to answer. Yuan, please answer in modern speech. Kratos, use the ancient style. On the next question, alternate. Here's the first question. What time is it?"

**"Hm, I'd say about noon."**

_"Two and ten times hath the hour struck since Aska's fiery orb didst rise from the east in its eternal sphere."_

"Whoa... No way. People didn't really talk like that four thousand years ago, did they?"

**"... That which Kratos spake, 'tis the manner of his tongue in our youth. Long on art, short on wit."**

**_"All right. That I understood, but this is still way more archaic that what I know."_**

_"Dost thou accuse me of prattlery? Yuan, thy knavish sports far outshone in both tongue and deed whate're folly I mayhap produced. With naught but a drop of potion he wouldst bleat lewd and raucous ballads, each scurrious lyric to the shame of his dear lady."_

"This is much more interesting than what I had planned!" (Writing in her book)

**"Out on you, thou liest!"**

_"Lie? 'Tis sooth! Thy conscience knows it as nothing but. Or have you forgotten?"_

"Um, are they fighting now?"

**_"Not sure. I think so, but it's kind of hard to follow."_**

"Fascinating!" (Hearts)

**"Fie! Thou foul-! Bunch-backed toad, shame on thee!**

"Hey, I don't know what he said about you, Yuan, but don't call Kratos a toad!"

**"... Gentles, calm thy spleen. I beseech thee, abuse not those whom thy heart holds dear. Amends! Let ire run from thee as snow at spring's first sun and all thy thoughts be cordial."**

**"You... You're not nearly old enough to... Kratos, how does she know how to speak like that? Did you teach her?"**

_"No, this is the first time I've used archaic speech in centuries..."_

"Presea..."

**_"Wow. I think that was the most I've ever heard you say."_**

"That- How did you do that? All those thou's and thee's and spleen, that was awesome!"

**"Thank you... I like to read old books."**

* * *

AN: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I GET BORED IN SHAKESPEARE! Rah!

But... (Ahem) Yep, the language did evolve in Sylvarant and Tethe'alla. It used to be poetic Elizabethan! I realize there are many folks who hate Shakespearean language with a passion, but a translation to modern English doesn't really do it justice. If you really can't untangle the meanings, what got Yuan angry enough to call Kratos a foul toad was Kratos mentioning that Yuan used to get completely smashed and sing dirty songs, much to Martel's embarrassment. Something you probably didn't know about him...

Oh, and Presea wins.

Thanks for the idea freakyanimegal!

* * *


	301. Comfort Foods

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play when Regal masters the Rice Ball recipe if Sheena and Zelos are in your party. Regal is normal, **Sheena is bold**, and _Zelos is italic_.

* * *

**Comfort Foods**

**"Hey, are those rice balls you're making, Regal?"**

"Indeed. Would you like to assist?"

**"Sure! You know, making rice balls was something grandpa and I would do when I was little. It's something that reminds me of back before... Volt and... ... I shouldn't be bringing up depressing stuff like that. I'm sorry."**

"Don't be, it's hardly your fault. Familiar foods are well known for bringing back memories. On especially cold winter days, my mother would chase all the chefs and wait staff out of the kitchen and create all manner of homemade soups for everyone on her own. To this day I can't eat hot soups without thinking of her."

_"I've got a few comfort foods of my own. Whipped cream, strawberries, chocolate... Hehehe."_

"... I see..."

**"Zelos!" (Black squiggly)**

_"What? When we were little kids Seles and I didn't really mind each other. You might even say we were friends. We'd pack up as many snacks as we could, then sneak off and spend the day running around the city. I liked strawberries and chocolate, and Seles- It was pretty gross, but she'd eat her whipped cream right out of the can..."_

**"R-Really?"**

_"Yeah. And I can't say I'm thrilled with what you guys were thinking before. I know I'm a philanderer, but you've both got dirty minds."_

**"I guess so, but can you blame us?"**

"I've simply come to expect it from you, Zelos. Forgive me."

* * *

AN: Thanks to Mylinda Antoinette for this idea from a long, long time ago... And I can see perfect, ladylike Seles devouring whipped cream right out of the can, can't you?

* * *


	302. Kill It Dead

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play after you Magic Lens one of every undead-type monster and defeat the Elite from the Underworld (the Sword Dancer) for the third time. Genis is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Presea is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Kill It Dead**

"..."

_"Is something the matter, Genis?"_

"No, it's just... I was looking through the Monster List and noticed that a lot of the creatures in there are classified as 'undead.'"

**_"Oh yeah. Monsters like Demons, Ghosts, and Zombies are undead."_**

**"Wait, why is a Ghost undead? I thought you had to die to become a Ghost, so shouldn't it just be dead?"**

"That's what I was wondering too! And if these monsters are already dead, then how come we can kill them?"

**_"Ah, well they're not dead, they're undead."_**

**"So they're alive?"**

**_"No, no. They're not alive, they're undead!"_**

**"Right. They're un-dead, so they're the opposite of dead. Alive!"**

**_"That's not it at all!"_**

"I'm so confused..."

**_"It's really not that hard to understand. The undead are, uh... All right, it's not hard to understand, but it's hard to explain." (Black squiggly)_**

_"Undead creatures are neither dead nor alive. They're something in between the two, like a person who has lost their heart, and they can be killed."_

**_"Yes! Exactly, thanks Presea."_**

"I guess that makes sense... Cool!"

**"You're amazing, Presea! How do you know so much about the undead?"**

_"... A lumberjack needs to know these things. You can never tell what you might find in the forest."_

"Yikes... Um, let's stay on roads from here on out. Nice, brightly-lit roads..."

* * *

AN: Way to be a man in front of Presea, Genis. Still, the confusion between dead and undead is always so tough to explain to people who just don't get it. Thanks for the idea Mega Mario!

* * *


	303. Zelos' Hi Tech Gadget

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: No, your eyes do not decieve you. I've gone and made a triple update! It's because you guys are all such awesome folks, you deserve it. What's more, these skits aren't related to each other so the order you read them in doesn't really matter. Have fun!

This would play when you're escaping from Welgaia and encountering all those accursed locked doors. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**Zelos' Hi-Tech Gadget**

"Damn it, another locked door! What're we going to do now?"

_"I imagine we'll have to find the switch that unlocks it, yet again."_

**(Sigh) "Getting out of here would be so much easier if I had my screwdriver..."**

"Huh? What difference would a screwdriver make?"

**"Oh Lloyd, my screwdriver's not just any old tool. It's cutting-edge Tethe'allan magitechnology that uses sonic pulses to do pretty much anything."**

"Whoa! Really?"

**"You bet. With that baby in high gear, I could tear down this door in seconds."**

_"That sounds fascinating, Zelos. But seeing as how you don't have your screwdriver at the moment, we should really be searching for that switch before the Cruxis find us."_

**"Ouch. That's harsh, my cool beauty. But you're right, let's get going. Time to run for our lives!" (Exit)**

"What gives, Professor? Usually after hearing about some magitechnology you go crazy over it."

_"I can't say I'm not interested, but right now I'd rather focus on evading all those robots trying to exterminate us."_

"Oh, that makes sense. All right then, let's go unlock that door!" (Exit)

_"... A sonic-powered screwdriver, marvelous!" (Hearts) "I wonder what it would take to get one for myself, or perhaps a version that utilizes lasers instead..."_

* * *

AN: Heh. Yay for The Doctor, right? There you go, GoldenTalesGeek, a smattering of Dr. Who refs. I'm still a little disappointed I couldn't manage to work in the cybermen. It's too bad Raine knows the word "robot" so she wouldn't have to invent a phrase... (Sigh)

* * *


	304. Get It Off Me!

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play if Sheena is still in overlimit at the end of a battle. Sheena is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine it italic_, and **_Lloyd is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Get It Off Me!**

**"Um, Sheena? Are you angry about something?"**

"N-No. Why do you ask?"

**"Well you look, um, really intense. It's a little scary..."**

_"Yes, you're literally radiating darkness. Is that some sort of ninja skill?"_

"I don't know what you're talking abou- Agh! W-What's this black stuff?!"

_"I guess not."_

"Ugh, gross! It's all over me!"

**"Oh, hey! I remember somebody talking about this before, I think they called it 'overlimit.'"**

"I don't care what it's called, just get it off me!"

**_(Enter) "Hey Professor-! Um, why is Sheena hitting herself? Is she mad or something?"_**

_"Oh, she's something all right..." (Sweat drop)_

* * *

AN: I always wondered if the characters noticed the dark, ominous aura they get while in overlimit... And their reactions if they did.

* * *


	305. Formula Writer Lloyd

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play once Lloyd learns all the moves mentioned. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, and **_Colette is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Formula Writer Lloyd**

"Hey guys, check out these new moves I just made up. Demonic Thrust! Tempest Beast! Raining Tiger Blade! Pretty good, huh?"

**_"Wow Lloyd, that was amazing!"_**

_"They're not bad, but..."_

"Huh? What is it?"

**"Those aren't new moves, Lloyd! Each one of those is just two of your old techniques that you stuck together."**

"Oh, that... I was hoping you wouldn't notice. Is it really that obvious?" (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: Almost all of his later moves are just Technique A tacked onto the tail of Technique B... There's Rising Falcon, but not much else in the way of new material. Then again, if something works, why not stick with it?

* * *


	306. Beautiful Misplaced Trust

Disclaimer: Please keep all hands and feet inside the car while the skit is in motion.

AN: This would play after you spend the night in Flanoir while getting Altessa a doctor if Zelos isn't the one you talk to. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Regal is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic._**

* * *

**Beautiful Misplaced Trust**

"Hey, where were you last night, Zelos?"

**_"W-Where was I? I don't know what you mean, Lloyd. I stayed in my room at the hotel all night."_**

**"No you didn't. We looked for you when we got back from Altessa's and couldn't find you."**

_"Your room was the first place we checked."_

**_"Oh, yeah, about that... I was, ah..."_**

**"You were with some girl, weren't you?"**

**_"Yes! Yep. That's it. You caught me, Sheena."_**

"Figures."

**_"What can I say? There are plenty of lovely hunnies in this town and as Chosen of Mana I can't turn away anyone who wants to bask in my glory. Hehehe." (Hearts)_**

**"You're unbelievable!" (Black squiggly, exit)**

_"I don't need to hear any more." (Exit)_

"Well, I guess you can do whatever you want... Just tell us where you're going before you disappear next time, all right? We were worried." (Exit)

**_"... Jeez, is that all it takes to fool you guys? They must really trust me..." (Downcast)_**

* * *

AN: They just keep doing it to him! Silly party, there's more to Zelos than the hunnies. And now that I know what's going to happen, seeing the scenes in Flanoir before the Tower of Salvation always makes me wibble a little. It's so sad... Poor Zelos! Thanks for the idea, Angelic Snow.

* * *


	307. Riddle Me This

Disclaimer: Nyah...

AN: So I've been playing Professor Layton and the Curious Village lately. It's one of the many puzzle games out there for the DS and it's not bad, but the citizens of the village have a disturbing tendency to say things like "Oh my, there's been a murder? How horrible! This sounds like a perfect time for a riddle..." Then they go on to hold you up while you're trying to search for the killer... (Sweat drop)

Anyway! This would play in one of the scenes when you're camped for the night. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**Riddle Me This**

(Sigh) "Genis, can you think of anything to do besides throwing stuff in the fire?"

**"What, are you bored again, Lloyd?"**

"Yeah, I've got to do something fast or I'll go crazy!"

**"Why am I not surprised...?"**

_"If that's the case Lloyd, then why don't you try to solve some of my riddles? It'll keep you entertained and no doubt be more educational than burning random items."_

**"Oh yeah! I've got some riddles for you too, Lloyd."**

"Um, okay. I'm not very good at riddles, but I guess it can't be that bad."

_"Very well. I'll start slow, when is a door not a door?"_

"Um... When it's a gate?"

**"No Lloyd, when it's ajar. It's a play on words."**

_"You have to think critically to solve these, Lloyd. Now-"_

**"Hold on Raine, it's my turn. Lloyd, if you're fighting a bunch of monsters and you kill all but three, how many monsters are left?"**

"I don't think I can answer that one if you don't tell me how many monsters there were in the beginning."

_"Actually, you can. Genis told you all but three died, so that means three are left."_

"Oh, I get it now."

_"Let's try another. This one is a classic. Which creature goes on four legs in the morning , at noon on two, and in the evening upon three?"_

"Hm... Didn't a couple of those Manticores we fought in the Temple of Darkness growl that? Okay, I think I got this one. It's a trained dog, right? In the morning he's not working, midday he's performing in town standing up on his back legs, then at night he does parties."

**"Hey, you were right!"**

"It really was a trained dog?"

**"Oh, no. You were right when you said you weren't good at riddles."**

_"Genis..." (Black squiggly)_

"At least I'm not bored..."

* * *

AN: Yes, I realize that last one is the mythical riddle of the Sphinx, not a Manticore like Lloyd says (those didn't bother with riddles and went straight to ripping you to shreds) but there are (sadly) no Sphinxes in ToS and the Manticores really look the part. Thanks for the idea, Unmortem!

* * *


	308. It's Not My Birthday!

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play later in the game, once the hints have been dropped that Raine is sensitive about her age. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic,_ and **_Genis is bold and italic._**

* * *

**It's Not My Birthday!**

"Hey, I just remembered! Today's your birthday, isn't it, Professor?"

_"What? N-No it's not!"_

"Aw, man. It figures, the one time I actually remembered..."

**_"No, you're right, Lloyd! Happy birthday sis! I'll bake you some of my cookies once we set up camp later."_**

_"Thank you, Genis. That's sweet, but it really isn't my birthday. You all must have lost track of the date and-"_

**_"No way, Raine. I know what day it is, and it's your birthday! We're gonna celebrate!"_**

**"So how old are you turning, Professor? Fifty-two?"**

_"..." (Sigh)_

* * *

AN: As Fenix of the Light pointed out, the journey to save the worlds is a very long one, several months at least. You'd think that over the course of the trip at least one of the eight party members would have a birthday.

And there's a really good reason I posted this skit today. Today's my birthday too! Whooo! Yay! (And if anyone's wondering, I'm not turning fifty-two either.) I'm probably not going to get that box of kittens I asked for though. It's too bad... I mean, what's better than a giant, meowing box of kittens, right?

* * *


	309. Family Resemblance

Disclaimer: Not Mine.

AN: This would play once Kratos rejoins your party after you learn he's Lloyd's father. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Kratos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Family Resemblance**

**"So you're really Lloyd's father?"**

**_"Yes."_**

**"But, you two don't..."**

_"It does seem unlikely. Hm..."_

"..."

**_"..."_**

_"I'm sorry, but even after all this time I still don't see the resemblance."_

**"Me neither. You two don't look anything like each other!"**

"We don't? I can kind of see a few things like our hair and, uh..."

**_"Don't let it bother you. Lloyd takes after his mother more."_**

* * *

AN: After all that time they spent traveling together, why didn't Raine and Genis ever notice a family resemblance? It's because Lloyd looks a lot more like his mummy and they never met her. Thanks for the idea, GoldenTalesGeek !

* * *


	310. What Are Sisters For?

Disclaimer: Hm... Everyone does know that disclaimers like these serve no real legal purpose, right? Having them is mostly just tradition nowadays...

AN: Oh my, how long's it been since I updated this thing? A week?! Accursed glitch... Well, now that I'm back, this would play after Genis fails at making Rice Balls. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**What Are Sisters For? **

**"All right everybody! Lunch is served, dig in!" **

**_"Mm... Rice balls! I haven't had one of these since I left home." _**

"You're lucky then, Genis makes the best rice balls in all of Sylvarant!"

**"T-That's not true, Lloyd. You've just never had a rice ball made by anyone else." (Embarrassed) **

"Well, yours are still really good!"

_"Just accept the compliment, Genis" _

**"Ah, thanks!"**

**_"Now I'm really excited, let's eat! _**

"Yeah!"

**_"... ... ... Uh, Lloyd? Are you sure these are as good as you remember?" _**

"... I don't know, they're not the same as before..."

**"Huh? What's wrong with the rice balls?" **

**_"They taste a little funny..." _**

"And some of the rice is still crunchy..."

**"I-I can't believe it... I failed? At making rice balls?!" **

_"I think they're fine. Not a textbook-perfect attempt, but palatable nonetheless. They're certainly better than what I would have made." _

**"Gee, thanks Raine..." (Sweat drop) **

_"What are sisters for?" _

* * *

AN: Thanks to Baby Kat Snophlake for unknowingly inspiring me with her awesome (and extensive) profile on us Symphoniacs! The spark of the idea was buried in there, somewhere...

* * *


	311. Don't Mention It

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play in Welgaia if Regal is the one who finishes the first Perfect Murder you encounter. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Regal is italic_, and**_ Genis is bold and italic._**

* * *

**Don't Mention It**

**"Wow! That was amazing, Regal!"**

"Yeah, that robot was giant! I didn't even want to get close to it, but you just jumped in like it was nothing special and-"

_**"Kicked its butt!"**_

_"Heh. Thank you."_

**"Weren't you scared?"**

_"A little. However, if you let fear hinder your actions while fighting, your enemy will take advantage of that and your situation becomes even more dangerous. A warrior should remain calm at all times."_

"Calm... Is that one of those martial arts tricks that lets you punch through rocks and stuff?"

**_"Yeah, I was curious about that too. How are your feet feeling? You did just kick a thing made of plate-steel to death."_**

**"Raine said its armor was eight inches thick!"**

_"... It's nothing I couldn't handle with sufficient focus and determination..."_

**_"That is so cool-! Hey, Regal..."_**

"Are you sure you're okay? You look really pale all of a sudden."

_(Pained face) "Agh, a foot... Never starts hurting until someone points out what... Idiotic thing you've done to break it."_

**_"Broken?!"_**

**"Oh no, I can't get his boot off. His foot's too swollen!"**

"That's not good. Let's get you to the Professor, Regal."

_"Y-Yes, thank you."_

* * *

AN: Every time I've ever kicked a robot, even when using proper robot-kicking technique, it hurt. Bad. Steel is surprisingly unforgiving. And, ah, Regal's foot was too badly injured for his Grand Chi Healer to work. It needed a certified Nurse spell. ... Be quiet. (Shifty eyes)

Oh, and please note that it's actually quite common for a broken foot to be excruciatingly painful without anyone saying a word about it.

* * *


	312. Self Taught Instinct

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after you've fought both Celsius and Pronyma, if Lloyd and Presea have both used Beast fifty times or more. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Presea is italic_, and **_Regal is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Self-Taught Instinct**

**_"Lloyd, that move you've been using... Where did you learn it?"_**

"Oh, you mean Beast? I just made it up. All my swordwork is self-taught so I just come up with stuff."

**_"I see."_**

**"Hold on a sec, you made it up? But, Presea, don't you know Beast too?"**

_"Yes. It is a useful move. I adapted it from the lumberjack skills daddy taught me."_

**"And Celsius used Beast against us when we fought for her pact."**

"Hey, you're right. Maybe she's self-taught too."

**_"I seem to remember Pronyma having a move similar to Beast as well. She called it Leonazium, but it had the same effect. Perhaps she developed the move in a similar manner."_**

**"A self-taught Desian Grand Cardinal?"**

_"It is possible."_

**"That is so weird... ... Sorry, it's just that I had formal training in my style of martial arts. It's hard to imagine having to teach myself to fight. And the idea of four people making up the exact same move... I don't get how it could happen."**

"Oh, that's easy. It's all about instinct!"

_"When you develop new techniques, you must rely on your instincts to tell you what will be most effective."_

**"So all four of you instinctively wanted to body slam your enemies to the ground?"**

"Pretty much."

**"Well, that sure clears up a lot..." (Sweat drop)**

* * *

AN: I've tried teaching myself a lot of different martial arts. In the end, once you run out of moves to practice from your instructional source (book, video, whatever), you start resorting to ideas that are just plain silly. Silly, and likely to throw your back out. Thanks to Tola Burke for the idea!

* * *


	313. Obscure and Forgotten

Disclaimer: Do not operate heavy machinery while reading Z-Skit Theater. Those currently taking other medication should not read Z-Skit Theater without first consulting their physician...

AN: This would play after skit 346 "Dirk's Way of Memorization" once Regal has had time to hear more of the Dwarven Vows. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Regal is italic_.

* * *

**Obscure and Forgotten**

_"Colette, some time ago you said that Lloyd memorized all the Dwarven Vows. But is that really the truth, Lloyd?"_

**"What are you saying, Regal? Of course it's true! Right Lloyd?"**

"It... It is..."

_"Why the hesitation, Lloyd?"_

"Well, I did memorize all five hundred and eighty-three of them when I was little, but some of the vows are really obscure and we never use them so... Ah, you see... They kinda get..."

_"Forgotten."_

"Yeah." (Downcast)

**"So you don't really remember every vow, Lloyd?" (Downcast)**

"It's not just me. Every dwarf eventually forgets the old ones. Even Dirk! Dad had to pull out all these old books to memorize the vows again before he taught me. But... I'm curious, how did you figure out that I'd forgotten some, Regal?"

_"To be honest, it was a lucky guess. During the time we've traveled together I've only heard you recite eight of the Dwarven Vows, but the numbering of each vow implied that there were more than what we've heard. I suspected it was either because those omitted vows didn't apply to the situation at hand, or you had forgotten them."_

"Oh, so you were kind of right with both guesses."

_"So it seems."_

**"... If most dwarves forget the old obscure vows, why do they keep making you learn them? Why not save time and teach only the big, important ones?"**

_"From what I've heard the Dwarven Vows are moral lessons. It would do irrevocable harm to a culture if they were to simply excise their morals-"_

"Quiet Regal! Colette, when we go back to Iselia, could you tell Dirk your idea? Please?"

**"Hehe, okay!"**

_"Hmph..."_

* * *

AN: Yes, five hundred and eighty-three Dwarven Vows. (An entirely random number that I thought sounded big enough.) Makes Lloyd's memorization seems a bit more impressive now, doesn't it? Even if he forgot a few, that's still five hundred and seventy-five more vows than any other non-dwarf has memorized.

* * *


	314. Dire Consequences Indeed

Disclaimer: Please keep all arms and legs inside the car while the skit is in motion.

AN: This would play between getting the pact with Origin and saving the world if Zelos doesn't die and you go back to his mansion. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and _**Zelos is bold and italic**_.

* * *

**Dire Consequences Indeed**

"We're in big trouble, guys!" (Freaked out)

_"What's the matter?"_

**"Yeah, calm down and tell us what's wrong."**

"The Eternal Sword is gone!"

**"W-What?!" (Shock)**

_"How can that be?! We wouldn't just lose something like the Eternal Sword!" (Shock)_

**"And we have the pact with Origin, no one should be able to take it from us."**

_"Unless it was one of our companions that took it."_

"Yeah, but who would do something like that? Why would any of us take the Eternal Sword and-?"

_**(Enter, whistling) "Hey, guys."**_

"The Eternal Sword!"

_"So you had it?"_

_**"Oh, yeah. Sorry if I freaked you guys out, taking it like that. I had some ultra-top-secret business to attend to."**_

"And you needed Origin's power to do it?"

_**"Well, not really, but it helped." (Whisper) "I used the tip of the Eternal Sword to poke out a peephole in the wall of the guest room Sheena's staying in. You can see everything!" (Hearts)**_

**"You did what?!" (Outraged)**

_**"S-Sheena! I, ah, didn't see you standing there. I- Agh! No, please, have mercy!"**_

"... Should we do something?"

**"You jerk! How dare you not respect a woman's privacy?!" (Rage)**

_**"Not the face!"**_

_"... No. These are the consequences of using the Eternal Sword for selfish reasons. It's best if we don't interfere." (Sweat drop)_

"Yeah, I don't really want to get involved in that either..." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: Every time I wrote "Eternal Sword" I was thinking "Master Sword." Too much Zelda for me... Thanks for the idea, Lunardragon2607!

* * *


	315. Refrigerator?

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play if you go without cooking for three hundred battles. Genis is normal, **Zelos is bold**, and _Regal is italic_.

* * *

**Refrigerator?**

**(Sniff, sniff) "Ugh... So it is you. Man, you're smelling pretty ripe, twerp. When was the last time you took a bath?"**

(sniff, sniff) "That's not me, Zelos. It's coming from my pack- Ah! the food!"

_"Oh no, you don't mean-?"_

"Yeah... The milk's spoiled, meat's all rotten, the cheese is fuzzy and- Ugh! Ew... Don't ask me about the eggs."

_"So we're entirely without food? How unfortunate."_

**"Well what did you expect? Walking around with our food unrefrigerated... It's pretty obvious what would happen."**

"Oh yeah? I didn't hear you coming up with any great ideas to keep us from starving."

**"Well that's because you never asked. I thought you were sharp enough to handle think of something on your own, but apparently I was wrong..."**

_"So you do have an idea to prevent this from occurring again?"_

**"Of course I do. Just have Genis cast Icicle and use the ice to keep the food cold and preserved."**

"Zelos, that's-!"

**"A brilliant idea? I know. I'm disappointed you two couldn't think of it on your own."**

"Grr..."

_"Don't push your luck, Chosen."_

* * *

AN: Think about it. The party's walking around the entire world, through places like the Triet Desert, for extended periods of time, but none of their food is dried or salted or preserved in any way. The only place their food wouldn't conceivably rot would be in Flanoir. Everywhere else? Hello food poisoning!

* * *


	316. The Magic Inn

Disclaimer: Please keep all hands and feet inside the car while the skit is in motion.

AN: This would play if you spend the night at an inn after Lloyd's been poisoned and is down to five percent of his health. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, **_Kratos is bold and italic_**, and Colette is underlined.

* * *

**The Magic Inn**

"Ah, there's nothing like a good night's sleep. I feel great!"

**"L-Lloyd?! You can walk!"**

"Oh, you're all right, I'm so happy!"

_"Lloyd, what do you think you're doing out of bed? You should be resting and regaining your strength! It's a miracle you're even alive!"_

**_"Yes, go back to bed. You're in no shape to be walking about."_**

"What are you guys talking about? I'm fine. I've never felt better."

_"I don't believe it... How is this possible?"_

"Why's everyone making such a fuss? Did something happen?"

"We were so worried. You got hurt really bad, Lloyd."

**"Yeah. You were poisoned and coughing up blood and everything!"**

**_"Last night you were hanging onto life by a thread. Even with our healing magic, Raine and I were barely able to keep you breathing. We were afraid you would die."_**

_"Lloyd, how did you recover from such a major injury in just one night? There's not a scratch on you..."_

"I-I don't know. All I remember is waking up in this inn and feeling healthy."

**_"Are you suggesting that it was spending the night in an inn that neutralized the poison in your body and healed your wounds?"_**

"Maybe? Yes? I don't know, I just woke up..." (Overwhelmed)

**"The inn did it? That doesn't make sense at all. Inns can't heal people, can they?"**

"Maybe this is a magic inn!"

**"I don't think that's the answer, Colette." (Sweat drop)**

_"Lloyd, is there anything else you remember about last night and this morning? Anything at all?"_

"Well, there is one thing..."

_"Yes?"_

"The bed I slept in, it was really soft and comfortable. Could that have anything to do with it?"

_"I... Don't think so, no." (Sweat drop)_

**_"It is a mystery."_**

* * *

AN: This is inspired by Maxmagnus20019 and the "Trauma Center Inns" entry in the RPG Cliché list. Inns heal everything! Poison, paralysis, curses, dire bodily harm... A good night's sleep on a soft bed will take it all away. (Yeah right...)

* * *


	317. Dating Yourself

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play if you buy a potion once you know how old Kratos is and have seen "All Old Guys Are the Same." (Chapter 206) Yes, this is a semi-sequel. One with a huge delay, I know, but I liked it. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Dating Yourself**

_"One thousand gald for a Potion? Shameful. I remember when ten gald would buy you a pocketful of Magic Lenses, a Lemon Gel, and a fine Palma Potion. How did things come to this?"_

"Ten gald, for all that? Wow. You're seriously dating yourself, Kratos."

**"Yeah, complaining about inflation is a dead giveaway."**

_"I-I make no secret of my age. Though I assume my hopes that you would respect your elders are in vain..." (Black squiggly)_

"Now where have we heard that before?"

**"Something tells me you and Maxwell will get along just fine..."**

* * *

AN: Kratos is a senior citizen! He deserves your respect! He's also had quiet a while to form some standard habits... (Like a tendency to reminisce on the way things used to be.) Good thing he's not crotchety though! Thanks to Contraltissimo for the idea!

* * *


	318. An Unlikely Source

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after Colette uses Item Thief for the first time. Raine is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**An Unlikely Source**

**"Hehehe, I got some really good stuff this time! We could probably get a lot of gald if we sold this."**

_"Chosen One... I'm curious to know just who taught you to pick pockets."_

"Yes, I would like to know as well. Thievery seems a little... Incongruous with the office of the Chosen."

**"Oh, yeah. My grandma taught me."**

_"You grandmother... You don't mean Phaidra?"_

**"That's right. I only have one grandma."**

"B-But, Phaidra is a high priestess of Martel! Why would she know how to pick pockets?"

**"I know! It's really weird, isn't it? Father always said it was something she learned when she was a little kid."**

"Hm, perhaps we should ask Phaidra about her youth when we return."

_"Indeed. It would likely prove an interesting tale."_

* * *

AN: I don't know about you, but I can totally see wise, kind, old Phaidra as being a complete hoodlum in her earlier days. I can't say exactly why, it just seems right. Who taught Colette to pick pockets indeed. Thanks to Unmortem for the original idea!

* * *


	319. Zelos' Downfall

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play in the Sybak Academy if you try to flirt with the girl at the top of the stairs using Zelos' personal EX skill. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**Zelos' Downfall**

**"I... I don't believe it!"**

"Huh? What's the matter, Zelos?"

**"That girl, that lovely hunny, said she wasn't interested in me! That's never happened before. I've never met a woman who's able to resist my awesome manly sexitude."**

"What about Sheena, and the Professor, and Presea and Colette?"

**"..."**

"And Kate, and Chocolat, and Princess Hilda, and-"

**"All right, all right! Way to crush a guy's ego, Lloyd. At least she gave me something..."**

"Uh... That's a wad of old chewing gum..."

**(Sob)**

* * *

AN: No lie, when you talk to the girl walking around at the top of the staircase in the Academy lobby, she tells you a blunt "I'm sorry. I'm not interested." She does, however, give you some pretty good loot after the rejection. Kind of softens the blow... (Dejected) Thanks to Drew L. for the idea!

* * *


	320. Useless Things

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play if you visit the docked steamship in Palmacosta after you defeat Rodyle at the Remote Island Human Ranch. Lloyd is normal, **Presea is bold**.

* * *

**Useless Things**

(Sigh)

**"What is wrong, Lloyd?"**

"I don't know... Do you ever feel like there are some things that are just absolutely useless? That seem like they have no purpose at all and you wonder why they even exist?"

**"... Yes. I suppose. ... Is this ship what made you think that?"**

"Yeah. It's really cool that it's steam-powered and all, but it kind of seems like a waste. I mean, they're not even doing anything with it. Genis and I came to see it the last time we were here a few months ago and everything's the same as it was then. It hasn't even moved!"

**"I agree. A ship that sits in the docks and does not move is useless."**

"Really? Heh, thanks. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that way."

* * *

AN: Really... That area in Palmacosta gets to me. There's one little unimportant scene where you run into Sheena there and a corny Titanic joke. Other than that, the area is pretty much useless. Why did the game designers even bother with it?

And note: I think that while Lloyd believes that every living has value just because it was born, I doubt he feels the same about inanimate objects just because they were made. As a blacksmith's son, he probably requires a good deal of utility out of a thing for it to meet his standards. (Or it needs to be cool enough to hold his attention...)

* * *


	321. Trying to Understand

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play directly after a battle where Kratos says the quote. You all know the quote. Genis is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Kratos is italic_, and **_Raine is bold and italic._**

* * *

**Trying to Understand**

_"Hmph. Blame your fate."_

**"Excuse me Kratos, but... What does that mean?"**

"I was wondering about that too. How are monsters supposed to blame anything? They can't even understand you since they can't speak."

**"You're right! They can't blame anything either since they're dead!"**

"Well yeah, Colette..." (Sweat drop)

**_"While I believe Genis and Colette may be taking this a little too literally, I would also like to know what 'blame your fate' means, Kratos. Please explain."_**

_"It... It's nothing, really." (Face palm)_

* * *

AN: See? You all knew the quote.

* * *


	322. Satisfaction Guaranteed!

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play after opening a chest that holds neither a weapon nor armor. Presea is normal, **Colette is bold**.

* * *

**Satisfaction Guaranteed!**

"Another chest."

**"Oh, you're right. Let's open it!"**

"..."

**"I'm so excited! I wonder what's in it."**

"A gum wrapper, and a losing lottery ticket."

**"W-What? Are you sure that's all?"**

"No, that was a joke. It holds useful items."

**"Oh. Hehe, that was a good one Presea. You really had me going! But we both know chests always hold good things."**

"Yes. I wonder why..."

* * *

AN: This idea comes from Sora no Hoshi who asked if the party members ever find just plain old junk in chests. Personally, if I opened a chest I would replace what I took with something else, just like you do when you find a Geocache. Of course... I'd probably end up leaving a piece of pork or something. But it's better than nothing, right?

* * *


	323. Scholarly Pursuits

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play after Raine blows up the Asgard Ranch. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**Scholarly Pursuits**

"Hey Professor, how did you get so good at using Desian machines?"

_"Everything I know comes from tomes on ancient magitechnology. The devices the Desians use are almost identical to what I've read about, so it's rather familiar."_

**"So your books tell you how to make ancient technology self-destruct?"**

_"It's mostly theory, but yes. The documents I have are very comprehensive."_

"Hm... Professor Sage, could I take a look at these books of yours?"

**"Me too, they sound cool."**

_"I-I suppose. Why the sudden interest in magitechnology?"_

"Like Genis said, it sounds cool. Just imagine the sort of stuff I could build with Dirk's help and a little knowledge of magitechnology!"

_"That sounds wonderful, Lloyd. I would be glad to help in any way I can. How about you, Genis? What interests you?"_

**"Ah... Well, the idea of learning how to make things self-destruct sounds fun..."**

_"I see... Lloyd, you may study magitechnology."_

"Yes!"

_"Genis, you need to continue practicing your spells."_

**"Aw, so no self-destruct?"**

_"Maybe when you're older."_

**"Okay..."**

* * *

AN: I always wondered, on some level at least, how Raine could instantly pick up enemy technology and use it. Answer? It's close enough to magitechnology that she pretty much has an owner's manual for everything the Desians own. And, Genis likes explosions.

* * *


	324. The Main Draw

Disclaimer: (Left conspicuously blank...)

AN: While we're on the subject of academia... A semi-sequel! This would play if you tour the academy campus in Sybak for a while and see every place you can before all the serious plot starts. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Raine is italic_.

* * *

**The Main Draw**

"Wow, this place is great!"

**"You think a college is cool? You?"**

"Yeah! I actually wouldn't mind studying here someday. I like it!"

**"Lloyd... Lloyd, you... Do you know what you just said?!"**

_"That's wonderful, Lloyd! This can be a goal for you to strive for. Care to tell me what you like best about this campus? The library? The labs? The great opportunities for research?"_

"The cafeteria!"

_"W-What?"_

"They've got everything on the menu, it's amazing!"

_"Lloyd..." (Sigh)_

**"Ha! I knew it'd be something like that."**

* * *

AN: Sorry Lloyd, you got to be the studious one last time. And it's true, the Sybak cafeteria has pretty much every food possible. Except Purple Satay. Curse those Katz and their savvy Satay trading! Thanks to Sora no Hoshi for the idea.

* * *


	325. Art of the Quickchange

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play if you equip different armor to both Lloyd and Zelos during a battle. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**, _Sheena is_ _italic._

* * *

**Art of the Quickchange**

"Whoo, that was a tough battle..."

_"Yeah. We usually don't have that much trouble with- Wait a minute..."_

"Something wrong, Sheena?"

_"I... I could have sworn you were wearing different armor before the battle. Did you change?"_

"Yeah, I hurried and put this on while we were fighting. It's more protective than what I was wearing before."

**"And it accentuates his curves more too! Seriously Lloyd, changing your outfit during the day? Last time I checked, only girls did that."**

"Zelos... You changed your armor too, and your hat, shield, accessories, and sword." (Sweat drop.)

**"Oh, uh... You noticed that? Well, never mind then."**

_"There's something I don't get, Lloyd. That last battle was longer than normal, but it wasn't long enough to put on a whole new suit of armor. How did you change so fast? I didn't even see you do it."_

"Oh, it's because I'm a blacksmith. When you work at the forge you sometimes get sparks and splashes of molten metal flying around. If they land on you they'll start your clothes on fire so you have to be able to change really, really fast."

_"Hm, I guess that makes sense..."_

**"So blacksmithing trains you to take off your clothes at super-speed? Sounds useful... Do you think Dirk'll mind taking me on as an apprentice?"**

_"Zelos, you pervert!" (Slap!)_

**"Ow..."**

* * *

AN: Of course, this doesn't explain why the others can instantly change their armor and clothing as well. Let's just chalk their skills up to angel powers, half-elven ingenuity, ninja training, physical agility, and good old-fashioned lumberjack magic.

**Edit: Many, many thanks to BabyKatSnophlake for catching my just plain stupid mistakes in this one. Thanks Kat, I owe ya one! (Go read _Flight of the Jellyfish_!)**

* * *


	326. Small Mercies

Disclaimer: Don't own.

AN: This would play after Colette picks up Regal with just one hand in the Gaoracchia Forest. (I thought it especially fitting after Sheena whomped Zelos last skit...) Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**Small Mercies**

**"... ... ..."**

"Uh, Zelos? You asleep?"

**"Huh? Oh, no. I was praying."**

"Praying... Really Zelos?"

**"Would I lie to you, Lloyd? I know I don't seem like the religious type, but I am the Chosen of the Church of Martel."**

"One of the Chosens. Don't forget about Colette."

**"Of course. I couldn't forget about my sweet little angel if I tried." (Hearts)**

"..." (Sweat drop) "Ah, well, what were you praying for, Zelos?"

**"For? Nothing. I was just saying thanks to the leading lady Martel for making Colette and Presea so even-tempered."**

"That's a weird thing to pray about. Sure, they're both really nice, but are you really that grateful?"

**"Are you kidding me?! Lloyd, seriously bud, you know how strong those two are. Now think about what would happen to me if they were both as violent as my hunny Sheena. They'd tear me to shreds!"**

"Huh, you're right. But... You could just be more careful who you hit on."

**"Don't I know it... But you know what they say. It's better to be ripped to shreds by a lovely hunny than to never be ripped to shreds at all."**

"Hey, wait, I thought that saying was about having loved and lost... ... But I guess this one works too."

* * *

AN: If Colette and Presea weren't so easy-going, Zelos would have died long before the Tower of Salvation.

* * *


	327. Everywhere At Once

disclaimer: not mine.

AN: This would play in one of the many instances where the party is separated into two groups when you play as the group that doesn't have Lloyd with them. Sheena is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Regal is italic_, and **_Presea is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Everywhere At Once**

_"Hm, it seems we need the Sorcerer's Ring to proceed past this area."_

"This could be a problem."

**"No it's not. Here, let's go."**

"W-What? Colette, that's the Sorcerer's Ring! How did you get that?"

**"I just found it in my pocket."**

**_"When Lloyd and the others left, they took the ring with them."_**

_"It can't be in two places at once. Does this mean our comrades are missing it?"_

"This could be a problem..."

* * *

AN: If you were wondering, yes. The cast of this skit is the group of characters I usually reject when picking teams. Sorry, Regal. I'm a huge fan, but I need Genis' magical firepower, Raine's healing, and Zelos'/Kratos' mix of the two backing me up in order to pull off my distinctive battle style. Thanks to Ed of Oblivion for the idea!

* * *


	328. The Oldest Trick

Disclaimer: Please keep all hands and feet inside the car while the skit is in motion.

AN: This would play after you confront the Pope in his office and he escapes through his secret exit. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**The Oldest Trick**

"I can't believe the Pope had a secret passage hidden behind his bookcase!"

**"I know, right? The Pope really needs to stop reading those cheesy horror novels of his." **

"You mean you were expecting this, Zelos?"

**"Of course, it's the oldest trick in the book! ... Wait, are you telling me you've never seen the old sliding bookcase trick before? Seriously? That's the first place you look for secret passages!" **

"T-That's not important right now. We've got to catch the Pope, he's getting away!"

**"Uh-huh... All right then, lead the way." **

* * *

AN: Look to the bookcase. It's always either the bookcase, a sconce on the wall, or a statue with a well-disguised moving part (often in a naughty place so hilarity will ensue...) that opens the secret passage. Unless there's a piano in the room, then it's a specific sequence of notes. Yep, I've got it all figured out.

* * *


	329. Lloyd's Horrific Education

Disclaimer: Please keep all hands and feet inside the car while the skit is in motion.

AN: This would play in the Pope's old office once Zelos is declared the new Pope, if you've seen "The Oldest Trick." Lloyd is normal,** Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**Lloyd's Horrific Education**

**"Hey Lloyd, I want you to have these."**

"H-Huh? Books? ... Where did all these come from, Zelos?"

**"They're horror novels that I found while cleaning out the office here. I'm guessing they used to belong to the Pope. You should read them, they'll help you be a better Lloyd."**

"You're kidding. 'Carolyn', 'The Sit', and 'The Dark Tower of Salvation?' Huh, this Esteban Lord guy sure wrote a lot... W-What's this? 'I Was a Teenage Nightraid'?'!"

**"Yeah, I was surprised too, I didn't know they novelized that one. But there's more. Check out that collection of short stories too."**

"This one looks like a poem. 'The Stormclaw?'"

**"Oh yeah, it's a good one too."**

"Hm, 'The Gold Beetle', 'The Cask of Flanoir Potion'... 'The Fall of the House of Bryant?!'"

**"Don't worry, no relation."**

"Zelos, what could I possibly learn from reading these?"

**"A lot! Lloyd, if you were serious about not expecting a secret passage to be hidden behind a sliding bookcase, then you need to start reading right now. How are you supposed to save the world if you can't even recognize evil clichés?"**

* * *

AN: Yes, Tethe'alla has as vast a selection of horror fiction as we do. (Though that probably wasn't what y'all were expecting from the title...) I hope everyone got the references, or else I'll be forced to pull a Raine and throw my chalk at you, then assign a reading list. (And it's sidewalk chalk too, much heavier than the stuff for blackboards...)

* * *


	330. Colette's Cleaning Service

Disclaimer: Please keep all hands and feet inside the car while the skit is in motion.

AN: This would play if you stay at an inn after Colette gets her maid outfit. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Genis is italic._

* * *

**Colette's Cleaning Service**

**"I went ahead and cleaned all our rooms, what do you think?"**

"Um... It looks clean?"

**"Hehe. Thank you, Lloyd!" (Happy lines)**

_"Hey Colette, what's with these footprints on the rug?"_

**"Oh no, it's mud. I must have accidentally tracked it in on my boots..."**

_"Only you could start cleaning and end up making the place dirtier, Colette..." (Sweat drop)_

"Hey, at least you got the dust, right?"

**(Sigh) "I guess..."**

* * *

AN: Poor Colette... At least she tries, right? Thanks for the idea RevivedSin!

* * *


	331. A Practical Use

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play randomly if you cook sandwiches on the world map while Zelos is equipped with Ice Coffin. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Zelos is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**A Practical Use**

"Ah, there's nothing like sandwiches and ice-cold lemonade on a hot day!" (Happy lines)

_"Yeah, these aren't half bad, twerp."_

**"Glad you liked your lunch, Lloyd. ... And Zelos, I guess."**

**_"Hm, I guess I waited a bit too long to drink my lemonade, it's warm..."_**

**"Huh. Well, I could cast Icicle on it if you want, but that might freeze it solid-"**

_"What's that? A cry for help from a lovely hunny in distress? Well have no fear, Zelos Wilder is here! Hoorah!"_

**_"... Zelos, what exactly is sticking your sword in my lemonade supposed to do?"_**

_"That's no ordinary sword, it's Ice Coffin. See? It's chilly. There, try your lemonade now."_

**_(Sip) "Wow, that actually worked! Thanks, Zelos."_**

_"Anytime, my sweet hunny."_

**"I wish we had one of those when we were in Triet..."**

"I bet everybody in Triet wishes they did..."

* * *

AN: This idea comes from Mieu (And yes, our most recent convy reminded me that I had this skit in storage), who asked about making toast with Flamberge. (It cuts and toasts at the same time!) If you really think about it, mystical and enchanted swords have all sorts of secondary practical uses that don't involve chopping things to tiny bits.

* * *


	332. Do It Again?

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play if you have Lloyd equipped with the Wooden Blades for the first fight against Yggdrasill at the Tower of Salvation. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and_ Raine is italic_.

* * *

**Do It Again?**

_"Lloyd Irving! I can't believe you would do something so foolish. Attacking Yggdrasil, the leader of Cruxis, with something as ineffective as wooden swords? It's a miracle you survived!"_

"You're right, Professor. It was pretty dumb of me... I should have thought more about what I was doing. I'm sorry."

_"... Well, as long as you realize your mistake and learn from it-"_

**(Enter) "Lloyd! Wow Lloyd, that was so cool the way you fought Yggdrasil like that!"**

"You think so?"

_"Be quiet Genis, you're not helping-"_

**"Well yeah, of course. You went up against the strongest angel in the world with a wooden sword! You're so brave, it's amazing Lloyd!"**

_"Genis, don't encourage him!"_

"Heh. I guess I am pretty amazing, aren't I?"

**"Hey Lloyd, if we fought Yggdrasil a second time... Would you use your wooden swords again?"**

"I-I don't know. I mean, we barely escaped with our lives last time. If we ever fought again, we might not be so lucky."

_"Thank goodness, it looks like I've finally gotten though to him."_

"But if I had a choice, yeah! I'd use my wooden swords again. It'd be cool!"

**"Yeah, go for it Lloyd!"**

_(Sigh) "They're both hopeless..."_

* * *

AN: Going up against the highest-ranked, most powerful member of Cruxis with naught but two slightly sharp wooden swords? That's major bravado there, Lloyd's certainly not lacking in guts. Thanks for the idea Sora no Hoshi!

* * *


	333. The Truth Is Out There

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: This would play shortly after you cross into Tethe'alla and crash the Rheairds. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**,_ Raine is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic._**

* * *

**The Truth Is Out There**

_"Hm... If there's one, then perhaps it's possible..."_

"You say something, Professor?"

**"Yeah, what're you mumbling about, Raine?"**

_"Oh, it's nothing important. I've just been wondering about cross-dimensional travel. We were able to pass from Sylvarant to Tethe'alla using the Rheairds, but what if these two dimensions aren't the only ones we could travel to?"_

**_"What are you talking about? There are only two dimensions-"_**

_"Oh? And how do you know that?"_

**_"W-Well, the Imperial Research Academy has been studying the barrier between our dimensions for years. If there were any more, our scientists would have found them by now."_**

_"Not necessarily. Besides, if the people living in Sylvarant were unaware of Tethe'alla's existence for centuries, then there may very well be countless other dimensions that both worlds are also unaware of."_

**_"I guess you do have a point there. We didn't really find out about you guys until recently either."_**

"Other dimensions... I wonder what they'd be like."

**"Hey, what if there was another dimension out there where everything was opposite?"**

"You mean things would fall up instead of down?"

**"Yeah! Red would mean go and green would mean stop..."**

**_"Heh. And all the people living there would be our evil twins, right?"_**

**"Ah, maybe. What's an evil twin?"**

**_"Ah, never mind."_**

_"There may certainly be some more subtle changes, but I don't think any other dimension would be that radically different from our own."_

"Well, whatever other dimensions are like, I think it'd be cool to go visit one."

_"Yes, it would be fascinating!"_

**_"If our scientists ever discover any more dimensions, I'll make sure you're one of the first to know."_**

* * *

AN: Hehehe... Thanks to BabyKatSnophlake, Lunardragon2607, and the Sno Phoenix ToS Collaboration for the idea!

I mentioned the collaboration in my author's notes a few months ago when it was in the planning stages, but now it's finally started! The Prologue (written by yours truly) was posted just this afternoon, so everyone hustle your posteriors over to our page at fanfiction . net / ~ snophoenix and check out our new collaborative story! (Grinning madly) Happy reading!

* * *


	334. Run Away!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: Oi! If I go this long without updating, you guys gotta yell at me or something. Don't let me get lazy! This would play if you escape from a battle with foes stronger than you/when you're underleveled three times in a row. Presea is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, and_ Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Run Away!**

**"Not again!"**

_"What's the matter, Lloyd?"_

**"I hate running from monsters. I hate fleeing battles!"**

"Lloyd, if we refused to run, we would have died."

_"Those monsters were too strong for us. We need to train before we have any hope of defeating creatures with that sort of power."_

**"Yeah, I know. We need to live to fight another day... It's just, I don't like to run without even landing a single hit. Abandoning a fight just seems wrong."**

"I know how you feel, but it is necessary for our survival."

_"If it helps Lloyd, don't view escaping as running away, but as a strategic retreat."_

**"Okay. That doesn't really make me feel any better, but... Agh! Oh no, with all these fights I completely forgot about my homework!"**

"You are easily distracted, Lloyd."

**"Hm... Professor Sage was going to collect that assignment today. Time for a strategic retreat!" (Exit)**

_"... I feel as if I've just created a monster."_

"I'm sure Lloyd will no longer have qualms about retreating."

_"So I see."_

* * *

AN: Why's it's just a harmless bunny rabbit... ...! Run away! Run away! (Note: I lvoe ToS because it's a game that gives me the opportunity to say that while playing and have it actually make sense.)

* * *


	335. Say It Loud

Disclaimer:

AN: (Sigh) I can already tell that nothing good will come of this... This would play after Lloyd learns Rising Falcon, if you learn it while Kratos is in the party. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Say It Loud**

**"Heh heh, all right. Did you see that, Kratos?"**

"Yes. That's an impressive new technique you've learned. It looks tiring."

**"It is. I know I didn't over-use it, but I'm beat."**

"All you need is practice. I'm sure that with more training Rising Falcon will become practically effortless for you."

**"Maybe... Do you think I might be able to improve faster if I focus really hard on the move as I do it?"**

"Perhaps. How do you plan to do it?"

**"I'm not really sure. I guess I could try visualizing how I would attack before I do it, and how my opponent would respond."**

"That sounds useful."

**"I could wear weights while practicing too. If I can do Rising Falcon while weighted down, then I should have no problem doing it normally, right?"**

"Correct. Those are both very good ideas, Lloyd-"

**"Oh! And I could try yelling the move's name really loud when I do it, just to make sure I'm paying attention."**

"..."

**"Rising... FALCON!"**

"... Let's not get carried away, Lloyd..." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: Hey Lloyd, show us your moves! Anyway, this was inspired by my recent re-addiction to Smash Bros. and the collected unintentional efforts of J.A. Phillips and Shadic the Hedgehog Author a long, long time ago. Thanks guys!

* * *


	336. Going Incognito

Disclaimer: (Yes, it's blank again. ... Well, kinda blank.)

AN: This would play if you go to the Meltokio Slums with Zelos as your avatar and his personal skill on after getting the Masked Swordsman costume. Zelos is normal, **Sheena is bold**.

* * *

**Going Incognito **

"The slums... Do we really have to go to the slums? Can't I wait out here?"

**"What, the great Zelos Wilder can't be seen wandering the slums? Do you think you're too good for that or something?" **

"... You really don't like me, do you Sheena?"

**"Well, you haven't really done much to make up for all the stuff you've pulled in the past." **

"Hm, well, the reason I don't want to go to the slums is because they always fawn over me and give me stuff. When it's from nobles I don't mind, but the folks living in the slums... They really can't afford to be giving gifts. The last time I went in there this lady insisted I take a Miracle Gel. I feel guilty taking gifts from people who have so little."

**"Oh, I-I had no idea... I'm sorry for yelling earlier, I didn't realize..." **

"Nah, don't worry about it. It did seem pretty selfish the way I said it."

**"Well, if you don't want to attract attention... Why don't you go as the Handsome Mysterious Masked Swordsman?" **

"..."

**"What? If they can't see your face and you don't talk to anyone, they won't know it's you. It's a good plan!" **

"Yeah, it is. It's just... You said the full name..."

**"Handsome Mysterious Masked Swordsman?" **

"Yeah, I can't believe it! Oh Sheena, I knew you didn't really hate me!"

**"H-Hey, we're still not on hugging terms, Zelos!" **

* * *

AN: I was in the slums, and I talked to a lady, and she gave me a Miracle Gel. No kidding. How, pray tell, was she able to just give that away?

* * *


	337. Paw Karma

Disclaimer: In the event of an emergency, Z-Skit Theater should not be used as a flotation device.

AN: Well, first I'd like to say: Holy hand grenades, Batman! Five thousand and two reviews! I knew it was close at hand, but still, wow. It's just... Wow. Anyway, I have you guys to thank for that insanely large statistic, so thanks! You're all absolutely fantastic! Thanks for reading for all these years. Now...

This would play after Presea's paw pad obsession is revealed. Presea is normal, **Raine is bold**.

* * *

**Paw Karma**

**"..." (Poke)**

"Raine...? What are you-?"

**"I wonder..." (Poke poke poke) "Fascinating! Presea, your pigtails seems as if they have some mechanism which allows them to defy gravity. I simply must study them!" (Poke poke poke)**

"..."

**(Poke poke poke poke poke)**

"... Is this... Karma?"

* * *

AN: Raine earned the title "Pigtail Mania!" That karmic backlash sure is a drag... (Poke poke poke)

* * *


	338. We're Alike

Disclaimer: Please keep all hands and feet inside the car while the skit is in motion.

AN: This would play in Tethe'alla once Colette gets her heart back. Sheena is normal, **Colette is bold**.

* * *

**We're Alike**

**"..."**

"Is there something on your mind, Colette?"

**"Yes, I was just thinking... Sheena, have you ever noticed how alike we are?"**

"You and me? ... Not really, no."

**"Oh, I just thought..." (Downcast)**

"H-Hold on now, maybe I just missed it. How are we alike?"

**"Well, your world was depending on you to stop the Chosen One from regenerating Sylvarant, right? Everyone in Tethe'alla was counting on you, just like all the people back in Sylvarant were counting on me."**

"So... Are you saying my mission to assassinate you made me a sort of honorary Chosen?"

**"Yeah!"**

"I guess you're right. But... I failed my mission."

**"... That's another thing we have in common too..." (Downcast)**

"Hey, cheer up, Colette. There's got to be something else we've got in common too. Like... We're both girls. And we both, um...

**"We're both klutzes!"**

"What?"

**"We both trip and fall all the time." (Happy lines)**

"I-It was only that once...!" (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: Sheena and Colette... How much do they really have in common?

* * *


	339. It's A Miracle!

Disclaimer: I'm giving up on disclaimers, but I like the way they make the page layout look. So I'll be using this space for random whatever henceforth.

AN: This would play if Raine fails at making sandwiches. Raine is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**It's A Miracle!**

**(Sigh) "Okay sis, let's go over it again... You take a piece of bread."**

"... And?"

**"And you're done."**

"What about the rest of the ingredients? There has to be more."

**"No, that's it. Bread is the only ingredient you really need to make sandwiches."**

"But I could include other ingredients if I wished, correct?"

**"Well, yeah. You can add meats, lettuce, cheese, and stuff. Just be sure they're appetizing together."**

"So I take a slice of bread, add other things if I want, then serve it?"

**"..."**

"Genis, is something wrong?"

**"No, it's just... I can't believe I finally taught you to cook something. It's a miracle!"**

(Black squiggly)

* * *

AN: Poor Raine, she takes so much lip for her bad cooking... But she kind of deserves it. I mean, as Vook pointed out to me, failing at making sandwiches in ToS means the chef was unable to hand out slices of bread. Yeah, she's that bad.

* * *


	340. Intermission

Disclaimer: Hm, I find myself lacking in randomness today. What a shame...

AN: This would play if you cook in between matches in a group Coliseum challenge and have Regal, Presea, and Lloyd as your party. Lloyd is normal,** Regal is bold**, and _Presea is italic_.

* * *

**Intermission**

"Maybe we should forget about eating this round, the crowd's looking a little impatient..."

**"Nonsense. We're all fatigued from our last match and need to rest. Besides, we are providing entertainment for them at our own risk. The audience will just have to wait."**

"But they're our fans, we can't disappoint them!"

**"Of course we can. If they want action so badly, let them come down here and challenge the Coliseum themselves."**

"Come on, Presea, you agree with me, right?"

_"No. I am cooking."_

(Sigh) "We finally get fans and now we're going to lose them..."

**"Calm down, Lloyd. They aren't booing and hissing, nor have they started throwing items at us yet."**

"Yet. And when they do start, I'm hiding behind you."

**"As you wish."**

* * *

AN: I rather like the way Presea just shot Lloyd down there. Thanks for the idea, whatsername427!

* * *


	341. Harder!

Disclaimer: There is a tale of my stupidity at the end of this skit, proceed at your own risk!

AN: This would play if you heal an enemy with a like-element attack while playing as Lloyd. Lloyd is normal,** Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Harder!**

**_"Man Lloyd, what's the deal with you? You really weren't pulling your weight in that last battle."_**

**"Yeah, what happened Lloyd? Even I could tell you were off."**

"I don't know. I was fighting as hard as I could, but it felt like my attacks weren't doing any damage. I was hitting them hard, but I don't think the monsters minded. Actually, it kinda seemed like they liked it..."

**_"Hehehe, I knew a couple of girls like that once..."_**

"It was really weird."

_"What most likely happened was that you were hitting the monsters with attacks that were of their own element. Instead of hurting them, you accidentally strengthened them."_

**"Healing our enemies? Way to go, Lloyd."**

_"I keep telling you to remember our enemies weaknesses, but it's equally important that you remember their strengths as well."_

"Sorry..."

* * *

AN: Yay, another coliseum-based one! But you're probably all wondering what my dumb story is, aren't ya? Well... I ran into some trouble in a solo coliseum challenge way back when I was a sad newbie.

Hitting an elemental monster with an attack or weapon of their element will heal them, right? Well, I had gotten some fancy new swords for Lloyd, I can't remember which ones (it's been a long time since I've been a noob), but the important thing is they had an elemental bonus and I didn't know it... Anyway! Because they were so high-powered, I sold all my other twin blade swords for a good amount of gald figuring I wouldn't need them anymore.

I get into the third coliseum match and find it's against an Ice Warrior, an elemental ice monster, right? Well, it seems that one of my blades was actually ice-element. To my horror, I found that with every other hit I was healing my enemy and not doing any damage to it at all! I had to take a dive and lose the match because I couldn't win and couldn't switch to another sword since I had sold all my other options. The moral: Keep every sword you can lay hands on! KEEP THEM.

(Note: The title of this skit is one of Gibari's battle quotes from Baten Kaitos. ... The more I think about him, the creepier that quote becomes...)

* * *


	342. Talk to the Animals

Disclaimer: Please keep all hands and feet inside the car while the skit is in motion.

AN: This would play once Kratos joins your party for the first time if you've seen skit 002 "Restless Noishe." (Wherein Lloyd complains he can't understand Noishe.) Kratos is normal,** Lloyd is bold**, and _Noishe is italic_.

* * *

**Talk to the Animals**

_(Whine)_

"Is that so?"

_(Whine)_

"I see..."

**"Whoa! Kratos, do you really understand what Noishe is saying?"**

"Yes, in a manner of speaking. I suppose I do."

**"Wow, that's really cool. I wish I could do that... You must be really good with animals."**

"Not at all. I actually have very little experience with animals, unless you include slaying monsters as experience."

**"I don't believe that. You can talk to Noishe! You've got to know something, Kratos."**

(Sigh) "I know it seems unlikely to you, but understanding Noishe is very easy. All you have to do is listen closely and use your intuition."

_(Howl!)_

**"Oh, I get it! Noishe just said 'That's right!', right?"**

"... Not quite."

_(Whine)_

"What do you mean, Noishe? That's not what you said before."

**"Huh? What is it, was I right or not?"**

_(Whine)_

"I very clearly heard-"

_(Howl!)_

"... Hm, I suppose you're correct. You are the one who said it. My apologies."

**"Hey, are you going to tell me what's going on or not, Kratos? What was all of that just now?"**

"It was nothing you need to worry about. However it seems I was mistaken, understanding Noishe is not nearly as easy as I thought."

**"Great..."**

* * *

AN: (Sigh) I read through the entire list/scripts of Z-skits, all three hundred and seventy-nine of them (I have a hard copy), trying to find what number "Restless Noishe" was. All because the way my copy is printed and stapled, the title of skit two is illegible and the skit itself is in a weird spot... (Shake head) I should probably print out a new one. But aye, thanks for the idea, Sagie!

(By the way, it's Sagie (The Sage of Spirits) who wrote the newly updated first chapter of arc one of our collaboration, From Here to Eternity. Go check out his handiwork!)

* * *


	343. Inexplicable

Disclaimer: Disclaimers mean nothing!

AN: This one's short, but it takes a look at something I've been wondering about for a while now. I know there's no time for skits between the cutscenes, but if there was, this would play in Sybak when the party, minus Raine and Genis, is locked in Kate's basement laboratory by the Papal Knights. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**Inexplicable**

"Grr... Why did I let them take the Professor and Genis? I should've stopped them!"

**"Cool down Lloyd, you can't beat yourself up over this. Even if you did attack back there, they had you outnumbered."**

"So what? They're just normal humans! I fought two of the Seraphim of Cruxis and survived, a pack of Papal Knights should've been nothing to me!"

**"Huh, well if you say it like that... It does make you seem pretty pathetic."**

"How can you make jokes at a time like this? They're going to kill Genis and Raine!"

**"You got a better idea? Keep freaking out like that and you won't be able to save anybody. You need to calm down and think for a second, Lloyd."**

"... You're right."

**" Of course I am. Now let's think of a way out of here."**

"Yeah, let's go."

* * *

AN: Seriously, Lloyd went up against Yggdrasil and lived to tell the tale. Depending on how good you are, he beat Remiel and Kratos too! What would a bunch of armored humans do to hinder him? Nothing, that's what. So then why did he let the Papal Knights take his friends away? Blame the Almighty Plot, creator of holes and improbable situations for the sake of story development.

* * *


	344. Filthy Rich and Morally Superior

Disclaimer: They are without meaning!

AN: This would play after Vharley is killed and Regal is revealed as "El Presidente." Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Regal is italic_, and **_Raine is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Filthy Rich and Morally Superior**

"Hey Regal, I was wondering... Just what does Lezareno Corporation do?"

**"Yeah, I've been curious about that too. I've heard about your company all my life, but I've never really known what it's all about."**

_"Is that so? My secrets were safe even from a ninja of Mizuho. Hm, it seems I have nothing to fear from corporate espionage then..."_

**"I-It's only because we never started a real investigation! You seemed legit to us."**

_"And my company is. Lezareno Corp is first and foremost an architecture and engineering firm. However, we also work with programming and experimental technologies, do banking and investing, develop new inventions and improve old ones, run several mines and chemical refineries across Tethe'alla, and have a hand in the pharmaceutical industry. Then, alongside all that, are many non-profit ventures as well."_

"So... You do just about everything."

**"And you're filthy rich because of it."**

_"In short, yes."_

**_"How about the Exsphere trade? It seemed to me that quite a bit of your operation was in the creation of technology that utilized Exspheres."_**

_"No. That was all Vharley's work. I halted all my company's dealings with Exspheres once I learned of what they did to innocent people."_

**_"I see."_**

"Go Regal! Filthy rich and morally superior!"

_"..."_

**"Uh, Lloyd, that didn't sound very complimentary." (Sweat drop)**

"It didn't? Oh, sorry..."

* * *

AN: What does Lezareno Corp do? Why, everything, of course! (It's Wayne Enterprises...)

* * *


	345. Bottle It Up

Disclaimer: I may one day decide to do away with disclaimers completely!

AN: Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, and **_Colette is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Bottle It Up**

_"Colette is really something. She's always so happy!"_

"Heh. That's Colette, all right. Always smiling."

_"Tell me about it. You know, in all this time we've spent traveling together, I don't think I've seen her get upset once."_

**"Now that you mention it, I don't think I've ever seen her lose her temper either, ever. And I've known her for years!"**

"That's just how Colette is, she doesn't get angry about anything."

**"But what if she does, Lloyd? Everyone gets mad sometimes! What if Colette has been secretly getting mad about stuff for all these years and just bottling it up inside?"**

_"On boy, I hope she hasn't been doing that. It's unhealthy. If she's been bottling up her feelings for years, then she's likely to explode at any second."_

"Y-You think so?"

_"Yeah, it's simple psychology. Supressed anger is like a ticking time bomb. Anything might set Colette off."_

**"That's crazy!"**

**_(Enter) "Hey you guys, what're you talking about?" (Grin)_**

**"Ah, it's Colette!" (Exit)**

"Ah! H-Hi, Colette. I've got to go, ah, get Genis. I'll see you later!" (Exit)

**_"What's going on, Sheena? Why are Lloyd and Genis acting so weird? I don't understand..."_**

_"... Don't worry about it, it's nothing. They're just being silly, and certainly not because of anything I said." (Sweatdrop)_

**_"Oh, okay...?"_**

* * *

AN: Poor Colette, so out of the loop. Anyway, I've found myself listening to the Bee Gees again for no apparent reason. How does that keep happening...? Thanks for the idea, Crow T. R0bot!

* * *


	346. Presea the Older Woman

Disclaimer: And that day is... Next update! This is the very last of my wacky Z-Skit Theater disclaimers, so enjoy it.

AN: This would play once you find out how old Presea is. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**,_ Sheena is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Presea the Older Woman**

"Wow, I can't believe Presea is actually in her twenties."

_"Tell me about it. I know Cruxis Crystals can stop aging, but it's still pretty shocking."_

**"... It's not that big of a deal..." **

"Really? You don't mind that she's older than you? It's a big difference..."

**"She's only technically older than me. Besides, age doesn't really matter." (Blush) **

**_"Well, well, well. It looks like our little Genis is into older women. Then again, most women are older than him..." _**

**"Z-Zelos!" (Blush)**

* * *

AN: Presea is mentally twenty-eight, physically twelve. (That actually sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me...) And it's true, most women are older than Genis, poor little guy... Thanks for the idea NightmareSyndrom!

* * *


	347. Double Standards

AN: This would play after you see skit 324 "Ymir Fruit." Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Regal is italic_.

* * *

**Double Standards**

**"... Say Regal, do you think the Ymir Fruit would go good in any of our recipes?"**

_"I don't see why not. It might be good in a fruit salad, or maybe it could be rendered down into a glaze for meats."_

**"That's what I was thinking. What about stewing it and serving it over shortcake?"**

_"Perhaps. Of course, we have no idea what the fruit tastes like. It may be too bitter or sour for our purposes."_

"Hey, why do you two get to talk about cooking the Ymir Fruit when I got in trouble for talking about eating it?"

**"Because life's unfair? Me and Regal are the ones who make sure you get good stuff to eat. We can talk about whatever we want."**

"Aww..."

_"I'm sorry, Lloyd. It truly is a double standard."_

* * *

AN: It's something I've noticed. When no one else is willing to cook or when no one else can cook decently, the chefs get to make the rules. Hm... Thanks for the idea, RevivedSin!

* * *


	348. The Swordsman Without His Soul

AN: This would play after Kratos betrays you for the first time and Zelos joins your party, if you have the three swords Zelos mentions in your inventory. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**.

* * *

**The Swordsman Without His Soul**

**"Man, Kratos sure had good taste in blades. Steel Sword, Stiletto, Hydra Dagger... All classic and elegant."**

"I guess."

**"And he had so many of them! What a collection! It must have hurt to leave them behind."**

"Yeah. I know he betrayed us, but I kind of feel sorry for Kratos and how he had to abandon all his swords when he left."

**"I understand what you mean. A swordsman's soul is in his blade."**

"And now Kratos doesn't have his. He's missing his soul! Just like Colette."

**"Now I'm feeling sorry for him too..."**

"..."

**"... Well, there is a bright side, you know."**

"There is?"

**"Sure! Since Kratos isn't here to use his swords, that means I get to keep all of them for myself. Lucky!"**

(Sigh) "You know, for a minute there I thought I was starting to like you, Zelos..." (Black squiggly)

* * *

AN: Poor Kratos, having to leave everything behind becomes so much worse when a passel of lovely swords is a large part of "everything."

* * *


	349. It's Sweet, So Sweet!

AN: I'm just a little creeped out right now. There's a little bird sitting on the roof outside my window, cute as can be, but it's been there for a couple hours now and it won't stop screaming at me... Anyway, it's time for my annual trip off to the frigid north once again. I've got until this Sunday, then I'll be away for a week, so until then I'm going to try and overload you guys with skits. Sound good?

This would play if you have Presea cook curry. Presea is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**It's Sweet, So Sweet!**

"Dinner is served."

**"All right! I can't wait to taste your curry, Presea. It smells so good!"**

"Thank you. This is my first time making Curry. How does it taste?"

**"... It's, ah..."**

"Is something wrong?"

**"No! N-no. It's just... Your curry is sweet. It reminds me of how Raine makes it..."**

"I see. I cannot substitute White Satay for Red Satay when making Curry."

**"You substituted ingredients in the recipe your first time cooking it? Wow, you really do cook like Raine!"**

"..."

**"That's okay though, I can cook for us both."**

"Yes. You're a very good chef, Genis."

**"Ah, t-thanks, P-Presea." (Blush)**

* * *

AN: It has been brought to my attention that Presea's cooking skill is only slightly better than Raine's. What would our little gourmet Genis think? And why does no one pick on Presea as much as Raine for her inedible cooking? This idea comes from the brilliant, twisted mind of Kusabi Makabe. Thanks!

* * *


	350. Cut It Out!

AN: It's chapter 350! Some of you may have been wondering why I didn't start my customary big-chapter countdown back at chapter 340. (Maybe? Did anyone even notice...?) I didn't start a countdown this time around because, well... I forgot. Yup, I totally lost track of the time... Anyway, this means I'm seven eigths of the way to my goal. Wahoo!

This would play if you activate a Z-Skit, then exit out of it in the middle ten times.. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Sheena is italic._

* * *

**Cut It Out!**

_"Hey, are you all right, Lloyd?"_

**"Yeah, you look like something's really bothering you."**

"It's just so frustrating! It'd be great if once and a while I was able to actually finish a conversation without being interrupted by some jerk with their finger on the B button!" (Shout!)

**"What are you talking about? What's a 'B button'?" (Startled)**

_"I don't know. He sounds delirious... Maybe we should get Raine."_

"N-No, I'm fine. Don't worry. Forget I said anything..." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: And the fourth wall crumbles... Sometimes- Well, most of the time really- I get tired of seeing that a Z-skit is waiting to play so I activate it, then immediately exit. (I already know what all the skits are, it's my business to know, and I'd rather just play...) I think the characters must eventually get upset with me for cutting them off all the time. Thanks for the idea, Kakistocrat!

* * *


	351. Family Ties

AN: This would play after you learn that Kratos is Lloyd's father and he returns to the party. Lloyd is normal and **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Family Ties**

"Hey, what're you thinking about, Genis?"

**"Lloyd... What would happen if Raine and Kratos got married?"**

(Laughing) "Get real, you know that would never happen."

**"Quit laughing Lloyd, I'm serious! You saw how close they got when we first started out, before Kratos betrayed us..."**

"I'm serious too Genis, you don't have to worry. That will never happen. Raine hardly trusts Kratos at all anymore. She might respect his advice and strategy, but there's no hope for a relationship there, even I can see that."

**"..."**

"Fine. You don't have to believe me, but stop worrying, okay? Even if they did get married, would it really be so bad having me as a stepbrother?"

**"Heh, I guess not. But... You wouldn't be my stepbrother, Lloyd."**

"Huh? Sure I would! I'm Kratos' son and you're Raine's- Oh."

**"That's right, I'd be your uncle!" (Laughing) "It'd be weird, but... Uncle Genis, I think I like the sound of that."**

"But you're younger than me, that's not fair!"

* * *

AN: As Death Skater pointed out to me, in a Kratos/Raine relationship, Genis wouldn't be a stepbrother to Lloyd but an uncle. Why do people seem to forget that? Raine's not that motherly... Is she?

* * *


	352. She's A Maniac!

AN: This would play if you change the difficulty level up to mania mode before you reach the Martel Temple. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Genis is italic_.

* * *

**She's A Maniac! **

"What gives? The monsters around here were never this strong before!"

_"What're we going to do? If we keep going like this, we'll never make it to the Temple." _

**"But we have to! Everyone's counting on me to receive the Oracle." (Determined!) **

_"Colette, only a maniac would keep fighting these monsters!" _

**"Well, then we'll just have to be maniacs, won't we?" (Happy lines) **

"You... Probably shouldn't look so happy saying things like that, Colette..."

* * *

AN: Mania mode... Why? Bragging rights? Masochism? Really, I want to know. Why?

* * *


	353. Chilly, M'Dear?

AN: And I'm back! Hope you guys didn't miss me too much. This would play the first time you summon Celsius in the Flanoir area. Sheena is normal, **Zelos is bold**, and _Celsius is italic_.

* * *

**Chilly, M'Dear?**

**"... ... ... Hehehe..."**

"Zelos...?"

_"Hmph. What're you looking at?"_

**"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all."**

_"Oh please, like I'm going to believe that."_

**"All right, you caught me. I was just wondering, don't you ever get chilly wearing an outfit like that in the artic? You're looking a little blue. You may catch a cold of you're not careful!"**

_"... Sheena, why do you put up with this joker?" (Black squiggly)_

"Honestly, I'm not sure." (Sweat drop)

_(Sigh) "I've given my power to a pack of idiots..." (Exit)_

**"Sheesh, what an ice queen! I've heard of playing it cool, but I've never met anyone more frigid."**

"Seriously Zelos, cut it out already." (Black squiggly)

**"Heheh."**

* * *

AN: So many puns... X3

* * *


	354. Master Levin's Ultimate Technique

AN: This would play after you see Regal's (Hadoken!) mana beam technique and learn about Regal's master Levin. Regal is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Master Levin's Ultimate Technique**

**"Your master Levin... He must have really been something."**

"Yes. He was an amazing man. To listen to him and watch him fight was inspiring. I would not have survived in prison without his help."

**"You know, I've seen enough of Tethe'allan martial arts to know that you guys can do some awesome stuff. I wonder, did Levin have a super-special move or something that even you never learned?"**

"Actually, yes. He did."

**"I knew it! He could shoot energy beams from his feet, couldn't he?"**

"Not quite... The skill Levin had that I could never master was that he could comb his hair using only his feet."

**"..."**

"Of course, he had much less hair to comb than I."

**"..."**

"Lloyd, are you all right?"

**"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I was just trying to figure out how somebody would be able to move like that. It sounds so weird."**

"An understatement. It looked... ... Every master has their quirks."

**"I guess..."**

* * *

AN: This idea comes from Artificer, who has an unhealthy obsession with Levin's feet. (Kidding!) But really, I had a bundle of fun with this idea. (Doing the research was a bear, but now I can hold a brush with my toes.) Thanks!

* * *


	355. Taking Advantage of Trust

AN: Agh, it's been how long since I last updated?! (Weren't y'all supposed to yell at me if I got lax in my duties and slacked off like this...?) Anyway, this would play after defeating a skeleton who drops meat as spoils. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Sheena is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Taking Advantage of Trust**

**_"W-What the-? How'd that get there?"_**

"Something wrong, Sheena?"

**_"That skeleton we just killed... It dropped a slab of meat."_**

**"Hey, it's a pretty good cut too. I bet I could make something really delicious with this."**

_"So you're just going to cook it without pausing to wonder just where that meat came from? Aren't you the least bit curious as to why a skeleton had a steak?"_

**"Well yeah, of course I am, but I'm hungry too."**

_"... I have a feeling the skeleton was as well..."_

"What do you mean, Professor?"

**_"A skeleton, hungry? You're not making any sense, Raine."_**

_"I assume you all realize a skeleton should not be able to drop meat after being defeated as it has no flesh of its own."_

**"Duh! That's what makes it a skeleton."**

_"However, this skeleton did, so we must assume that the meat came from somewhere else. Most likely a poor creature that was slain by the skeleton before we ran across it."_

"Okay, I get your point... But then how's this steak different from any of the other ones we've picked up?"

**"Yeah sis, I don't think any of the bears we've killed went to grocery stores to buy the meat they dropped."**

**_"Sorry Raine, I don't see a problem either."_**

_"The problem is that, unlike the other monsters we've killed, a skeleton is an undead creature similar to zombies, ghouls, and demons. Need I remind you what they eat?"_

**"Brains!"**

**_"Corpses."_**

"People..."

_"Exactly. Now, faced with that knowledge, and the knowledge that the skeleton's eating habits are likely to follow suit with other undead creatures, do you really think it wise to eat that unidentified piece of meat?"_

"H-Hold on, Professor! Are you saying that steak might have been someone?!"

_"Very good, Lloyd. You got it on the first try."_

**"That's horrible! Eaten by a skeleton..."**

"Come on, Genis. Let's give this steak a proper burial." (Exit)

**"Yeah. Whoever this is deserves it." (Exit)**

**_"... Are you sure that meat used to be a person, Raine? It looked like normal beef to me."_**

_"Well, there is a chance..."_

**_"But you're not positive."_**

_"..."_

**_"If you wanted spaghetti for dinner instead of steak, you could have just said so. You didn't have to scare and depress the guys like that."_**

_"... I'm sorry."_

* * *

AN: I have a beef with skeletons dropping meat. (HAHAHAHAHA!) So, I must remind all ye learn'ed folk out there to use your education for good, not for fooling poor saps when the opportunity arises. (No matter how fun it is...)

* * *


	356. The Secret Ingredient

AN: So... I was supposed to be back in college yesterday, but as most of the Professors at my school are on strike, (Because the administrators are shady bastards who are trying to decrease professors' salaries, health benefits, and do away with tenure; even though there seems to be enough funds in the school's coffers to do several large-scale construction projects to make the campus look prettier and let the President give himself a forty percent raise. I believe he's making about **four hundred thousand dollars** a year right now... Bastard!) classes are cancelled indefinitely until the Prof's union and the administration make a deal. I never thought I'd be this upset about having my summer vacation extended.

The moral here: Be aware of your school's policies concerning your money. Does your thirteen percent tuition rate hike go towards hiring the best teachers they can get and ensuring you get a good education? Or does it pay for redesigning the sidewalk layout so the campus can have a cute rose garden outside the student center? (Extreme black squiggly)

... (Deep breath) Okay. Thanks for bearing with the rant. (I always feel a little better after ranting against injustice!) Now... This would play after you eat the cookies Genis baked Colette for her birthday. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Colette is italic_.

* * *

**The Secret Ingredient**

"Hey Genis, how do these cookies work? They're cookies, so they're junk food, but they're really nutritious too. I thought junk food was supposed to be bad for you."

**"It is, but my cookies aren't you average junk food. I use a super-special secret ingredient in them that makes them healthy."**

"Cool! What is it, Genis?"

_"I bet the secret ingredient is love!"_

"Huh?"

_"It is, right Genis? You cook everything with lots of love, so it's extra healthy!" (Happy lines)_

**"Uh, yeah. I do, but the secret ingredient is actually whole wheat flour. I use it instead of regular baking flour because it's better for you." (Sweat drop)**

_"Oh. Hehehe."_

* * *

AN: Wowza, a skit where Colette tied for the most lines! That almost never happens... Oh, and yes, I know there's a skit like this in Vesperia and no, that wasn't the inspiration for this. Loople-doo!

* * *


	357. Fasting Food

AN: This would play after you open the first seal if you cook a dish that gives an attack bonus. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold.**

* * *

**Fasting Food**

"Hey Colette, I just noticed you look... Stronger. Have you been training or something?"

**"Nope. But you're right, I feel really strong! It must be because of that yummy meal we just had." (Happy lines)**

"Huh? But you didn't eat any of it."

**"O-Of course I did. I ate all of it!" (Nervous)**

"Colette, I saw you sneaking your portion to Noishe when Kratos and Raine were looking away."

**"Oh, so you saw that... Hehe, oops!"**

"Hehe. Don't worry about it. I know you haven't had much of an appetite lately, and it was Raine's cooking so I don't blame you. But Genis is making dinner tonight, so if you're still not hungry by then, give me your leftovers instead of Noishe, okay?" (Grin)

**"Okay!"**

"Thanks!" (Exit)

**"... I didn't eat any food, but I still feel like I did...? What's happening to me?"**

* * *

AN: After the first seal Colette doesn't eat, but she still gets bonuses from the food just like the other party members. How does that work? (On an unrelated note: Among my friends I often serve much the same purpose as Noishe does here. Why yes, I will eat those last six slices of pizza! Got any more breadsticks?) Thanks for the idea, Heronica!

* * *


	358. Split It Eight Ways

AN: Strike's over! I'm back in class, learning about what makes humans tick, poisons, and invasive earthworm species. Seriously. I have awesome (and exceptionally demanding) classes.

This would play near the end of the game if you have eight hundred thousand gald after rebuilding Luin. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic_, **_Genis is bold and italic_**, Regal is underlined, **Presea is bold and underlined**, _Sheena is italic and underlined_, and **_Zelos is bold, italic, and underlined_**. (Sheesh... Eight charatcers again? Sorry!)

* * *

**(Split It Eight Ways)**

"You know, we've got all this gald and we're probably not going to spend it all before our journey ends... What'll we do with it?"

_"Well we all had a part in earning it. Why don't we all take a share? Even split eight ways that's at least a hundred thousand gald for each of us."_

**_"Wow! With that kind of money we could rebuild our house, sis! With a giant kitchen and library, of course..."_**

_"And I would be able to finance archeological expeditions to ruins all over the world."_

**"I could adopt every stray puppy in the world! I'd have to ask grandma first though..."**

_"I'd probably use most of my share to help support Mizuho while we move from Tethe'alla to Sylvarant. It takes a while to get back in business after a move."_

**_"Well, I'm already filthy rich so I guess I'd give most of my share to a good cause. Maybe improving the Meltokio slums..."_**

_"That's very generous of you, Zelos-"_

**_"Or I could take a few thousand hunnies out on the town!" (Wide grin)_**

_"I knew it was too good to be true." (Sweat drop)_

**_"Hey, who says I can't do both?"_**

"Since I am also independently wealthy, I would likely donate my portion of the gald to charity as well."

"Wow, you guys have plans already? I've got no idea what I'd do with that much money."

**"What about you, Presea? You haven't said anything yet. What would you do with all that gald?"**

**"... I would buy a shop, and sell ice cream."**

**"R-really?"**

**"Yes. It would be fun."**

"Heh, I guess it would."

_"It sounds like a blast."_

**_"I know! You could use the sweets my hunnies are always giving me for ice cream toppings, free of charge for my Little Presea!"_**

_"And I could help you develop some interesting new flavors."_

"I would be happy to assist in any accounting or advertising matters, if you would like."

**_"And I'll be your first customer, Presea!"_**

**_"Volunteering to eat ice cream? How noble, Genis."_**

**_"S-Shut up, Zelos..."_**

* * *

AN: Really, that's a lot of cash they have at the end of the game. (At least I usually have a small fortune saved, being so cheap throughout the whole game...) It's good to have a solid plan on how to spend it. Thanks for the idea go to Unmortem!

* * *


	359. A Very Solid Investment

AN: This would play after you equip Sheena with the Money Bags. (Her weapon from the Fighting Spirit weapon shop in rebuilt Luin.) Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold.**

* * *

**A Very Solid Investment**

"Okay, let me get this straight... You're going to fill those two sacks up with all the gald we have, then hit people with them?"

**"Yeah, pretty much."**

"That's... The best thing I've ever heard! We've got so much gald, it's about time we made it start fighting for us!" (Happy lines, self-assured)

**"You've been listening to Regal talk about investing again, haven't you?" (Sweat drop)**

* * *

AN: Really now. Investing money or getting interest from it sitting in a bank is fine, but bashing an enemy over the head with twenty pounds of gald is the pinnacle of having your money "work for you." In other news, Sheena's Money Bags, which are actually just a pair of giant improvised blackjacks, are totally awesome. If you listen closely, they make a clinking noise when they score a hit. (Or maybe not. I could just be imagining the sound effect on the premise of it being amazing, but I'm pretty sure they do.)

* * *


	360. More More More

AN: This would play if, some time after the reconstruction of Luin begins, you have nearly (within five hundred) the maximum amount of gald possible. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Regal is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**More More More**

"All right, let's go earn some more gald!"

**"Uh, Lloyd, don't you think we've got enough gald already? "**

**_"Yes, our current assets are more than enough to fund our journey. We should devote what time we have to more useful pursuits."_**

"It's not for us, it's for rebuilding Luin. Fixing everything is going to take a lot of money, we can't just leave those people to work it out on their own!"

_"I agree, Lloyd, but you have to remember that we have quite a lot of gald right now. If we earn much more, we won't be able to carry it all back to Luin."_

**"Yeah, we don't need to get any more. There's already plenty we can give!"**

**_"The desire for more and more money is a dangerous thing. Be careful, Lloyd."_**

"H-hey now, I'm not going to go crazy with greed or anything. I just want to help..."

* * *

AN: I've never bothered to earn the maximum amount of gald possible, but BabyKatSnophlake says it's ninety-nine million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine. Just one gald short of being able to buy the pass to "legally" travel through Hakonesia Peak. (Just what sort of authority does that junkman have that he can bar the pass? Huh? Huh?! That avaricious old coot...) Thanks for the idea, Sora no Hoshi!

* * *


	361. I've Got This Feeling

AN: This would play late in the game if you've set each of the party members as your avatar character at least once. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Regal is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**I've Got This Feeling...**

"Do you guys ever feel like we're being watched?"

**"Yeah, all the time, but I'm pretty sure that's just Zelos..." (Black squiggly)**

_"Why, Lloyd? Do you think we're being followed?"_

**_"If you suspect an enemy is near, you should tell us."_**

"No, it's not like that. I don't think they mean us any harm, it's just really creepy... I've felt like someone was spying on me ever since the day Colette recieved the Oracle. Whoever it is, they've been watching our every move no matter where we are or what we're doing."

**_"Hm... I've experienced that during our journey as well. An unsettling feeling of being watched..."_**

**"Now that you mention it, I've felt that too, even when nobody was around to ogle me."**

_"Me too. It sounds like you may be onto something, Lloyd."_

"Well, I'm glad it's not just me, but it still freaks me out."

**"I know what you mean. What kind of person would want to follow us around and watch us like that? is it some kind of game to them?"**

"Nah, that can't be it. There's no way we're that entertaining... Right?"

* * *

AN: As I've said before, I won't be satisfied until the fourth wall lies in rubble at my feet! And I've felt that creepy-weird sensation of being watched before too, probably because I wore my Renfest garb to the mall.

* * *


	362. Walk On Water

AN: This would play after you buy a pair of Water Spider boots in Mizuho. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**.

* * *

**Walk On Water**

"So these boots are what let ninja walk on water...?"

**"That's right. We use them to cross moats during missions."**

"I wonder what it's like to walk right across a river. It's got to be fun! How do you put these things on, Sheena? I want to try!"

**"Hold on, Lloyd. It's not that-"**

"Looks like you tighten these straps and fasten this buckle..."

**"Wait, it looks easy but-"**

"There! All right, it's water-walking ti- Agh!" (Splash, splutter)

**"Lloyd!"**

(Pant, pant) "W-What? Why'd I fall in? Ugh, I'm soaked... I think these boots are broken, Sheena."

**"No, they're not..." (Sweat drop) "I tried to tell you, using Water Spiders is harder than it looks. Even ninjas have to train for a long time before they're able to do it."**

"Oh... Hey, will you train me then?"

**"I-I never said I could do it either!" (Blush)**

* * *

AN: Here's lookin' at you Mythbusters! And you too moonraez, thanks for the idea!

* * *


	363. Tragically Jaded

AN: This would play once you learn about everyone's unfortunate pasts. Lloyd is normal,** Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_,**_ Colette is bold and italic_**, Kratos is underlined, **Sheena is bold and underlined**,_ Zelos is italic and underlined_, **_Regal is bold italic and underlined_**, and [Presea is normal with brackets.] (These things: [ ])

Yes. There are nine speakers. Nine. (Cry...) I was going to go wild and stick Yuan in there too, but enough is enough and in this case, probably already too much.

* * *

**(Tragically Jaded)**

"Hey, what's wrong, Genis? You look really down."

**"Well... ... Lloyd, why don't any of us have a happy past?"**

"What do you mean? I had a happy past. I had a great childhood with Dirk!"

**"Yeah, but before that... Your Exsphere... You know."**

"Oh, you're right..."

**"And me and Raine, we're orphans too. We suffered through a lot before we got to Iselia."**

_"Yes, but we always had each other, didn't we Genis? And once we arrived in Iselia we were finally able to have a home."_

**_"Don't worry, Genis! Even if your past is sad, that doesn't mean things can't get better."_**

**"Uh, that's not-"**

_"Hold on. I think I get what the brat's trying to say. It's true that we've all had some good and bad in our lives, but isn't it weird how we've all had at least one hugely bad thing? Like how I lost my mom and Sheena-hunny here did her village in."_

**"Would a little delicacy hurt?! Idiot Chosen... But you're right. We're a bunch of unfortunate misfits. Is that what you meant, Genis?"**

**"Yeah. Pretty much. We're orphans, Presea lost her whole family, and Regal and Kratos were forced to kill the women they loved... The only one of us with a really happy past is Colette, and that's only because it's her future that's unhappy."**

_"... Heh. Seems like none of us can catch a break."_

**"Zelos!"**

**_"No, it's all right."_**

"We can't be upset with him for being truthful, no matter how painful it may be."

**"I guess... Still, a little more tact please?"**

_"We all have been extremely unlucky."_

["... This... This sounds horrible, but..."]

"What's that, Presea?"

**_"Don't worry, you can tell us anything."_**

["... I know I'm not very emotional, and hearing about my family still hurts, but when I hear about all the bad things that have happened to all of us... I don't feel anything. It's horrible of me."]

_"No it's not. It's natural."_

**"What?"**

**_"Explain yourself."_**

_"Well, when you hear about all of our individual tragedies on their own, it's sad. But listen to them all together in a list and you get overloaded. It doesn't seem quite as bad that way."_

**"That-! ... That actually makes a lot of sense, in a nonsensical way."**

**_"I agree, how bizarre..."_**

"It seems we're jaded when it comes to tragedy."

_"That's very perceptive of you, Zelos."_

**"So as long as we stick together, all the bad stuff we've been though isn't as bad?"**

**_"That's right!"_**

"Guess we have to stick together then, don't we?"

* * *

AN: No, this time it's not funny. Anyway, I've noticed this phenomenon... When a single character has a tragic back story, I sympathize heavily with the character. But when every member of a story's cast has a tragic past, I stop thinking "Aw, how sad..." and start thinking "Sheesh, another one?" Of course, in ToS I love every character enough that this doesn't happen. It's more of a Naruto thing...

Does that happen to anyone else? Is there anyone besides me who gets burned out on tragic stories or am I just a really horrible person?

On a lighter note: Now that there are nine speakers, if their portraits were arranged in a Z-Skit, it would look just like the Brady Bunch. (Kratos would be Alice!)

Oh, and thanks to The Sage of Spirits and Kusabe Makabe for the ideas!

* * *


	364. We Can Count

AN: This would play when you first see the coffins in the Tower of Salvation. Lloyd is normal,** Sheena is bold**.

* * *

**We Can Count**

**"This is awful. All those people..."**

"This is wrong."

**"Yeah. I couldn't believe in a goddess that would let this happen to her people."**

"No, I mean this is really wrong. When Colette first accepted the Oracle Remiel said she was the just the seventh Chosen. Even if each of the six Chosen before her had a group traveling with them, there shouldn't be this many bodies. Where did all these coffins come from? ... Do you think they might just be for decoration?"

**"... I don't know. I guess that's one more thing for us to ask Remiel when we see him."**

"Yeah."

* * *

AN: I say those things in the Tower of Salvation aren't actually coffins. My theory is that to pass the time in Welgaia, Mithos took up carpentry as a hobby and started making coffin-shaped armoires. When they started running out of space to store the things on Derris-Kharlan, the angels decided to stick all of their Lord's completed projects in the Tower because it was open. Excellent idea, Twy.

* * *


	365. Zelos' Immaturity

AN: And now I balance the previous, relatively heavy topics with an exceptionally immature punchline! Wheeee! This would play after the duel with Kratos in the Torent Forest and you get the Material Blades. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**,_ Genis is italic_, **_Zelos is bold and italic_**, and Sheena is underlined.

* * *

**Zelos' Immaturity**

**"Now you're the lucky one, Lloyd!"**

"What are you talking about?"

**"Dirk and Kratos, silly. When we were first starting out on our journey you told me I was lucky to have two fathers that loved me. Now I get to say it to you!"**

**_"Hm? What's this about two fathers now?"_**

_"Back in Sylvarant before we knew better, that jerk Remiel let us think he was Colette's real father. Because of that we said she had two. Remiel, her angelic father, and Frank, who's actually her dad."_

"That's kind of ironic, isn't it? Colette's real dad is the one she grew up with, while Lloyd's real dad is the angel."

"I never thought about it that way. I guess it is..."

**_"Hehehe..."_**

"What is it now, Zelos?"

**_"Colette and Lloyd have two daddies."_**

"OH GROW UP!" (SLAP! Black squiggly)

_"Uh, I'm confused..."_

**"What was that all about?"**

"I have no idea..."

* * *

AN: For the record, this was all Crow T. Rob0t's idea, I swear!

* * *


	366. Overwhelming Enthusiasm

AN: To answer your question, anon, yes. Yes I have. Ufufufu... This would play at the end of the game after Lloyd gets his wings. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold.**

* * *

**Overwhelming Enthusiasm**

**"Um... Lloyd?"**

"Yeah, Genis?"

**"Could I see your wings?"**

"Oh, sure."

**"Wow! That's so cool, Lloyd!"**

"Heh. Yeah, they are pretty neat-"

**"I can't believe it! Wow!"**

"Hey, calm down, Genis. Stop jumping around, you might break something."

**"Sorry Lloyd, it's just so cool! I can't help but be excited!"**

(Sigh) "So this is what Colette had to deal with at the Fire Seal... I'm starting to feel like collapsing too." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: Now, I know someone suggested this idea to me a long, long time ago, but I was dumb and didn't take down their name at the time. Now I can't remember who said it. But still, thanks for the idea, O Mystery Contributor! You rock!

* * *


	367. Adorably Blobby

AN: This would play in the Darkness Temple after you collect the fifth Mini-Shadow. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, and the_ Mini-Shadows are italic_.

* * *

**Adorably Blobby**

"It's a shame that we've got to reform Shadow to make the pact. I kinda like these little shadow guys."

**"I know what you mean. They're kind of cute. The way they follow us around reminds me of little puppies, only blobby and made out of dark mana."**

_(Blob)_

"You know, maybe after you make the pact with Shadow you can ask him to split apart again. Then we could have the little shadows back."

**"Maybe, but I don't think it works that way."**

"Aw, man... I'll miss you guys."

_(Blob blob blob)_

* * *

AN: I love the Mini-Shadows in the Darkness Temple. Yes, they can be irritating to lead around, but they're also absolutely adorable! Like tiny, blobby shadow puppies that follow you everywhere. I want one. Thanks to the idea wrong light! (I still think that it's very ironic that you gave me an idea about the Shadow Temple...)

* * *


	368. Loopholes

AN: Hehe... A reliable update schedule? What's that? (Ahem) This would play after you learn the reason behind Regal's shackles and hear his vow. Regal is normal,** Lloyd is bold.**

* * *

**Loopholes**

**"Regal, there's still something I don't understand about you..." **

"Is that so? Even now that you know my story?"

**"Yeah. You swore never to use your hands to kill again, and that's why you wear those shackles, I understand that. But if killing with your hands is bad, then how is killing with your feet any better? I don't get why you would make your vow of non-violence so, so..." **

"Open-ended?"

**"Exactly." **

"I knew that even if I would never fight with my hands again, I would still need some way to defend myself and protect those I loved. I crafted my vow to reflect that."

**"Oh, so it was on purpose then." **

"Yes, like lawyers and politicians, businessmen are trained to create, seek, and exploit loopholes."

**"At least you're doing it for a good reason..." **

* * *

AN: Honestly, that's one heck of a loophole Regal's got there. No killing with his hands? Okay, he'll just use his heavy, iron-clad boots to bludgeon his foes to death. He can wreak all the havoc he wants and, as long as he uses his feet, he can keep his vow.

* * *


	369. Injecting Interest

AN: Phew... I have three consecutive exams this week (that I should be studying for right now instead of posting this), plus two lab reports to finish (that I should really be working on right now instead of posting this), plus two term papers for ecology and physiology that need writing. ( A five and a twelve-pager respectively, that I really, _really_ should be getting sources for right now instead of posting this.) I... Could really use some homework gnomes to lend a hand on all this. Hell, I'd even settle for homework gnomelettes. They may be rude and abrasive, but they get the job done!

(In case you haven't guessed already, this is another academic skit...) This would play in the area around the Balacruf Mausoleum. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Colette is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Injecting Interest**

_"All right, I finished grading the history quizzes you took yesterday."_

**"All right!"**

"Oh no..."

**_"Don't worry Lloyd, I'm sure you didn't do too bad- Wow! Good job Genis, you got a prefect score!"_**

"And I failed..." (Sigh)

**"Who didn't see that coming?"**

"Shut up, Genis."

_"Stop picking on Lloyd, Genis."_

**"Aw..."**

_"Lloyd, because you did so poorly on the last quiz, I've decided to let you try and retake it in a different format. An oral exam with one question. If you answer it satisfactorily, I'll give you a passing grade."_

**_"Do you really think taking the quiz again will help, Professor?"_**

"Yeah, if I couldn't do it before, why should I be able to do it now? It's not like I've been studying or anything."

**"Hehe. We already know that..."**

_"Yes. If my hypothesis is correct, then taking the make-up quiz I've prepared should help you quite a bit, Lloyd."_

"Well, okay. I'll give it a shot."

**_"I'm so excited!"_**

**"What've you got up your sleeve, sis?"**

_"During the Olfe Uprising, the rebel soldiers from Asgard took refuge from the imperial army inside the Balacruf Mausoleum. Lloyd, I want you to tell me everything you know about the battle and the tactics employed by both sides."_

**_"That's hard! I don't remember that at all..."_**

**"I don't either. The Olfe Uprising was a really boring lesson, even I was half-asleep."**

_"..." (Sweat drop)_

"I fell asleep during all that political stuff too, but I remember the battle. It was cool! The imperial army wanted to get the rebels out of the mausoleum so they laid siege to it, but they forgot about the sewers and waterways underneath the building. The rebels used the sewers to sneak some of their soldiers out into the forest around the mausoleum, then used hit and run tactics to take down over half the army's forces before they were caught. The army could have kept attacking, but they retreated since they lost so many men and the rebels won the battle."

_"Congratulations Lloyd, you pass."_

**_"That was so cool, Lloyd!"_**

"Heh. It was, wasn't it?" (Proud smirk)

**"How did you remember all that? You never remember anything!"**

"Ah... I m not really sure. I guess it just wasn't as boring as the rest of the stuff we learned..."

_"Exactly. I reasoned that perhaps, since you excel in battle and strategy, history would be more interesting and easier for you to learn if the material was presented in terms of major battles instead of the more, ah, boring political angle. What do you think, Lloyd?"_

"So... We're going to start talking about famous generals and stuff? Cool! When do we start?"

**_"Lloyd is... Actually excited about a history lesson?"_**

**"I know... If we weren't already on a journey to save it, I would say it's the end of the world."**

* * *

AN: Lloyd is a good warrior and effectively general to the party, so it makes sense that he would have a firm grasp of battle tactics and excel in classes where military strategies played a big role. Thanks to Zesler for the idea! (Also, yay for OVA shout-outs/refs.)

AND OH YEAH! I forgot to mention it up there, but I also have two Halloween costumes to make, as Blackmoon and I are going trick-or-treating this year. Halloween is my favorite holiday evar. EVAR. I love it so much, I'll break my own rules about using proper spelling and abuse of capslock in published works to express my adoration.

FAVORITE. HOLIDAY. EVAR.

* * *


	370. A Jack Of All Trades

AN: Okay! Three exams, one lab, and 1.75 costumes down. That just leaves... No, it's still a lot of stuff. (Sweat drop) But hey, there's a special Halloween mabob in TF2 right now so I'm going to blow off all my work and earn some scarechievements. Yeah!

This would play after you see the skits about the various woodcraft-y things Presea makes. Lloyd is normal,** Genis is bold**, _Presea is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic._**

* * *

**A (Lumber) Jack of All Trades **

"So, you make all that stuff? You're pretty handy, Presea."

**"Brooches, carvings... That's really cool!" **

_"Thank you." _

**_"Hold on, Presea. Isn't there something else you're good at?" _**

_"..." _

"Huh, there's more?"

**"What else do you do?" **

_"... ... ..." _

**_"My little rosebud is a bit shy about her talent, but she can fix anything!" _**

**"Anything? Really?" **

**_"You bet! You know that big stained glass window in the Martel Cathedral? That was smashed to pieces a few years ago and Presea restored it good as new." _**

"Wow, I had no idea! You did a great job, Presea!"

**_"Oh, but that's not all she fixed. She did some work in Sybak for the academy too." _**

"Oh cool, was it something we saw?"

_"... I repaired their malfunctioning particle accelerator." _

**"P-Particle accelerator? I don't even know what that is!" (Shocked) **

"S-Sounds really complicated..." (Stunned)

**_"It is. And the one they have at the academy is an older model that could explode if it's not calibrated perfectly down to the width of an atom. But since Sybak's not in smithereens, I think that means our little Presea did a perfect job." _**

**"The width of an atom?! That's awesome!" **

"Even dad couldn't make something that accurate! Can you show me how you did it? Please?"

_"I... ..." (Sweat drop) _

**_"Hee hee..." _**

* * *

AN: Presea earned the title "Ms. Fixit!" Presea is awesome. Seriously, I don't know why we even have the other party members when all you really need is Presea. Well-educated, exceptionally powerful, stratosphere-high technical skills, and a big axe... Perfect. Thanks for the idea, RevivedSin!

* * *


	371. Very Suave

AN: It's almost Halloween, I can't wait! The costumes are made (complete with fancy, matching loot sacks), I responsibly did my homework so I could have tomorrow free, and there are only... five hours and thirteen minutes left. Marvelous! (Halloween ruin-mode)

In other news, I did pretty well for myself last night in TF2. Got a few scarechievements, a Mildly Disturbing Halloween Mask, and a Ghastly Gibus is sure to follow! Oh, and if anyone wants to come take potshots at me, my Steam ID is Twilight_Scribe. Good luck!

This would play if you have soulmate-level relationships with both Sheena and Zelos. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**, and _Sheena is italic_.

* * *

**Very Suave**

"Hey Zelos... Ugh, no. Never mind."

**"Hold on, what is it, Lloyd?"**

"... I can't believe I'm asking this but... Could you, maybe, give me some tips?" (Blush)

**"Oh, I get it! Don't worry Lloyd, there's no need to be embarrassed. Even the suavest of dudes come to Zelos, the Master of Love, for advice!"**

"Not so loud! Keep it down, would you?" (Sweat drop)

**"No problem, bud. Now, what can I do you for?"**

"I was just wondering how to always say the right thing to a girl."

**"Oh, that's easy! Just act like you care."**

"What?"

**"Yeah. You don't actually have to care, but if you pretend like you do it makes you seem sensitive."**

"That sounds kind of mean..."

**"It really is. But hey, it works. Go on, try it out. Here comes Sheena, ask her how she's doing. mention her clothes or something, show interest."**

_(Enter) "Hey guys, what're you talking about?"_

**"Eh, not much."**

"Hi Sheena, how are you? You look different, is that a new robe?"

_"Oh, yeah. I just got it. Thanks for noticing Lloyd, you're sweet." (Hug, exit)_

"... Wow, that was easy."

**"Told ya! Good job, by the way. Very natural."**

"I don't get it, that's the sort of stuff I usually say. Why did I only get a hug this time?"

**"That, my friend, is the amazing power of my advice."**

"... That still doesn't make sense..."

* * *

AN: This was inspired by a flirting dialog I heard with Zelos' personal EX skill on. Zelos waltzes into the hotel room and asks the lady standing there "How are you, Ma'am?" The lady's reply? ""Oh, my, heehee. You know what to say to a lady." ... Yeah. It's kind of pathetic that she was so easy to please. She gave Zelos eight hundred and forty-one gald for saying that too.

* * *


	372. Gaining Complete Confidence

AN: Hm... This is beginning to feel like a mini-blog up here in my author's notes. I'm not sure I like it. Anyway, Halloween! I'm back from trick-or-treating now with my sack of candy. (Which I plan to make last.) It was fun! There were a ton of kids dressed up as Clone Troopers, which made me laugh because Blackmoon went as a Jedi. (They didn't attack, so I guess Order 66 hasn't been given yet...) Now I just have to protect my haul from the family. My motto is "If you went out in the cold and risked bowling over two-year-olds, then you can have some."

And I swear I'll stop mini-blogging soon. Promise. Now, skit.

This would play in Hima after you learn the party will be riding dragons to the Tower of Salvation. (I can already hear you thinking: "Uh-oh. Nothing good will come of this...") Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, **_Sheena is bold and italic_**, Colette is underlined, and _Kratos is italic and underlined_.

* * *

**Gaining Complete Confidence**

**"Wow! We're going to get to ride dragons, Lloyd!"**

"All the way to the Tower of Salvation. It'll be awesome!"

**_"It'll be different, that's for sure."_**

_"Yes, it will be a new experience for all of us."_

_"Even I have never ridden a dragon before."_

"I wonder if they'll be comfortable... What? The Tower's still pretty far away, so we'll be riding then for a while."

**"Come on Lloyd, it'd just be a case of leg cramps. You've had worse!"**

"Yeah, but what about you or Colette? What if your legs cramped up and you couldn't hold onto the saddle? You'd slide off!"

**"What?! Y-You don't really think the dragons would let us fall, do you?"**

_"That was a concern of mine as well. The rental business is rather new, so how experienced can these dragons be when it comes to carrying passengers?"_

"..."

"What's up, Colette? 'I-'M S-U-R-E E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G W-I-L-L B-E F-I-N-E.' I hope you're right."

**_"I'm a little worried too. Dragons are wild animals. I know they can be trained, but what's to stop them from attacking us or burning stuff?"_**

"..."

"'T-H-E-Y S-A-Y A-N-I-M-A-L-S A-R-E N-I-C-E-R I-F Y-O-U K-N-O-W T-H-E-I-R N-A-M-E-S.'"

**_"Do we know their names?"_**

"..."

"'N-O B-U-T I L-I-K-E T-R-O-G-D-O-R.' Sounds like a good dragon name to me."

**"Trogdor... I like that too. It just sounds right."**

_"It may actually be the dragon's real name. I remember the collars on the other two said Smaug and Glaurung."_

**_"Okay, so no worries there... Um, what about the burning?"_**

"..."

"'W-E-L-L, T-H-E-Y H-A-V-E-N-'T' ... Burninated? What's-? Oh, 'burned'. Sorry, Colette, I got mixed up. They haven't- 'B-U-R-N-E-D A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G Y-E-T.'"

_"The Chosen is correct. While the business is new, the dragons we are renting have been in town for some time now. They haven't burned down the inn or eaten anyone yet, so I'm confident that they won't act up in the few hours that we are together."_

**_"Yeah, you're all right. I guess there's really nothing to worry about."_**

**"We're gonna ride dragons!"**

* * *

AN: Yes, I made a Trogdor joke. I saw a guy wearing a Trogdor T-shirt the other day and had no choice, it had to be done. Note, this is probably the only time Strongbad and Tolkien have been referenced simultaneously.

* * *


	373. A Summoner By Any Other Name

AN: Sorry for the wait, folks. I had to put everything on hold to finish those pesky papers, but now that they're done, I have my life back and you have a new skit. What a relief!

This would play when Sheena makes a pact after you see the skits about Mizuho's two-name tradition. Sheena is normal, **Genis is bold.**

* * *

**A Summoner By Any Other Name**

**"Hey Sheena, I was wondering, if you have two names and you only used one to make all your pacts... What would happen if you tried to make a new pact with your other name?"**

"You mean what would happen if I walked up to a summon and said 'I ask that thou annulst thy pact with Sheena and form a new pact with me,' but used my secret name?"

**"Yeah, do you think they'd fight you again?"**

"Probably not. Summons aren't dumb, they would recognize me. And even if they didn't, I would be carrying a ring of the pact with me. Something like that is hard to miss."

**"So what do you think they'd do?"**

"Probably laugh at me. Who asks to break their own pact? That would be like acing a test then asking the teacher to fail you anyway."

**"Heh. I guess it would be silly, but are you sure? I can't see Shadow laughing if you told him that, or laughing at anything really."**

"... You know, now that you mention it, neither can I..."

* * *

AN: Shadow wouldn't laugh. He's too dark and brooding, like Batman. (I wonder who else I can compare to Batman in this game... Yuan? Botta could be his Alfred, only not as properly British and gentlemanly.) Thanks to Fenix of Light for the idea!


	374. Dragon Rider Games

AN: This would play if you fight five Dragon Riders and Velicodragons, if Kratos is in your party. Lloyd is normal,** Sheena is bold**, and _Kratos is italic_.

* * *

**Dragon Rider Games**

"Ugh, who are those Dragon Rider guys?"

**"I've got no idea, Mizuho hasn't been able to find out anything. I'm seriously getting tired of fighting them."**

_"The Dragon Riders are very mysterious, even with centuries of Cruxis surveillance we know next to nothing about them."_

**"Well, what do you know?"**

"Yeah, I'm curious too."

_"All we've been able to discover is that they're a brotherhood of elite warriors who breed their Velicodragon mounts. And that they enjoy playing polo."_

**"Polo? Don't you need horses for that?"**

_"They play it on dragonback, it's quite entertaining to watch."_

"Dragon-polo? That sounds awesome! ... Do you think we could go back to Hima and rent those flying dragons again?"

**"Do you even know how to play polo, Lloyd?"**

"Nope, but I bet I can learn. Let's go!"

* * *

AN: Hardened warriors, who play polo. Seeing as how polo was originally a training technique for cavalry troops, it actually makes sense! Thanks to Drew L. for the idea!


	375. Horribly Intimidating

AN: Whoo... Okay, no need to worry, folks! I'm not dead, I've just been studying. A _lot_. My last final was earlier today (ecology, finished in a half hour) so now I'm free to write and do as I please. There... Just aren't words for how happy that makes me.

This would play after you have Zelos wear his swimsuit (Yeah, I hear all you fangirls giggling out there...) into battle for the first time. Raine is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Horribly Intimidating**

(Irritated) "Zelos, next time we go into battle could you please wear something more suitable?"

**_"Like what, a tux? I've got way better mobility like this!"_**

_"This isn't a joke, Zelos! At least wear some armor. When you run into battle practically naked-"_

**_"Ah, so you have been watching!" (Hearts)_**

_"Grrr... You-!" (Black squiggly)_

"Zelos, wearing your swimsuit puts us all in danger. We want to intimidate our enemies, not encourage them by running around in our swimsuits and making ourselves look like easy targets."

**"Actually, I think Zelos' swimsuit is really intimidating."**

**_"Ha! Thanks kid. See? Genis knows what's what. Listen to him!"_**

_"Hm... Now that you mention it, yeah. If I saw that running at me, waving a sword, I'd be scared too."_

**_"What?"_**

**"I know! It's horrifying, isn't it?"**

**_"Hey!"_**

"Hm. Well, if that's the case, I suppose it would be fine if you continued to wear your suit."

**_(Downcast) "I don't know if I want to anymore..."_**

* * *

AN: Genis earned the title "Backstabber!" Poor Zelos, he's always getting dumped on by someone... Then I add to his misery! Sorry dude. Thanks for the idea, Alliriyan!


	376. It's Not A Toy!

AN: This would play after you rescue Lloyd from the Triet Renegade Base. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**It's Not A Toy!**

"Hey Genis, did you see that silver cube thing they had in the floor back in the base?"

**"Oh yeah, that thing. I wonder what it's for. It's got to do something more than just spin around"**

"Maybe Raine would know."

**"Yeah, we can ask her what a Gamecube is."**

"Gamecube?"

**"That's what it said on the top."**

"Ah. Well, whatever it is, it looks fun to play with."

* * *

AN: I like watching it spin and spin and spin... But then I'm easily amused. There you go, wiiboychris, a shout out to the noble Gamecube Easter egg!


	377. Only Four at a Time Please

AN: I am ashamed! Even though I'm on break, I haven't gotten back to my writing. Could it be I'm actually too lazy to be lazy and write instead of doing REAL WORK? Instead of wasting time in the ways I should (with fic, videogames, yada) I've been completely focused on making a quilt to use up my scrap fabric and leftover batting and it's almost done. (WIP pics should be up on my devart soon, maybe, if you're interested.)

... I've actually been productive these last few days. While on break. ... This is a first. I don't know what to say. Let's... Just go to the skit. Yeah...

This would play if you fight a large group of bandits or thieves with a party of all the Sylvarant citizens and take heavy damage. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**,_ Regal is italic_, **_Zelos is bold and italic_**, and Presea is underlined.

* * *

**Only Four at a Time Please**

(Pant, pant) "Man, that was rough... Where were you guys? We really could've used your help!"

**_"You could've used our help? Haha. Sorry Lloyd, but we had some problems of our own to deal with." _**

"W-What? We were outnumbered, Zelos! We almost got killed! What problems could be more important than saving your friends' lives?!"

_"Just out of curiosity, Lloyd, how many enemies did you and the others fight?" _

"Five! There were four Rogues and they had a Sorceress with them."

_"Then perhaps it would interest you to know the few enemies you defeated were only a distraction." _

"While you fought with those Rogues, a party of sixteen more circled around and attacked us from behind. It was only thanks to Sheena that we were able to notice them in time." 

**"If we raced up to help you guys, the Rogues would have been able to ambush us. We probably would have all been killed." **

"Wait, the four of you guys fought off sixteen enemies?"

**_"Well, kinda. There were sixteen Rogues, but they had four Sorceresses and a couple Evil Warriors with them too." _**

"More than twenty enemies?!"

"That is correct. It was a fierce battle." 

"W-Why didn't you call for help? You could've been killed!"

_"..." _

**"Well this conversation sure turned around fast..." **

* * *

AN: There you go. Whenever you fight, all the members of the party are fighting. In fact, the ones you can't see are fighting even harder than you are!


	378. Food of the Gods

AN: This would play if you have gotten all twenty-four recipes from the Wonder Chef and mastered them with both Genis and Regal. Regal is normal, **Genis is bold**, and the _Wonder Chef is italic_.

* * *

**Food of the Gods**

"Genis, what do you make of this?"

**"Hm, a recipe card? It looks so old... Where did you find this, Regal?"**

"It was stuck to the back of the Potato Salad recipe card the Wonder Chef gave me. Take a look at the ingredients it lists."

**"... ... ... What the-? Is this some kind of joke?! One octopus, two tomatoes, two eggs, one melon, one beef, one pork... I've never seen so many ingredients!"**

"Keep reading, it gets even more interesting."

**"One medium-sized cabbage, three white satay, one pound chocolate... Wha-? Three pounds lard?!"**

"And one cup rhubarb on fire."

**"W-What is this, Regal? It sounds inedible!"**

"The name on the card is smudged, but I believe it says Ambrosia. An ironic name indeed..."

_(Enter poof!) "Regal, my student! I'm so glad you found that recipe. Quickly, you must give it to me."_

"Of course. If I may ask, just what is it a recipe for?"

**"I want to know too. I've never seen anything like it."**

_"It's the ultimate secret recipe of the Wonder Chefs. The recipe for true Ambrosia, the food of the gods, stolen from heaven by the very first Wonder Chef and handed down from Chef to Chef through the ages. With proper preparation, it makes the most delicious food in existence. Even I'm not skilled enough to control its tasty power."_

**"No way. There's no way all that stuff can mix into a good dish!"**

"It does seem unlikely. I'm not sure I believe it myself."

_"I know, it sounds too fantastic to be true, but it is! I'm just relieved I was able to recover the recipe before it fell into the wrong hands. The worlds aren't ready for cuisine of this magnitude... Thank you again, farewell!" (Exit poof!)_

"... Genis, I assume you memorized the ingredients, correct?"

**"Yeah, they were too weird to forget. Why?"**

"Because I memorized all the cooking instructions. Shall we try to create the food of the gods?"

**"A-Are you kidding? You want to cook a dish that even the Wonder Chef can't make?! ... When do we start?"**

* * *

AN: This is loosely inspired by Tikigod784, who asked if there was a recipe so complex that no one could cook it. That was a while ago and I didn't know exactly what to do with the idea, then I heard that one recipe in Portal. You know the one. ... Anyone want some cake? It's made with real fish-shaped sediments!


	379. Raine's Plot

AN: This would play if you walk into every area of a (Tethe'alla or Sylvarant) world map twice without ever entering a city or temple, before completing the Monster List. Raine is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, and **_Colette is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Raine's Plot**

"This way, let's go. It's not much father now!"

**_"Um, Professor, where are we going?"_**

_"I was wondering that too. This place doesn't look like there's anything worth doing here."_

**"Sis, are you up to something?"**

"No. Of course not."

**"I knew it! You are! You're dragging us around so we'll fight monsters and get information for your Monster List!"**

_"What?! You mean all that walking was for nothing?!"_

**_"Is that true, Professor?"_**

"... Yes. Very good, Genis. How did you know?"

**"Well, when you use up all of our Magic Lenses and yell 'Marvelous!' after every battle we fight, it's a little obvious..."**

"..." (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: When my family ends up wandering about in the woods it's because we got lost on a "shortcut" during a hike, not because we were looking for monsters (most of the time), but it's the same feeling. Thanks to Kitty-Katz-Katz for the idea!


	380. The Secret to Their Teamwork

AN: Happy New Year, everybody! (And happy chapter 380 too, I hadn't noticed how close it was getting... Only twenty more until I reach the goal. Zounds!) Now, shall we start 2010 off with a bit of controversy?

I've been told this skit may cause some uproar, but I like it and want it to see the light of day so I'm disregarding that wise advice and going ahead to post it anyway! (Thanks for the advice though guys, I do appreciate it!) You all know where I stand on the issue of pairings, so if you've got a problem, get over it. (Happy lines)

This would play before Kratos betrays you at the Tower of Salvation and after you kill Kvar, if you've seen at least three of the 'Training with Kratos' scenes. And it's triggered by ending a battle with a Kratos and Lloyd Unison Attack. (Phew!) Raine is normal, **Sheena is bold**.

* * *

**The Secret to Their Teamwork**

**"It's really amazing watching those two fight together, isn't it?"**

"Yes. Their teamwork is surprisingly effective for only having met each other a few weeks ago. I've often wondered how they manage to be so in sync with each other. It's unlike anything I've seen before."

**"I bet it's intuition. Kratos and Lloyd have been training together, so they both know what the other is capable of and go by their instincts when picking a strategy."**

"Perhaps, but sometimes I can't help but think there's more to their relationship than being just teacher and student."

**"W-What does that mean, Raine?" (Blush)**

"They may not look similar, but the way they act in battle... It's almost as if Kratos and Lloyd are related somehow, like long-lost brothers."

**"O-Oh..."**

"Is something wrong, Sheena?"

**"No, I just... I guess I've been around the Chosen of Tethe'alla a little too long. That jerk's starting to rub off on me..." (Black squiggly)**

"I see."

* * *

AN: See? It's not what it looks like at all. I just love seeing Kratos and Lloyd fighting side by side as father and son! (Waves a "They're #1!" foam finger.) Unfortunately though, that idiot Chosen's way of thinking is contagious... (Black squiggly)

Also, go check out my new story, _My Comrades and I_, freshly updated and ready to rock.


	381. The Ancient Art of Numerology

AN: Sheesh, it's been a while. I blame school and my insane need to make things... This would play after you've been injured, healed, and wounded an enemy in the course of one battle. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**, and _Raine is ita_lic.

* * *

**The Ancient Art of Numerology**

**"W-What's going on? In that last battle I saw numbers flying around!"**

_"Numbers?"_

**"Yeah, they would just pop up whenever I did something. They were white if I hit something and red if I got hurt. Oh, and when you healed me they were green! I... I'm not going crazy, am I?"**

"Hm... No, not necessarily. Have you ever heard of numerology?"

**"Ugh... That's some sort of math, isn't it? I hate math...." (Black squiggly)**

"Not quite..." (Facepalm)

_"Numerology is an ancient pseudoscience that assigns numerical value to practically everything you can imagine. The thought behind it is that all things in life occur according to a mathematical pattern, a sort of universal programming that can be understood with careful study or in moments of clarity."_

**"So, you think that's what I'm seeing?"**

"It's possible. Numerology is generally thought of as nothing more than superstition, but if you feel you truly saw something..."

_"If this happens again, I want you to tell me immediately, Lloyd. You may be on the verge of discovering something important."_

**"Okay, but I still think I might just be seeing things..."**

* * *

AN: I've always loved how all manner of wibbly-wobbly biological statistics, injuries, and even supposedly random attributes like luck (Luck for cryin' out loud!) can be flawlessly converted into nice, round numbers in RPGs; because really, imagine how bad it'd get if we had to deal with fractions... (Shiver)

Also, I'll punch anyone who mentions The Da Vinci Code or National Treasure. Seriously. I will.

**_Edit: Thanks to Contraltissimo and skywolf666 for pointing out my typo. You two rock!_**


	382. Lost Time

AN: Okay, let's get some business from last chapter out of the way first. I'll just check my list (yes, I made a list) and... happy ametuer, WingedWithFireyMana, Dusk Falling, V, and -BrokenWingsForBirdy-, I'm a man of my word. Consider yourselves all punched in your you. (Thumbs up!)

This would play directly after winning a battle. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Zelos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Lost Time**

"Hey, did you guys see that flash just now?"

_"No. What flash are you speaking of, Lloyd?"_

**"I didn't see anything either."**

**_"You're probably just tired and hallucinating things."_**

"No, I saw what I saw! We were fighting and as soon as we killed our last enemy there was this flash of light and then we were all standing together even though we didn't move! It all happened so fast, but I know I didn't imagine it. You've got to believe me!"

**"..."**

**_"..."_**

_"... All right, Lloyd. We believe you."_

"You do?"

_"Yes. And next time we're in battle, we'll look for the flash. But for now I think you should lay down and rest."_

(Sigh) "I knew you'd say that..."

* * *

AN: It doesn't matter what they're doing at the time. That last enemy dies, there's a flash of light and slow-motion, then they all teleport together for a group pose. Don't they notice their lost time? Also, I feel a little bad about making Lloyd look so overly insane to the rest of the party with all these fourth wall hallucinations... But not bad enough to stop.


	383. Pure, Unmitigated Chaos

AN: This would play when you're camped out at night or at an inn. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Genis is italic_, **_Sheena is bold and italic, _**and Raine is underlined.

* * *

**Pure, Unmitigated Chaos**

**_"Ugh, this is terrible... I fold."_**

"Your hand's that bad? I've just got one pair."

**_"Really? That's just great... I had three of a kind."_**

"... Sheena, how are we deciding what cards are what again? There aren't any markings on your cards, so I kind of forgot..."

**_"So did I. We need to get a real deck of playing cards. Ones that aren't all identical..."_**

_"Hey, it's my turn! Either of you got any sixes?"_

"Hold on, what game are you playing?"

**_"This is poker, Genis, not go fish."_**

_"Oh, then take this and deal me one more card."_

**_"Okay, here."_**

_"Hah! All right, straight flush!"_

**_"What?"_**

"How can you tell? The cards don't even have numbers on them!"

_"Exactly. They're all the same type of card, right? So they're all the same suit. And there are no numbers, so each one is actually all numbers. So I have a straight flush."_

"That... That actually makes sense. Well, in that case I have a royal flush!"

_"Hey, that's not fair, Lloyd!"_

**_"Ugh, you guys are giving me a headache..."_**

**"Ah, Sheena?"**

**_"Yeah, Colette?"_**

**"I'll hit!"**

**_"What?"_**

**"I'll hit, deal me another card. It's blackjack, Sheena!"**

**_"You play blackjack? _**

**"Yeah, I used to play all the time with Grandma in Iselia. I'm pretty good." **

**_"I can't believe it, a gambler Chosen..." _**

"Come on Genis, if you want we can play another hand."

_"Okay, deal it." _

**_"H-Hey, give me the deck back, Lloyd!" _**

"I've got... A royal flush."

_"Me too. So who wins?" _

(Reading) "Sheena, I know of many different card games, but this is something new. What are you playing? I must know!" 

**_"Well, we started out playing poker with my Cards of Water because we were bored, but now? I've got no idea... It's pure chaos." (Sweat drop) _**

* * *

AN: The game they were playing was eventually dubbed "Sheena" and has no rules except for the ones you make up as you go (as well as some house rules). It's the card game equivalent of Calvinball. ... And I don't know why I always end up making Phaidra into a secretly disreputable character. Hm... Thanks to Vook for the idea!

Also: New poll on my profile. Tell me what you think!


	384. Lloyd's Static Wardrobe

AN: Sweet freedom! Sorry for disappearing like that, school became overly demanding and unfortunately life has to come before fic... Anyway, now that my projects are finally done, I'm free! Ahahahaha!

This would play before you go to Tethe'alla, if Sheena is in your party. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**.

* * *

**Lloyd's Static Wardrobe **

**"Lloyd, are you... Ever going to change?" **

"Huh? No way! No matter what happens to us, I'll still be the same old Lloyd." (Grin)

**"Um, I was actually talking about your clothes." **

"Oh."

**"It's just that we've been traveling for a while and I've never seen you change your clothes or wear something different. Even before I joined you guys, whenever we met you were always wearing the same clothes. Do you even have any other outfits?" **

"Of course I do, Dirk made me a lot of clothes! They just all look the same."

**"So you've got a closet full of identical red shirts, black pants, and suspenders?" (Sweat drop) **

"Yeah. It makes it hard to tell, but I really am wearing clean clothes."

* * *

AN: Up until about sixth grade, my closet was like that. I had a bunch of clothes that all looked the same. They were comfy though, so who cares? Thanks for the idea, Venus Adept JMAG!


	385. It's a Dirty Job

AN: I'm alive! This would play in the Meltokio sewers shortly after Zelos explains what the trash compactor is if he's set as your avatar character. Zelos is normal, **Genis is bold.**

* * *

**It's a Dirty Job**

"Ugh... I can't believe I'm actually doing this. Cutting through the sewers is one thing, but pushing around huge blocks of compacted trash? This so isn't my thing."

**"..."**

"Manual labor just doesn't suit the glamorous, sophisticated Zelos Wilder, know what I mean? What would my hunnies say if they saw me now, shoving garbage around? It would completely ruin my shining reputation."

**"..."**

"And man, does this smell! I don't even want to think about what sort of nasty bacteria I'm picking up. A gentleman like myself shouldn't have to be exposed to-"

**"Would you shut up already? It's bad enough down here without you whining constantly!"**

"Fine, you little brat. But I'm just saying, it's a crime to make a man of my impressive intellect and stature come down here and do such demeaning things. What's this world coming to when an excellent specimen of manliness like me is forced to-?"

**"Agh! How much longer until we're out of here?!"**

* * *

AN: Irony! I took a break while typing this to get some tea, and guess what was playing on the Discovery Channel when I passed by, guess!


	386. Kratos' Mature Sense of Taste

AN: Dear Martel... (Black squiggly) All right, this time my absence wasn't due to laziness. I had to completely wipe my poor, long suffering computer thanks to a malware most foul. (Luckily for you guys, I had current backups of all my data files. No fic was lost!) Anyway, learn from my suffering and pay the _utmost_ attention to your compy's security. What I went through dealing with this over the past few days truly, truly creates a vacuum.

This would play if you cook a dish with tomatoes in it shortly after Kratos rejoins the party. (A long sequel to skit 114 "An Adult's Sense of Taste") Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Regal is italic_, _**Sheena is bold and italic**_, and Kratos is underlined.

* * *

**Kratos' Mature Sense of Taste**

_"Lunch is served."_

"All right!"

_**"Mm... This is delicious, Regal!"**_

**"I'll say!"**

_"Thank you. ... Kratos, is something wrong?"_

"... Are there tomatoes in this?"

_"Oh, yes. I'm sorry. I forgot you disliked tomatoes. I could make you something else, if you like. There's still time."_

"No, that's all right. The flavor is different than usual... It's good."

_"..." (Sweat drop)_

_**"D-Did I really just hear that?" (Shocked)**_

**"Kratos is... Eating tomatoes...?" (Stunned) "Okay, who are you and what have you done with the real Kratos?!"**

"Heh. It took four thousand years, but it looks like Kratos' tastes have finally matured!"

"..." (Black squiggly)

* * *

AN: I've just shattered canon. Shattered it into tiny, tiny pieces... (Ahem!) Regal earned the title "Ultimate Chef!" (With your legendary skills, you create dishes enjoyed by even the most finicky of palates.)


	387. Kind Of Anticlimactic

AN: This would play after you beat Mithos in the final battle, if you already cleared the fight with the Devil Arms/Abyssion and beat the Living Armor in Niflheim. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, _**Zelos is bold and italic**_, Sheena is underlined, **Colette is bold and underlined**, _Regal is italic and underlined_, and _**Presea is bold, italic, and underlined**_.

* * *

**(Kind Of Anticlimactic...)**

"Our last battle with Mithos... Was it just me or did that fight seem way easier than it should have?"

_"No, you're correct. We've faced much more difficult enemies and fought harder battles than the one Mithos presented us with."_

"Talk about anticlimactic... He was way tougher when we fought him before as Yggdrasil. I wonder what changed."

**"Did we really get that much stronger than before?"**

**"Or could it be that Mithos wanted us to win so he didn't fight back as hard this time?"**

_"As odd as it is, I don't think why he was defeated is as important as the actual defeat itself. We should be thankful that our final battle was so easy."_

_**"Yes. If Mithos was as dangerous as Abyssion was, we may have lost and the world would not have been saved."**_

_**"That's true, and I'm glad we won, but I don't know. Whatever way you look at it, Mithos was kind of a wuss in the end..."**_

* * *

AN: Mithos is terribly underpowered for a final boss. I was ready for a pummeling like I got that first time at the Tower of Salvation, but no. Turns out I (and apparently everyone else too) was way overqualified! Shame, Mithos was such a good villain. He deserved better. Thanks for reminding me, basketofseals!


	388. Best Not to Think About It

AN: It occurs to me that we're very near to the four hundred mark. Zounds!

This would play if a woman gives Zelos an octopus. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold.**

* * *

**Best Not to Think About It**

** "What the-? She gave me an octopus!"**

"Who, that girl you were just talking to?"

**"Yeah, why would she give me an octopus? I hate octopus! It's my least favorite food!"**

"I'd be more worried about why she was carrying it around in the first place..."

* * *

AN: Octopus sushi. Yum. It's been a while since I had some... Thanks to Baby Kat Snophlake for the fave/least fave food data!


	389. Follow the Butterflies

AN: This would play in the Ymir Forest after you see the bit about the butterflies. Raine is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Regal is italic_, and _**Zelos is bold and italic**_.

* * *

**Follow the Butterflies**

"The butterflies in this forest react to people's hearts?"

_"So it is said. They are truly beautiful creatures."_

**"Maybe we should follow them. They might lead us to something good."**

_**"Follow the butterflies? Come on, Genis. If you're going to pick something to follow, at least try to pick something manlier than butterflies."**_

"Oh, and what would you have us follow? Worms? Killer Bees? Spiders?"

_"I'm sure all of those would be easy to find in this forest. Shall we?"_

**"Not us, just Zelos. He's so manly, he can fight all the monsters on his own. Can't you, Zelos?"**

_**"H-Hey now, I never said that. So, who's up for following some butterflies?"**_

* * *

AN: Why yes, it is a rather pointless Harry Potter reference, isn't it? :B


	390. Squish!

AN: We're officially in the home stretch... Ten!

This happens to me sometimes when I go out hiking in the spring. Kinda. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Regal is italic_, and _**Genis is bold and italic**_.

* * *

**Squish!**

"Well, that was an easy battle."

_**"Yeah, Slimes never put up a good fight. Just one explosion and they're done for!"**_

** "I feel a little sorry for them..."**

"Me too. I wouldn't want to fight us if I were a monster. How about you, Regal? What do you think of...? ... Where's your other boot?"

_"With the slime that escaped. Kicking those monsters is like stepping in deep mud. When I tried to pull my foot back out, its gooey consistency removed my boot." (Black squiggly)_

_**"Hehehe..."**_

**"Oh no, you're not going to walk around with just one boot, are you?"**

_"I have little choice in the matter now..."_

"Don't worry, we'll get it back. Come on, guys, let's go hunt down that Slime that stole Regal's boot!"

**"Yeah!"**

_**"Hahaha!"**_

_"..." (Sweat drop)_

* * *

AN: Seriously, be careful when you step in mud. If it's deeper than you thought, you may not get your boot back at all. Thanks for the idea, One with the Arcana!

In other news, Z-Skit Theater is going to be dubbed and animated! Auditions for voice actors are being held now at http : // voiceactingalliance . com / board / showthread . php ? t=52201 (Copy, paste, remove the spaces. Y'all know the drill.) If you think you're up for it, go try your luck!

In _other_ other news, I'm hoping I'll be able to get into all the classes I have picked out for the next few semesters. (Stage combat sounds like a blast.) Wish me luck!


	391. A Different Perspective

AN: All right, time to set stuff straight and allay some fears! First off, for the dubbed skits "animated" means they'll be like the skits in-game with the talking portraits, only they'll be voice-acted as well. Second, some of y'all seem to be worried I'm going to stop after skit four hundred. Don't be! (Happy lines)

This would play after you see skit 243 "Time Does Not Go Back." Presea is normal, **Zelos is bold.**

* * *

**A Different Perspective**

**"Hey there, Presea, why the long face? A cute little thing like you should be smiling."**

"How can I smile when I've lost so much?"

**"Huh?"**

"I am better now, but the years I lost because of this Cruxis Crystal... They will never return."

**"Oh, is that all? You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, Presea."**

"How can you say that, Zelos? I'm-"

**"Living every adult's dream. A mature, sophisticated mind in a strong, healthy body. In your case youth isn't wasted on the young, get it?"**

"But I... All that time. It's gone."

**"Not really. If you think about it, it's more like your time was paused for all those years. Since you've started aging again you'll be able to enjoy those years now. Once you stop focusing on the past and start looking at the future, things don't look quite so bad, do they?"**

"No... I never thought of it like that, Zelos. Thank you."

**"Any time, my sweet little workin' hunny."**

* * *

AN: The result is cool, but I can't be the only one who thinks that the idea of Presea's mind maturing, still working normally beneath the Cruxis Crystal's control, while her body was in stasis is a little scary. Well, really scary, once you start considering it...

Anyway, I always have a little trouble writing Presea's lines because 1) she's so quiet and she speaks so rarely, and 2) I keep forgetting she actually uses contractions in her speech!

Nine!


	392. To the Next Level

AN: This would play randomly after a battle where Lloyd gains a level. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Genis is italic_.

* * *

**To the Next Level**

"Wow, I feel great!"

_"Any particular reason?"_

"I'm not sure, but I feel stronger... I think my training's finally starting to pay off, it's taken me to the next level!" (Self-satisfied grin)

**"The next level? What's that?"**

_"I've got no clue what you're talking about, Lloyd." (Sweat drop)_

"Ah, it's kind of a warrior thing. The more you fight, the more experience you have in battle, right? Well, usually the more experience you have, the higher your skill level is as a swordsman."

_"Oh, that makes sense. It's just like 'practice makes perfect.'"_

**"Hey, if that's all it takes, then we could level up too! Right, Lloyd?"**

"Uh, I guess. Yeah. Training is training. Just be careful not to-"

**"All right! Come on Genis, let's go beat up some monsters!" (Exit)**

"Hey, wait! Don't-!"

_"We'll get plenty of experience! Next level, here we come!" (Exit)_

"-Overdo it." (Sigh) "They've got no idea how sore they're going to be tomorrow..."

* * *

AN: I'd like to think that going up in the levels makes the characters feel stronger and more capable. It only makes sense. But then on the other hand, I know that over-training can do a number on you.

Oh, by the way, I got into Stage Combat. Eight!


	393. Antisocial Spirits

AN: Phew... So much stuff to do lately! A project, presentation, exam... Thankfully it's all over, for now, and I can take a break, for now.

This would play once you make the pact with Aska and Luna. (So, every summon except Origin and Maxwell.) Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold.**

* * *

**Antisocial Spirits**

"Sheena, do you think your summons like us?"

**"What do you mean?"**

"Well, some of the summon spirits are nice, like the Sylph and Gnome. They're friendly, but the others... Celsius, Volt, and Shadow, they don't seem like they like us at all."

**"Can you blame them? The summons are supposed to be all-powerful elemental spirits and we, a bunch of mortals, beat the tar out of them. I'd be a little bitter too."**

"..."

**"If it makes you feel better, I don't think they hate us. Celsius is cold, but that's just how she is. Shadow doesn't talk much, but I've never felt any animosity from him after I made my pact..."**

"... And Volt?"

**"Volt is... He's... He's a jerk. That's all."**

**

* * *

**AN: He totally is.

And just a heads-up: In the very near future I'm going to start researching the dynamics in a digital community and I just might choose to study all of us here on FFN. Haven't decided for sure yet, but if it turns out that I do start working on the fic community, I'm obligated by several scientific ethical codes to inform you all ahead of time. (Happy lines)

Seven!**  
**


	394. A Mysterious Force

AN: Curse you, life! Why do you always have to interfere when I'm doing important stuff like fanfic?! It's a bit late, but I hope everyone who celebrates it had a good Easter (Mmm...Ham...); and for those who don't celebrate it, I hope you got good deals on chocolate Monday. (I love the days after candy-intensive holidays. Huzzah for fifty percent off sweets!)

This would play as you're walking down Mt. Fooji. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold.**

* * *

**A Mysterious Force**

"Man, this mountain is huge! How much further do we have to walk? My legs are getting tired..."

** "Mine too... But you know, Lloyd... It's really nice of you to walk the whole trail with us like this, even though you don't have to."**

"What do you mean, Genis? Of course I have to walk."

**"This path is all switchbacks, you could jump off the trail up here and land on the next level below."**

"Oh, that. I was thinking about doing that, but I couldn't."

**"Why not? It's not any higher than the cliff you jumped off outside the Iselia Human Ranch."**

"I know I could survive the fall, but when I tried earlier, I couldn't actually jump. It was like there was some sort of invisible wall on the edge of the path that kept holding me back."

**"Really?"**

"Yeah, it was weird."

**(Shove!)**

(Bonk!) "Agh, my head! What was that for, Genis?!"

**"Wow! There really is something there, an invisible wall! It's like solid air, cool!" (Shove!)**

(Bonk!) "Ow! Hey, cut it out!"

* * *

AN: Proof that Genis is a little monster. But really, why can't Lloyd jump off of edges? I appreciate that I can't accidentally fall to my death, but I'd also enjoy being able to, you know, move. (Sweat drop) Yo, Zesler, thanks for the idea!

Six!


	395. Faithless Sheena

AN: This would play in Dirk's house once he starts doing customization if you have an average or bad relationship with Sheena. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, and _Zelos is italic._

* * *

**Faithless Sheena**

"Hey, since we're here, does anybody want to do some customization?"

**"Actually, yeah. I was going to see if Dirk could make me a Stun Charm. This bangle just isn't working."**

"Cool! Here, let me see it."

**"What, you? Since when can you customize?"**

"Well, this is my first try... But dad taught me almost everything he knows. I should be able to do it."

**"I don't know, Lloyd. No offense, but I'd rather have Dirk work on it."**

"But... Why, Sheena? I could do work like that easy!"

**"I know, it's just... I..."**

_"I think what Sheena's trying to say is that if that Stun Charm was just jewelry then she'd be happy to let you work on it, but since it's equipment that might decide whether she lives or dies in battle, she'd feel better if a professional like Dirk did it."_

"Oh, that makes sense. Why didn't you just say that before, Sheena?" (Grin) "Well, I'm gonna go see if there's anything else I can do around here." (Exit)

**"... Thanks Zelos, that was very... Tactful of you."**

_"No problem, my sweet hunny. But you know I wouldn't have said anything mean like 'Sheena doesn't want you doing the work because she thinks you'll wreck her stuff.' I know you better than that."_

**"... Yeah, about that..." (Downcast)**

_"Hold on, you actually thought he'd wreck your charm?"_

**"Um, kinda... Yes."**

_"Man Sheena, that's harsh. You should have more faith in Lloyd."_

**"I know..." (Downcast)**

**

* * *

**Five!**  
**


	396. What Is Noishe?

AN: Hooboy... Sorry for the extended leave of absence, again. (Sweat drop) This time it was finals week. They really shouldn't have been as hard as they were. I wonder what I did wrong... Anyway, I'm back and will be updating more often now that I have some free time. (That is, until the spring semester starts on Monday.) Anyway, skit time!

This would play if you've seen "Noishe in Danger." Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, _**Zelos is bold and italic**_, and Noishe is underlined.

* * *

**What Is Noishe?**

_**"Hey Lloyd, I've been thinking about that weird animal of yours-"**_

"Agh! Why doesn't anyone believe me when I tell them Noishe is just a big dog?"

**"It's because he's got gigantic ears and green spots, Lloyd."**

_"Noishe is quite peculiar. But Zelos, you had a question?"_

_**"Yep. As I was saying, you're always calling Noishe a 'he', but have you ever actually taken the time to check?"**_

(Whine?! Growl...)

"N-No! Why would I be looking for stuff like that!?"

**"Yeah! You might be interested in that sort of thing, Zelos, but Lloyd isn't!"**

(Bark bark!)

_**"Hey, hey! Calm down you two. All I'm saying is that people tend to assume that dogs are guys. If you've never checked Noishe for yourself you might be wrong about him. He might just be a she."**_

**"Ew!"**

(Growl)

"I... ... You're right Zelos, but it doesn't really matter. I've always thought of Noishe as a boy dog. Even if I found out he was a girl, I don't think I'd treat him any differently."

_**"Fair enough. But what does the professor have to say about it?"**_

_"... It's..."_

**"Um, Raine?"**

"Uh-oh. Get ready to run, boy."

(Whimper)

_"It's not important."_

_**"Thank you! See, that's just what I was think- Wait, what did you say?"**_

_"Male, female, it hardly matters what gender Noishe is when I don't even know what species he belongs to. He's unlike any other lifeform in the world. Even if I examined him and found something, I have no way of knowing what gender that something would belong to. Noishe is what Lloyd says he is."_

"You hear that, Noishe? You're a boy!"

(Howl!)

**"What's the big deal? He was a boy before too..."**

_**(Sigh) "I thought I could count on you Raine..."**_

* * *

AN: It's true. People would always look at my dog and assume she was a guy. It's probably because she's a terrier, so she was muscular and athletic instead of floofy. Hm, and cats are usually assumed to be girls... Ufufufu.

Four!


	397. Whack A Mule

AN: This would play on the beach in Altamira if you've gotten the swimsuit titles for Lloyd, Colette, Zelos, and Raine. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and _**Zelos is bold and italic.**_

* * *

**Whack-A-Mule**

_**"Yeah, go Lloyd! Hit that thing!"**_

**"You can do it, Lloyd! Break it open!"**

"Hiyah! Ha! Rah!"

_"What's all this?"_

**"Hi Professor! Look at Lloyd go, isn't he great?"**

**_"Hey Raine, welcome to the beach party! You're just in time for the piñata!"_**

_"Piñata? Is that the colorful animal-shaped sculpture Lloyd is beating?"_

**_"Funny way to describe it, but yeah. That's it. It's an old Tethe'allan tradition. We've been beating the snot out of papier-maché animals for the stuff inside for centuries."_**

**"This one has candy in it!"**

"Yah! Ha! Hiyah!"

_"Is that one of my staves Lloyd is using?"_

**"Yeah, the strongest one we could find."**

**_"Speaking of Lloyd, he doesn't look like he's doing too good. Do you want to take a swing at it?"_**

_"... Sure. I'll show you how to properly use a staff."_

"Oh, it's your turn, Professor?"

_"Yes, now... Hiyah!"_

"Whoa!"

**"Wow, did you see that? She knocked its head right off!"**

**_"Whoo boy... Nice job. Looks like Sheena's not the only violent hunny around here anymore."_**

* * *

AN: I remember a few years ago a friend of mine had a piñata at their party and we went at it with a broom handle. Now, either it was a really strong piñata or a really weak broom, because we broke that handle twice before we got the piñata open. Thanks to Drew L. and mandrakefunnyjuice for the ideas!

(For the record, you can type an eñe (ñ) by using 'Alt+0241' with num lock turned on on a PC or 'Option+N, N' on a mac.)

Three!


	398. Fool Me Once

AN: Huh. Seems like we've been seeing more of Lloyd than normal lately... This would play in the beginning of the game before Kratos betrays you, once you've start accumulating a lot of swords.** Kratos is bold**, Lloyd is normal. (Eep! An error! Thanks for catching that for me, Sagie.)

* * *

**Fool Me Once**

**"..."**

"Something wrong, Kratos?"

**"This pack is much heavier than what I usually carry, it's restricting my movement. If we were to encounter trouble, I'm not sure how effectively I could protect the Chosen with this much weight on my back."**

"Hm, well my pack's a little lighter than normal. I could take some more stuff if it'd make Colette safer. You've got all our swords, don't you? Let me carry half of them. That should help, right?"

**"Yes, thank you. Here."**

"Whoa! H-Hey, this is a lot more than half..."

**"It's the half that belongs to you. I was counting each pair of your swords as one weapon."**

"So I'm actually carrying two thirds of the swords...? You know that wasn't what I meant by half, Kratos. It's not nice to trick people who are trying to help you." (Black squiggly)

**"I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better, the Chosen will be well-protected."**

"... All right, for Colette."

* * *

AN: Who's right here? Think about it. Even though Lloyd uses two swords, those swords are sold as a unit, used as a unit, and stored as a unit. So, are they then one weapon or two? I think Lloyd needs to be more specific.

Two!


	399. Fool You Twice

AN: Hm, what was that thing I said I was going to do...? Oh yeah, update! (Sweat drop)

This would play after Zelos joins the party, once you start traveling around the map. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold.**

* * *

**Fool You Twice**

**(Pant pant) "Lloyd, don't you think this is a little unfair?"**

"Unfair? I'm carrying stuff too! It's heavy!"

**"Yeah, food and items. I've got our swords, they're way heavier than gels and two thirds of them are yours! Let's switch."**

"No way."

**"Come on, Lloyd. Give me a break!"**

"... Fine. How about this, you take the food and I'll take half of the swords."

**"All right, I guess that's pretty good. Let's do it."**

"Okay, I'll take these and you get this... There. All done."

**"What do you mean? My pack's even heavier than before!"**

"I gave you the food and took half the swords. The half that belongs to you."

**"But-!"**

"I told you the food was heavy."

**"Lloyd, that's- That's not cool. You tricked me!"**

"Hey, you were trying to trick me. I'm not an idiot, you know."

* * *

AN: Lloyd learns from his mistakes! And a neat little factoid: Originally, Zelos wasn't planning on betraying the party, but then this happened and... Well, the rest is game canon. (Shifty eyes)

One!


	400. Let's Play! 1

AN: Four hundred! Wahoo! It's been four long, fun years since I started this crazy scheme. Heh. I remember when I thought one hundred skits was going to be a big deal...

When I really stop and think about it, it boggles my mind. Seriously, the brain is one hundred percent boggled here. Boggled right to hell and back. I want to say thanks to all of you. Every single person who's ever looked in, read, and/or donated an idea for the cause. Everyone. You guys are what helped keep this story going so long. Look back at all the skits that have someone's name at the bottom and give yourselves a hand. And a pat on the back. And a round of applause. And then throw in whatever other congratulatory things you can think of because you guys _deserve it_. This fic could never have gotten this far without you all, trust me on that.

Good work all, and thanks. (Happy lines)

I'm sure there are some of you out there who are still freaking out thinking that I'm going to stop now that the goal's been reached. Well, cut it out. I'm going to continue to write as long as I have ideas (and I still have about eighty in queue to be written) and the quality is to my standards. Keep giving me ideas, keep fueling the mania, and Z-Skit Theater will chug along as it always has.

Now, skit four hundred. Enjoy!

This would play if you cook something after Genis plays the Red Light/Green Light mini-game on the Grand Tethe'allan Bridge. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic_, _**Genis is bold and italic**_, Sheena is underlined, **Zelos is bold and underlined**, _Regal is italic and underlined_, and _**Presea is bold, italic, and underlined**_. Phew...

* * *

**(Let's Play! 1)**

_**"Hey, we've got a while before dinner's ready, does anybody want to play Red Light Green Light?"**_

"Isn't that the game you played with that Katz earlier?"

_**"Yeah, it was really fun!"**_

**"I'll play!"**

_**"Me too. It will be fun."**_

**"Well, if my little angel and cute little rosebud are going to try, I guess I might as well too."**

"I wonder how I'd do with my ninja skills."

_"A traditional game from Katz culture... This will be a fantastic new experience!"_

_"It will be more entertaining than watching the pot simmer."_

"Okay, I'll play too. It'd be boring to sit and watch alone."

_**"All right! You guys line up over there. I'll stand here and... Green light! ... ... Red light! Lloyd, I saw you!"**_

"What? I'm the first to get out?" (Downcast)

**"Don't feel too bad, Lloyd. We can't all be winners!" (Laughing)**

_**"Zelos, there's no talking on a red light! You're out too!"**_

**"H-Huh? Aw man, are you kidding me?!"**

"Don't worry, Zelos-"

**"Shut it, Lloyd."**

"Hehe."

**_"Okay, let's go again-! Um, Colette, I didn't say 'green light' yet. You weren't supposed to move..._**

**"Oh, am I out then?"**

**_"Yeah..." (Sweat drop) "All right. Now, green light! ... Red light! Sheena, I see you!"_**

"Ack! You said red light earlier this time! I guess my skills didn't help at all. At least I made it to round two."

**_"Green light! ... ... Red light! .... Green light! ... Red light! Huh, none of you? Okay. Green light-! Red light! Hah, gotcha sis!" (Happy lines)_**

_"That was a little underhanded of you, Genis. But it's all right, I gathered a lot of valuable information."_

**"Now it's just down to Regal and Presea!"**

"They're really good."

"Genis' switch-ups didn't phase them at all."

"T-That's not to say you're bad or anything, Professor."

"Y-yeah, you made it all the way to round three!"

_"It's all right, let's watch." (Black squiggly)_

_**"Green light! ... Red light! Green light! ... ... ... ... Red light! Hm. Green ligh-! Red light!"**_

**"That one was even faster than before!"**

_"But neither of them fell for it."_

_**"You guys are good. Green light! ... Red light! I saw you, Regal!"**_

_"Very well."_

"That's too bad, Regal."

**"It looked like you were going to win it too."**

_"If only my foot hadn't slipped on that patch of wet grass..."_

**"Wet grass? But Regal, it hasn't rained in a week!" (Smile innocently)**

_"..." (Sweat drop)_

**_"Okay, Presea. Now it's just you and me. Green light! ... ... Red light! Green light! ... ... Red light! Green light! ... ... Red light! Green light! ... ... Red light! Green light! ... ... Red light!_**

_"Five turns, that's longer than any of the other rounds have lasted."_

**"She's almost to him!"**

_"Yes, this will be the final turn."_

**_"Green light! ... ..."_**

**_"Got you."_**

"She won! Way to go, Presea!"

_**"Wow, you're really quiet when you walk. Good job, Presea!"**_

_**"Thank you."**_

**_"Well, dinner's probably ready now. Let's go eat!" (Exit)_**

**_"Yes, let's." (Exit)_**

**"... Nice move, Genis. I never thought I'd say this, but that little brother of yours is one smooth operator, Raine."**

_"So you noticed it too, Zelos?"_

_"What are you two talking about?"_

**"It looked to me like Genis let his hunny Presea win. He played hardball to get you and Regal eliminated, but once you were out of the running he only yelled 'red light' at predictable times. Presea's a great player but he gave her an extra edge."**

_"Hm..."_

"Do you think Genis would really do that?"

**"Sure. It's a great way to get close to a pretty lady."**

"Wait a minute... Zelos, you weren't throwing games when I used to beat you at checkers, were you?"

**"N-No, of course not, my voluptuous hunny. You're a true checkers grandmaster!" (Backing away)**

"Zelos!" (Black squiggly)

* * *

AN: Note, letting the girl you like win is a terrible idea. They can tell, and it makes you look like a jerk. Thanks for the idea, Maxmagnus20019!

In other news, my cat is holding me prisoner. My most awesome feline has decided that my lap is the perfect place to take a nap. He's curled up asleep on my legs right now and I don't want to wake him, so I'm trapped here. ... This is bad, because I'm hungry. I hope he gets up before I starve... (Stomach rumbles)

(Note: That (points up at the "in other news") was written about a year ago when my cat was still with me. He did that all the time and would always look so darn heartbroken/offended when his bed moved.)


	401. Let's Play! 2

AN: This would play after Genis plays the emotion-matching mini-game in Izoold. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**.

* * *

**Let's Play! 2**

**"Hey Lloyd, let's play that new game the Katz taught me!"**

"The one where you make all the different faces?"

**"Yeah, that's it."**

"Sure, let's do it!"

**"..." (Music note)**

"Nyah..."

**"..." (Sweat drop)**

"Grrr..."

**"..." (Black squiggly)**

"Rah!"

**"Lloyd, stop making all those weird faces! You're not copying what I'm doing at all!"**

"I'm supposed to copy you?"

**"Well, yeah! What else would you do?"**

"I thought the whole game was about making funny faces..." (Sweat drop)

**"Maybe I should have explained the rules to you first..." (Sweat drop)**

* * *

AN: Note that in the end, they got one right. They both sweat dropped. Thanks (again) for the idea, Maxmagnus20019!


	402. Just Check the Synopsis

AN: Biochem exams are rough, especially when it's all proteomics. But it's over, wahoo. Also, it seems this is the last skit I have held in my reserve/queue to be uploaded. Guess I need to start writing pronto...

You know how some games reference the console's internal clock and use it to create events that relate to what's going on in real time? Well, if ToS did something cool like that, this would play on start-up if you hadn't played the game in a long, long time. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and _**Sheena is bold and italic**_.

* * *

**Just Check the Synopsis**

"All right, let's go-! Um... What were we doing again?"

**"I-I don't know. We were supposed to be doing something important, but I can't remember what!"**

_"Hm, it seems I've forgotten what our goal was as well."_

_**"What, you too? So none of us were paying attention?"**_

"Well, let's just check the synopsis. It should be able to remind us what we need to do."

_**"The synopsis? That sounds helpful. What is it?"**_

"You've never noticed it before? The synopsis is like a journal. It's got bits of information about everything we've been doing since the start of the journey."

**"You mean you've been taking notes? You? I wasn't expecting that!"**

_"That was very resourceful of you, Lloyd. Impressive foresight."_

"N-No, I didn't write the synopsis. It's in the main menu. New entries just show up on their own as we do stuff."

_**"The main menu...? Oh, I get it now."**_

**"You're talking about that weird stuff again, aren't you?"**

_"Lloyd..." (Sweat drop) "I appreciate your imagination, but right now we need to focus on remembering what we were supposed to be doing."_

"But it's not imaginary! Just press Y and-! ..." (Sigh) "Why am I the only one who gets this stuff?"

* * *

AN: When it comes to RPGs, the synopsis feature is a lifesaver. I've been stuck in ToP because I can't remember what the heck I'm supposed to do. Not that I mind that much... And thanks for the idea, Winged Senea!


	403. Explaining the Joke

AN: This would play after you fight a battle with Lloyd, Sheena, Zelos, and Presea's joke weapons equipped. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Presea is italic,_ and _**Zelos is bold and italic.**_

* * *

**Explaining the Joke  
**

"This doesn't make any sense..."

_**"Huh?"**_

_"What is the matter, Lloyd?"_

"These are giant paper fans. How can they be a stronger weapon than all my other swords? It's crazy! All of these new weapons are!"

**"You just need to take a closer look at them. Right here on the edge of the creases. There's a long razor blade embedded in each fold, see? It's an old ninja technique."**

"Whoa. Okay, that's cool. But that still doesn't explain the other ones, like your money bags or Zelos' dagger. It's made of pink plastic! And Presea's too. How come a squeaky plastic hammer is more deadly than a battle axe?"

**"Are you kidding me? Feel how heavy these things are! Getting whacked in the face with twenty pounds of gald is just as bad as any magic I can whip up with my cards."**

_**"Lloyd, this dagger's not made of just any 'pink plastic.' It's a high-density pink polymer that can be sharpened to an edge only a couple nanometers thick. I could cut anything with this baby!"**_

_"The surface of this hammer is coated in microscopic needles. When the air chambers of the hammer collapse after an impact, the pressure injects a deadly neurotoxin into whatever I hit."_

"W-Who would make something like that...?" (Shocked face)

* * *

AN: There has to be a reason. I like this. Thanks for the idea, fireblast123!


	404. Lloyd's New Clothes

AN: Since I got such a response out of the last chapter, I tried writing a sequel. It... Wasn't pretty. Heh... (Sweat drop) Maybe it'll happen one day, but today is not that day! Today we talk about an RPG staple that's bothered me for a long, _long_ time.

This would play after you equip Lloyd with Chain Mail and is possibly a late sequel to my skit 325 'Art of the Quickchange.' Lloyd is normal,** Sheena is bold**.

* * *

**Lloyd's New Clothes**

(Clink clink clink)

**"..."**

(Clink clink clink)

**"What's that noise? Is there something loose in your pack, Lloyd? I keep hearing this clinking sound."**

"Oh, actually that's me. I just switched to my chain mail a little while ago."

**"Are you messing with me? You're just wearing your regular clothes."**

"I always wear my armor under my everyday clothes."

**"What? Since when?"**

"Since always. It helps intimidate enemies. They get spooked when they can't see any armor, but their attacks just bounce off me." (Self-satisfied) "I can't believe you never noticed."

**"Well, that still doesn't explain why your helm is invisible..." (Black squiggly)**

* * *

AN: I equip new armor, but their clothes never change. What's going on here?


	405. Out of Reach

AN: This would play after you learn who Regal is if you have under 20,000 gald and ran entirely out of gald three times when he was in the party before his identity was revealed. Lloyd is normal, **Zelos is bold**, _Regal is italic_,_** Raine is bold and italic**_, and Genis is underlined.

* * *

**Out of Reach**

**"Ha! I knew you looked familiar. Duke Regal Bryant, CEO of Lezareno Corp. I met you when I was little."**

"CEO?"

"That means he owns the Lezareno company, Lloyd."

**"That's right! Regal here is one of the richest guys in Tethe'alla, and his company makes pretty much every item we use when we're on the road."**

_**"Is that so." (Black squiggly)**_

"Professor...?"

_"Yes. Please forgive my deception."_

_**"That's not why I'm upset. Do you mean to tell me that all those times we nearly starved and ran out of medicine, you had an ample supply of funds we could have used? Why didn't you mention any of this then?"**_

_"I was trying to keep a low profile. Besides, I am a convicted, escaped felon. My finances are rather off-limits to me at the moment."_

_**"..."**_

_"If anyone could have been of assistance, it would have been Zelos. He does have the vast Wilder family fortune at his disposal."_

**"Hey, how did I end up as the bad guy here? My bank account was frozen because of the whole 'high treason' thing. I couldn't have helped either."**

_**(Sigh) "You're right. I'm sorry."**_

"Does this mean we're still poor?"

"Yeah."

"Aw..."

* * *

AN: Regal and Zelos are both filthy, stinkin' rich so why don't they dip into their personal accounts to bankroll the party when the going gets tough? They can't! Their assets have been frozen. Thanks for the idea, Crass Clown.


	406. Ancient Grandmaster Kratos

AN: Phew... There's a _lot_ of stuff going on right now over here in Scribeland, the least of which is that I'm going on a trip up north again. Just a short jaunt this time, not my annual retreat, but hopefully I'll still have a hefty load of new skits for you all when I return. Until then, enjoy!

This would play after Zelos dies and Kratos rejoins the party. Lloyd is normal, **Kratos is bold.**

* * *

**Ancient Grandmaster Kratos**

"Hey Kratos, did you know Zelos very well?"

**"Not really. I know a good deal about him thanks to Cruxis' records, but Zelos and I never had much interaction. Why do you ask?"**

"Just curious. Zelos used the exact same style of swordsmanship as you. The same stance, same moves... I was wondering if you might have trained him too."

**"Hm... I may have, indirectly."**

"H-Huh?"

**"In Tethe'alla the dominant school of martial arts is an exceptionally ancient style that dates all the way back to before the Kharlan War. It is utilized by the King's army and militant arms of the church like the Papal Knights. Zelos would have learned his swordsmanship from one of those sources and, though the spear forms are a new development, the sword techniques are still unchanged from when I founded the style millennia ago."**

"... ... ..." (Shock)

**"Is something wrong, Lloyd?"**

"N-No, I just keep forgetting how old you are."

**"Why is it that every conversation we have now seems to come back to the subject of my age...?" (Black squiggly)**

* * *

AN: There you go, talesfanjmf, the answer to your question!


	407. A Love That Transcends Time

AN: Forgive me! I wrote no new skits. What I did do was eat a nauseating amount of fudge (maple yum), take some sweet photos, and start work on a new fic that'll be like _My Comrades and I_, only not.

This would play once you finish the sidequest where you return Yuan's ring. Colette is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and _**Yuan is bold and italic**_.

* * *

**A Love That Transcends Time**

**"So this was Martel's engagement ring, and you've held on to it for four thousand years? Talk about eternal love..."**

"That's so romantic! What do you think, Professor?"

_"A pre-Balacruf Dynasty betrothal ring... I recognized the style, but I never dreamed it was a genuine artifact! And it's perfectly preserved, marvelous!" (Hearts)_

_**"Yes, I'm sure it's fascinating. May I have my ring back already?" (Black squiggly)**_

* * *

AN: It really is sweet of him, not that he'd ever acknowledge it... Of course, if it were my ring, I'd probably have the same sort of reaction. (Sweat drop)

Also! I realized something the other day. In regards to my skit 387 "Kind of Anticlimactic", it actually makes sense that Mithos would be so weak in the final battle. Think. By that time the party is exceptionally strong and they've stolen the Eternal Sword, which was the main source of Mithos' power. Yes, he's still got his powers as a Seraph, but if Lloyd was able to defeat Kratos all by his lonesome, then those angel powers can't be that impressive and this time the poor lad's up against four people. It only makes sense that Mithos would get whupped.


	408. We Have Ignition!

AN: Uh-oh, I only have four skits in stock after this one. And three of them star Regal... (Sweat drop) Gotta get writing!

This would play after you win a battle against a fire monster (i.e. Fire Warrior, Firebird) if Lloyd has the Wooden Blades equipped. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold.**

* * *

**We Have Ignition!**

**"Whoa, Lloyd, you're on fire!"**

"Heh. I was pretty awesome, wasn't I? Those monsters never stood a chance." (Self-satisfied grin)

**"No, I mean your swords are burning! Drop them quick!" (Shout)**

"Agh! When did that happen?"

**"Lloyd, you idiot..." (Sweat drop) "Aqua Edge!"**

* * *

AN: You can only hit a guy with lava skin so many times before your sword catches... This idea is all Zelser's fault!


	409. PFooooooosh!

AN: This would play in Meltokio before you're pardoned by the King if you have a Life Bottle and Mermaid's Tear. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Raine is italic_, _**Zelos is bold and italic**_, and Regal is underlined.

* * *

**PFooooooosh!**

"Man, I'm bored... I know we have to keep a low profile, but can't we do something?"

_**"Hm, I've got an idea. Sheena, we've got some Life Bottles and Mermaid's Tears, right?"**_

**"What? You're not really thinking of doing that here, are you?"**

_**"Hey, keep your voice down!" (Whisper) "We don't want to attract attention, remember?"**_

**"You idiot Chosen, if you do that here you'll attract the attention of everyone in the city!"**

"What are you guys talking about?"

_"Yes, what would be so disruptive about a Life Bottle and Mermaid's Tears? They're both relatively inert substances."_

_**"Huh? Don't tell me you've never-"**_

"In Sylvarant, Life Bottles are likely too precious to waste on entertainment. To answer your question, Raine, when a Mermaid's Tear is dropped into a Life Bottle the small irregularities on its surface provide areas for bubbles to form."

_"Hm, nucleation. ... Those bubbles must build up quickly. How does all that gas escape the bottle?"_

"It creates a massive geyser of Life Bottle."

"That sounds awesome!"

"It's spectacular."

**"Which is why we can't do it while we're in the city."**

_"I don't see the harm in it."_

**"Are you crazy? If we get caught-"**

_"Science is full of risks. Lloyd, Zelos, gather the materials and set everything up. Let's proceed with the experiment!"_

"All right!"

_**"**__**Hehehe."**_

**"Shouldn't you be helping me try to stop them, Regal? Regal?"**

"Get ready to jump back as soon as you drop the Tear in- I'm sorry, did you say something, Sheena?"

**"..." (Black squiggly)**

* * *

AN: For science! Remember, educational entertainment is best when it explodes or involves high voltage.

For the record, the inspiration for this skit wasn't just trolling the web and regurgitating a viral video. It was Maker Faire: An event so awesome, marvelous, splendid, epic, and on fire (literally); it's more fun than a barrel of something that's really fun. I was there all day today and had an excellent time. (As if you couldn't have guessed.) Featuring prominently among the incredible things to see was this: http : / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = XTezXdHlesI A massive (one hundred and eight bottles) Coke Zero and Mentos performance by EepyBird (the original Pepsi and Mentos Guys) which you should all watch right now. Seriously, go watch it. You won't regret it.

Thanks to Nicolette7, who made me realize I really could make a skit out of this, and Blackmoon, who gave the excellent title. Well done!

And yes, Life Bottles are carbonated.


	410. Very Common Ancestry

AN: All right guys, it's PSA time. Today's subject, rabies. In short: It's _not cool._ (I hope that's common knowledge.) The virus is invariably fatal unless treated and can take anywhere from two weeks to two years to show symptoms; once the symptoms show up, it means the virus has made it to your central nervous system and can't be stopped. You're_ dead_.

I bring it up because we found a bat in the house a week ago. My mum, dad, and I were all considered exposed. Tomorrow we all go back to the ER for the third round of rabies vaccinations. (There are four rounds. The first vaccine is given ASAP after the exposure with immunoglobulin, then another dose of vaccine is given on days three, seven, and fourteen after the initial treatment.) Don't worry though, the vaccine is 100% effective so we're all going to live as long as we get these last two on schedule. (Happy lines)

Anyway, the important thing to remember is this: Bats' teeth are so fine that somebody may be bitten or scratched and not even notice. Combine that with the fact that a teensy bit of virus-bearing saliva is all you need to be infected with rabies and you have a problem. If you get a bat in your house, catch it and give it to animal control for testing to determine if it's rabid. If you can't catch it, have everybody that was in the house go get the shots. (They're not fun, but they're not_ nearly_ as bad as they used to be and infinitely better than the alternative.) Anyone who was sleeping in the same room with a bat or a kid who was unattended with a bat especially need them.

Watch out for raccoons, possums, skunks, and the like that are acting weirdly (i.e. staggering around in the daytime); make sure your pets get their shots, and try not to hug foamy dogs. Take care of yourselves! I don't want any of you guys to have to go through this too.

Heh... And on that happy note, a skit!

This would play once you learn Regal's family history and that Kratos is Lloyd's father. Lloyd is normal, **Regal is bold.**

* * *

**Very Common Ancestry**

"Hey, I just realized something, Regal. Your family sold supplies to the armies during the Ancient War, that means your family must be at least four thousand years old! That's so cool! I wish my family had a long history like that."

**"Yours does."**

"Oh, well I guess... But Kratos is immortal, so does that really count?"

**"That's not quite what I meant. Every family has a history that stretches back to well before the Ancient War. It just so happens that some are better documented than others. While most people are unable to trace their lineage past a few generations, the fact that they are alive at all means they had an ancestor who lived over four thousand years ago."**

"You're right! I never thought of it like that. And it's true for everyone too. Humans, elves, half-elves, dwarves, even monsters."

**"Indeed. Every living thing has an extensive ancestry. All the ability to recount one's lineage for millennia proves is that somewhere along your line, one of your ancestors was rich enough to have the information written down."**

* * *

AN: 'Tis true. If you're alive today, it means someone related to you was alive way back when!


	411. Exire's Greatest Mystery

AN: Sorry I've been gone, folks! Been working on a myriad of things. (Sadly, none of that work was fic... Start throwing ideas at me if you've got any. A plotbunny bombardment may help restart my brainmeats.)

This would play in Exire if you haven't gotten Colette's 'Dog Lover' title yet. Raine is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Regal is italic_, _**Sheena is bold and italic**_, and Colette is underlined.

* * *

**Exire's Greatest Mystery**

**"Wow, this place is huge!"**

"A floating city held aloft by the power of a summon spirit..."

_**"Yeah, Exire's pretty incredible. I've seen it from the ground before and wondered what it was like, but I've never had a Rheaird to come check it out with."**_

**"Is that the only way to get up here or something?"**

_"Yes. Travel in and out of Exire can only be done by Rheaird."_

"But aren't Rheairds a rarity, even here in Tethe'alla?"

**"Yeah, I thought the ones we have are all there are."**

_**"..."**_

_"... This raises some troubling questions."_

_**"No kidding! How are these people getting supplies? I guess they could use cisterns to catch rain for their water, but what about food?"**_

_"I saw a small orchard as we flew in, but that can't produce enough to sustain an entire city."_

(Enter, sigh) "This is so sad. I searched everywhere, but I couldn't find a single dog. Every other town we've visited has dogs, why doesn't this one?" (Intense)

_**"..."**_

"..."

**"..."**

_"..."_

"Did I say something wrong?"

_**"... You don't think they eat...?"**_

**"No way."**

"I-It's highly doubtful, but there is a possibility..."

_"It's more likely Maxwell's Power provides for the citizens of Exire and they don't have to resort to such actions. ... I hope..."_

* * *

AN: I know Exire has two dogs. They were just hiding from Colette, that's why she couldn't find any. They, like the rest of the city's population, are wary of outsiders. ... Yup. It's better than the alternative route I could have taken this skit, wherein Colette muses "This city's nearly empty, I wonder where everyone went." (Shifty eyes)

Thinking about it seriously, the Renegades or Tethe'alla's inactive Desians probably sent semi-regular shipments of supplies to Exire using their Rheairds. We know they had some, since that's where the party stole them from, and before the mana flow was reversed into Sylvarant there would have been more than enough mana to fly the things up there. Of course, now that the party has the Rheairds, nobody's running supplies up to Exire, so we'd better hope Maxwell really is taking care of everyone up there like Regal suggested.

I hope that's a satisfactory answer to your question, LikeAGlintOfLight!


	412. Run For the Hills

AN: I had my first day of classes today! (I actually wrote this skit this morning while waiting for evolutionary biology to start.) 'Twas fun and as part of welcome week they were giving away free ice cream in the student center. You just can't beat free ice cream!

Zelos is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic_, _**Sheena is bold and italic**_, and Presea is underlined.

* * *

**Run For the Hills**

"... Okay then, I'll just-"

**"Ah! Z-Zelos?"**

_"Colette? What's-? Zelos, it's the middle of the night!"_

_** "What the hell are you doing creeping around in our tent?"**_

"Explain yourself."

"Whoa, whoa! Calm down. I just had this awful dream that you four were chasing me with weapons. It was so real I couldn't get back to sleep unless I made sure you guys weren't waiting outside my tent to axe-murder me."

_"Interesting... Zelos, I believe you may have had a prophetic dream."_

**"What does that mean, Professor?"**

_**"It means Zelos has a minute head start."**_

"H-Hey now, can't we talk this over?"

"Fifty-five seconds."

(Gulp, Exit)

* * *

AN: Oh Zelos, always getting yourself in trouble... Thanks for the idea, The-3-Sueslayers! (Sorry it took so long to write.)


	413. Get It Straight

AN: Jeez, I'm sorry guys, there's not even a good excuse I can give you all. I've just been terribly lax and I promise to stop slacking. (Sweat drop)

Now, as chosen by The Sage of Spirits, a serious skit. This would play after you see skit 283 "Priorities." (Where Raine and Regal agree to do whatever it takes to protect Lloyd during your second assault on the Tower of Salvation to rescue Colette.) Lloyd is normal, **Raine is bold**, and _Regal is italic._

* * *

**Get It Straight**

"Professor Sage, Regal, can I talk with you for a second?"

_"Of course."_

**"What's troubling you, Lloyd?"**

"I heard you two talking earlier and you're wrong."

**"Lloyd, please try to understand-"**

"I do. I know how dangerous this mission is and there's a chance we might not all make it back. I hate it, but... Please, both of you, promise me that if it comes down to it you won't put my life over the others' or your own."

_"I'm sorry, Lloyd, we can't. Your Exsphere is the only thing that can defeat Mithos."_

"Maybe, but it'll be useless if we can't get the Eternal Sword and reunite the worlds. Any one of you could take my Exsphere and equip it if I die, but only Sheena can make the pact with Origin and get the Eternal Sword away from Mithos. Without her, everything we've done will have been for nothing. Promise me you'll put Sheena first."

**"... You're right. Reuniting the worlds needs to remain our top priority."**

_"Very well. I will do everything in my power to protect Sheena, you have my word."_

"Thanks Professor, Regal. I knew I could count on you two. Now let's go save Colette!" (Exit)

_"... I expected a scolding, but that was unusual."_

**"Yes. He may not show it, but I think Lloyd understands the situation better than any of us."**

* * *

AN: Of course Lloyd knows he may lose one of his friends every time they go into battle, but if he ever says that then the party's morale will plummet. After all, if even Lloyd the eternal idealist is planning for the worst, you're pretty much doomed.


	414. Save the Date

AN: Birds have no respect for personal property. We had a garage sale yesterday, so my dad moved my car out of the driveway and parked it in the street. Under a tree. One that's apparently home to a large, well-fed flock of tiny birds. My tan car is now white. Friggin' birds. (And no, this doesn't have anything to do with today's skit.)

This would play after Kratos rejoins your party. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Kratos is italic_, and _**Colette is bold and italic**_.

* * *

**Save the Date**

_**"Um, Kratos, can we ask you something?"**_

_"Of course. What would you like to know?"_

**"When's your birthday?"**

"Everyone else has had one during the journey, but you never mentioned yours."

_**"If there's a reason you don't like your birthday like Professor Sage, we'll understand, but we want to celebrate!" (Happy lines)**_

_"Hm, my birthday is... ..." (Sigh)_

_**"It's something you don't like thinking about, isn't it? I'm sorry, we shouldn't have-"**_

_"No, it's not that. It's just, I've... Forgotten, to tell the truth."_

"What?"

**"How did you forget your own birthday?"**

_"With all the different calendars and changes that have been introduced over the millennia, the date has changed significantly. For all I know, the actual date of my birth may not even exist anymore."_

_**"It's settled then!"**_

_"..."_

"..."

**"... Uh, what is, Colette?" (Sweat drop)**

_**"If Kratos doesn't know what day his birthday is, then today can be his birthday and we'll throw him a party!"**_

"Is that okay with you, Kratos?"

_"Heh. I have no objections."_

_**"Great! I'll go tell everyone. Regal and Sheena can start decorating, Presea will get the candles, and Raine can bake the cake!" (Exit)**_

"This sounds like it'll be f-! Wait, did she say-?" (Shock)

_"Raine will bake the cake..." (Wary)_

**"Relax. Sis knows it's spice cake with an e, not a y. She'll get it this time." (Sweat drop)**

* * *

AN: By a show of hands, how many folks here have forgotten their birthday before? (Raise hand) Good idea, Kiraracat. Thanks!


	415. Pick Up the Pace

AN: So, I just realized it's been a whole month since I updated. (Sweat drop) It's not like I was that busy either, I was just being exceptionally lazy... (Well, I did make a ton of cosplays for my buds. Still, a _month_? Gack.) ... Here's a skit!

This would play in the Darkness Temple after you get the Blue Candle. Raine is normal, **Sheena is bold**, and _Genis is italic_.

* * *

**Pick Up the Pace**

"Sheena, how much testing has been done on this Blue Candle? Is it reliable?"

**"Well, the Research Academy knows it works, but that's about it. It's expensive magitechnology, so they try not to burn any more than is absolutely necessary."**

"So we have no idea how long we have until it burns down and traps us in this impenetrable darkness."

_"Do you really think it'll go out, sis?"_

"It's a candle, magic or not it has to run out eventually."

_"..."_

**"... Let's get moving."**

_"R-Right."_

* * *

AN: Think about it.


	416. Lloyd's Doubts

AN: This would play once Kratos rejoins the party if you Magic Lens'd him in both the battle at the Tower of Salvation and in Torent Forest. Lloyd is normal, **Kratos is bold.**

* * *

**Lloyd's Doubts**

"... Have I really become stronger?"

**"Hm?"**

"When we fought in Torent Forest, I won and I could tell you weren't holding back, but... Professor Sage checked the Monster List and your stats in that battle were lower than they were when we faced off at the Tower of Salvation."

**"What are you implying?"**

"Maybe I haven't gotten stronger, you've just gotten worse!"

**"I doubt that is what happened." (Facepalm)**

* * *

AN: That second Monster List entry on Kratos also lists him as an "Unknown" type while the other entry has him as "Human." Curious... Thanks for the idea, Filraen!


	417. Martel's Favorite Snack

AN: This would play after you see skit 284 "Martel's Memories." (Where Colette tells Raine about how she had all of Martel's memories during her short time as a vessel.) Colette is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Sheena is italic_.

* * *

**Martel's Favorite Snack**

**"Wh-what is that, Colette?"**

_"You're not really going to eat that mess, are you?"_

"Yep!" (Happy lines) "When Martel's consciousness was in my body I got to see all of her memories. I know this stuff looks scary, but she loved it. It was her favorite food!"

_"So now you want to try it too?"_

"Mm-hm."

**"Colette, what's in this anyway? It smells like radish and fish."**

"Let's see... It's radish, tuna, banana, raw egg, peach, and onion. You mix it all up and boil it into a sauce, then pour it over cubed tofu."

**"Yuck! That's like something Raine would invent."**

_"Sorry, but Genis is right. That sounds awful."_

"But sometimes weird combinations work out really good, right? I'm going to give it a chance."

_"Good luck."_

"... ... ..."

**"Well, how is it?"**

"... It's... Really, really gross. Ugh, how did Martel eat this stuff?"

* * *

AN: How indeed? (Suspense!)


	418. Martel's Peculiar Tastes

AN: Oh, you guys... You preempted me with your guesses last skit! Everybody was close, not quite right.

This would play after you see "Martel's Favorite Snack" if you go to the Triet or Flanoir Renegade Bases. Colette is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Sheena is italic_, and _**Yuan is bold and italic**_.

* * *

**Martel's Peculiar Tastes**

_**(Sniff) "Is that radish and fish I smell?"**_

"Oh, yeah. I've got some food in my pack."

**"You kept the leftovers?"**

"I didn't want it to go to waste."

_"Won't it go to waste anyway since nobody will eat it?"_

"Hehe, I guess so."

_**"Hm... May I try some?"**_

"Sure, but it's not very good."

_**"... Just as I thought, this is my recipe. I used to make it for Martel during our journey. You recreated this from her memories, didn't you?"**_

_"Now I get it! That dish reminded her of you, that's how she could stomach the awful flavor."_

"So it wasn't the taste Martel loved, it was that Yuan cooked it for her?"

**"That's way too sappy..." (Sweat drop)**

_**"I hate to disappoint you, but no. Martel really did enjoy the taste. She would eat it just as happily whether it was me, Kratos, or Mithos who cooked."**_

_"..."_

"..."

**"..."**

_**"You have to remember, at that point in our journey we were all far enough into the angel transformation that none of us had much of a sense of taste."**_

_"Ah..."_

**"Now it really makes sense."**

* * *

AN: That's how! If I were undergoing the Angel transformations, I (would be really freaked out) would make a habit of eating absolutely horrible things around normal people to creep them out. Why yes, this is a lemon covered in guacamole and tabasco sauce with raw garlic cloves jammed into it, it's my favorite!

Also, remember way back when I had a poll about what type of ToS story you all wanted to see next and the "epic AU tale of epic proportions" came in near the top? (Second only to "Regal as Batman.") Well, I've been working on it for a long time. Literally, years. And I have the prologue and first chapter done. That's all. (Sweat drop) However, I'm going to post what I've got, so keep an eye out!

**EDIT: I did post it just now. My newest fic, _IndepC_. Go check it out!**


	419. A Kneejerk Response

AN: This would play after you fight Rodyle's Baby and Winged Dragons and save Colette from the Dragon's Nest. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Regal is italic_, _**Zelos is bold and italic**_, and Presea is underline.

* * *

**A Knee-jerk Response**

"'What is this ominous light that threatens to engulf us?'" (Serious face, grin) "Hehe. What was that all about, Regal?"

**"Yeah, most of us would have stopped at 'What is this?'" (Cracking up)**

_**"What I want to know is how he managed to say that with a straight face. 'Engulf us'! Hahaha!"**_

_"It was the first thing that came to mind in a tense situation." (Black squiggly)_

"Regal has an extensive vocabulary. We should not tease him for utilizing it on reflex."

_"Thank you, Presea."_

"Even if it sounded ridiculous."

_"..." (Sweat drop)_

* * *

AN: Regal earned the title "Meme Master"! "Now that you've said it, they'll never let you live it down."

And remember, go read _IndepC!_ Both part of Chapter 1 are up now.


	420. Bring It Right Back

AN: Welp, it's chapter 420. Seems as good a time as any to give you all a stat-dump because, not only have I not thanked you all for six thousand plus reviews yet (Shame on me. Thanks guys, y'all know I appreciate it!), I have a few interesting tidbits for you too. (This part here's really just an excuse to brag.) Prepare to have your minds blown!

Since I posted the first chapter Z-Skit has gotten 1,118,883 hits. Let me say that again: _1,118,883._ Yeah. And that's all because of you guys. Thank you muchly, I couldn't ask for better readers!

Now, this is a long sequel to (my) skit number 320 "Useless Things." It would play if you enter and leave Palmacosta three times, then return to the steamship after seeing "Useless Things." Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Sheena is italic_.

* * *

**Bring It Right Back**

**"It's still here? We've been gone for months and it doesn't look like they've moved it once!"**

_"The sailors told me it's operational now, but they haven't been sailing. I wonder why they went to the trouble of building a huge ship like that if they weren't going to use it."_

**"What do you think, Lloyd? ... Lloyd?"**

"..."

_"Uh-oh. I don't like that look in his eyes."_

**"What're you planning, Lloyd?"**

"Huh? Planning? N-Nothing. I was just thinking."

**"You're trying to figure out how to steal the steamship!"**

"No way! I'm not going to steal anything! ... I'm going to borrow it."

**"I knew it."**

_"Lloyd..." (Sweat drop)_

"Come on. No one else is using it and I'll bring it right back, I promise!"

* * *

AN: Captain Lloyd will probably need a trustworthy crew too, it's a big ship. Thanks for the idea, Umi Kanshisha!


	421. The Voice of Reason

AN: I was seriously considering waiting to post this until chapter 520, but decided now was better.

This would play just after you see Bring It Right Back if you linger around the ship. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is itali_c, and _**Sheena is bold and italic**_.

* * *

**The Voice of Reason  
**

_**"For the last time, no. I can't have Shadow cover us in darkness while we steal the ship!"**_

"Borrow it. And why not? It would be perfect cover!"

**"I hate to say it, but that does sound like a good plan."**

_**"It's broad daylight. If I call on Shadow he won't blot out the sun, he'd just cover us. We'd be a big blob of darkness running down the gangplank at high noon." (Sweat drop)**_

"Oh. Yeah, I guess that's not very stealthy..."

_(Enter) "What's going on here?"_

"Nothing. We're just, uh-"

**"Lloyd's plotting to steal the steamship."**

"Genis!"

_"Is this true, Lloyd?"_

"I just want to borrow it and sail around for a while."

_"Hm... ... Lloyd, follow me."_

"Onto the ship? Uh, okay..."

**"What are you doing, sis? You hate water!"**

_"Yes, but the inner workings of this ship are fascinating! Let's find the helm, I'm sure we can take the ship out once I examine the controls."_

**_"You're really going to help Lloyd take the ship?"_**

_"No one else seems to be using it. Let's go, Lloyd." (Exit)_

"All right!" (Exit)

_**"... Your family is crazy, Genis."**_

**"No, it's just her..." (Sweat drop)**

* * *

AN: Oh ho ho! Yes, ThePurpleRose, saw your review and wrote this just to be contrary! Well, not really. Not entirely, at least... Anyway, will the love of engineering overcome a crippling fear of water? Yup. Thanks for the idea!


	422. Key Memories

AN: Yikes, has it really been a month already? Sorry for the exceedingly long break, guys. Not gonna tell you it's because I'm busy with classes either, I've just been really lazy lately. (Sweat drop)

Here's a skit!

This would play while you're wandering around Tethe'alla, long after you've destroyed the Palmacosta and Asgard Desian Bases. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, and _Genis is italic_.

* * *

**Key Memories**

"Hey, here are the Red, Blue, and Purple Cards from the Palmacosta Ranch, and the Desian Orb we got from Pietro. Man, that was forever ago. Why're we still carrying these around?"

_"Dunno. They don't really do anything anymore. Guess we just haven't bothered to get rid of them yet."_

**"What? We can't throw them away. They're souvenirs, so we can remember our adventures together!" (Happy lines)**

"Our adventures opening doors?" (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: So many now-useless key items... I can understand keeping ones that show character development, like Sheena keeping Kuchinawa's charm, but the keycards? What do we need those for now? And some items, like the Elder's Staff that lets you into Lantheon Gorge... Shouldn't you give that back to the man?


	423. Follow the Call

AN: I was wondering whether to post this one or not, but decided it was worth it just for the sound effects/stage direction.

This would play if you spend the night in the inn in Meltokio. Lloyd is normal, **Sheena is bold.**

* * *

**Follow the Call**

"Agh, come on!" (Hop hop)

**"What's the matter, Lloyd?"**

"Where's the bathroom? I've been looking all over and I can't find it anywhere!" (Hop hop)

**"Oh, sorry. Guess I should have warned you, there aren't any bathrooms in Meltokio by royal edict."**

"What?" (Hop hop)

**"It's a long story." (Sweat drop)**

* * *

AN: There aren't any bathrooms in either world. Normally I'd forgive it because I understand that the programmers don't want to waste time making extra/unnecessary rooms, but what if it wasn't an omission on their part? What if there really aren't any bathrooms in Sylvarant and Tethe'alla? What purpose would Meltokio's sewers serve? Sinister... Thanks for the idea, Zesler!


	424. Forewarned is Forearmed?

AN: This would play once you get the Monster List if you've used the GRADE shop to carry over all your monster data into the new game. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and **_Kratos is bold and italic_**.

* * *

**Forewarned is... Forearmed?**

_"This book is fascinating! Just look at all this information. Vital statistics, elemental weaknesses and resistances, even item drop details... There are creatures in here I've never even seen!"_

"Wow, I had no idea Professor Sage would get so excited over the Monster List." ( Sweat drop)

**"I don't think I've ever seen her this happy before."**

_**"I suppose we each have our own areas of interest."**_

_"What a magnificent resource this will be!" (Hearts) "...! ... ..."_

**"Is something wrong, Professor?"**

_"I'm not sure."_

"Did you find something weird-? Whoa! What?"

_"Kratos, may I ask why you are listed in here? Three times?"_

_**"Ah... ... I'm sure it's nothing."**_

* * *

AN: I have a note here in the margins saying that Sagie (that's 'The Sage of Spirits') gave me info for this skit. ... I can't remember what info it was, but thanks for your help anyway! (Sweat drop)

_**EDIT: Also a big thank you to... Everybody really, for pointing out that Kratos has three entries, not two, in the Monster List. As you can see, 's been fixed. (Music Note)**_


	425. There Can Be Only One Batch

AN: Hey look, it's a skit!

This would play randomly if you cook after eating Genis' Cookies. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic_, _**Genis is bold and italic**_, and Sheena is underlined.

* * *

**There Can Be Only One (Batch)**

"Mm, that was tasty."

"You know what I think would be great right now? Cookies. What do you think, Genis?"

**"Oh, would you make some? I love your cookies, Genis!"**

_"Dessert does sound nice."_

_**"Sorry guys, I can't."**_

**"Aw..."**

"Why not? We've got all the ingredients."

"Do you need an oven?"

_**"No, it's not that. I'd be happy to bake cookies for you guys, but I can't keep making an item that restores that much HP and TP. It would totally disrupt gameplay."**_

"I suppose that makes sense."

_"Yes, balanced gameplay is very important."_

**"You can make a batch to celebrate when our Journey's over. We can eat them while we watch the credits." (Happy lines)**

"W-Wait, what? Hey! Gameplay? Credits? You guys aren't making any sense..."

* * *

AN: Now you know what it's like, Lloyd!

Just think of how much easier it'd be to get through the early sections of the game if you could have Genis whip up a batch of cookies, which are effectively a Melange/Miracle Gel, for the cost of only cookie ingredients (I'm thinking, milk, eggs, and bread since they don't have flour) on a whim? 'Twould be a gamebreaker, I say! Thanks for helping me chose the title, Yuleen!


	426. A Novel Idea

AN: This would play after Colette gets her wings. Sheena is normal,** Colette is bold**, _Raine is italic_, _**Genis is bold and italic.**_

* * *

**A Novel Idea**

"Careful everybody, the path is really uneven up here-"

**"Ah!" (Thud)**

_**"Colette! Are you all right?"**_

_"Oh no, you're bleeding. Let me look at it."_

**"I'm fine, really. It doesn't hurt."**

_**"Colette, you've had wings for a really long time now, but you keep tripping. Why don't you ever use them to catch yourself?"**_

"I was kinda of wondering that too."

**"Hm, I could catch myself, couldn't I? I guess I just never thought of it before."**

* * *

AN: Really, Colette. It's not that big of a jump. (Sweat drop)


	427. Chi Master Regal

AN: This would play once Regal learns Grand Chi Healer. Regal is normal, **Sheena is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and _**Zelos is bold and italic.**_

* * *

**Chi Master Regal**

_"May I ask you a question, Regal?"_

"Of course."

_"How is it that you can use magic when you're human?"_

**"That's been bugging me too. What's your secret?"**

_**"I bet you had to take a dose of Aionis like I did."**_

"Actually, I don't use magic at all. My healing techniques rely on manipulating the body's flow of chi to accelerate recovery. It's a skill I've honed over many years of meditation and training in the martial arts."

_"Chi manipulation..."_

**"That sort of sounds like what I do to use my cards, only... You can heal others. Wait, that means you can influence other people's chi and do it from across a battlefield too? That's incredible!"**

_"An alternative system of healing arts that forgoes the use of magic completely? Fascinating! Regal, please give us a demonstration of your moves and explain the technique behind them."_

**"Yeah, you've got to teach me how to do that!"**

_**"Oh man, you got both of them going! There's no escaping from this one, Regal. Good luck!" (Laughing)**_

"Very well...?" (Sweat drop)

* * *

AN: Man, looking back on the skits I've written, Regal's just full of mysteries. How he gets dressed and drives a Rheaird without using his hands, how he casts spells without an aionis transfusion, and there are more I haven't touched on yet. Thanks for the idea, Shika Kev Prower!


	428. Lloyd, the Half Elven Hero 1

AN: This would play when Kratos rejoins your party after you learn he's Lloyd's father. Lloyd is normal,** Colette is bold**, _Kratos is italic_, _**Raine is bold and italic**_, Genis is underlined, and **Sheena is bold and underlined**.

* * *

**(Lloyd, the Half-Elven Hero 1)**

"If Kratos is... then..."

"What're you mumbling about, Genis?"

"I was just thinking, if Kratos is an angel and your mom was human, then that makes you a half-angel. Doesn't it, Lloyd?"

"I... I don't know. Maybe? I never thought about it before."

**"You probably are. I mean, that's how it is with half-elves, right?"**

**"Uh-uh! That's not how it works at all. Lloyd's a human!"**

**"You think?"**

"Are you sure about that, Colette?"

**"Yep. I'm still human even thought I went though the angel transformation, right? That means that Kratos is too. Right, Kratos?"**

_"Yes. 'Seraph' is only a title, I'm just as human as Sheena or Regal."_

_**(Reading) "A Cruxis Crystal is an acquired trait. It slows the metabolism of whoever it is equipped to, but doesn't cause any genetic changes that can be passed on to the next generation. That means Lloyd couldn't have inherited any angelic powers from Kratos."**_

_"Exactly."_

(Sigh) "Okay, okay."

**"I guess that makes sense. Kinda."**

"... So... Wait, what am I now?"

**"You're human, just like your mom and dad." (Happy lines)**

* * *

AN: Kratos was human to start with and he's still human while wearing his Cruxis Crystal. If he were to take it off, all that would happen is he would begin to age again. The genetic information he passed to Lloyd would be human as well, so Lloyd is not a half-angel, folks. Please, stop saying he is. It's basic genetics. Plus, the only real angels are Lifeless Beings, which are all half-elves.


	429. Lloyd, the Half Elven Hero 2

AN: I'm surprised none of you called me on last skit's title being "half-elven" hero and not "half-angelic."

Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, and _Sheena is italic._

* * *

**Lloyd, the Half-Elven Hero 2**

"..."

_"What's wrong, Lloyd? You look down."_

**"Is this about you not being a half-angel?"**

"Yeah... I know it's not important, but if I was a half-angel, it would explain a whole lot of things about me."

_"Really? Like what?"_

"... Ah... ... Well..."

**"You can't think of anything, can you?" (Sweat drop)**

"Not really." (Sheepish)

* * *

AN: Also, I'd like to wish everybody a belated happy (insert festivity of your choice here), a killer New Year's, and may the Force be with you.


	430. You Can Fly!

AN: This would play after you obtain the Ymir Fruit if Zelos is still in your party. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Genis is italic_, _**Zelos is bold and italic**_, and Sheena is underlined.

* * *

**You Can Fly!**

"Can we sit down for a while? My legs feel like they're going to fall off..."

"Tell me about it. I've never gone to so much effort for a fruit before."

_"Colette-" (Pant pant) "Why didn't you just fly up and grab the Ymir Fruit right off the tree?" (Pant) "It would've saved us so much time!"_

**"But then the fish wouldn't have gotten fed!"**

_"The fish?"_

**"Yeah. If I just flew up to get the fruit, we wouldn't have knocked any caterpillars into the water and the fish would all still be really hungry!"**

"Really...?" (Sweat drop)

_**"Hey, fish gotta eat too. Who're we to deny them that?"**_

"I can't believe you guys..." (Black squiggly)

_"..." (Sweat drop)_

* * *

AN: It's a commonly asked question and easily answered. Colette didn't grab the fruit herself because of her overwhelming love of nature and respect for the food webs that make up every ecosystem! Zelos didn't do it because flying takes a lot out of a guy. Thanks for the idea, anonymous reviewer "."! (It feels weird crediting a punctuation mark...)

**_EDIT: Huh... _****_You sure guys?_** Well, continuity errors fixed, then. Thanks for the heads-up. I suppose this means it's time for a refresher course. Another play through, coming up!


	431. Two Are Better Than One

AN: This would play after Lloyd explains his "two swords, two times the power!" rationale if you equip two capes to Kratos. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold.**

* * *

**Two Are Better Than One**

**"Kratos, aren't you warm wearing two capes?"**

"Yes, but the extra protection it gives me is worth the discomfort."

**"Wait, you get extra protection from two capes?"**

"Of course. One cape provides a significant increase to defense, wearing two capes gives me double that."

**"I thought you told me that didn't work!"**

"Not when it's weapons you're doubling, but armor is different. If you wear more armor, you'll be better protected."

**"... All right, if that's how it works, then I'll wear two pairs of boots." (Black squiggly)**

"As long as you're able to walk." (Facepalm)

* * *

AN: Yes, you're able to equip (and thus wear) two pairs of boots at once. Actually doing so takes a lot of sole!

Thanks to LikeaGlintofLight and Maxmagnus20019 for this idea!


	432. Hanging On By A Thread

AN: This would play if you end a battle with Lloyd at only one HP. Lloyd is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Genis is italic_, and _**Raine is bold and italic.**_

* * *

**Hanging On By A Thread**

"All right! We sure showed those monsters, didn't we?"

**"Lloyd, you shouldn't jump around like that until Raine can take care of you." (Worry)**

"Take care of me? Why would she need to do that? I feel great."

_"Don't be stupid, Lloyd. You've only got one hit point left. In your condition a stubbed toe could kill you!"_

**"Please be careful!"**

"I don't know what you guys are talking about. I'm fine, really. But if it makes you feel better, I guess I can go see the Professor and- Agh!"

**"Oh no. Lloyd, Lloyd!"**

_"I told you!"_

_**(Enter) "What's causing all this commotion-? Lloyd! Genis, what happened?"**_

_"He had one HP and tripped over a rock." (Sweat drop)_

_**"I see..." (Sweat drop) "I'll get a Life Bottle."**_

* * *

AN: Winning a battle with one HP makes your character look tired at the end of the fight and give a different end quote. After that they're fine and dandy, able to trek across any terrain to the nearest inn as well as every other party member, but Martel forbid they get a papercut. Thanks for the idea, Zelser, and thanks for the kick, D48!


	433. Beware Student Drivers

AN: Happy Halloween, everyone! May you all have good weather and a safe time while running around in the dark dressed like crazy people seeking candy. Or, whatever it is you plan to do. (Is this not the best holiday ever?!)

I was a little surprised I didn't have a spookier skit ready to go in honor of the season, but if you want scary, go read _Everdark_, by Celsius009. He's just posted it and it's terrifyingly amazing.

This would play if you run into multiple things while driving the EC before docking. Lloyd is normal, **Genis is bold**, _Raine is italic_, and _**Regal is bold and italic**_.

* * *

**Beware Student Drivers**

_"According to this map and the instruments, if we keep our current heading and speed we should find a dock in about ten minutes."_

_**"That sounds correct. I'll make sure we stay on course."**_

"You seem pretty calm, Professor."

**"Yeah, what gives, sis? You're usually terrified on boats like this."**

_"Yes, well, I'm not exactly comfortable, but this ship is sturdier than anything else we've ridden in and our captain's doing a good job of keeping the ride smooth."_

_**"Thank you."**_

"Figures you'd know how to drive a boat, Regal. You know how to do everything, don't you?"

_**"Heh. On some level, yes. ... Would you like to learn how to operate a ship?"**_

_"W-What?"_

**"You'd teach us?"**

_**"Certainly, if you'd like."**_

"Sure! How's it work?"

_**"It's simple. The wheel controls the direction the ship travels. This level here is called the throttle. It controls the ship's speed. The instrument panel has information on speed, fuel supply, and position, but they're not important right now. Care to give it a try?**_

_"Regal, are you sure this is the best idea?" (Unsettled)_

_**"I don't foresee any problems. ECs are easy to drive and if something does happen, I'm right here to take control."**_

_"... I suppose."_

"All right, if I pull the wheel all the way over and push the throttle all the way I should be able to make us go in circles!"

**"Do it, Lloyd!"**

_**"What?!"**_

**"Woohoo!"**

_"Aah! Lloyd!"_

"I was right-! W-Whoa!"

**"Uh-oh, look out for those rocks!"**

_"Aaaaaaaaagh!"_

"Regal, take over!"

_**"On it!"**_

_"Aaaaaaaaagh! ... W-We haven't crashed?"_

_**"No, I have the EC back under control. I apologize, it seems operating the EC is more difficult than I thought." (Sweat drop)**_

"No, I just got carried away. Sorry, professor." (Downcast)

_"It's... I- ... I'll be fine. Just, give me a few minutes, Lloyd..." (Shaken)_

**"That was fun! Let's do it again!"**

* * *

AN: The first rule of motor vehicles is "If you can do a donut, do." Not really, but it makes life more interesting. The real first rule is "Don't put your vehicle anywhere something else already is." Thanks for the idea, Zesler!


	434. Kratos is Not a Fan

AN: YOU'RE RIGHT, ANON, IT'S BEEN FOREVER! THANKS FOR YELLING AT ME! HERE, HAVE A SKIT! (Music note)

This is more a companion to chapter 416 'Lloyd's Doubts' than a sequel, it would play if you defeat Kratos at Origin's Seal using the Paper Fans. Kratos is normal, **Lloyd is bold**.

* * *

**Kratos is Not a Fan**

"... Lloyd."

**"Yeah?"**

"When we fought in Torent Forest... May I ask why you deemed it necessary to use your Paper Fans?" (Black squiggly)

**"They were my best swords. Should I have used something else? A real metal sword?"**

"... No. The spirit of a sword is found in the warrior, not his weapon. It's just... Those fans deal hundreds of papercuts at once. Some of them still haven't healed."

**"Oh, ouch." (Shock, wince) "S-Sorry about that..."**

* * *

AN: Think about those things. I doubt much damage is done by the actual impact of the fans. It's probably like hitting someone with a giant rolled-up newspaper... That means that the damage comes form somewhere else. Innumerable papercuts, mayhap? If so, those fans are nasty. Thanks for the idea, Shinigami Miroku!

Sidenote: It occurs to me that I wrote a skit about all the joke weapons and why they work forever ago, but now I can't find it. Am I nuts, or have I just written way too many skits? (Sweat drop)


	435. Zelos' Uncanny Senses

AN: This is a long sequel to chapter 404 "Lloyd's New Clothes" and would play if you have Presea, Sheena, and Colette all equip Maid's Hairbands. Zelos is normal, **Colette is bold**, _Presea is italic_, and _**Sheena is bold and italic.**_

* * *

**Zelos' Uncanny Senses**

"..." (Hearts)

**"Um, Zelos? Hello?"**

_"Is something wrong?"_

_**"Hey, Idiot Chosen, why are you staring at us-? Wait, no. Forget I asked." (Black squiggly)**_

"Heh. Don't worry, it's nothing like that, my sweet hunnies. You girls are just so cute wearing those Maid's Hairbands!"

_**"W-What? You can see those? How?!" (Blush)**_

_"We do have them equipped, but they should not be visible."_

**"Yeah, I can't see mine even if I look in a mirror!"**

"Please... I don't need to see them to know they're there. My keen senses can pick up the cute aura of a Maid's Hairband a mile away."

_**"You're making that up."**_

_"Cuteness does not emit a detectable aura."_

**"But... If it doesn't, then how did he know we were wearing the hairbands?"**

_**"..."**_

_"..."_

"Listen to her. My Little Angel gets it." (Hearts)

_**"..." (Black squiggly)**_

_"..."_

"H-hey! Don't take them off, they looked really good on you! ... Aw..." (Downcast)

* * *

AN: If Regal is Batman, then Zelos is Spider-Man with a cute-sense taking the place of his spider-sense. ... Hm... Show of hands, who would want to see that? I kind of like it. Thanks for the idea, Skywolf666!

**EDIT: And thanks for the heads-up, BabyKatSnophlake!**


End file.
